


Burned at both ends

by DefaultJane



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Hunniper
Genre: Action, Angst and Humor, Awkward Romance, Bipolar Disorder, Chris Redfield cameo, Claire Redfield cameo, Commander Shepard cameo, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Drama, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Hunniper - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Jill Valentine cameo, Minor Original Character(s), Mommy Issues, Romance, Sherry Birkin cameo, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-08-18 04:36:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 108,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8149300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaultJane/pseuds/DefaultJane
Summary: Hunnigan learns that getting a promotion and having two women fight over you isn’t anywhere near as awesome as it is made out to be; it turns out to be quite the contrary when all of a sudden everyone and their mother want a piece of you. Sleeper agents and constant terrorist attacks aren't exactly helpful either.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I always imagine Hunnigan from the movie "Damnation" when writing her, but especially with this story, because that version of her looks like the colder and more distant officer that I describe her as in this story, whereas the RE4/RE6-Hunnigan seems gentler (I'm beginning to think they're not even the same person because their design is so different :P). So... yeah, imagine the Damnation-Hunnigan for this one if you weren't already (that's the version of her I have in my head 98% of the time I write her).
> 
> If you read the first chapter, you are obligated to read the entire story, or pay a fifty dollar cancellation fee if you wanna quit in the middle. ;)
> 
> Standard disclaimer: everything Resident evil belongs to Capcom&pals, the rest is miiiiiine.

* * *

* * *

 

“Hunnigan, we have to go!” Leon practically yelled, but the intelligence liaison wouldn’t have any of it. Come hell or high water, she had a job to do. Leon had to appreciate her dedication, especially when considering she was one of the “desk jockeys” who were anything but used to being the target of an assault. Everyone else had abandoned their posts once the evacuation order had been given.

“Hunnigan!”

“Shut up! I’m trying to fight off multiple breach attempts single-handedly, your yelling is not helping!” she snapped at him, her hands flying over the keyboard as she typed in commands to block the holes someone from the outside was poking into their firewalls. It was turning into an insane game of whack-a-mole.

“Leave it, if the mercs find you here, they’ll kill you,” Leon said and gripped her shoulder, but she shrugged him off.

“And if I leave, every agent’s identity and location, all the data we have gathered, all our intel and every single one of our assets will be compromised! If you understand what that means then you won’t want to see that happen!” Hunnigan yelled at him, “Go do your job and let me do mine!” she then added agitatedly, making it clear that she had no intention of leaving.

“Fine, I’ll go... but I’m coming back for you,” Leon said and began to reluctantly exit, locking the doors behind him as he went, hoping the mercenaries flooding the building wouldn’t find their way into its heart and to Hunnigan. She didn’t even seem to notice him leaving or the distant gunfire that was audible as he opened and closed doors while moving through them.

With a somewhat heavy heart Hunnigan had to admit that she was fighting a losing battle. Since she couldn’t protect the intel from being stolen, she had no other choice but the destroy it. If any of it fell into the wrong hands, it would be a disaster.

Of course the entire infrastructure was backed up, but Hunnigan knew for a fact that there’d been problems with it too. As modern as the agency could be in many ways, they were still in the dark ages with something like this. The higher ups in charge of deciding things regarding budgeting rarely bothered to think how things would turn out in the long run. To them choosing not to pay a few extra bucks for more capacity for the data was the smart way to do things, so the older the data, the higher the odds were that the few copies stored at the HQ were the only copies left of it.

“God damn it...” Hunnigan muttered, typed in the command to destroy the databases and finalized the action by inserting her authorization code.

 _Are you sure?_ the computer inquired and she did take a moment to hesitate, her finger hovering over execute. Sighing, she hit the key and the deletion began.

“I told you, Leon. I’m not going anywhere,” she mumbled when she heard the door open and close once again. The next thing Hunnigan felt was cold metal pressing against her skull followed by a surprisingly loud click, and then everything turned red.

* * *

 

Director Shepard, Leon and Helena were the only agents left in the building, and also the only bargain chip the mercs had since Hunnigan’s actions had led to their mission being more or less a failure. The intention had been to do a simple hit-and-run, leave the premises before anyone had a chance to even react. Most of the mercenaries had managed to escape prior to the building being surrounded, the small group of three left behind having decided their best option was to hold the remaining agents hostage.

“Three against three, we can take them,” Helena muttered almost inaudibly and Shepard gave her a sharp look. This was not the time to play hero or do anything stupid.

“No. And that is a direct order,” he whispered. At this point it would be in everyone’s best interest to stay put and wait it out... or at the very least wait for a better opportunity than the one they had now as they were being held at gunpoint.

“Where’s Hunnigan?” Helena asked Leon then.

“She refused to leave her post, that’s all I know,” he answered. Helena was about to question it again when one of the mercs kicked a trash can into the wall and gripped another merc by the front of his jacket.

“You had one job!” the merc obviously in charge of the operation yelled at the other one who’d emerged from Hunnigan’s post empty handed. His job had apparently been to extract the information Hunnigan had worked so hard to protect.

“The bitch wiped the files, what the hell was I supposed to do?” the other merc defended himself and the leader struck the merc’s masked head with his elbow.

“Not shoot her, you fucking idiot! Under enough pressure, she probably would’ve given something that would’ve helped us recover some of the data, you stupid cunt! Go get the fucking hard drives, maybe we can still salvage something from them at least,” he ordered impatiently.

The merc’s words had barely registered and the realization that Hunnigan had been killed had barely formed when Leon saw movement in the corner of his eye.

 _Holy hell,_ he thought at what he was seeing. It was Hunnigan, emerging from behind the cubicle in the back of the room, her appearance making Leon think of some kind of a goddess of destruction or retribution. She was covered in blood, the generous stream of it originating from her head, some of it caked into her hair, the rest gliding along her neck and chest, soaking into the fabric of her shirt. She raised her arm, doing her best to steady the gun as it shook a little in her hand, and pulled the trigger.

The merc who’d shot Hunnigan earlier collapsed onto the floor, his throat a torn, bloody mess after the bullet had made its way through. He squirmed and held his hand over his neck, taking ragged and desperate breaths before bleeding out.

Shepard and Leon leapt into action, quickly incapacitating the two remaining mercs while Helena rushed over to Hunnigan who was leaning against the wall, slowly sliding down to sit on the floor, the gun resting limply in her lap.

“Hang on, just... hang on, it’s gonna be okay... We need some fucking EMTs here now!”

 

* * *

“Hey, Superwoman!” Leon greeted happily as he entered the hospital room. He didn’t even bother scolding Hunnigan when he saw she had a laptop with her and that she was busily working on something despite the thick bandages wrapped around her head. The world didn’t stop turning just because she’d gotten shot.

“Did you bring my spare glasses?” she asked, without even raising her gaze from the computer. She could’ve managed without them if she had to, but the price of that would’ve been a hell of a headache, and frankly, her head hurt enough as it was.

“Yes, ma’am!” he saluted and handed the glasses over to Hunnigan who, without even trying them on first, began to wipe them clean with the edge of the blanket, already knowing the lenses were bound to have at least one of Leon’s fingerprints on them. She’d been right.

“Thank you, I need them to hide my superhero identity,” Hunnigan smiled at him and he chuckled.

“It’s not working.”  
“It worked for Clark Kent for years! What do his glasses have that mine don’t?” Hunnigan pouted as she put the glasses on.

“Thicker rims?” Leon shrugged.  
“Ha, thick rims are the last thing I need with this damn Skrillex-haircut,” she laughed.

She’d gotten lucky, the bullet hadn’t broken her skull; instead it had gotten stuck between the scalp and the bone. The scalp had a lot of small veins which had resulted in a lot of blood, making it look a lot worse than it actually was. Right now, Hunnigan was convinced that having had the side of her head shaven so that the doctors had been able to remove the bullet and close the wound cleanly was the worst part of it... and frankly, the terrible haircut was ultimately a small disaster she could easily manage.  

“Do we know anything about who was behind the attack? I mean, clearly, they knew what they were doing, their attack was well coordinated, they must’ve had an inside source... or some means of doing some pretty extensive investigation beforehand,” Hunnigan mumbled, almost as if talking to herself as she was beginning to get lost in thought.

“The mercs didn’t say much, not even after Shepard let Helena go at them with all of her CIA interrogation techniques,” Leon smirked.  
“...well, makes sense, they’re just hired hands, probably paid by an agent of an agent of an agent... and they were probably only told what little they needed to know in case this would happen, so they won’t be able to say anything even if they’d want to.”

“Could be what’s left of The Family, there’s no telling how deep and far they actually reach. I mean, considering the amount of shit they stirred just hide what happened in Raccoon city back in 1998... It wouldn’t surprise me if they were behind this as well, trying to cover up Tall Oaks.”

“I’m inclined to agree with that theory,” Hunnigan nodded.

“We’ll figure it out in time, but for now... you should be resting,” Leon said sternly and reached to push the laptop shut. She was about to swat his hands away when he took the computer from her completely and held up a finger as if scolding a child.

“Well, I’m just sitting here, what the hell else am I supposed to do with my time?” Hunnigan protested.  
“Anything but this.”

“I don’t have the time to-” Hunnigan began to argue, but was interrupted by a soft knock on the door.  
“Enter,” she called out and Helena came into the room. She was visibly surprised to see Leon and he smiled at her, informing the women he was just about to leave and that he’d be taking Hunnigan’s computer with him.

“You watch too much porn, I’m confiscating this,” he taunted.  
“It’s just a couple of little fetish films!” Hunnigan played along and Leon laughed before waving a goodbye and leaving.

“Hey. I wanted to check in on you... and to get you something, so here’s some chocolate covered popcorn... and a lousy romance novel which you probably won’t like, but it was the only book left in the gift shop,” Helena said, offering a lopsided grin and Hunnigan chuckled as she accepted the items from Helena.

“You didn’t need to get me anything, but thank you, I appreciate it.”

Helena was about to comment as she dragged a chair to the side of the bed, but she was cut off by Hunnigan’s phone ringing.

“Sorry. No rest for the wicked,” Hunnigan apologized as she reached to answer.  
“It’s fine. Do you want me to..?” Helena inquired and gestured toward the door.

“Nah, it’s fine, this shouldn’t take long,” Hunnigan shook her head and answered the call. Helena sat down and picked up the book she’d brought, thumbing through the pages and pausing to silently chuckle at the ridiculousness of the terms used and the piss-poor dialogue, wondering how had it ever gotten published in the first place.

 _Oh, now, that’s offensive,_ she then mused when she discovered the main character was named Helena too.

“...yes, I know it’s late, but it’s because I’m stuck in the hospital. I was shot in the head. Well, why the hell would I make that up? I’ve got witnesses if you don’t believe me,” Hunnigan scoffed. Helena raised her hand and gave a thumbsup, silently letting Hunnigan know she was willing to testify if need be, then went back to browsing through the book, trying to look like she wasn’t listening in on the phone call... even though she was getting curious about it.

“Tomorrow, I hope. All right, fine! I’ll sort it out. Oh, and I’m fine by the way, thanks for asking,” Hunnigan ended the call in agitated sarcasm and sighed deeply, running a hand over her face tiredly and tossed her phone back onto the side desk.

“...everything okay?” Helena asked tentatively and Hunnigan blew out a breath.  
“Yeah, it’s just my ex whining about the alimony check being late,” Hunnigan dismissed with an eyeroll.

“You’ve been married?” Helena’s eyebrows rose and she felt a bit embarrassed when Hunnigan chuckled at how genuinely surprised Helena seemed by that fact.  
“For about three out of the ten or so years we were together, until Alexis decided we should go our separate ways about a year ago,” Hunnigan shrugged.

“Well, for what it’s worth, it’s clearly his loss.”  
“Hers, actually,” Hunnigan corrected.

“Oh, sorry. I just assumed... Sorry,” Helena muttered, feeling embarrassed again, despite not really knowing why, Alexis was kind of a gender neutral name, and frankly, Hunnigan wasn’t on the top of Helena’s list of people who set off her gaydar. She did occasionally come across as a lesbian, but at the same time, something about her contradicted that. Helena wasn’t sure if it was something real or just something she imagined because Hunnigan didn’t completely fit the stereotypical mental image Helena had formed of “suit lesbians”. She had to admit it was kind of silly of her. She of all people should be against the idea of labeling people and finding a suitable little box for everyone; she herself certainly didn’t think she belonged in a single box, neatly categorized away based on which gender she preferred to be sexually involved with, or based on any other preference for that matter.

“It’s okay,” Hunnigan assured, “So, was there anything you needed?” she changed the subject.  
“No, I just came to see how you were. I was worried, it looked pretty bad.”

“External injuries, I’ll be fine.”  
“You were pretty fuckin’ badass back there, I gotta say,” Helena then complimented and Hunnigan laughed softly.

“Thanks.”  
“I’m really glad you’re okay. When that merc said you’d been shot, I...” Helena began but swallowed the rest.

She’d felt devastated. Heart-broken. Desperately wanting to deny it. All those emotions and a few she couldn’t even name washing over her again now that she thought back on that moment.

“I was terrified. I don’t want to lose you,” she said seriously before jokingly adding, “Never know what kind of a screw up I’d end up having to trust my life with if you weren’t around!”  
“As long as I’m above ground, I promise to do my best to look out for you,” Hunnigan chuckled.

“Good! Okay, but seriously, it’s not even about that,” Helena shook her head a little, “A month ago when everything went down at Tall Oaks... you and Leon believed in me when I know no one else would’ve. I’d be in jail if you hadn’t fought for me, and I can never repay you for-”

“That wasn’t a favor, it was justice, you’re innocent. All you did was send out a false alarm, and you did it because you were coerced. And even after doing that, you tried to warn everyone, but they didn’t listen. I’ve seen the Secret Service’s reports, you were not responsible for what happened. You deserve your freedom.”

“Regardless, I wouldn’t be here without you, so... thank you.”

 

***


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

  _The art featured here (lovingly titled "Bitchfight" lol) was created by the one and only, fantabulous and ever astonishing **[Fishbone76.](http://fishbone76.deviantart.com/)**_

_Oh, my God, she never ceases to amaze me! *_*_

* * *

“John.”  
“Ingrid.”

They stared at each other seriously for a moment before they both dissolved into subtle laughter at the ridiculousness of using their first names. No one ever did, he was always Shepard and she was always Hunnigan, even when among close friends. A waitress came over quickly and they ordered lunch before getting down to business.

“So, here’s the deal... The Vice President wants me to step up for the job of National security advisor... which means that the director’s job at the agency will be up for grabs. I want you to take that position,” Shepard explained briefly.

“I’m flattered, but I’m just an intelligence liaison and a mission coordinator, I don’t know anything about running the agency.”  
“Bullshit, you’ve been practically running it for me already with your tendency to write my reports for me,” he smirked.

“Well, I had to, if the higher ups had only your reports to rely upon, we would’ve been shut down ages ago,” Hunnigan taunted and he chuckled, nodding in agreement. She exaggerated, but she did have a point.

“In addition to all that, you can think on your feet and you’re not afraid of making executive decisions, not to mention your flawless reputation; your integrity is beyond compare. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t trust anyone else to do the job.”

“Look, Shepard, I...”

“Hunnigan... trust me. You’ve earned it and you’re more than capable. I know there are a few idiots who would rather put some Homer Simpson-type of a person in charge, but they literally don’t understand what we actually do, they would ruin everything within weeks. Do you really want to see that happen?”

“Of course not, but I’m...”  
“Good! Then you won’t object when I nominate you, yes?” Shepard spoke over her protests and sipped the beer he’d ordered to go with his lunch.

“I guess I won’t,” Hunnigan reluctantly agreed.  
“That’s the spirit!” he said and clinked his beer against her wine glass, “It comes with a nice pay raise too,” he then added encouragingly and Hunnigan let out an amused scoff.

The one thing she didn’t really have much use for these days was money, simply because she never had the time to actually spend it on anything nice like vacations. Sure, paying several thousand monthly in alimony took a big chunk out of her income and keeping the house wasn’t cheap, but all in all... she did well. She wasn’t rich exactly, but she was beyond comfortable.

Some days she would’ve gladly traded the extra cash for more free time... but then again, what was she supposed to do with time nowadays? It wasn’t like she had someone just waiting to spend time with her and do things with her anymore, not since the divorce. Besides, knowing herself, taking a long vacation would only lead to more stress as she’d spend the entire time worrying about what the ones left to cover for her were screwing up while she was away.

* * *

 

* * *

 

_“No, I will not lower my voice! You’re my ex-wife, who the hell else am I supposed to yell at?”_ an agitated female voice could be heard through the door to Hunnigan’s personal office. Helena paused with her hand hovering in the air, her intention to knock interrupted by the yell. She decided to take a few steps back and sit down on the floor a few feet away while she waited. She dug out her phone, put the earbuds on and began to browse through random videoclips until she saw the door open.

Alexis was a bit shorter than Hunnigan, but clearly what she lacked in height, she made up for in confidence, and Helena was certain she could actually physically feel Alexis’s ego pass through her as she walked by. The green-eyed redhead had full lips and a defined jawline, accompanied by refined cheekbones and a straight, sharp nose, the combination of all her features forming a quite an attractive whole. She had some noticeable scars on the side of her cheek (they kind of looked like burn scars, but Helena wasn’t sure), but oddly, even the scars seemed to only compliment her looks and emphasized her beauty; any other person carrying scars on their face probably would’ve made an effort to hide them, but not Alexis and that spoke volumes of her confidence. Helena glanced after her as the woman marched through the corridor and disappeared behind a corner.

_Oh, yeah, I’d hit that... if I didn’t know better,_ Helena mused and turned her attention to Hunnigan then.

“I swear, I’ve used the phrase ‘that crazed redhead’ so many times in my life that I’m turning into Ricky Ricardo,” Hunnigan shook her head. Helena chuckled awkwardly; she had no idea who Ricky Ricardo was or what he had to do with crazed redheads.

“What can I do for you?” Hunnigan then asked.  
“Oh, uh... would you sign these?” Helena asked, presenting Hunnigan with the paperwork containing all her overtime.

“I know the agency policy is to rather give me a day off once I’ve accumulated enough hours, but I could use the extra bucks, I’m still stuck paying off Deborah’s student loans...” Helena trailed off awkwardly, realizing it sounded like a poor excuse, even if it was the truth.

“Sure,” Hunnigan said softly, turned to go to her desk and signed the paper before handing it back to Helena.  
“Anything else? Any concerns? Needs? Anything a good superior officer should know about?” Hunnigan then listed.

“No, I’m good,” Helena smiled, “What about you? How are you?”

“I’m fine, thanks,” Hunnigan responded, but something about it was too fast, too easy. It was the routine, automated response that rolled off of Hunnigan’s tongue before she’d even stopped to think about what had actually been asked. She was always fine. Even when she’d just been shot in the head barely a month ago; she was all right and on her feet, back at work within days from that, and now taking on a whole new set of heavy responsibilities, determined not to let them weigh her down... or at the very least not to let it show if they did.

“Okay... See you tomorrow,” Helena then said and Hunnigan nodded.  
“Good night.”

* * *

Helena wasn’t going to lie; she was worried about Hunnigan. As a superior officer, she was performing as well as she always had been, that wasn’t the problem. She was putting together dream teams and knew which of the agents worked best together and which ones should be separated. She coordinated the missions meticulously and handled every little detail herself to be able to ensure she knew exactly where everything stood and what the situation was. She managed and controlled it all and was aware of everything happening, and the agency worked like clockwork under her command.

Ontop of all that, she’d taken on the responsibility of being the director which meant she was now tasked with crunching numbers and writing reports to the higher ups when they demanded to know how the budget was spent, and wanted detailed explanations of why everything that the agency needed actually was necessary, even when the things on the list were obvious and self-explanatory to everyone except the politicians who, unfortunately, were in charge of making the big decisions. She fought for her teams and agents whenever someone suggested saving a few bucks by letting an agent go. To her, no one was expendable.

As a superior officer, she was perfect. Her agents could rely on her and they knew that she always did everything she could even when she was in a situation from which she could’ve walked away by simply shrugging and stating she’d tried even if she hadn’t actually lifted a finger. But... as well as she was performing... Helena didn’t believe she was actually all right. Personally. She was pushing herself and obviously neglecting her own well-being, she needed a break so badly even the most oblivious of people would’ve noticed that. Convicing Hunnigan about that was be easier said than done though.

Helena was about to knock on Hunnigan’s door, but it opened underneath her touch. She was to call out Hunnigan’s name when the big chair behind the desk swiveled and Helena’s eyebrows rose high at the sight that greeted her.

“You’re not Hunnigan,” she commented to the little boy who sat in the chair. He had deep green eyes short blond hair, accompanied by slightly darker eyebrows which made him look kind of like he was constantly frowning even when he wasn't. He nodded, gripped the edge of the desk and spun the chair around again, laughing at the dizzy spins, the smile on his face bringing out the dimples in his cheeks.

“My name’s Helena, what’s yours?” she asked the kid who couldn’t have been more than maybe four years old. The chair stopped and the boy turned his attention to the small pile of candy on the desk. He began to sort them by color, ignoring the adult’s questions.

“Not talking, huh?” Helena chuckled.

“I’m not allowed to talk to strangers and you’re pretty strange,” the boy said as bluntly as children always did.  
“Well, you're not wrong,” Helena laughed softly.

“Helena? Do you need something?” Hunnigan inquired as she emerged from the private bathroom (definitely the best perk of being the director, she admitted), still wiping the front of her shirt with a wet hand towel, her efforts in vain as the juice stain was still very much visible.

“Uh, no, I just came to ask if you wanted to grab lunch with me, but I see you already have a date,” Helena smiled, nodding toward the boy who giggled at her. Helena noticed the shirt Hunnigan was trying to clean was the same one she’d worn the day before, indicating she’d been here the entire night... or she’d been too tired to change after getting home last night, probably just fallen asleep with her clothes on only to return to work a few hours later.

“This is Levi,” Hunnigan introduced the boy and ruffled his hair a little.  
“And you already know my name,” Helena smiled at him.

“Could you, actually... while you’re out, could you bring us something for lunch? Anything will do,” Hunnigan requested from Helena then.  
“Sure, no problem!”

“French fries!” Levi interjected and Hunnigan sighed, and he slowly added, “...please?” after realizing he’d forgotten the magic word.  
“And a double portion of fries for him,” Hunnigan rolled her eyes with a smile and handed Helena the money.

When the younger woman returned about fifteen minutes later with the food, Hunnigan was focused on her work and Levi sat on the couch by the wall, watching a DVD from his portable player.

“I wanna eat here!” he said and Hunnigan reluctantly let him, already knowing she’d regret it when she’d need to have the couch cleaned from ketchup afterward.  
“Levi... headphones,” Hunnigan then said to him after finally getting fed up listening to the escapades of _Thomas the tank engine._ The boy dutifully put the headphones on and continued to ignore the adults.

“Please, join me if you have the time,” Hunnigan then said to Helena, gesturing at the chair across her desk and cleared some space for their meals. Helena accepted the invitation and dug out the food from the paper bag.  
“He’s cute. Your... nephew?” the younger woman inquired slowly and Hunnigan smiled.

_Please say nephew, please say nephew, please say nephew,_ Helena mentally ranted.

“Son, actually.”

_Damn it!_

“Well, legally, not biologically. Technically, he’s Alexis’s son... it’s a long story,” Hunnigan shook her head a little.  
“I’m not in a hurry right now,” Helena shrugged.

“Uh... well, Alexis and I were together for a long time, and there were times when things were less than peachy,” Hunnigan began somewhat awkwardly as she took a seat and dug into her lunch.

“I was working a lot, Alexis was alone a lot, so as you might predict, she decided to seek comfort and company from someone else since I wasn’t available,” she continued slowly, and Helena nodded, understanding the implication.

“When she found out she’d gotten pregnant, she decided to keep the baby and, well, my input wasn’t asked for, so...”  
“...so your wife cheated on you and you still agreed to raise the kid with her? Jesus, I wouldn’t be able to do that,” Helena shook her head.

“I wasn’t sure I could either, but when I heard his heartbeat for the first time during a sonogram, the how and why we ended up in that situation stopped mattering,” Hunnigan smiled. She knew how mushy it all sounded when she put it like that, but it was the truth. Out of all the things she’d gone through in her life, that moment was one she’d never forget... and it truly didn’t matter that Levi wasn’t actually blood-related to her; he was her son and she loved him beyond anything.

“And when he was born, I adopted him. I gotta admit, this wasn’t how I’d planned on spending my weekend with him, though,” Hunnigan then sighed.  
“When’s the last time you actually slept properly? Or ate properly?” Helena inquired then and Hunnigan shrugged, the automated response of being fine already making its way past her lips.

“You’re not fine, Hunnigan. You’re working seven days a week and pulling twenty-hour shifts, that’s not normal let alone good for you!” Helena argued.  
“I have to do my job.”

“Yes, but you’re doing your old job and your new one. You need to let go of some of your responsibilities and delegate. At this rate you’ll burn out and you won’t be able to do anything,” Helena shook her head.  
“I would if I could, but there’s no one I can delegate my work to,” the older woman shook her head and Helena sighed.

She would’ve offered to help in a heartbeat, but knew that she’d do more harm than good. She wasn’t a desk jockey, she knew she’d never learn to (nor did she really want to learn) do all these invisible little things being constantly run in the background by Hunnigan. Sadly, no one ever even seemed to realize that if it weren’t for people like Hunnigan, everything would fall apart. Hunnigan was pretty God damn amazing, even if her job was a thankless one. She deserved better than the situation she was in.

“Then hire someone or train someone. I’m serious, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”  
“I have to take care of my agents.”

“And who takes care of you, huh?”  
“I take care of myself,” Hunnigan smirked.

Once upon a time Alexis had taken care of her and Hunnigan had to admit she missed that. She missed having someone there for her. Someone who knew when not to ask how her day had been and just held her when she needed to privately collapse after witnessing more death and destruction a person should be subjected to. Someone who understood that there were things she couldn’t talk about and therefore didn’t ask for details, but just was there. Someone who held onto her when she was woken by nightmares. Waking up alone was bad, but not as bad as waking up with someone who wouldn’t understand, so she’d focused all her attention and time on her work. Relationships could wait, they were a luxury at best, not a necessity. She could manage on her own.

“I don’t believe you,” Helena argued and Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.  
“It’s not a matter of faith,” she chuckled.

“So, you’re really happy that way? Doing everything yourself, even if it means you’re neglecting your son and yourself?” Helena challenged and Hunnigan sighed deeply.  
“If I don’t, I end up being the one who has to clean up the mess everyone else makes, I’d rather just do it myself and get it right the first time.”

“Well, I hope it’s worth it because at this rate, in a couple of years, your son won’t even remember what you look like anymore.”  
“Hey,” Hunnigan frowned.

“I’m speaking as a child whose father worked about as much as you do, I barely met the man before he committed cardiovascular suicide by spending years and years eating nothing but salt and grease and washing it down with alcohol.”

“Cardiovascular suicide,” Hunnigan muttered, “is that even a legit term?”

“I don’t know, it’s not the point. My point is he didn’t take care of himself and he worked himself to death, literally. He had a heart attack in the middle of some board meeting or something, I don’t even know what he actually did for a living exactly. See, that’s how poorly I knew the man. Which is a shame, because when he was around, he was a great dad. Now, look at this,” Helena then said, gesturing around the room and nodding toward the boy who was smearing his face with ketchup as he devoured french fries and watched his show.

“Is this really what you want your son to remember of you, spending the little time you have together at your office, watching a damn DVD while you work?” Helena quirked an eyebrow and Hunnigan sighed.  
“You’re right, I know you are, but...”

“No buts. Take your son and go home, let someone else do whatever it is that is so important right now. I don’t care if you have to assemble an entire team to cover for you, just do it,” Helena ordered sternly.

Hunnigan laughed softly at that. Helena would be the only one impudent enough to boss her superiors around, even if Hunnigan did really consider herself and Helena friends rather than just colleagues. And frankly, Hunnigan was the type who needed someone even bossier to order her to do something at times because had it been up to her... well, she wouldn’t even be considering going home right now.

“All right,” Hunnigan agreed.  
“Oh, praise the Flying Spaghetti Monster, it’s a miracle!” Helena exclaimed and raised her hands in the air, the ridiculous gesture making Hunnigan laugh out loud.

 

***


	3. Chapter 3

Helena stopped, wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and tightened her ponytail before putting her hands on her hips as she took a few breaths. Exhaling deeply, she decided she’d ran enough for the day and began to walk, straying from the path and taking a shortcut across the field of green at the park.

“Huh,” she chuckled when she noticed Hunnigan and Levi at the playground. He was busy hanging from the monkey bars and judging from the half-lunges Hunnigan did prepared to catch him every time the boy moved, she was busy worrying he might fall. Levi abandoned the monkey bars and dashed off, navigated his way through the climbers in the playhouse and finally settled on a panda-shaped spring rider.

“Well, this is a pleasant surprise,” Helena greeted as she made her way over.

“I know, right? I’ve gotten so much done today. I finally did the laundry and cleaned the kitchen even. Levi insisted on doing the dishes... after which I had to do them again... I didn’t vaccuum though, which in hindsight, is probably the one thing I actually should’ve done,” Hunnigan smirked.

“Not exactly how I’d hoped you’d spend your time off, but at least you’re not working.”  
“Indeed, thanks for chasing me out of the office,” Hunnigan chuckled.

“Hey, Levi,” Helena greeted the boy, “Still not talking to me?” she teased a little and he shook his head, bowing it then to hide the shy grin.

“I admit, I’m amazed you don’t have your laptop with you,” Helena said to Hunnigan and took a seat on the bench next to the older woman.  
“Well, I was tempted, but then I came to my senses and decided that checking my emails from my phone every two minutes will be bad enough.”

“Definitely a step in the right direction though,” Helena chuckled.  
“I’m actually a little disappointed that the agency is still standing and doing well even when I’m not there,” Hunnigan jested.

“You’ve been gone for a day and there are literally three people trying to fill in for you, so trust me, your absence is noticeable.”  
“Only three?”

“Hunnigan...”  
“I’m kidding!”

“Idgie, come here!” Levi whispered loudly and Hunnigan frowned, but got up and walked over. She leaned down when he told her he wanted to whisper.  
“Yes, she is,” Hunnigan agreed softly to what he said. She listened seriously and nodded then when he’d finished telling her his business.  
“Okay,” she smiled as she stood up straight and went back to the bench.

“Levi would like to know if you’d come over for dinner tonight, and he also thinks you’re very pretty,” she then told Helena, “I believe he has a little crush on you,” she whispered then.  
“Oh, my, I’m flattered,” Helena said smugly and mimed touching up her hair, “How could I turn down such a charming young gentleman? I accept his invitation,” she then said.

“Great, maybe he’ll actually finally say hi before giggling and running away,” Hunnigan laughed softly.

 

* * *

 

Helena had to double-check the address when she arrived at the colonial style brick-house which looked way too big for one person alone, but then again, it wasn’t like Hunnigan had been by herself until recently. Helena parked in the driveway and went to ring the doorbell. She waited patiently when she heard what sounded like a little boy struggling to reach for the lock to open the door. After several seconds, Hunnigan finally unlocked the door for him and he shoved at her agitatedly, disappointed that he didn’t get to do it.

“Hey, behave yourself or I’ll show Helena all your embarrassing baby pictures,” Hunnigan threatened jokingly.  
“No!” Levi whined and hung his head, “I’ll behave.”

“Hi,” Helena greeted the duo. Levi muttered a hello before hiding shyly behind Hunnigan’s legs.  
“Come on in.”

“Thanks. Once again, I wasn’t sure what to bring, so I brought wine for us and... grape juice for the gentleman,” Helena smiled.

“You got lucky, he loves that stuff,” Hunnigan chuckled as she led the way toward the living room and Helena followed, smiling at the sight of Levi holding onto Hunnigan’s arm and constantly looking over his shoulder at Helena before turning away again with a smitten grin on his face.

“Do you need a hand in the kitchen?” Helena then inquired, having to admit she felt a bit awkward just sitting alone in the living room.  
“I’m fine, thanks!” Hunnigan called out, once again resorting to using her default response.

“I don’t actually cook much these days, somehow I think it’s stupid to cook for just myself. I’ve missed doing this,” she then called out.  
“I know what you mean, I don’t do it often either anymore,” Helena commented as she headed over to the kitchen and took a seat by the island in the middle of the room.

“I hope you like mashed potatoes,” Hunnigan smirked over her shoulder. Had it been up to her, she would’ve maybe done something a little fancier, but Levi insisted.

“I _love_ mashed potatoes.”  
“I love _all_ potatoes!” Levi announced and the adults chuckled.

“It’s true, he’d probably eat them raw if I’d let him,” Hunnigan nodded.

Once everything was done, Hunnigan plated the food and encouraged Helena to head to the dining room. The younger woman complied, even though she wouldn’t have minded just eating at the kitchen table either. Helena opened the wine and let it breathe while Hunnigan went back to grab Levi’s plate from the kitchen.

“Now, do you want steak or sausage?” she asked as she went, already having an idea of what the answer would be, but also aware that he might just change his mind only to have her run back and forth.

“Sausage and ketchup!” he announced and she returned with his meal and placed it in front of him.

“No, I can do it myself!” Levi then insisted when Hunnigan made an effort to cut the sausage into small pieces for him. Hunnigan decided to let it slide despite already knowing she’d grow frustrated watching the boy fumble with his utencils.

“Suit yourself, sir,” she smiled and went to take a seat as he focused on his food. He wanted their guest to consider him an independent young man, having his mother cut his food for him just wouldn’t do. Helena smiled warmly at the determined frown on his face and the way his tongue was sticking out a little as he bit on it while concentrating. He finally managed to cut a piece and proudly put it in his mouth before reaching for the ketchup. Surprisingly, he actually got most of that onto the plate as he’d meant to.

“Why are you looking at me?” he then paused to ask before stirring the red swirls into the creamy potatoes with a spoon, turning his plate into a mess of light red and bits of unevenly cut sausage.

“Just admiring how well you’re managing,” Helena grinned and he grinned back proudly. Hunnigan chuckled and shook her head a little at the boy’s antics, deciding to look away from the mess he was making of his meal before she’d lose her appetite. Instead, she turned her attention to the wine and poured herself and Helena a glass before giving Levi a glass of the juice (not trusting him to pour his own drink even though he half-heartedly demanded to do it himself).

“All right, dig in,” she then said when she finally sat down herself.

“Oh, Lord, you really have to start cooking again, this is amazing. You should change careers,” Helena complimented after taking a few bites of her meal, and Hunnigan chuckled a little.

“It’s just beef, mashed potatoes and a simple red wine demi-glace, nothing out of the ordinary or Michelin star-worthy,” she dismissed.

“You’re talking to a woman who thinks sauces come only in canned form, so stuff like demi-glaced anything is a Michelin star-worthy performance as far as I’m concerned.”

“I’ll try to take that as a compliment.”

“It’s how I meant it anyway,” Helena assured.

“Thank you, I’m glad you like it,” Hunnigan then smiled.

 

* * *

  

After dinner, Levi insisted showing Helena her room and the younger woman allowed herself to be led upstairs to check out his impressive toy collection. Hunnigan was about to follow the duo when the doorbell rang.

“I’ll rescue you soon,” Hunnigan promised Helena then before turning back and heading over to the foyer to answer the door.

“Alexis, what are you doing here?” she frowned at the sight of her ex-wife.  
“I came to pick Levi up.”

“You weren’t supposed to pick him until morning!”  
“My schedule got changed so I won’t have the time to pick him up and take him to the sitter before going to work, so,” Alexis explained.

“Well, why can’t he stay here then?” Hunnigan frowned and Alexis quirked an eyebrow.  
“Because you’ll undoubtedly run off to work and leave him alone. Again.”

“He was alone for barely five minutes before I got home that time!”  
“Yeah, and five minutes after waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you’ve been left alone isn’t terrifying to a toddler at all,” Alexis hissed sarcastically.

“Well, it’s not like I’d let that happen again, and it hasn’t happened either for the record,” Hunnigan said and Alexis sighed in exasperation.  
“Look, just go tell him I’m here and that we’re going home, okay?”

“He’s my son too, you know!”  
“Oh, please! Had it been up to you, I would’ve had an ab-”Alexis cut herself off when Levi hurried down the stairs and ran to her, hugging her tightly.

“Hey, buddy! I’m a little early, and you gotta go stay with Miranda for a while, but when I get home, we can do whatever you’d like.”

“Why can’t you stay here with me and Idgie?” Levi asked with the sincere confusion only a child could project in a situation where one home and two parents had become two homes and one parent at a time.  
“It’s complicated, buddy. Come on... get your things and let’s go home, okay?”

“This is his home,” Hunnigan mumbled almost inaudibly as the boy reluctantly began to pack his belongings into his backpack.

“Don’t start,” Alexis whispered to her and the women glared at each other in silence until Levi returned. Alexis leaned her shoulder into the door frame while Hunnigan knelt down for the hugs and kisses, saying good night and promising to do something fun with the boy the next weekend. He smiled and nodded, took his mother’s hand and followed her to the car.

Hunnigan exhaled deeply and closed the door behind them slowly, turning to lean her back to it as she pushed her glasses onto her forehead and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Did he just dump me for his mother?” Helena inquired from the top of the stairs and Hunnigan chuckled ruefully.

“I don’t know, but for the time being, it’s just you and I, agent Harper,” she smirked.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”  
“It’s okay.”

“Are you? Okay, I mean,” Helena asked as she came back downstairs.  
“You know me, I’m fine,” Hunnigan scoffed amusedly as they headed back to the living room. Hunnigan refilled their wine glasses and went to grab another bottle, having suddenly developed the urge to get drunk... or at least somewhat tipsy. She opened it and left it to breathe on the coffee table as she sat down and leaned back on the couch.

“So, how’d you and Alexis meet?” Helena asked and kicked her shoes off before sitting cross-legged on the couch, cradling her wine glass in her lap.

“She’s a firefighter and we became familiar way back when I worked as a dispatcher. She’s always been a shameless flirt and I kind of got swept away in it. Then one time she radioed me at the end of my shift and asked me out, and that’s all there’s to that,” Hunnigan shrugged.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a female firefighter before,” Helena mused then as she tried to recall and came up with nothing.

_Well, her career certainly explains the scars I saw on her face, and I bet she got them while doing something heroic. No way I can compare to that,_ Helena thought grimly.

“There aren’t many, I’m sure.”

“Do you miss her?”  
“Are you asking me if I’m pining over my ex?” Hunnigan chuckled and drank from her glass.

“Well, are you?” Helena pressed and Hunnigan shook her head.  
“No. I miss some aspects of what we had, but quite frankly, after everything that’s been said and done... they wouldn’t make up for all the hurt. Not to mention that over the years it became painfully obvious that we’re fundamentally too different for it to work even if we genuinely tried,” she answered.

“Good,” Helena said without even realizing the word had escaped her lips until Hunnigan turned to look at her and quirked an eyebrow.

“I mean... exes are exes for a reason, you know, so it’s good that you’re not... pining...” Helena tried to save it and drank her wine nervously then.

“You have a point,” Hunnigan nodded and mimicked Helena’s gesture, “How about you, how are you doing after everything that you’ve been through recently?” she then asked and Helena shrugged one shoulder.

“Considering everything, I’m actually doing okay. I still get overwhelmed and sad at times, but it’s not a constant rut, I get over it and... I’m not disappointed by the fact that I wake up in the morning, you know?” she answered.

“I’m glad to hear that, I truly am,” Hunnigan said and refilled her glass from the new bottle.

“More wine?”  
“I shouldn’t if I intend to drive home...”

“Pft, you can easily spend the night. In case you hadn’t noticed, I have the space,” Hunnigan smirked and poured the wine without waiting for any objections.

“Okay, but if I end up doing something stupid, I’m holding you responsible,” Helena said.  
“I always take full responsibility for my agents,” Hunnigan smiled.

 

***


	4. Chapter 4

Helena couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this hungover. She opened her eyes slowly and glared at the stained wine glasses and three empty bottles on the table.

“Oh, God, why did you let me drink all that?” Helena grumbled to no one in particular, assuming Hunnigan was still asleep.

“I was about to ask you the same thing. Christ, what were we thinking?” Hunnigan asked and Helena almost jumped out of her skin at her voice. She realized they were both lying on the couch, Hunnigan on her back and Helena resting ontop of her, her head still on Hunnigan’s chest. Helena scampered up way too quickly and lost her balance when a wave of dizzyness washed over her.

“Whoa,” she groaned, unable to stop herself from falling off the couch.  
“You okay?” Hunnigan chuckled weakly.

“Yeah, I like the floor, it’s nice and cold...”  
“You drool in your sleep,” Hunnigan then said after glancing at the front of her shirt and noticing the wet patch where Helena’s mouth had rested on earlier.

“Sorry.”

“I am going to take a shower, there’s another bathroom upstairs if you need it... I’ll be back in a bit,” Hunnigan then said and began to get up. Helena nodded, moving her arm over her eyes as she lay on the floor and blew out a breath.

 _Oh, boy,_ she thought and pushed herself up slowly. She leaned her back against the couch and brought her hands up to rub her forehead with her fingers and massage her temples with her thumbs in a poor attempt at getting rid of the feeling of having a metal band tightening around her head. It wasn’t really working.

 _Did I say or do something stupid?_ she pondered silently then as she tried to remember. She’d talked about her parents and Deborah and admitted to missing them... She’d gotten Hunnigan to open up a little bit more about Alexis and how complicated their relationship had actually been... She’d drunkely texted Leon something stupid which had seemed funny at the time... And then...

 _We watched_ The Simpsons _-marathon that was on, but did we cuddle before passing out or did we just pass out on each other?_ Helena frowned. The latter, it had to be. Her phone made a noise and she grabbed it.

 _I take it someone had fun last night,_ Leon responded to the message Helena had sent to him at two in the morning. The message, which read “i bet you did’t know that the sipoer bowl jad nothng to owith botlwing”.

 _I did and in my drunken state, when I could barely even function, I thought of you so much I had to send that message. You should be flattered,_ she typed back and chuckled a little before putting the phone away and exhaling deeply.

Frankly, she would’ve wanted to ask Leon why he hadn’t told her that Hunnigan’s ex was woman... but, realistically, why would he have said anything if he’d even known? He couldn’t have had any idea that Helena could’ve used that information.

Few things compared to the desperation and sadness that came with developing feelings for someone you knew you could never have. For a while it could be fun and exciting to have a little crush on someone, get a little giddy and tingly when thinking of them, but not letting it disturb too much even if it wouldn’t have a chance of developing into more. Crushes were one thing, and a crush it had been for half a year or so since she’d... _seen_ Hunnigan for the first time. Not literally, of course, they’d met many times before, but that day things had changed.

It had been one of those cliché movie-moments in which the nerdy girl takes her glasses off and lets her hair down, runs her hand through it in slow motion, revealing the sexy woman hidden underneath the geeky shell. Helena was the first to admit it was rather shallow thinking that way, but in her defense, that had been just the beginning. Little by little she’d begun noticing details she hadn’t before, finding even the mundane tiny things suddenly oddly attractive (but only on Hunnigan, someone else using the same mannerisms or having similar details about their looks didn’t faze Helena at all).

Helena had worked really hard to keep the crush from growing beyond being just that, a crush. She had no desire to willingly put her heart through the grinder it would have to go through if she did something as stupid as actually fall in love with the woman who obviously was way out of her reach. But now the fire was beginning to light with the spark of hope she’d gotten the moment she’d heard that Alexis was a woman.

Of course, there were no guarantees that Hunnigan would ever consider Helena her type even if she did prefer women, but knowing that she actually had a chance to even try and that it could work was enough for Helena, she allowed herself to think about it, deciding the risk was finally worth taking because knowing what she knew now, she might actually not get burned... too badly anyway.

_Now I just gotta try and figure out how she’d feel about it... and how badly she’s still reeling from the divorce, because I don’t fully believe her when she said she’s not pining over Alexis..._

“Phew, that helped a little,” Hunnigan commented when she returned to the living room, dressed in a white T-shirt and dark blue jeans, the hem of the shirt tucked into the jeans, tightening the fabric over Hunnigan’s chest and even though the shirt wasn’t the see-through kind of white, Helena became all too aware of the fact that the other woman wasn’t wearing a bra.

“Do you want something to eat?” Hunnigan then inquired, completely oblivious to Helena’s musings.  
“Uh, yeah. But I wanna make it, so you just... sit back and relax, and let me take care of you,” Helena offered then and stood up, deciding to grab the empty bottles and take them into the trash while she was at it.

“You don’t have to...”  
“Yes, I do, because you seriously suck at taking care of yourself... and because you’ve never had pancakes á la Helena Harper, and until you have, you haven’t lived,” she smirked and Hunnigan chuckled.

“Well, since you insist,” she muttered with a smile, went to grab her laptop and sat at the kitchen table then. Helena quirked an eyebrow at the other woman who was already lost in thought, her fingers fox trotting over the keys as she became more and more oblivious to her surroundings, immersing herself in her work. A while later, once Helena had finished making the food, she poured them coffee, grabbed the milk from the fridge and finally knocked on the laptop’s lid to get Hunnigan’s attention once everything was set on the table.

“Thanks,” Hunnigan said and put the computer away.  
“You’re welcome,” Helena nodded and sat down.

“You weren’t joking, these really are better than the usual pancakes, what do you put in these?” Hunnigan then asked after tasting her breakfast.  
“Cinnamon and vanilla sugar... and a pinch of ginger and cardamom. I also took the liberty of spiking the coffee with cardamom too. Great for chilly September mornings like this, yes?” Helena smiled and sipped the spiced hot beverage.

“Yes, totally. It’s never even occurred to me to try that, I’ll have to remember this in the future,” Hunnigan nodded as she ate.  
“I’ll happily remind you if need be,” Helena promised and Hunnigan chuckled.

“God, I can’t even remember the last time I just sat down to have breakfast like this. Usually I just grab my coffee and go,” she then said.  
“I can’t believe you, neglecting yourself like that, skipping the most important meal of the day,” Helena scolded.

“Actually, the importance of breakfast has been greatly exaggerated, it’s just a meal like any other meal and skipping it won’t affect your life in any way... and _that_ is a studied fact,” Hunnigan said, wrapping both her hands around the mug and raising her eyebrows, managing to look rather smug, confident and credible... until the steam rising from the mug fogged her glasses.

 

***


	5. Chapter 5

Leon paused to stand behind Helena as the young woman leaned back in her chair with her feet on her desk, a laptop resting over her thighs. She had a tiny frown on her face and she was chewing on her thumbnail as she concentrated on what she was reading.

“ _‘Seducing a Virgo woman may seem like an impossible mission as she is likely to put up a facade of being detached, cold and indifferent. She is not, but she is practical and cautious and therefore you must understand that she will not just give herself to you. If you’re patient enough, she will eventually reveal to you the dedicated and passionate lover that she truly is underneath the shy and practical perfectionist...’_ What are you reading?” Leon giggled after spending a moment reading over Helena’s shoulder.

“HEY!” she yelled at him as she straightened up quickly, slamming the laptop shut and lowering her feet in such a hurry she knocked the pens and her mug over, the pens clattering as they spilled onto the floor with a generous stream of coffee.

“God damn it, now look what you made me do,” she narrowed her eyes at him and went to grab some paper towels to clean up the mess she’d made.

“I had no idea you were into horoscopes,” Leon chuckled and shamelessly opened Helena’s laptop to check out what she’d been looking at. Apparently figuring out the compability between a Virgo and a Taurus was on the younger woman’s agenda today.

“Excuse me, mister Rude, private stuff!” Helena said, her voice rising to an outraged falsetto as she grabbed the computer from him.

“So, I take it you’re the Taurus, but who’s the Virgo?” he narrowed his eyes and grinned as he stroked his unshaven chin in an exaggerated slow motion like some cartoon villain. He then pulled out his phone, did a quick search and his face lit up with realization.

“I see, I see... someone just now figured out our new director’s birthday because of the upcoming little party we’re having, and decided to do a little research,” he grinned and Helena sighed.

“Oh, shut up. I don’t really even believe in that stuff, and still... So, it’s bad enough that I have to resort to astrology to figure out how to make her notice little ol’ me, I don’t need you taunting me with it,” she hissed at him.

“You like Hunnigan, you like Hunnigan,” Leon teased in the typical nya-nya-tone, but had the decency to keep his voice practically inaudible.

“You are such a brat,” Helena rolled her eyes at him and gathered up the pens she’d knocked over to the floor.

“Deep down I can be a very sad man and occasionally acting like a little boy keeps me sane and charming, don’t deny me that,” Leon said sincerely and Helena scoffed.

“Act like a brat as much as you want, just don’t do it at my expense,” she narrowed her eyes at him and slumped back into her chair.

“I’m a Gemini. How would you and I do?” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“A match made in hell,” Helena poked her tongue out at him, not even bothering to check online whether it was actually true or not.

 

* * *

 

The conference room’s long table had been moved to the back of the room and was now serving as the bar, a row of various alcohols, mixers and finger foods placed on it. Shepard had realized there hadn’t been a proper celebration in honor of Hunnigan’s promotion yet, so he’d decided to go the extra mile at his own expense and had invested in a few bottles of Jack and Jim in addition to the drinks purchased using the fund the team of agents had set up for their respective birthdays, everyone pitching in with ten bucks they’d then spend on the agents’ birthdays, usually just buying a ten dollar bottle of alcohol, but what kind was always a surprise.

Leon headed to the director’s office to get the birthday girl before she’d miss her own party. Judging from the impatient shuffling around the room, he could tell the natives were getting restless. He knocked on the door frame and Hunnigan held up a finger so silently ask him to wait for a moment as she was on the phone.

“Thanks, mom. Tell dad I said hi. Okay, love you. Bye,” she ended the call and turned her attention to Leon, “Agent Kennedy, what can I do for you?”

“Well, call me Leon for starters,” he chuckled, “Now, come on, I need you.”

“Leon, I’m busy.”

“Not anymore. Move, move, move,” he ordered and she sighed with a smile and followed him to the conference room which had been turned into a cocktail reception venue of sorts. She smiled and waited awkwardly as the ten or so agents plus Shepard sang the happy birthday-song.

“Thank you, thank you! I’m speechless, so... no speeches, drink and eat up,” she chuckled softly. Shepard, however, had a few words he wanted to say and he clinked his glass with a spoon to get everyone’s attention.

“I was one of your field agents for a while and then your superior officer for... almost seven years, and I admit that in the very beginning, I did wonder how the hell did you ever get past the initial interviews,” he began and paused while his audience laughed softly.

“But as soon as I saw you in action and came to realize what you were capable of, I never doubted you. You never gave me any reason to, if there ever was one person I knew I could always rely upon no matter what... it was... and still is you,” he continued and Hunnigan smiled.

“Yours is a thankless job... I know there have been a few agents who considered you nothing but a glorified navigator... needless to say they came to regret that and had to learn the hard way,” Shepard then smirked and touched the scar on his lip to emphasize his point. Everyone present knew that he had once upon a time been _that_ agent who’d strayed from the path Hunnigan had set him on and he had paid a price for it.

“...but no matter how thankless the job and no matter how ungrateful the people you occasionally have to work with can be... you still do it with unmatched skill and dedication. We sometimes forget to say thank you, and I hope you’ll forgive us and still believe that we all know we wouldn’t be able to do this without you,” Shepard said sincerely and paused again for a while as the agents raised their glasses and some scattered “hear-hears” could be heard around the room.

“So... in conclusion... ten years ago you were the girl who kept forgetting her glasses in the strangest places at the office...”

“I remember I once found them in the fridge,” Leon interjected and everyone chuckled softly at that. It was a true story.

“...today, I can’t imagine the agency functioning without you. Thank you and happy birthday, _director_ Hunnigan,” Shepard then finished his speech and raised his glass.

 

* * *

 

Helena had to admit she’d made a huge mistake when she’d decided to put off going to the bathroom for this long.

 _Come on, come on, come on,_ she mentally ranted as she waited for her turn at the bathroom door with several other people.

 _Oh, fuck it,_ she then decided and turned, relatively certain that using the director’s private bathroom was against some unspoken rule, but this was an emergency.

A few moments later she’d just finished washing her hands when she heard the office door open and close as someone entered the room.

“So? You said you wanted to talk,” Hunnigan’s voice spoke. Helena was torn between just exiting the bathroom right now and revealing her presence before it would begin to look like she was eavesdropping, and just waiting it out in the hopes of Hunnigan and whoever exiting without ever knowing Helena was there. During the few seconds she took to consider her options, she ended up going past the point of no return; getting out now would be too late.

 _Hey, it got quiet. Maybe they left,_ Helena then thought, turned off the light in the room before slowly and quietly cracking the door open just a little to be able to peek to make sure the office was empty. Doing that turned out to be tonight’s Huge Mistake 2.0. The office wasn’t empty and while the women there didn’t notice her, Helena still wished she hadn’t witnessed what she did.

“...can’t just waltz in here after all this time and announce you want me back, it doesn’t fucking work that w-” Hunnigan was saying when Alexis put her hand on the back of Hunnigan’s neck, pulled on her with soft force and leaned to silence her with a kiss. When Helena saw that, she felt like her heart was being torn in half with rusty hooks.

“Think about it,” Alexis shrugged nonchalantly after breaking the kiss and turning to leave without another word.

“Unbelievable,” Hunnigan muttered agitatedly, sat on the edge of her desk and cradled her forehead in her hand, inhaling and exhaling deeply. She stood up then, squared her shoulders and headed back to the party.

Helena waited for a few moments before exiting the office as well. Once back at the conference room, Helena made a beeline to the back of the room and grabbed one of the whiskey bottles Shepard had brought. She poured herself a shot and downed it with a single gulp, making a face at the taste and burn as she refilled the glass.

“Hey, now, don’t bogart the booze,” Leon jested after witnessing her down her second drink and begin pouring a third.  
“Piss off, Leon.”

“Oh, come on, it’s just Shepard, you don’t gotta get all jealous,” he taunted, assuming he was the reason she was so annoyed, and Helena frowned at him.  
“The hell are you talking about?”

“My toes hurt just watching that,” Leon chuckled as he watched the slightly intoxicated former director lead the equally tipsy current director in the tango _Por una Cabeza._

“I didn’t know she could dance,” Helena muttered at the effortless way with which Hunnigan moved alongside Shepard as he wrapped his arm around her back and lifted her off the floor, spinning her a little after the landing and easing into the slowing final steps before the finale during which she wrapped her leg around his waist as he dipped her.

“I didn’t know _he_ could,” Leon smirked and applauded with the others at the end of the song.

“One of the few things she taught me during the past ten years we’ve known each other... in addition to explaining to me that while control plus Z is the universal undo, it won’t unsend an angry email to the boss,” Shepard chuckled, bowed his head a little in a silent thank you to his applauding audience, Hunnigan mimicking the gesture with a smile and then excusing herself to grab a drink and head outside to have a moment to herself.

“So, what’s really got you so pissed off all of a sudden?” Leon frowned at Helena.  
“Nothing,” she said absently as she watched Hunnigan, an unexpected arrow of red hot jealousy piercing her gut when she contemplated what she’d witnessed between Hunnigan and Alexis earlier.

 _That bitch,_ Helena thought venomously, furious at Alexis for having the audacity to even suggest getting back together with Hunnigan; they’d been divorced for over a year and undoubtedly separated long before that, and now she wants it all back? How dare she? And furthermore, how dare she play with Hunnigan’s feelings like that, Hunnigan was under enough stress as it was and now that selfish woman was about to add to it with her demands and the confusion her hot and cold behavior would undoubtedly bring?

“It’s not fair.”

“What?” Leon’s eyebrows rose.

“It’s not fair!” Helena complained and Leon had to work really hard not to start laughing out loud at the childish outburst. Helena knew perfectly well how immature her statement was, but it was also the only way to put it.

“I’m sure I don’t understand what you’re talking about, but okay,” Leon shrugged.

“Excuse me,” Helena said, finished her drink and shoved the empty glass into his arms before moving toward the exit, leaving behind a very confused Leon S. Kennedy.

 

* * *

 

Helena paused at the door and looked around, finally locating Hunnigan’s shadowy figure slowly walking back and forth as she worked her way through her drink with small agitated sips.

“Hunnigan...” Helena said quietly and she turned around.  
“Have you ever had an ex that just did your head in?”

“No, but I’ve heard stories about people who like to play mind games... like tell you they’ve moved on one minute, and then tell you they want you back the next,” Helena offered a rueful smile and Hunnigan chuckled a little.

“She always did call me oblivious, but I guess I’ve grown since then because even I can tell what’s going on here,” Hunnigan humphed amusedly and sat on the stone edge of the fountain in the middle of the courtyard leading into the agency headquarters. Helena went to sit next to her, allowing her side to press against Hunnigan’s. That was one more thing the other woman seemed oblivious to, or at least pretended to be.

“...do you want her back?” Helena asked tentatively.

“I don’t honestly believe _that_ many things have changed for the better. But at the same time, her particular brand of crazy is familiar to me... not to mention the fact that we have a lot of history and a son together. In a way it would make some things easier, but the price for that would be having to tolerate her constant mind games, and they’re just so childish and stupid, I can’t even...” Hunnigan trailed off and shook her head agitatedly, “Can we talk about something else?”

“Where’d you learn to tango?” Helena asked, changing the subject like Hunnigan had requested.

“It was either that or tap dance,” Hunnigan smirked, “I don’t know, once upon a time I thought it looked like fun and decided to see if I’d learn to do it myself and... I did. Don’t have the time for it much nowadays... or for any of my old hobbies for that matter,” she continued then, shrugging one shoulder.

“How long did it take to teach Shepard to do it too? I mean, I’ve seen him dance before and it was more like... an angry gorilla storming through the dance floor, nowhere near as graceful as he was back there,” Helena quirked an eyebrow and Hunnigan laughed softly.

“It took a while, but I was so proud when he finally stopped tripping on his feet and stepping on my toes,” she said.

“...would you teach me?” Helena asked then.

“Sure, if you want to,” Hunnigan nodded, “But, just so you know, we’d be learning the Argentine tango, so it’d be more... intimate than the typical ballroom tango most people associate the dance with, so if that makes you uncomfortable, let me know,” she then added.

“I’m sure I can manage getting intimate with you,” Helena snickered and Hunnigan chuckled, rolling her eyes a little at the remark before a deep silence draped itself over them. Hunnigan didn’t seem to mind or notice, she was preoccupied, her mind was somewhere else. Undoubtedly thinking about Alexis. For Helena, the silence was growing uncomfortable and she cleared her throat awkwardly.

“I should... go. I’ll see you later, yeah?” she said slowly and began to get up.  
“All right.”

“Good night. And happy birthday,” Helena smiled before tucking her hands into her pockets and heading home.  
“Thanks...” Hunnigan muttered almost inaudibly as she watched Helena walk away.

 

***


	6. Chapter 6

“Helena.”  
“What?”

“You’re trying to lead again.”  
“Sorry.”

“And don’t stare at your feet.”  
“But how will I know-”

“You’ll just have to smooth into my flow and follow. You’re dancing _with_ me, not _near_ me, understand?” Hunnigan instructed and put her arm around Helena again, her palm pressed against the spot between the younger woman’s shoulder blades, and Helena mirrored the pose.

“I don’t think I do,” she muttered, frowning as she tried to learn how to simply follow when her every instinct we telling her to take charge.

“I just... this following-thing feels unnatural to me,” she shook her head and pulled back a little, putting her hands on her hips like a pouty teen.

“All right, you lead, I’ll follow,” Hunnigan shrugged and Helena narrowed her eyes. This was too easy.  
“I’m about to learn a painful lesson, aren’t I?” she inquired and Hunnigan chuckled.

“I don’t know, let’s find out.”  
“I don’t want to anymore, I’m thinking this is how Shepard really got his scar; he wanted to lead and you let him even though he was nowhere near ready,” Helena said suspiciously.

“Would I do something like that?” Hunnigan asked, raising her eyebrows innocently.  
“You would!” Helena exclaimed and Hunnigan was about to answer when the doorbell rang.

“Saved by the bell,” she smirked and went to answer it while Helena disappeared into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. Quite honestly, actually learning to dance was not her top priority, she just enjoyed being close to Hunnigan... even though a part of her felt kind of guilty for enjoying it so much behind Hunnigan’s back, so to speak.

“Can we talk?” Alexis’s voice could be heard from the door and Helena made the typical “augh”-face when she recognized it.  
“I’m a little busy, actually.”

“Look, I know I’ve put you in an awkward situation with everything I’ve brought up, but the truth is that I really miss you.”  
“You miss me, or you miss having a say in how I live my life?”

“Oh, please, out of the two of us, you’re the control freak who has to have a say over everything,” Alexis chuckled, but Hunnigan wasn’t amused.  
“Or maybe you’re bored. Or lonely. Or both.”

“Or... maybe I’m being genuine and really would want to try again,” Alexis said slowly. Hunnigan crossed her arms over her abdomen and narrowed her eyes.

“Well, considering all this time has passed, that can only mean you figured out that the grass really isn’t greener on the other side, and that’s why you want to try again; because you worry that whatever you have going on now is as good as it gets with anyone other than me,” she said, sounding a bit more venomous and bitter than she really wanted to.

 _Yeah, you tell her!_ Helena rooted for her silently in the kitchen, realizing she was once again eavesdropping. Then again, surely Hunnigan knew she’d hear, if she wanted to talk in private, she should’ve invited Alexis over into the study or asked Helena to leave.

“Levi keeps asking me why can’t we all live together like we used to and while I’ve never told him all the reasons we went our separate ways, I’ve always remembered them. But recently, they’ve stopped mattering. I want us to be a family again, I want to do right by you and our son,” Alexis said and Hunnigan exhaled deeply.

“You might want to think they’ve stopped mattering, but nothing in my situation has changed, I’m still working as much as I was before, more even if that’s possible. Within a year, the same shit we already went through once would happen all over again,” she quirked an eyebrow and Alexis chuckled.

“I know you haven’t changed, that’s what I love about you. I regret a lot of the things that happened, but at the same time I don’t, because if I hadn’t done what I did, I never would’ve realized how amazing you are.”

“Stop. Just... stop,” Hunnigan sighed deeply and shook her head, “I stuck with you through everything, I put up with your affairs, I even agreed to raise Levi with you... and I don’t regret that part, I love that boy. But when things became too inconvenient for _you,_ you abandoned me. What the hell makes you think I’d ever trust you with my feelings again?” she scoffed.

Hunnigan admitted that had Alexis been saying these things about half a year ago, she probably would’ve seriously considered her offer. But now she’d learned to be comfortable by herself and realized that as nice as it was to have someone, it was far from necessary. It sounded like a cliché and like something only those who’ve moved from desperately lonely to giving up completely said, but she didn’t feel lonely or like she’d given up. She’d stopped putting as much emphasis on relationships, yes, but given up? Far from it, she’d simply stopped trying to make it happen and now refused settling for unsatisfying relationships just to be able to say that she had someone.

“I’m not expecting you to just decide to trust me again, I’m expecting to earn your trust back little by little and by showing you that you can trust me again.”

“You should go, Al.”  
“Ingrid...”

“Please, just... leave me alone, okay? I can’t think about this now.”  
“But you want to?” Alexis said, her tone implying it was more a statement than a question.

“Please... go,” Hunnigan sighed tiredly.  
“All right. But I really want to talk about this with you seriously soon. Come over for dinner this weekend. Levi would be pleased to have us both at the same table.”

“Wouldn’t that just confuse him further?” Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.  
“Not necessarily... seeing as my intention is to make it a permanent arrangement anyway,” Alexis said, offering that confident lopsided smile Hunnigan had once upon a time found charming. Now it just made her feel like the other woman was using her as a toy because she was bored and certain about getting away with what she was doing. Alexis didn’t say anything further, just turned and left like Hunnigan had asked her to.

Helena sat at the kitchen table, scrolling through something on her phone, pretending like she’d been focusing on that the entire time instead of paying attention to the conversation that had just taken place.

“For the first time in my life I’m genuinely beginning to understand all the people who have ever called their ex-wife a bitch troll from hell,” Hunnigan muttered when she arrived into the kitchen and Helena slowly raised her gaze and locked her phone, ignoring the list of increasingly dumber and dumber memes she’d been browsing through.

“Uh, I wouldn’t know, I’ve never... Uhm, I’ve never been in a relationship,” Helena shrugged and Hunnigan frowned.

“Never? What are you, twelve? No, wait, twelve year olds these days have had a long strings of relationships...” she teased and Helena smiled awkwardly.  
“I’ve been busy. When other kids were going to parties and figuring out how to do relationships, I was busy taking care of my mom and Deborah. If I wasn’t working to earn a few extra bucks, I was looking for work or studying.”

“Why did you have to take care of everyone?” Hunnigan asked softly as she took a seat as well and leaned her chin in the cup of her hand.

“Mom had multiple sclerosis and her condition deteriorated rapidly after it was diagnosed, and when dad died it was like she just... gave up. So, I had to grow up and step up,” Helena shrugged.  
“That sounds tough.”

“I guess. I enlisted after high school and... you know. Haven’t really had the time for figuring out the whole dating scheme.”  
“So, not even a high school sweetheart?” Hunnigan teased gently and Helena scoffed amusedly.

“I told you, I never had the time. When I wasn’t working, I was studying because I’m one of those less brilliant students who don’t just get everything immediately,” Helena said, quirking her eyebrow a little.

“You look at me like you assume that I was the clever girl who just magically knew everything.”  
“Well, yeah, kind of, you are the type.”

“Why, thank you, but as much as I hate to burst your bubble, I had to study just like everybody else,” Hunnigan chuckled softly.  
“That’s actually some consolation,” Helena smiled, “But yeah, so... I don’t know anything about freaky exes. I don’t think I’ve ever even been interested in anyone like that... well, except...”

“If you say Leon, I’ll roll my eyes so hard they’ll fall out.”  
“No, not Leon, and it doesn’t matter,” Helena laughed awkwardly and shook her head, “So, you were saying about your ex doing your head in again?” she then changed the subject hastily.

“Oh, she’s just... being her usual charming self. I mean, what the hell makes someone think that trying to get back together with their ex is a good idea? And why the hell does she have to be so adamant about it?”  
“I wouldn’t know,” Helena said slowly.

“Right... sorry.”

“If you could erase all the bad things or just move past them, is she the kind of a person who makes you happy?” Helena then inquired and Hunnigan exhaled deeply while Helena practically held her breath as she swallowed hard while waiting for the answer she wanted to hear but didn’t want to hear.

“She could be... but she consciously chose not to be in the past, why would this time be any different? I care about her and wish her well, but it’s not like _that,_ you know?”  
“Yeah,” Helena muttered, nodding a little.

 _She’s not ready for another relationship, at most I’d end up being some kind of a rebound if I stuck myself into this situation. She’s gonna pick Alexis and I’m just gonna have to accept that and leave her alone. Better not to say anything at all,_ Helena mused.

“Are you all right? You look like someone just flushed your goldfish down the toilet,” Hunnigan said quietly.  
“I’m fine,” Helena chuckled a little and began to get up, “Thanks for the lesson, and sorry about stepping on your toes,” she then continued awkwardly.

“Well, take consolation in the fact that you did better than Shepard. And if I can teach him to dance, I can teach you, so just let me know when you want a second lesson.”

“Thanks, I’ll do that,” Helena smiled and nodded before moving to exit the house, feeling grim and depressed underneath the mask of cheer, light-heartedly waving goodbye as she got in her car and drove off.

 

* * *

 

Remaining silent and leaving Hunnigan alone when it came to her love life was a lot easier for Helena when she wasn’t under the influence of whiskey and beer. In her current state, it was tougher. She sat at the bar, well aware of the looks the bartender was giving her. Next time she’d try to order something, he’d decide not to serve her.

Helena dug out her phone and scrolled down to Hunnigan’s contact info. She wasted a few minutes trying to type out something coherent, but erased everything after realizing that wouldn’t work. Her finger hovered on the call-button for a while, but she decided against that too. It was kind of late, Hunnigan could be asleep, and Lord knew that woman needed all the rest she could get, Helena didn’t want to risk waking her.That’s when the drunken idea of going over crossed her mind, and it seemed like a brilliant one.

“Hey, could you... uh... I can’t...” she muttered, waving her hand at the bartender.  
“I already called you a cab, it’ll be here in a minute, so... go wait outside,” he smirked.

“Now, that’s customer service,” Helena said, her voice laced with a hint of sarcasm indicating she knew he’d been just aching to throw her out and having ordered the cab for her had nothing to do with being kind as much as it was a matter of getting her the hell out of his bar before she’d puke or worse.

Helena gave the cab driver the address and leaned back in the seat. If the lights at the house would be on, she’d knock on the door. If not, she’d go home. Nice and simple.

“Except what if I do knock, then what will I say?” she mumbled to herself. The driver glanced at her through the rear view mirror, considering her just drunk and harmless. Although, if she’d keep talking out loud to herself, he’d quickly change his evaluation of her.

“Okay, could you just... wait here until I get to the door... and if I go inside, you go, but if I don’t, then you’ll take me home?” she inquired from the driver once they were at Hunnigan’s very well-lit house.  
“Yeah, sure,” he shrugged as he accepted the money and handed Helena her change. The moment she was out of the car, he drove off.

“Oh, yeah? Well, fuck you too, dude, you’re as dumb as a... a fucking tree,” she muttered, her impromptu insult not really turning out quite as good as she’d hoped.

“Helena, what are you doing here?” Hunnigan asked when she answered the door and discovered the young woman at her doorstep.  
“Don’t take Alexis back!” was the first thing Helena said and Hunnigan frowned.

“I wasn’t planning to...” she said slowly.

“Okay, so everything I will say now is going to sound just as childish as it probably actually is, but Alexis wanting you back isn’t... fair. She screwed up and left you alone and didn’t take care of you, she has no right to just come back,” Helena paused for half a second to inhale loudly and deeply before continuing, “You don’t fucking do that to a person, you don’t say you don’t want to be with them and then come back the next day saying that yes, you do after all! I know I have no claim to you and I am in no position to say that you can’t take her back, but you can’t take her back!” she ranted what was obviously a prepared speech, she hadn’t even listened to what Hunnigan had said.

“Helena...”

“I would take care of you, I’d treat you better and I’d look after you!”  
“...I don’t need anyone to... and I wasn’t...”

“I thought you were straight so I never said anything, but when you told me Alexis is a woman, that changed everything. For me. Because... I thought that I wouldn’t ever... so I never even really dared to think about it, but...”

“Helena, for the love of God, shut up for a second, would you?” Hunnigan scoffed amusedly. That worked.

“I’m sorry.”

“Okay, so... would you like to tell me why you are at my doorstep, drunk, telling me not to take my ex back?”  
“Because I’ve consumed more alcohol than my body can burn... that causes intoxication, which is why I’m drunk,” Helena began and Hunnigan laughed at the smartass response.

“Why were you drinking excessively?” she then corrected her question.  
“Because sober I didn’t have the balls to tell you not to take Alexis back. And I had to tell you because I’m in love with you.”

“You really are drunk,” Hunnigan dismissed with a smile.  
“Drunken words are sober thoughts,” Helena defended her statement.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed so you can sleep it off,” Hunnigan then said and stepped aside from the door, silently inviting Helena in.  
“Ooh, you _do_ want to bed me,” Helena taunted and Hunnigan rolled her eyes.

“Oh, Christ,” she chuckled as she helped Helena up the stairs and guided her into the bedroom. She let the younger woman slump into the bed and peeled off her boots for her before offering assistance with her jacket. Hunnigan was taken by surprise when Helena suddenly put her arms around her shoulders.

“Any chance you’d want to make out a little?” she asked and Hunnigan laughed softly.  
“You’re cute, but no.”

“I don’t want to be cute, I want you to take me seriously,” Helena complained.  
“I will once you’ve sobered up and stopped being a cute drunk, okay?” Hunnigan promised.

“At least... stay with me. I don’t care what happens in the morning, but please, just... stay with me,” Helena then requested weakly, her tone almost sad and somewhat defeated.  
“I’m gonna go lock up and I’ll be back then.”

“Don’t leave me alone.”  
“I won’t, I’ll be right back,” Hunnigan whispered.

 _Oh, God, why?_ she thought silently then as she went back downstairs and began locking the doors for the night.

If she was honest, she had to admit that there was a certain chemistry between her and Helena, and she quite enjoyed spending time with her, but even so, the thought of even asking her out let alone dating her had never crossed Hunnigan’s mind until now. She had never even considered that Helena might be interested in her. Perhaps it was a matter of not being able to see what was right in front of her.

Hunnigan paused for a moment to try and imagine herself with Helena, and smirked at the lewd mental image that crossed her mind. She shook it off, feeling a bit rueful when she realized she’d grown old enough to know the difference between love and lust. She doubted Helena had. Hell, the younger woman had already said she’d never had the time to actually be in a relationship with anyone, how should she be able to tell the difference?

 _It’s just a little crush, better for both of us if I won’t bring it up. I’m sure she’ll rather pretend this never happened,_ Hunnigan mused as she went back upstairs.

Helena was already sound asleep when Hunnigan checked up on her. Hunnigan was about to turn and leave when Helena spoke.

“No, don’t, please.”  
“Helena?”

“Don’t. No, don’t do that!”

Hunnigan frowned and stepped quietly to the bed, realizing Helena was talking in her sleep, undoubtedly having a nightmare.

“Helena...” she said softly and reached to softly cup the younger woman’s face with her palm in an attempt to calm her down. Helena gripped Hunnigan’s wrist almost frantically, her fingers leaving behind white streaks on Hunnigan’s skin. She didn’t flinch, instead she sat down onto the edge of the bed and slowly slid to lie next to Helena, opening her arms and pulling the younger woman close.

“It’s okay,” Hunnigan said and ran her fingers through Helena’s hair, hoping that her words would reach the younger woman on some level, that she would know she wasn’t alone. She kept mumbling and moving restlessly for a while longer before she finally settled and quieted down, her breathing calmed to a slow pace.

“You’re okay,” Hunnigan whispered and held onto her, sighing deeply at herself when she knew she should’ve gotten up and gone to sleep on the couch or in the guest room... but she admitted it was nice being close to another person again. She hadn’t been since... well, Alexis.

 _Speak of the devil,_ Hunnigan thought when she heard her phone vibrate on the nightstand. She reached for it and opened the message from Alexis. It contained a picture. Nothing lewd, but the implication was obvious.

_I miss you._

“Yeah, well... I don’t miss you,” Hunnigan muttered to herself, but when it was time to delete the message, she hesitated. Instead of deleting it or responding, she simply locked her phone and put it away.

 _I hate this crap,_ she thought and exhaled deeply as she turned to look at Helena who was asleep in her arms, clinging to her like her life depended on it.

 _And just what am I supposed to do with you?_ she mused silently, having to admit she felt a certain fondness toward the young woman, especially now as she witnessed the unusual vulnerability that shone through the hard mask Helena usually wore.

_If she really is in love with me, I have to be careful. I don’t want to end up hurting her by mistake._

Hunnigan realized that staying here and allowing the younger woman to wake up in her bed next to her would be a perfect example of things she should never do if her intentione was to avoid accidentally making silent promises she wouldn’t necessarily be able to keep. She shouldn’t be here, she shouldn’t do anything to encourage Helena, not until she could say definitely what her own feelings were... and she was far from being able to say anything definite, she didn’t even know herself.

At the same time, the selfish side of her wanted to stay. She wanted to be held too, she wasn’t going to lie and say she wasn’t enjoying the closeness. She’d also be lying if she said she was not flattered by the fact that Helena liked her that way. Who didn’t want to be wanted?

 _What am I going to do?_ she asked herself and closed her eyes, not wanting to think about it but knowing she needed to deal with it one way or the other. Maybe in the morning...

 

***


	7. Chapter 7

Helena opened her eyes slowly, not feeling extremely hungover, but certainly feeling the effects of having over indulged last night. She froze when she realized she wasn’t at home and that she wasn’t alone.

 _Oh, God_ , she swallowed hard, dreading to turn around to see who she was with. Drunk-Helena was a lot of things, but above everything, she could be quite the flirty type.

Drunk-Helena was the type of a girl who didn’t shy away from hugging and kissing strangers when she was happily intoxicated. The downside of it was that the object of her affection tended to always assume that a kiss would lead to something more. She’d never let it go that far, not even when she’d been left with no other choice but to bluntly tell the other person to fuck off, because contrary to what they seemed to think, giving them a kiss certainly did not oblige her to give more. So far drunk-Helena had never gone home with anyone, but she supposed all good things came to an end eventually.

Helena’s heart skipped a beat when she turned around and saw Hunnigan. She was asleep, lying on her back with her arm resting over her head, the other one tucked underneath the pillow that supported her neck. The hem of her T-shirt had hitched halfway up her abdomen and Helena exhaled sharply at the sight.

It wasn’t the smooth, nude skin that made her react; it was the realization of how skinny Hunnigan had gotten. For as long as Helena had known her, Hunnigan had been the slender-type, but this was different. The way her abdomen slumped into practically nothing when the ribcage ended and the support was gone was unhealthy. Not to mention the almost unnatural way said ribs were protruding from underneath the skin.

Helena couldn’t say that she was surprised, after all, she’d witnessed Hunnigan neglect her own well-being for weeks now, but she hadn’t realized how bad it had gotten.

“You look far too skinny,” Helena muttered.  
“I thought one can never be too skinny or too rich,” Hunnigan uttered softly, her eyes still closed.

“It’s not funny.”  
“I’m fine,” the other woman assured, moving her arm to rest over her eyes to block away the sunlight that was seeping into the room through the curtains.

“I’m gonna make you something to eat.”  
“Helena...”

“No, I will take care of you whether you like it or not,” Helena said and rushed out of the bed, not listening to any objections or arguments. In truth, she was desperate for any excuse to get out before the how and why she’d ended up here would become the topic of conversation. She knew she wouldn’t be able to run from it forever, but a temporary solution was good enough for now, it would give her time to think of something to say, some excuse for her behavior and words.

 _Oh, God. I was drunk, I came here, there’s no way I did_ not _say something stupid. I know I did, I can feel it, I just don’t remember how bad it was exactly. Shit. Shit-shit-shit,_ Helena cursed internally as she stood in front of the fridge and absent-mindedly stared at one of Levi’s drawings hanging on the door with the help of a magnet. Admittedly, Helena had no idea what it was supposed to be, unless squiggly lines were what he’d been trying to portray, but obviously it had some meaning to Hunnigan; Helena knew that if she herself had a kid and he drew random lines, you could bet your ass and a keg of beer that she’d put it on the fridge door even if it wasn’t really much to look at.

“Helena,” Hunnigan said, waking the younger woman back to reality and startling her.  
“Don’t do that!”

“Sorry,” Hunnigan said, realizing it was kind of silly considering this was her house and her kitchen, meaning she certainly had the right to walk into any room she wanted to.  
“About what you said...”

“I said something?”  
“You don’t remember?”

“I’d prefer it if we just pretend I don’t and that I never said anything,” Helena said awkwardly.  
“I don’t know, you were... quite adamant,” Hunnigan said, a small smile tugging the corner of her mouth as she crossed her arms over her abdomen and leaned her hip into the kitchen counter. Helena wasn’t amused.

“Please. This is embarrassing enough as it is. I realize I said things that were beyond inappropriate and none of my business, so... I am sorry. I was drunk and stupid, and it won’t happen again,” Helena assured seriously and Hunnigan exhaled deeply.

“You said you have feelings for me. Is that true?” she asked and Helena’s mouth twisted into an uneasy thin line. She swallowed hard and raised her hands a little, giving Hunnigan the universal silent version of “I don’t know”. Hunnigan unfolded her arms and brought the left one up to pinch the bridge of her nose with her fingers while resting the other hand on her hip.

“Look, Helena...” she began but was cut off by her phone ringing. _God damn it,_ she growled and reached for it. Helena on the other hand was grateful for the interruption.

“Yes, this is she. Where? I’m on my way,” was all Hunnigan said during the call before ending it and reaching to grab her keys, obviously preparing to head out.

“Is... everything all right?” Helena asked tentatively.  
“Alexis is in the hospital, a building collapsed while she was in there,” Hunnigan explained, her tone anything but panicky like one might expect from a person who just heard such news.

“Will she be okay?” Helena inquired, almost wanting to kick herself when she realized that the tiny but the most evil little part of her wished Alexis wouldn’t be okay, that way she’d be out of Hunnigan’s life permanently.

 _Oh, my God, what is wrong with me?_ Helena almost grunted at the thought. Fleeting as it was, and even though she truly didn’t mean it, it was a horrible thought.

“I don’t know. I have to, um...” Hunnigan trailed off and Helena nodded again, realizing this was her cue to leave.  
“I’ll just... yeah,” she cleared her throat awkwardly, dashed to get her clothes and literally ran away before Hunnigan had a chance to even offer her a ride to town.

 

* * *

 

Hunnigan sat by the hospital bed and browsed through her email from her phone as she waited for Alexis to wake up. Fortunately the redheaded firefighter’s injuries weren’t too severe; she had a mild concussion, some bruises and a couple of fractured ribs, but she would be all right. It didn’t surprise Hunnigan, she knew Alexis was built like a tank and would be back on her feet in a few days. What really troubled Hunnigan about this situation was realizing just how concerned she really was for the other woman.

It went without saying that she couldn’t just flip a switch and decide not to care about Alexis anymore, especially when considering they’d been together for such a long time; also, with all the regular interaction they had because of Levi and in general, they were still rather close, whether they liked it or not. Right now, Hunnigan was comprehending that the thought of permanently losing Alexis did scare her.

She wasn’t _in love_ with Alexis anymore, but she did still love her and she supposed that on some level, she always would... and that cursed soft spot for the manipulative bitch that Alexis could be would undoubtedly be her undoing eventually. How was she supposed to move on with her life when this was what she always found herself being pulled back into one way or another? She couldn’t breathe when she was with Alexis and the thought of actually trying again with her made Hunnigan cringe, but at the same time, she didn’t think she would actually know how to be if Alexis were not a part of her life.

Alexis had become an evil Hunnigan found herself needing. She was always happily confusing Hunnigan with her mixed messages and her tendency to say one thing today and the next tomorrow. It had taken a long time before Hunnigan had realized it wouldn’t change. She knew that Alexis’s most recent “let’s get back together” was just another one of her little mind games she enjoyed so much. She loved seeing Hunnigan react, she loved knowing she had the power to cause such an effect in the other woman, she was practically shameless about the way she took pleasure in manipulating her. It was the equivalent of breaking someone’s heart just to put them in their place. Just to remind them that you have that power. Just because you could. And Lord, had Alexis gone and used that power, more times than Hunnigan cared to count.

Even still, Hunnigan admitted she couldn’t blame it all on Alexis alone. She herself had been the one who had fallen for the same crap over and over, giving in and reacting when Alexis jerked her around for shits and giggles.

 _Is it any wonder she does it? I’m the one who makes it so damn easy for her, I’m here right now when I wouldn’t have to be. She sure as hell wasn’t there for me when I got shot. She dropped by to pick up her alimony check, that’s all I got from her. What am I doing?_ Hunnigan scolded herself.

“Hey. You’re here,” Alexis murmured hoarsely and managed a tired smile. She reached to entwine her fingers with Hunnigan’s, and she let her, having to admit she enjoyed the touch... and hating herself for feeling that way.

“Yeah, well... apparently I’m still your emergency contact,” Hunnigan offered a weak excuse.  
“Where’s Levi?” Alexis then asked.

“He’s with Miranda. I’ll pick him up on my way home. I can bring him over tomorrow if you want?”

“No, I don’t want him to see me like this, he would want to know what happened and you know how sensitive he can be... I’d rather he believed you and I are immortal for as long as he still believes such things,” Alexis shook her head a little and Hunnigan nodded hers in agreement. Mother was the equivalent of God in the eyes of a child, at least that was what she’d been raised to believe. She had no desire to shatter that idea for Levi.

“I’m glad you came. I really have missed you,” Alexis then said, rubbing a gentle circle into Hunnigan’s palm with her thumb.  
“Al, look... I’m not... I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I’m not here because I want to get back together or anything, let’s make that perfectly clear. I do care about you, but that doesn’t mean anything more than just that.”

“No matter what your reasons, I’m happy you’re here.”

“I just wanted to check in on you and see how you were, and since you’re more or less okay... I should get going, I have to get Levi and go to the store and... stuff,” Hunnigan said slowly untangling her fingers from Alexis’s and standing up.

Alexis pulled Hunnigan back down to herself. She nipped at Hunnigan’s lower lip before flicking her tongue over it in a quick little lightning bolt before interlocking her lips with Hunnigan’s, deepening the kiss. She was about to go further and let her tongue seek out Hunnigan’s in the familiar way it always had before, but Hunnigan pulled away in an almost violent jerk.

“I’m gonna go,” she said, managing to appear unaffected and unsurprised by the act.

“All right,” Alexis merely nodded as Hunnigan backed out of the room. She didn’t say as much and she didn’t let it show on her face, but Hunnigan knew Alexis well enough to know she was convinced she’d just won something. It didn’t matter to Alexis what the game was or whose expense it was being played at, not as long as she got to come out of it looking pretty.

As Hunnigan exited, she ran the back of her hand over her mouth in an attempt to banish the lingering taste and feel of Alexis’s lips on her own. Walking away, she realized she didn’t feel anything inside.

No longing, no nostalgic joy stemming from the familiar kiss. No warmth spilling inside her chest and cascading through her before pooling into the pit of her stomach, heating up the desire and igniting an aching need for Alexis’s touch. It was all gone... and Hunnigan realized that even though she still cared, and despite all her hesitations... she really was finally getting over Alexis.

 

***


	8. Chapter 8

Hunnigan closed the laptop and exhaled deeply. It was almost six in the evening. She should’ve been picking Levi up over an hour ago. She’d made a quick call to apologize to Miranda and said she’d be there in twenty minutes... so she was only about forty minutes late. Frankly, that felt like a record, usually the minimum was at least an hour. Even though she knew she should’ve gotten up and hurried off, she couldn’t move for a while.

Hunnigan cradled her forehead in her hand, leaning her elbow to the desk and resting the weight of her head against her hand. She remained still and silent as a hot stream of tears made its way over her cheeck and along her chin before slowly dripping onto the wooden surface of her desk. She didn’t even know why she was crying, but she didn’t bother questioning it much beyond that. It helped a little, and that was what mattered.

“Hunnigan?” Leon said softly from the door.  
“Yes?” she sighed and wiped the tears away, not even bothering to pretend she hadn’t been crying.

“Are you all right?” he asked as he entered the room and went to take a seat.  
“I’m just... so tired, Leon.”

“Maybe you need a nap,” he shrugged one shoulder and she chuckled.  
“It’s not the kind of tired I can just sleep off, but thanks.”

“Yeah, I figured, but what else was there to say?” he smiled gently.  
“I don’t understand how Shepard could stand this job,” Hunnigan shook her head and sighed again.

“Probably because he only did the administrative-part. You on the other hand are doing like... five persons’ jobs alone. You need to get someone to take over your position at Field Operations Support. I know you don’t like to hear it, but you can’t keep doing this either. Eventually it’ll reflect on how you do things, someone could get hurt,” Leon reasoned and Hunnigan nodded slowly. He was right, but finding someone Hunnigan would trust her role to was easier said than done.

“Maybe I can help you,” he offered then.  
“You want to be transferred to F.O.S.?” Hunnigan smirked and he laughed softly.

“No,” he shook his head, “but I am a field agent and I can give you an inside view of what a field agent needs from their support.”

“Do you already have someone in mind?” Hunnigan then asked as she thought about it, admitting his suggestion was a really good one.  
“I was thinking about nominating Jane Tavastian as a candidate.”

“Scatterbrain-Jane?” Hunnigan exclaimed, “You’re joking!” she scoffed then when she thought of the woman in question.

Admittedly, Jane could be an efficient agent, but the thing that never failed to irk Hunnigan was Jane’s way of beginning a hundred little tasks then forgetting about finishing them before moving onto another hundred tasks; she was so disorganized that just thinking about it made Hunnigan cringe.

“I’m not. She’s a good multi-tasker and knows how to prioritize when she needs to. Plus, she has various handy skills... she’s a Jane of all trades, if you will. She has potential, you just gotta give her a chance.”

“I do like this idea and I will accept your input. Actually, I should ask all the field agents to offer their suggestions,” Hunnigan muttered and was already about to fire up her laptop again to send out a mass-email to the agents when Leon slammed his palm over the lid.

“I’ll tell them to email you their list of candidates, you go home, all right?” he said.  
“Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

Hunnigan had to admit, she did feel kind of cut off from the world when she was forced to leave her laptop at work, but at the same time she had to mentally thank Leon for talking her into doing so. If he hadn’t, she’d be too preoccupied to just sit here and spend some time with her son. What Helena had said about her own father never being there had hit a nerve.

She didn’t want to be _that_ parent. She didn’t want Levi to say “she was great when she was there, but she rarely really was there” a couple of decades from now when someone asked him about his parents. Yes, sitting here, teaching him letters and then making paper airplanes out of the smudged pieces of paper was kind of boring... but she had recently become aware of just how short this time actually was.

It was a cliché she’d heard from every parent and when Levi had been an impossible, screaming infant going through colic and incessantly crying, Hunnigan had eagerly welcomed the idea of time passing quickly. Now, when she realized he was actually beginning to learn how the world worked, all the way from beginning to understand the concept of time to figuring out how to tie his shoelaces, she wished she could take the past year or so back. God only knew why; Hunnigan wanted to say that if she had the chance to do it over again, she’d do things differently, but even as she was thinking that, she also knew nothing would change.

“What does this say?” Levi asked after he’d drawn a few big letters in an attempt to write his own name.

“It says ‘Jevi’. You almost got it, try again, sir,” Hunnigan encouraged with a smile.

“Can I get my play dough?” he asked, apparently having lost his interest in the letters and Hunnigan nodded. He returned with the small jars which had once contained several different colors, but now contained lumps of reddish-brown play dough when he’d mixed all the colors into a single large ball and then divided it into the containers.

Hunnigan leaned back on the couch, crossed a leg over the other and took a sip from her glass of wine. She was certain that should some supermom see her have the audacity of having a drink in front of her child, she’d be scolded, but she didn’t care. She’d witnessed her parents drink and she’d turned out just fine, despite the fact that her parents had the tendency to overdo it. Hell, she recalled several occasions during which her parents had gotten shitfaced and then began fighting over something that had happened twenty years ago, sometimes the fights had even escalated to the physical level, and Hunnigan wasn’t talking about a bitch slap or two here and there, she meant all-out fist fights, most of them initiated by her mother. So yeah, compared to that, a glass of wine didn’t seem like such a terrible thing.

She smiled and watched Levi roll the lumps of play dough into long strings which he then used to form letters on the coffee table. This time he got his name right.

“How do I write ‘Helena’?” he asked then and Hunnigan chuckled softly.  
“I’ll show you,” she offered.

“When is she coming over to see me again?” Levi inquired.  
“Uh, I don’t know, she might be busy...”

“Everyone’s always busy,” Levi mumbled in a disappointed tone and Hunnigan sighed a little. He had a point.

“Tell you what... I am going to call the people at work... then I’m gonna call your mother and _then_... I’m gonna call grandma Krista and grandpa Sean... and after that... we are gonna pack our bags and go spend a couple of days over there, how about that?” she offered, deciding to kill two birds with one stone; Levi would never decline the offer to go be treated like royalty at his grandparents’ house, and Hunnigan’s mother had been constantly bugging her about bringing him to visit, it was a win-win.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Levi agreed excitedly and ran off to his room only to return merely a couple of minutes later with his bag all ready, he was prepared to go immediately.  
“You’re gonna have to wait a while, sir, I still have to make the arrangements, but I’ll try to make sure we can leave almost first thing in the morning, how about that?”

“One sleep,” he said.  
“One sleep,” Hunnigan confirmed and he accepted her answer.

 

* * *

 

Helena exhaled deeply as the browsed through the list of the agency’s intelligence liaisons. She’d gotten Leon’s message asking for the field agents’ input regarding nominating someone for Hunnigan’s old job, but honestly, Helena didn’t think she had much to say. She’d never had to work with anyone other than Hunnigan, how would she know how the others performed?

Frankly, Helena didn’t think she’d ever get used to the idea of having someone else be her intelligence liaison, she didn’t think she would ever learn to trust her life to another’s hands the same way she had with Hunnigan. She had this aura of stability and professionalism that made her easy to rely upon. She was the type of a person who would never let you down if she could help it.

“What’s up?” Leon interrupted Helena’s musings and offered her a mug of coffee. She nodded a thank you to him as she accepted the hot beverage.

“I’m just trying to randomly decide on a support agent because I don’t actually know anyone. I feel the same way I did when I was in third grade and my old teacher retired and I got another one. I didn’t want another teacher.”

“So... how did the new teacher turn out?” Leon smirked, sat down and leaned back in the chair, raising his feet to rest on the edge of the desk.  
“He turned out to be really nice.”

“Exactly, so whoever you’ll get eventually will do their job just as well as... Okay, no, not _as_ well, but almost as well as Hunnigan. None of them would work here if they didn’t know what they are doing. Except, maybe... Warren,” Leon trailed off absently as he thought on the few support agents he’d worked with during Hunnigan’s vacations.

“Never heard of her,” Helena shrugged.  
“Him, and he is kind of a jerk. A few years back he was at least trying to get better at his job, nowadays not so much,” Leon shook his head.

“So, why isn’t he fired?” Helena frowned.  
“I don’t know, I guess he’s managed to slip through the cracks. Maybe once all our input has been taken into consideration, Hunnigan will fire him,” Leon smirked and sipped his coffee.

“Yeah, well... either way, this sucks,” Helena sighed and let the folder she’d been browsing drop onto the desk.  
“I know, and I think so too. But carrying on like this isn’t an option either, Hunnigan is working too hard.”

“True, but let me whine a while longer because I am selfish and want her to myself,” Helena smirked and Leon quirked an eyebrow.  
“Are we still speaking in professional terms?” he teased and Helena lowered her gaze into her coffee, taking a long sip to avoid having to answer him. Unfortunately for her, he was a patient man and didn’t mind waiting.

“Both,” Helena finally shrugged.

“So, are you ever going to fill me in on the details of this?” he then asked and Helena sighed a little. What was there to tell? She’d foolishly developed a crush on Hunnigan and more foolishly she’d let it develop into genuine love after finding out that Hunnigan wasn’t straight as Helena had always assumed she was. And now with Alexis constantly making comebacks into the situation... and with Helena’s stupid, stupid drunken confession... she didn’t know where she stood or what she should do or how to even begin undoing the knots of the whole mess.

“You’ve told her you have feelings for her?” Leon asked, sounding surprisingly serious, and Helena nodded.

“I did, but I was drunk... and I don’t know if she took me seriously. And then I kind of... took it back, like... the day after I said I’d rather we pretended I never said anything... and we haven’t spoken since,” Helena explained awkwardly and Leon rolled his eyes at her. Women.

“Why didn’t you just admit it and ask her what she thinks right then?”

“I was embarrassed! I still am, because the way I did it... it was all wrong. I should’ve told her when I was sober and I should’ve been less stupid about the way I put it, I just blurted it out, and it’s...” Helena shook her head, “I’m in love with someone I already know I can’t have, and that actually hurts a lot more than I’d like to admit,” she continued in a defeated mumble.

Leon offered a rueful smile. He knew what it was like to love someone you couldn’t have all to yourself, someone you couldn’t have those normal things with, the little things everyone else took for granted.

“Why can’t you have her?” he encouraged Helena. He knew why he couldn’t have what he wanted, but based on what little Helena had told him, there was nothing impossible standing in her way.  
“Well, firstly, she’s my boss,” Helena began listing and Leon burst out laughing so hard coffee spewed out through his nose. He wiped his face and shirt as he still chuckled, shaking his head. Helena didn’t get the joke.

“If fraternizing with agents or any other staff were against the rules, Shepard would’ve been fired the day he got the job in the first place.”  
“Really?” Helena’s eyebrows rose and Leon nodded.

“He’s slept with practically everyone.”  
“Even Hunnigan and you?” Helena taunted.

“Not me, but I can’t confirm or deny anything about Hunnigan. It wouldn’t surprise me, I think Shepard has the potential to charm even Hunnigan,” Leon admitted and Helena pursed her lips as she thought about it. Well, Hunnigan _had_ been divorced for over a year, a lot of things could’ve happened during that time.

 _Oh, especially when considering she taught him to tango. Jesus, I’d be amazed if he didn’t get all hot and bothered, I know I did when she taught me,_ Helena mused. Hunnigan didn’t come across as the cheating type so Helena doubted she would’ve slept with Shepard prior to divorcing Alexis. Maybe he’d been Hunnigan’s rebound.

“Should I be offended that Shepard never came onto me?” she finally asked and Leon chuckled.

“Give him time, he might show up just to do that when he realizes you’re the only one he never tried to bed. And yes, I am on the list of people he made a pass at,” Leon confessed and cleared his throat a little when Helena bit her lower lip as a wide grin spread on her face when she imagined Shepard with Leon.

“I’ve suddenly developed an urge to watch some gay porn, so I’m gonna go home,” she told him and got up. Her shift was ending and she’d been meaning to go home for a while now anyway, but he didn’t know that.

“Think of me when you touch yourself!” he called out after her.

“I always do,” she winked before exiting the office.

***


	9. Chapter 9

“Hey, Idgie?” Francis “Frank” Hunnigan said from the door to get his twin sister’s attention. She’d just finished tucking Levi in; the boy had fallen asleep almost immediately when his head had hit the pillow, the exciting day hiking and looking for edible mushrooms and berries in the nearby patch of forest with his grandparents having sucked all the juice out of him. Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow at her brother who held up a six-pack. On his other hand he held a laptop.

“For old time’s sake,” he smirked and she chuckled.

“I’ll be right there,” she said. She leaned to kiss Levi’s forehead gently, turned the light off and left the door a little bit ajar as she exited and headed to her brother’s room. Their parents had left their rooms more or less intact even after they’d moved out years ago, and Frank’s room was still decorated with ancient _Star Wars_ -posters and dusty stacks of old CDs and video games.

Frank set the laptop onto the desk and Hunnigan pulled up a chair as he turned the computer on and then reached to offer her a beer.

“You can try to get me as drunk as you want, but I will still kick your ass,” Hunnigan smirked as she accepted the bottle and popped it open.  
“Hah, your elves are no match for my black dragons and medusas,” Frank taunted and ran the game _Heroes of Might &Magic III_.

“You can’t afford to recruit black dragons because you don’t have a treasury,” Hunnigan taunted back as she and Frank selected their castles.

“I’ll take over your treasury eventually, so it won’t matter,” Frank said confidently and Hunnigan chuckled softly at his bravado. He would never win a game against her for as long as he would refuse to change his tactics... which had been the same for thirteen years.

“So, what’s new in your life?” Frank asked then after finishing his turn and handing the mouse over to Hunnigan.  
“Are you trying to distract me?” she smirked as she focused on the game for a moment and he chuckled.

“I know better than to waste time trying, it wouldn’t work.”  
“Well... I recently got promoted which isn’t anywhere near as great as you’d think...”

“So, work is kicking your ass then, huh?”  
“It’s not even just about the work, I’m just... constantly running out of time and things are getting neglected because I simply don’t have the time to do anything about them.”

“So, delegate.”  
“I am trying! But who am I supposed to delegate my personal life to? Should I have myself cloned?” Hunnigan chuckled ruefully.

“Well, if it would help, but I don’t think the planet could handle more people with our DNA,” Frank grinned, sipped his beer and begun his turn as Hunnigan ended hers.  
“That’s not how it works, we’re not identical twins,” Hunnigan corrected him, and he rolled his eyes, sighing loudly.

“Fine, but we still share some, so my point is still valid,” he argued.  
“True enough,” Hunnigan admitted, “I don’t need a clone, I need... I don’t even know anymore,” she muttered then and drank from her bottle.

“You need a wife,” Frank muttered almost absently and nonchalantly as he built yet another creature dwelling he couldn’t really afford.  
“Why would you think that?” Hunnigan scoffed.

“Because prior to Alexis walking into your life, you were still living at home and you had all of us around you to pick up the things you didn’t have the time for. When you finally left home, you didn’t have a chance to be alone for all that long before Alexis. Now that she’s gone and it’s just you, suddenly there’s no time. Sure, your work is more demanding than it was back then, but the major difference in your life is that you’re by yourself now,” Frank reasoned and ended his turn.

“You’re full of shit, I’m a strong independent woman who doesn’t need anyone,” Hunnigan smirked and hijacked the mouse to play her turn. Frank chuckled good-heartedly at her statement.

“Yes, you are the definition of a strong, independent woman, but God, at what cost?” he inquired and Hunnigan inhaled deeply as she thought of it. At the cost of her own well-being. At the cost of her son’s happiness. She was beginning to think it was no longer worth it. Besides, Frank wasn’t wrong; Hunnigan had never really learned to be by herself, she hadn’t had the need to.

“You can make it on your own, I’m not denying that. I’m just saying, you’d be happier if you didn’t have to.”  
“Why do you always have to make such good points and make even the stupidest things make sense?” Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow and Frank shrugged.

“It must be a twin-thing; maybe I know how to reason with you because I think similarly.”  
“If that’s the case, then I think we should be studied,” Hunnigan smirked and he laughed.

“Hey, I’ve heard stories of twins that were separated at birth but still ended up leading very similar lives even though they didn’t even know each other, so...”  
“...so the only way this could be better would be if your ex-wife was named Alexis too,” Hunnigan smirked and finished her turn by taking over one of Frank’s resource mines.

“Yeah, well, at least one of us has moved on from their controlling ex,” Frank smirked and took the mouse again.  
“Hey, first of all, I am over Alexis. And secondly, are you implying you have a girlfriend? And if you do, why haven’t you introduced us?”

“I’ve only known her for a few weeks and we’ve gone out like... twice, but I like her, she’s smart and has this very dry, sarcastic sense of humor I like... she’s tough and beautiful...”

 _Sounds like Helena. Wait, what?_ Hunnigan almost jumped when the thought lanced through her mind.

“...so, I didn’t want to ruin it by introducing my family to her,” Frank finished with a chuckle.  
“The fact that I’m not even the slightest bit offended by that says it all,” Hunnigan agreed.

“What about you? Since you’re so over Alexis...” Frank quirked a thick, dark eyebrow and Hunnigan sighed, hanging her head a little before proceeding to tell him about Alexis wanting her back and about Helena’s drunken confession.

“I can’t say anything regarding Helena because I don’t know her, but I will bluntly tell you that you should not even consider taking Alexis back,” Frank shook his head and decided that if he was going to have this conversation, he was going to need something stronger than beer. He reached into the plastic bag he’d brought with him and mixed himself a vodka and coke, offering Hunnigan one too. To his surprise, she accepted it.

“I know, and I wasn’t... It’s just that... well, you said it yourself, I do need someone and Alexis is familiar to me.”

“She’s also a manipulative bitch who cheated on you every chance she got, and _you_ ended up raising her child and paying _her_ alimony, I mean what the fuck!” Frank scoffed, obviously upset and downright outraged at the injustice of it all even if it didn’t concern him directly in any way.

“Levi is my son too,” Hunnigan muttered.  
“Yeah, but you know what I mean. If my wife got knocked up by another man, I sure as hell wouldn’t be raising the kid, and the bitch sure as hell wouldn’t be getting anything from me afterward either.”

“I know... and I said I wouldn’t do it either, but now when I look at Levi, it makes me sick to think that there ever was a time when I demanded that Alexis gets an abortion. Don’t get me wrong, I know and I remember she screwed me over time and again, and I have no intention of going back to that. But adopting Levi is the one thing I don’t regret at all when it comes to my relationship with Alexis.”

“Well, that’s good. And it’s also good that you’re not seriously considering trying again, Alexis is not good for you,” Frank shook his head and Hunnigan sighed.

As much as she appreciated his concern, she didn’t like that fact that he seemed to believe he was in a position to tell her what to do. She didn’t appreciate hearing the same thing from anyone and everyone. Alexis had her flaws and Hunnigan was already well aware of them. She was also aware of all her good sides and that was a privilege the people insisting she was no good didn’t have.

While Alexis had left a lot to be desired when it came to remaining faithful in a relationship, she’d been reliable in other ways. She’d taken care of Hunnigan in various little ways she’d never even noticed until Alexis was gone. And as silly as it probably was, Hunnigan did still feel kind of guilty for not appreciating everything done for her. At the same time, when considering the hell Alexis had put Hunnigan through, thanking her for everything was the last thing Hunnigan felt like doing.

“What about that Helena?” Frank then asked.

“What about her? Honestly, I think she’s too young to know what the hell she’s even talking about. Yeah, maybe she has a crush on me, but I’m too old and tired to be playing ridiculous games or helping someone figure out the difference between love and little girl crushes,” Hunnigan said and finished her drink. Frank followed her lead and began to mix them a second round.

“Oh, come on, you make it sound like she’s ten,” he laughed.  
“She might as well be as far as I’m concerned,” Hunnigan sighed deeply.

“You are being ridiculous, you know that?”  
“I am being cautious, pretty big difference.”

“So, what do _you_ feel for her?”  
“I... don’t know. It doesn’t matter,” Hunnigan shook her head.

“Of course it does!” Frank scoffed.  
“No, it does not because no matter how I feel, I would never act on any of it.”

“Translation: you do feel something for her, but you’d rather just leave that stick up your ass and be miserable, because in your stupid little head that is the right thing to do for some idiotic reason.”

Hunnigan would’ve wanted to argue, would’ve wanted to tell Frank that he was wrong... but she couldn’t because he wasn’t, about any of it.

“Stop thinking about what others expect from you and stop making decisions based solely on what you assume everyone wants you to do, and for once in your life, do what feels right for you, personally. What do _you_ want?”

“I don’t know,” Hunnigan rolled her eyes at his questioning.  
“Well, figure it out before you end up losing everything simply because you couldn’t make up your fucking mind,” he said and offered a lopsided smirk. Once again, he was right and Hunnigan had to hate him a little for that.

 

***


	10. Chapter 10

Monday, October 14th 2013\. Hunnigan woke up feeling worse than she ever remembered feeling. It wasn’t like she’d never had the flu before, but this was turning out to be a particularly nasty disease.

_Hell, what if I’m infected by one of the many zombie-viruses and don’t even know it? Why do all diseases have to have flu-like symptoms? It’s so unfair, one can never be sure which is it,_ Hunnigan thought agitatedly. Realistically, she didn’t think she was turning into a zombie. She’d been feeling ill for over a week now, she was quite certain she would’ve turned by now if that was the case. Nope, this was a nasty case of the common cold that just refused to burn away no matter how valiantly her body attempted to banish it with high fevers that rendered her practically unconscious.

She knew she should’ve been resting, but how could she? All the changes she’d initiated just recently regarding naming someone for her job and reviewing the F.O.S. agents’ efficiency reports, she couldn’t just drop it now and say she’d get back to it next week. Or next month at this rate.

She’d been to the doctor and her diet consisted nowadays mainly of pain killers, vitamins, supplements and what have you. The doctor hadn’t been exactly helpful, he’d merely told her to drink fluids and rest.

_Drink fluids... as opposed to what, drinking solids? What a stupid piece of advice,_ she almost growled and sat up slowly, lowering her feet onto the floor over the edge of the bed. It was five-thirty in the morning and she should’ve been sleeping, but she couldn’t fall back to sleep. She’d been working until half past one last night before she’d finally given up when the headache and uncomfortable stuffyness of her nose had gotten to be too much. At least she’d settled for working from home (but only after Leon had quite literally dragged her out of the office).

“Fuck,” she grunted after recovering from a coughing fit which made her entire body hurt, all of her muscles already sore and aching from having coughed so much and due to the fever. Her everything hurt, literally.

She stood up slowly and began heading to the bathroom with a distinct gingerness in her step. She blew her nose, brushed her teeth and decided to take a long hot shower, hoping it would wash some of the horrible feeling away. It worked... but only for a minute. She couldn’t smell anything, but she was certain her bedroom had the stench of stagnated sickness, something similar to a closed hospital room. She didn’t want to breathe it in.

Hunnigan dragged an extra blanket and a pillow into the living room and tossed them onto the couch, proceeding to make herself a comfortable little nest there, with her tissues, her phone, drinks, laptop and everything else neatly arranged on the coffee table so that she wouldn’t have to move unless she absolutely had to.

_What was it that grandpa always said would cure the cold? Dunk a pair of wool socks into vodka and go to sleep with the socks on your feet and you’ll be fine in the morning... or something like that. I should try that next_ , Hunnigan mused then as she waited for her computer to connect to the agency VPN.

She was pleasantly surprised when she saw she only had about forty unread emails this morning. Usually the number was around a hundred; most of it just agents talking back and forth amongst themselves, having forgotten to drop her from the list of recipients after having delivered the message originally intended for her too.

She dug into the long list of candidates (and any grievances her field agents had brought to her attention regarding their support agents nominated for her job) and began from the bottom. It seemed that agent Warren was not popular among the field agents.

“What did you do to piss them off?” Hunnigan muttered as she went to look for Warren’s file and work history. She’d never worked with him so she couldn’t say anything on a personal level.

“Well, of course,” she sighed then when she realized the file was nowhere to be found. It was undoubtedly one of the many files that had been lost when she’d had to destroy the database. The physical copy of it should still exist somewhere in the archives at the agency headquarters... but to get to it, she would need to leave her comfortable nest.

“This sucks,” she hissed. It did occur to her that she could just call someone and ask them to bring the file, but at the same time she didn’t think it would be fair. She knew it was silly and that none of her agents would see it like that, but asking someone to run errands for her, even when she had a legitimate reason for it, was just somehow... inappropriate. To her that would send a message that said “I’m the boss and you are here to do things for me”, and she didn’t want that, especially not since she didn’t really consider herself their boss, she was just an agent like everyone else.

Hunnigan stood up and held onto the backrest of the couch when she felt dizzy. She blew out a breath and reached for her suit jacket, realizing this would not work; she was feeling exhausted and was almost out of breath simply by getting dressed, she wasn’t going anywhere.

“What the hell?” she frowned then when someone knocked on her door. She hoped it was her fairy godmother with a pair of wool socks and bottle of vodka.

* * *

 

Helena tapped her fingertips against the thick folder that was sealed with a blue strip of tape that contained the agency’s logo. She rang the doorbell and waited patiently. When Leon had delegated this little errand to Helena (both of them knowing he was trying to do her a favor by forcing her to face Hunnigan, but Helena wasn’t sure if she hated or loved him for it right now), he had said Hunnigan was sick, so Helena didn’t want to rush her. Or risk waking her if she’d possibly fallen asleep, surely the file could... well, no, it could not wait; Hunnigan’s files could never wait as far as Hunnigan was concerned.

“Oh. Hello,” Alexis said as she answered the door and Helena almost swallowed her tongue at the sight of the redhead.  
“I, uh, I have... this is... Hunnigan wanted this file, so I just...” she stammered.

“Okay? I can take it,” Alexis shrugged and held out her hand, a frown forming onto her face slowly when Helena didn’t hand the folder over.

“Uh... I need to give to Hunnigan directly. Y’know, chain of custody and all,” Helena explained awkwardly and tapped at the red marking on the brown folder, the stamp stating that the contents were confidential and that you needed a security clearance to view them. Frankly, Helena had no idea if the chain of custody really even mattered or not, but she wanted to see Hunnigan, and that meant she needed to get past the ex.

“Of course,” Alexis then nodded and stepped aside from the door, inviting Helena in and gesturing toward the living room with her hand.  
“Thanks,” Helena muttered and went over as Alexis returned to the kitchen.

Hunnigan didn’t seem to be even fully conscious at this point. Her skin was damp with sweat and her lips dried by her hot breath passing them as she had to breathe through her mouth. She didn’t look like she was okay at all, and as much as Helena hated the fact that Alexis was here, she was glad that Hunnigan didn’t have to be alone.

_Now, if I could only just get rid of Alexis and stay myself, that would be great,_ she mused, but knew that would never happen. Alexis’s presence here alone spoke volumes of what the situation was; if Hunnigan had wanted Helena, she would’ve called her. Instead, she’d evidently called Alexis.

“Helena,” Hunnigan murmured, regretting having spoken aloud when she had a coughing fit, the hacking making her feel like her chest and throat were shattering into pieces.  
“Don’t... talk,” Helena said as she had to watch helplessly when the other woman worked through the fit, inhaled deeply and managed to get it under control slowly.

“I’m glad you came,” Hunnigan whispered after having lost what little was left of her voice.  
“Oh?” Helena quirked an eyebrow, barely managing to keep herself from inquiring that if Hunnigan was glad to see her, why was Alexis here and why had she called Leon about the file and not her... but she bit her tongue. She had no right to question Alexis’s presence or Hunnigan’s decisions in general.

What Helena didn’t know was that Hunnigan had called Leon because she’d tried to keep from making the younger woman feel embarrassed. After her drunken confession regarding her feelings for Hunnigan, things had been... awkward. Hunnigan had gotten the impression that Helena would’ve preferred not having to deal with her, at least not until it had been long enough for them both to pretend it never happened. If she was honest, Hunnigan didn’t really want to pretend and shrug it off, she wanted to talk about it, but as always, in her mind, it wasn’t about what she wanted or needed. She didn’t want to risk any awkwardness, neither of them could afford walking on eggshells around each other.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Hunnigan said hoarsely then and shook her head a little.  
“Oh,” Helena said again, this time the questioning tone gone, replaced by the flat tone of a simple statement.

“She came over this morning to pick up the alimony check and to work out our schedules together, so we’d know which one of us has Levi and when.”  
“You’re not obligated to explain anything to me,” Helena scoffed a little, trying to sound nonchalant about it... and failing at it. Hunnigan offered her a small, tired and rueful smile.

“I know I’m not. Still, I wanted you to know.”  
“Okay. Anyway... here’s the fi-”

“Helena...”  
“Yes?”

“I can tell you’re mad at me.”  
“Why would I be?” Helena scoffed again.

“Because she’s here and you think I invited her here, but I didn’t.”  
“Look, I’m just glad you’ve got someone looking after you,” Helena faked a smile.

“No, you’re not.”  
“Okay, I’m not!” Helena then hissed, “I want to look after you! I want to be the one you call when you need something, not Alexis, not Leon...”

“Did you mean what you said? When you came here the last time?” Hunnigan then asked and Helena lowered her gaze, feeling a blush of embarrassment burn her cheeks as she thought about it.  
“What did I say? I talk a lot at times,” she tried dismissing but Hunnigan wasn’t going to let her off the hook.

“Stop, just stop with the endless sarcasm and joking to deflect the question, and answer me. It’s bad enough I have Alexis toying with me like I’m some fucking piece of plastic you can just... I don’t need that shit from you too!” Hunnigan whispered hoarsely and agitatedly.

“Calm down... okay... all right...” Helena mumbled quietly and softly. She exhaled deeply as she took a long moment to gather her thoughts.

“It started back in March. I got into the elevator and you were already there, you were touching up your make up or something, I don’t know... point is you had your glasses off and you undid your hair, and my heart just leapt and I just stared at you and... it sounds so shallow when I say it like this, but... well, that’s when I started falling in love with you. So yeah, I... meant everything I said,” Helena confessed slowly.

“Since March?” Hunnigan asked.  
“Yeah, so it’s not just a stupid little crush,” Helena defended her feelings and Hunnigan shrugged one shoulder a little to say maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t.

“Why do you want to look after me?” she then continued questioning, realizing this was beginning to sound kind of like some strange job interview.

“Because I care about you... and I don’t trust anyone else to look after you as well as I would... or treat you as well as I would. Because I really do love you and I need you to be okay, and the only way I can know for sure that you are okay is by being here for you. You of all people should understand the desire to handle everything yourself,” Helena explained and Hunnigan chuckled silently.

“You love me?” she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper, but even then the amused tone was audible and Helena was beginning to feel offended. Obviously Hunnigan still wasn’t taking her seriously.

“I do, and apparently you don’t believe me and I don’t know how to convince you of it. However, I do know that I will not just sit here and have you laugh at my feelings, so if you’ll excuse me...” Helena muttered, feeling hurt, annoyed and embarrassed. If Hunnigan wanted to laugh it off, fine, but she should at least have the courtesy to do it behind Helena’s back rather than to her face.

_That’s what I am, that’s what my feelings are, just a big, fat joke. I bet she and Alexis have had a proper hardy-har at my stupid confession and... I’m an idiot. I’m such an idiot,_ Helena thought angrily. Logically thinking, she knew Hunnigan wasn’t the type who would make fun of anyone’s feelings or make jokes at their expense, but in her angry state of mind, Helena didn’t put anything past Hunnigan anymore.

“Don’t go,” Hunnigan said and reached to grip Helena’s wrist.  
“I should.”

“I don’t want you to, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about-”

“Sorry, I totally forgot good manners and didn’t even offer you coffee, would you like some?” Alexis interrupted as she emerged from the kitchen, like it was her duty to offer the guests beverages, like she was still the wife and not a mere guest herself.

“No, thank you, I was just leaving,” Helena assured the redhead.

“No, you were not,” Hunnigan said, forcing herself to speak out loud despite barely having any voice left. She sat up, her fingers still wrapped around Helena’s wrist. The younger woman noticed Hunnigan’s touch felt hot, the other woman had to be burning up.

“Al, I appreciate that you stayed over, but it was not necessary.”  
“Uh-huh,” Alexis quirked an eyebrow, obviously unimpressed. She’d been expecting a thank you at the very least.

“I didn’t ask you to stay,” Hunnigan pointed out upon noticing the defiant and offended manner with which Alexis’s jaw was jutting out. It was all very familiar to Hunnigan.

Alexis needed to be thanked and appreciated for everything she did, even when no one had asked favors from her. If her efforts went unnoticed, she turned into a martyr. Oh, the humanity and woe was her, after everything she did for others, and still not an ounce of gratitude. This was turning into just one of those moments.

“You didn’t tell me to leave either,” Alexis pointed out and Helena sighed at that. Well, that said something too.  
“I’m telling you now,” Hunnigan said.

“Uh-huh,” Alexis scoffed again and glanced over Helena, her look speaking louder than any words ever could’ve, obviously demanding an answer to the question _Is this what you’re trading me in for?_

“Look, I’m going to go home now, you two obviously have stuff you need to work out and I figure you don’t need me present for it, sooo,” Helena trailed off and yanked her arm free from Hunnigan’s (now noticeably weakened) grip.

“Helena...”

“See ya,” the young woman said and exited hastily, a part of her feeling like crap for essentially abandoning Hunnigan, but her pride insisting she’d forgiven too much already, that she should not have to put up with these petty games and the constant back and forth. She’d made her feelings clear, Hunnigan had practically laughed at her for that, and at this point even Helena had to give up stubbornly believing this could work somehow. Hunnigan’s inability to cut the cord for good and restrict interacting with Alexis only to the absolutely necessary moments spoke volumes alone.

 

***


	11. Chapter 11

When Helena refused to answer Hunnigan’s call for the umpteenth time, Hunnigan got up and began to get dressed, deciding she’d just go over for a visit then. She contemplated on driving, but when she had to reach out and hold onto the back of the couch to be able to stand up when a wave of dizzyness spun her head, she decided against it. Walking over and passing out in a ditch was a preferable option to driving herself in this condition and risk causing an accident.

For a while she even considered walking, it was only a couple of miles, maybe a little walk would do her good... but she gave up on that too when she realized that even getting dressed and pulling her shoes on was hurting her muscles and joints. She called a cab and went to wait outside. It had snowed a little earlier, now it was beginning to turn into rain, the water turning the snow into messy slush. She’d barely taken three steps and her shoes were already soaked.

“Lovely,” she mumbled sarcastically, dialing Helena’s number once again as she waited for her ride. Still no answer.

It wasn’t like Helena. Of course, Hunnigan understood that the other woman was obviously upset with her, but at the same time, Hunnigan could be calling about something work-related, Helena wouldn’t just ignore that. She was beginning to get worried, what if something had happened to the younger woman and she wasn’t answering because of that?

Once at Helena’s apartment building, Hunnigan paid the driver and got out of the car. She made her way to the building, the slush making wet noises under her feet as she moved.

“Oh, come on!” she groaned when she tried the front door and discovered it was locked. In hindsight, this should’ve occurred to her earlier.

_All right... now what?_ she sighed as she glanced up the building. A few windows had a light on, the others remained cold and dark. She wondered which one was Helena’s window.

_Fuck it,_ she thought then, cleared her throat and inhaled deeply.

“Helena, answer your phone or I will keep yelling at you! And just so you know, doing this literally hurts me physically and also this is embarrassing, so just... pick up!” she yelled, barely managing to finish her sentence before her body punished her with another coughing fit.

“Shut up!” someone yelled back.

“You shut up, or I will have you assassinated!” Hunnigan responded, somehow managing to sound a lot more threatening than she actually felt. Whoever had yelled at her, didn’t respond further... which was good, because Hunnigan no longer had any voice left. She called Helena once more and when she didn’t answer, Hunnigan turned on her heel and began making her way back toward home, preparing to call another cab as she went.

She hadn’t made it very far when she heard the door to the building open and rapid, wet footsteps approaching in the slush.

“Hunnigan, wait!” Helena called out. Hunnigan turned around and frowned at the sight of the younger woman as she ran toward Hunnigan barefoot, wearing nothing but a T-shirt and jeans. She slipped a little as she attempted to stop before she’d literally bump into Hunnigan and the older woman spread her arms to catch her before she did.

“How’s this for a dramatic scene?” Helena chuckled.

“You could’ve just answered your phone,” Hunnigan commented and slowly released her hold on Helena as the younger woman regained her balance.  
“I tried! But the screen’s fucked, when I swipe to answer, it doesn’t react, and I can’t call you or send a message because I can’t unlock it. I was gonna get a new one tomorrow.”

“Ah,” Hunnigan nodded.

“So... can we please go inside? My feet are kind of freezing,” Helena said then, anxiously shifting her weight from one leg to another.  
“Of course, sorry!” Hunnigan said and followed Helena into the building. The younger woman dug her keys from her pocket and held the door for Hunnigan.

“What was so urgent that you came to see me when I didn’t pick up?” Helena asked once they were inside her apartment. She headed into the bathroom and stood in the bathtub, turned the faucet on and let a cascade of warm water wash over her cold feet.

“I wanted to talk about everything you said before and about how upset you were just now,” Hunnigan answered and Helena sighed deeply.

“There’s nothing to talk about. I said too much and I was out of line, I should’ve kept my mouth shut. What you do and who you do it with is none of my business. I’m sorry,” she dismissed.

“Helena, I don’t want apologies, I want to talk about what-” Hunnigan began but was cut off by another vicious coughing fit. She covered her mouth with one hand and pressed the palm of the other against her chest even though she knew it wouldn’t suppress the pain that tore through her with every breath.

“I’m fine, I just...” Hunnigan held up a finger, cleared her throat and inhaled deeply, “I’m okay,” she continued hoarsely, nodding a little. Helena rolled her eyes at the response, but didn’t comment. She exited the bathroom, silently encouraging Hunnigan to head to the living room and take a seat.

Helena circled the bar counter that separated the living room from the kitchen and decided to make some tea. Frankly, she could’ve used something stronger if Hunnigan insisted on having that conversation with her, but she didn’t have anything stronger, not even coffee at the moment.

“Oh,” Hunnigan exclaimed softly and turned to look up toward the top of the bookshelf when she heard a noise that sounded like someone asking “Whatcha doing?” She realized she was being scrutinized by two birds. Both had gray bodies, but their heads had different colors. One had a yellow head and reddish spots on its cheeks, making the bird look like it was perpetually blushing. Its friend had a white face.

“Don’t worry about them, they’re harmless,” Helena assured, “Unless you’re like... allergic to birds? Is that even a thing?” she then added absently as the pondered about it. She’d never heard of anyone being allergic to birds... but then again, until a while ago, she hadn’t heard of zombies being real either, so what did she know.

“What are they called?” Hunnigan asked.  
“They’re cockatiels.”

“I meant what are their names?” Hunnigan elaborated with a chuckle.

“Oh!” Helena rolled her eyes at herself, “The yellow-faced is Nihlus and the white-faced is Garrus. Deborah named them, so don’t ask about their weird names, I don’t know why she picked them,” she then answered.

_And I guess now I never will either,_ she added mentally. The birds went on to chatter amongst themselves, various whistles and chirps filling the room.

“We were originally planning on getting just one bird, but they get depressed if they are alone for long periods of time, and since Deb spent most of her time at school and I was busy working, we decided to get two so they’d keep each other company,” Helena went on to explain, grateful for the birds’ being there providing her with something to talk about.

“You and Deborah lived together?”

“She lived in the dorms at the school, but whenever she wanted a break from all that, she stayed here. Made sense... besides, I was deployed around a lot while I was still at the CIA, so the apartment would’ve just been empty had she not stayed here,” Helena shrugged.

The kettle whistled and Helena poured the boiling water over the teabags in the mugs. She then had to cave in and move over to the living room, having exhaused her only excuse to postpone the inevitable awkward conversation. She sat down on the couch and put the mugs onto the coffee table, clearing her throat a little.

“...so...”  
“...you were upset because you believed I was laughing at you and at your feelings. I wanted to make sure you knew that I was not. I’m laughing at the ridiculousness of my life recently, and even that is the kind of a laugh you have when your only other option would be to just cry about it.”

“I just get the feeling you are not taking me seriously and... frankly, that hurts. You seem to think that my feelings for you are ‘cute’ and whatnot,  you’re treating me like I’m a six year old with a crush on you when that’s not how it is.”

“I’m sorry.”  
“Well, it’s hardly your fault that I’m not the kind of a person you’d take seriously, and I knew this would happen,” Helena shook her head and sighed, “I’m the one who was stupid enough to let this get so serious, it’s my fault.”

“I’ll admit, I had never thought about you in _that way_ until you brought it up.”  
“Yeah, and why would you have?” Helena scoffed, bitter and amused at the same time.

“Look, I get that I messed up with my initial reaction being what it was, but you can’t just tell me you love me and then run away, and still expect me to take it all seriously. Hell, what you’ve done repeatedly is the adult equivalent of saying hi and running away giggling,” Hunnigan explained and Helena swallowed hard when she realized it was true.

_Well, now I’m embarrassed,_ she sighed internally.

“What if I told you now and then just sat here, still?” she then suggested and Hunnigan chuckled a little. Helena turned to sit sideways so that she could directly face Hunnigan.  
“For what it’s worth, I really am in love with you. You might want to call it crush or shrug it off, but no matter how you wanna label it, that’s how I genuinely feel... so... do with it what you will,” she then said.

“What exactly am I supposed to ‘do’ with it?” Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.  
“I didn’t mean literally, I meant that... now you know and what happens next... if anything... is up to you. That’s all.”

“Good God, you couldn’t just ask me out for a coffee or something?” Hunnigan sighed in exasperation. That way she would’ve had at least some kind of a heads up instead of just getting this kind of a confession out of the blue.

“...oddly enough, doing that never even occurred to me,” Helena admitted slowly.

“Of course not, that would’ve been too simple,” Hunnigan muttered. She pushed her glasses to her forehead, crossed one arm over her abdomen and leaned the elbow of the other to her fist as she rested her head against her knuckles.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-” Helena began to apologize again but was cut off when Hunnigan suddenly moved. She turned her head to the side and covered her face with the collar of her shirt to cover her face as she sneezed, the action irritating her throat again and summoning another violent coughing fit.

“Oh, Christ,” Helena exclaimed then when she noticed the blood splatter staining the white of Hunnigan’s shirt. Frankly, it wasn’t surprising that her nose would bleed with all the sneezing and nose blowing, but what worried Helena was that she couldn’t know for sure it was all from a nosebleed; for all she knew Hunnigan was coughing up that blood.

“Okay, I don’t care what you say, I’m taking you to the hospital,” Helena then said and went to put her shoes on.  
“No, no hospitals,” Hunnigan managed from between coughs and attempted the stand up too, but her body refused to co-operate with the thought. Instead of rising to her feet, she collapsed back onto the couch and as she tried to sit up, she felt dizzy again. The harder she fought the feeling, the deeper the darkness vignetting her vision became.

Helena pulled her jacket on, grabbed her keys and went to Hunnigan. She felt the other woman’s forehead. It was burning up.

“Come on... let’s get you fixed up,” Helena whispered. Hunnigan tried to protest, but couldn’t get the words out nor did she have the strength to fight it when Helena reached to snake her arms underneath Hunnigan’s back and the backs of her knees. Helena noted that lifting Hunnigan and carrying her was all too easy; she weighed much too little.

 

***


	12. Chapter 12

The blood had all originated from Hunnigan’s nose, not just because of the flu, but because apparently (and unsurprisingly) she also had high blood pressure which had contributed to the problem.

Hunnigan would’ve wanted to go home, but after reviewing her chest X-ray, the doctor had insisted on taking more tests and that she stays at the hospital while waiting for the results. Hunnigan was convinced he was just looking for excuses to charge her a few thousand extra bucks for the tests, but since the only person who knew she was here, namely Helena, refused to help her escape, she was stuck here.

“I can go wait outside, if...” Helena began to say as the doctor entered the room.  
“No need, whatever he’s got to say, he can say in front of you,” Hunnigan shook her head and reached to hold onto Helena’s forearm gently, stopping her in her tracks.

“Right... Mrs. Hunnigan, you’ve...”  
“ _Ms._ Hunnigan,” she corrected.

“...Ms. Hunnigan, you’ve got pericarditis. Fortunately, there are no signs of a cardiac tamponade forming, so we won’t need to resort to any invasive procedures, but...”

“In English, please,” Hunnigan rolled her eyes at the young man.

“Right, uhm... The tissue surrounding your heart is inflamed, most likely due to an infection. As I said, there don’t seem to be any worse complications, so I’m gonna prescribe you some antibiotics for the infection and ibuprofen for the-”

“Wait, what the fuck!” Helena interjected, “You said there’s something bothering her heart and you’re just gonna send her home with a bottle of Advil, and that’s it?” she demanded, barely keeping herself from grabbing the front of the doctor’s jacket and shaking him.

“There is nothing more I can do or would need to do, fortunately your condition isn’t worse,” the doctor said, directing her words to Hunnigan but answering Helena’s question at the same time, “What you really need is rest, at least two weeks of it, preferably four.”

“I told you to rest and take it easy, then I told you to go to the doctor when you first got sick, but you wouldn’t listen,” Helena mumbled as she crossed her arms over her stomach, pouting.

“Helena, I may not look like it, but I’m a tough and rugged farmgirl from Minnesota, we don’t go to the doctor over little things, and we certainly don’t confine ourselves to bed just because we have a little flu,” Hunnigan exaggerated somewhat.

“Your heart is infected!”  
“Uh, not the heart, but the sack surro-” the doctor began to elaborate.

“Same difference!” Helena snapped over him.

“So, I can go home?” Hunnigan asked the doctor, ignoring Helena’s outburst.  
“I would prefer if you stayed overnight for observation, but... yes, you can,” he confirmed.

“Great,” Hunnigan said, tossed the blanket aside and stood up, obviously having decided on making an escape no matter what the doctor would recommend. Within minutes, she’d made her way outside and called a cab despite Helena’s offer to drive her home. She didn’t want to inconvenience the younger woman further. Turning up at her apartment building and shouting underneath her window like some lovestruck teen in a B-grade romantic comedy was bad enough.

“When did my life become so... messy?” Hunnigan muttered then.  
“When you got shot?” Helena suggested.

Well, that had certainly begun a chain reaction of sorts, but truthfully, her life had been a mess for a long time now. It was just that she hadn’t noticed it until recently when the mess had become overwhelming.

“So... would you have coffee with me? I mean, not today, but sometime soon, when you’re feeling better?” Helena inquired then, rocking back and forth as she stood on the balls of her feet, her hands tucked awkwardly into her pockets.

“I can’t right now, Helena. I really just... I’m sorry, but I can’t get into all this,” Hunnigan said quietly.

“Lemme know if you change your mind,” Helena shrugged a little, managing to sound nonchalant about it, masking the sting and hurt of rejection with a casual smile that lied about how it was all good, how she understood Hunnigan saying no, how she didn’t mind.

“Thanks for looking after me, even when I least deserved it,” Hunnigan then said.  
“...you’re welcome.”

Hunnigan felt like she should’ve said something more, but she couldn’t. The situation had gone somewhere way beyond awkward and uncomfortable long ago, there was nothing she could say or do, other than leave.

When Hunnigan sat into the backseat of the cab and the driver asked her where to go, she was tempted to tell him to take her to the airport or a train station, or maybe the nearest port; anywhere would be good as long as she could just escape her life. Running away had never felt quite as appealing as it did now... but her desire to collapse into her own bed in her own house and just be alone was stronger. Besides, it wasn’t like she could’ve actually ran away, she had too many responsibilities, she could barely take sick leave.

Running away remained a childish fantasy. Maybe one day, when she’d finally had enough... and when Levi was all grown up and possibly had forgotten what she even looks like anymore (if Helena’s prediction was to come true) and therefore wouldn’t miss her... maybe then she’d run away, even if only for a while.

Hunnigan paid the driver and entered the empty house. Usually the cool silence was enough to make her feel somewhat lonely and depressed even, but today she was glad there was no one else here. She didn’t want to see anyone, she didn’t want to talk to anyone. Not her friends, not her family, especially not Alexis or Helena. Levi was an exception, but he always was. She needed to be left alone and she swore if she’d get one more phone call or if someone came knocking on her door, she would literally scream.

* * *

_Hunnigan smiled when she felt the weight settle ontop of her, the gentle pressure most welcome and pleasant. She became alive underneath the warm hands that ran across her back, over her shoulder blades and tingling along her spine before they settled to grip her hips and firmly pulled on her, lifting her hips off the mattress and flipping her around._

_Without hesitation, Hunnigan wrapped her arms and legs around her lover’s body, surrendering to the demanding lips that interlocked with hers. The other woman broke the kiss and shifted, her hands now resting on Hunnigan’s knees, gently urging her to part her thighs and allow access. She gladly gave in._

_Hunnigan’s back arched and she inhaled deeply when her lover settled between her legs and slid her fingers into her smoothly, pressing her hips against the back of her hand for added pressure. When Hunnigan turned her head to the side, her lips were captured into another kiss and another hand settled onto her abdomen, gliding down past her navel and stopping to circle her clit with gentle pressure._

_She recognized the scars on the forearm, it was Alexis; her hand working between Hunnigan and the other woman’s bodies. Hunnigan glanced up at the woman leaning over her, her thrusts in perfect sync with Alexis’s strokes, both of them working every single sensitive spot Hunnigan had, as if they’d done this several times before when she knew they hadn’t._

_Helena smiled at her before dipping her head lower, biting and sucking on the side of Hunnigan’s neck as Alexis kissed her again, this time harder and in a more demanding manner. They both added a little more pressure and a little more speed, almost as if having read Hunnigan’s mind, knowing perfectly what she needed, just a little..._

* * *

“Ow, damn it,” Hunnigan grunted when she woke up to the cramp-like feeling taking over when the state of arousal went on too long without release and slipped from pleasure to pain.

“Mildly disturbing,” she mumbled then to herself when she thought back on the unnecessarily vivid dream. She had to admit, it had been kind of... well, hot. In the same way dirty talk could be; afterward when the heat had cooled off and the situation passed, the same things were awkward when said aloud, but in that one moment and in that certain state of mind, it didn’t matter how cringe-worthy the phrases actually were, they were a turn on.

Hunnigan turned to lie on her back, closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She rested her hands on her sides, slowly sliding them downward, trying to ignore the ribs and hip bones she could feel poking at her palms in disturbing detail. She did admit that doing everything herself wasn’t quite as exciting as it would’ve been with another person; there were no surprises now. Then again, doing everything herself made things much less complicated.

 _Story of my life,_ she mused as she realized that philosophy applied to practically everything she did, not just to her sex-life. She pushed the thoughts aside and concentrated on the dream she’d had, deciding that the awkward cringey-feeling she’d undoubtedly feel almost immediately after finishing would be worth it.

* * *

Hunnigan dried off and got dressed into her “lazy&comfortable”-outfit, namely the loose white T-shirt and gray sweatpants that had been too big for her even before she’d lost some weight recently. She’d forgotten how much she actually enjoyed a long, hot bath; she hadn’t had the time for one in ages. Maybe this relaxing for a bit-thing wasn’t so bad after all, she noticed she hadn’t coughed or felt quite as sick today either.

 _Or then it’s because of the meds, but I’m sure resting isn’t hurting either,_ she thought to herself as she went through the cabinets in the kitchen, looking for a snack. Her nose had been better too and she was finally beginning to taste things again. Eating hadn’t made much sense in the past couple of weeks. Not that she’d had much of an appetite anyway.

“Oh, nice,” she said to herself when she spotted the box of chocolate chip cookies. Definitely something Levi had insisted she buys, she didn’t usually care too much for sweets, but today was an exceptional one in a few other ways too. She brewed herself tea, poured a generous amount of milk into it and finally made her way into the living room with the hot beverage and the box of cookies.

She then wrapped the large, cozy blanket around herself as she sat cross-legged in the middle of the couch and reached for the remote. She took a long while to browse through the online catalogue, trying to decide on what to binge-watch, finally settling for old horror movies. Not the really scary-kind, she didn’t care for those, but the kind that were so bad and clumsy they were actually good. Finally settling on a good bad movie, she reached for the cookies and tea, slowly becoming aware of actually being really hungry as she ate.

She spent the day doing things she normally never had the time for, but when it was getting late, she realized she was kind of bored and lonely. She’d wanted to be left alone, but now she was beginning to feel restless because it was too quiet. The silence made her feel like she was missing something, like something was coming and she just couldn’t tell what. She wasn’t particularly enjoying the solitude either. Daytime was fine, but when it got dark, she resented it.

She wasn’t afraid of being alone in the dark, but the way everything quieted down and how the darkness amplified the feeling of loneliness made her feel uneasy. She’d turn on the lights, but they weren’t enough to repel the uncomfortable feeling, on the contrary; instead of seeing anything or anyone outside the windows, all she could see was her own reflection on the glass as she stood there, by herself.

This would’ve been the perfect time to call a friend, but she’d traded friendships for privacy and her career a long time ago. The few friends and acquaintances she’d made over the past few years had really been Alexis’s friends; they hadn’t made an effort to stay in touch with Hunnigan after the divorce. Not that she’d made one either. Other than Shepard and Leon, she didn’t really have anyone, she realized. And those two weren’t the type she would’ve felt comfortable opening up to. Or course, there was Helena, but it was... complicated for obvious reasons.

“Jesus,” she exhaled deeply after being startled by her phone vibrating on the table. She took a few breaths to calm her heart down and read the message she’d gotten.

 _The first person you think of after reading this is the most important person in your life,_ the text message from her twin brother said.

 _Frankenhooker? Well, who knew,_ she replied when she recalled the main character from the movie she’d watched earlier. It wasn’t the first person she’d thought of... but Frank didn’t need to know that... or that his message had actually been a quite welcome interruption to her solitude.

Sometimes she did wonder if any of the stories about twins knowing each other’s moods even at a distance were actually somewhat true. She found it hard to believe, especially since she didn’t think she’d ever randomly gotten a compelling feeling that she needed to contact Frank. Then again, he was the sensitive type while she wasn’t, maybe it was a one-way street because of that, or she was just was too preoccupied to pay attention to gut feelings. Hunnigan did appreciate his tendency to randomly message her, he always did have an impeccable timing, supernatural bond or not.

“Helena,” she then mumbled. Saying the name out loud somehow made it concrete. Saying her name out loud conjured up a mental image of her, and it was more than the fleeting thought it had been when she’d first thought of her after reading the text.

She’d been so upset, and Hunnigan couldn’t blame her. Yes, she’d told Hunnigan to let her know if she’d change her mind, but realistically... after everything that had been said and done recently, Hunnigan didn’t believe she honestly would be quite able to act on it. She wanted to call Helena... to say hi, to say sorry, to say she’d love to have that coffee if Helena still felt like it... but she couldn’t. Not after all this back and forth. It wouldn’t be fair.

“I am... alone. Wasn’t this what I wanted?” Hunnigan asked out loud from the empty living room that ironically didn’t feel very alive at the moment.

“...no, it was not,” she sighed then, listening to the soft hum of her blood rushing through her veins for there was no other sound left in the lonely room.

***


	13. Chapter 13

“You kiss different.”

Hunnigan opened her eyes when she heard the whisper and felt like she was being watched. She tilted her head back and offered an awkward smile. Alexis smiled back, but only now Hunnigan became aware of the true nature of that particular smile. It wasn’t even a smile really; it was a smug, narcissistic grin that said “I still affect you and your life, you still want me here”. It was pure gloating. Right now, coming from Alexis, “love” rhymed with “fuck you”. Hunnigan had to face away from her and shifted her position on the bed.

Alexis on the other hand turned to lie on her side, her arm around Hunnigan’s waist as she spooned the other woman and nuzzled into the back of her neck.

“Don’t,” Hunnigan muttered, gripping the scarred forearm and untangling herself from the gentle hold before sitting up. A marathon of walk of shames would’ve felt more comfortable than waking up with Alexis in her bed.

_But then again, why the fuck should I even be feeling bad about this?_ Hunnigan mused. Sure, it was awkward now when the moment had passed and daylight revealed the more or less ugly truth about the fact that she’d resorted to calling upon Alexis when she’d gotten too lonely, but it wasn’t like she had to answer for her actions to anyone other than herself. Feeling oddly guilty about it lacked all logic.

“Why?”  
“Because I said so,” Hunnigan snapped over her shoulder.

“So, it’s okay for you to approach me, but when I try to get close to you again, it’s unacceptable?” Alexis humphed.  
“This is nothing compared to the way you’ve jerked me around, screwing with my head all the time,” Hunnigan said.

“And I suppose you still think that you were just perfect and a paragon of mental health before I ‘screwed’ with your head?” Alexis scoffed sarcastically, tossed the blanket aside furiously before getting out of bed and beginning to agitatedly shove her legs into her jeans as she dressed.

“Why the hell did you even ask me to come over if you don’t want me the morning after?” Alexis questioned.  
“Clearly, I made a mistake. I know it’s hard to believe, because I don’t usually make mistakes,” Hunnigan answered.

“Why can’t you admit you called me because you _needed_ me here?”

“Alexis, don’t bother, I know where this is going and you won’t want to hear what I have to say about it. _You_ left _me_ , and when I finally put my life back together, you want to make a comeback. It doesn’t work that way. I’m happier without you.”

“You weren’t last night.”

“I was lonely, not unhappy. And as I said, I made a mistake which I am greatly regretting as we speak. But that was all it was; loneliness followed by a mistake. Not longing, and definitely not love. Sorry if that hurts your feelings, but that’s how it is,” Hunnigan said and got out of the bed as well.

“Well, in the future, take your fucking meds and leave me out of your little games,” Alexis hissed and Hunnigan rolled her eyes.  
“Show yourself out, would you?” she then said and headed into the bathroom without listening to Alexis’s arguments or tantrums. She managed to sound nonchalant and unaffected by this, and she managed it rather convincingly too. On the inside, however, she was still feeling downright ashamed.

_What the hell were you thinking?_ she silently asked from her reflection in the mirror. She didn’t know, odds were she hadn’t been thinking at all. Being stupid and making bad decisions always came at a high price. Now she was stuck with the sense of guilt and feeling like she needed to confess what she’d done, but she couldn’t say why let alone to whom she should...

_Helena. Obviously. Why? It’s none of her business,_ she frowned at herself.

She knew why; because right now she felt like she’d become the selfish narcissist, constantly see-sawing between hot and cold, telling Helena no, yes, maybe. Giving vague hope and then taking it away by going back to Alexis. Helena didn’t deserve that from Hunnigan even if Alexis kind of did.

_How do I fix this?_ she wondered, appreciating the ridiculousness of feeling like she’d just cheated on her girlfriend when she didn’t even have a girlfriend.

* * *

 

 

October 20th 2013\. Helena walked behind the person she was tailing and got into the bus, making her way over to the back before muttering into the radio to inform Scatterbrain-Jane where they were headed. Helena wouldn’t be able to follow immediately when the person of interest would get off the bus, that would be suspicious. She was to let him walk away, inform control (namely, Scatterbrain-Jane) and she’d relay the message to the other agents nearby who would take over for a short while. So far everything was going well, the man didn’t seem to have noticed he was being followed, he hadn’t made any movements which would’ve suggested he was going around in circles, trying to figure out if he’d “randomly” run into the same faces all the time.

Helena admitted she enjoyed “stalking” over direct action. It was oddly exciting and sometimes it was downright fun to watch people when they didn’t know they were being watched. Doing this kind of legwork which most people considered boring was the one thing she missed about working for the CIA. She didn’t miss the looks she got at social gatherings when people asked what she did for a living and she answered. She was relatively certain that the only thing worse than admitting to working for the CIA was telling people you worked for the IRS.

She also didn’t miss the amount of nonsense she had to correct people on when they figured out which agency she worked for and then gave her the good old “If you tell me, you’ll have to kill me, right?”-type of jokes. Most stupid jokes were funny at least the first time; the same could not be said about that one.

Helena supposed she couldn’t blame people for barely having an idea of what the CIA actually did considering they had to keep the details of most things hush hush... but even then, common sense should’ve said to practically anyone that if one works for an intelligence agency, their job is the quiet networking-kind of a job, not the car chases and explosions-kind of a job that action movies liked to depict it as. Frankly, if you were a CIA officer and got constantly involved in firefights, you were terrible at your job.

Helena got off the bus, put on a beanie and removed her scarf to change her appearance a little before circling the block to go around to follow the person of interest again until he’d leave her zone and move onto the next agent’s. Scatterbrain-Jane was turning out to be pretty good at being the coordinator, but she was no Hunnigan. Still, at least she wasn’t as bad as Warren.

Thankfully, the one mission Helena had tried out with him had been a simulation and not a real thing. Apparently he didn’t appreciate that he (and a couple of others who’d scored poorly when the field agents had judged their performance) had been forced to prove his skills by doing a simulated mission while some got to try their hand at an actual one. He’d been very vocal about it, but at least him storming off in a dramatic huff, announcing that he quits had saved Hunnigan the trouble of having to fire him.

_I wonder if she’s feeling any better,_ Helena mused as she paused by a shelf of canned goods, grabbed a can and pretended to read the label as her target made contact with a woman pushing a shopping cart. It was a subtle exchange to an untrained eye; he “accidentally” bumped into the woman a little, made his apologies and grabbed her cart as she grabbed his, and thus the black market goods smuggled in with a pile of plain groceries exchanged owners and no one was to know better.

Helena relayed the intel regarding it, expecting the coordinator to order her to at least keep an eye on her original target if not drag him with her, but instead, Jane told her to stand down.

“What? Why? This is bullshit,” Helena mumbled.  
“Stand down, agent Harper,” Jane ordered again, deciding she owed Helena no explanations.

“Hunnigan would’ve-”  
“I’m not Hunnigan. Stand down, agent Harper,” Jane repeated and Helena almost growled out loud at that.

“Fine, but if we lose this guy, I’ll happily say it’s your fuck up.”  
“Noted. You are dismissed,” Jane said flatly.

Helena walked around the store with the basket hanging on her arm, deciding she might as well actually do some shopping since she was here and shouldn’t just exit the store right behind the man she’d followed earlier.

_I miss Hunnigan,_ she sighed and she meant it personally and professionally... but mostly professionally right at the moment. Now she just felt like all of her work had gone to waste, she had nothing concrete to show for it, no suspect to question. Maybe the woman who’d gotten the delivery would prove to be useful in some way at least, maybe lead them onto the trail of another link in the chain if not the bioterrorist cell itself.

Helena paid for her groceries and exited the store, got into the subway and made her way across the city and toward home. The more she thought about it all, the more agitated she became. She felt like punching or kicking something, preferably Jane, but since that wasn’t an option, a wall or a trash can would do. Of course, she had no desire to have an outburst in public nor did she want to risk breaking a knuckle by taking her wrath out on a concrete side of a random building, so she bottled it up until she got home and delivered a series of livid punches into her mattress to get rid of the furious energy burning in her veins and muscles.

“Whatcha doin’?” Garrus inquired as he tilted his head from side to side watching her. Nihlus was busy bathing in the cage and ignored the human. Garrus didn’t like bathing as much, he actually preferred to shower with his human. Helena wasn’t sure if it was something Deborah had taught him or if it was something he’d began doing himself.

Garrus was the human-friendlier one, he loved having someone pet and softly scratch his head while Nihlus seemed more introverted. Garrus was also the one who never missed a chance to dance (or, technically, just move his head to the rhythm of a song) if he noticed his human bobbing her head to a song. But there was one thing Nihlus did that Garrus had never mastered, and that was singing something that easily could’ve passed as a genuine dubstep track if someone had added a bit of drums and bass over the bird’s stuttering song. Helena knew for certain Deborah had taught him to do that.

“I love you,” Garrus said before going on to whistle a small bit of the song _Wind of change._

Helena chuckled at the bird and extended her arm a little bit. He accepted the invitation and settled onto her knuckle, dipping his head a little and she nuzzled him softly. His antics were enough to distract her for a while, but deep down, she still needed to rant. She considered calling Leon and telling him he was a jerk for having suggested Jane for Hunnigan’s job... but realistically, that would’ve been stupid. No matter how much she disagreed, she couldn’t deny that Jane had been at the top of the list on everyone’s list, not just Leon’s.

Helena decided it didn’t matter if she was being thoughtless or breaking some unspoken rules regarding office gossip and protocol; she called Hunnigan. Not to tattle on Jane or to make an official complaint to a superior officer, but to vent to a friend. At least she hoped she and Hunnigan were still friends even after the awkward exchanges during the past couple of days.

“Helena, you are on speaker and Levi can hear you, so mind your words,” was the first thing Hunnigan said after answering the call.

_Well, fuck._

“Hi, Levi!” she greeted the boy who didn’t answer, but could be heard chuckling a little.  
“Everything all right over there?” Helena then inquired.

“Yes, I’m just trying to untangle a lump of gum from Levi’s hair so I need both hands... hence the speaker. What’s up?” Hunnigan asked before blowing out a loud breath as she became increasingly aware of how futile her efforts were. She’d have to cut the gum out.

“Oh, I just needed to vent to someone, but I don’t think that’s appropriate now considering the audience,” Helena avoided and Hunnigan chuckled softly.

Nihlus exited the cage and came to sit on the coffee table, stared at Helena and told her proudly, “I’m a pretty boy!”

“Quiet, you,” Helena laughed a little at the bird.  
“What was that?” Levi’s voice inquired over the phone.

“That was my bird, Nihlus,” Helena told him.  
“I wanna see the bird!” Levi said excitedly and began repeating it then.

“Hey, hold still, sir! I’m wielding a pair of scissors here and if you keep jumping like that, I’ll end up accidentally putting your eye out, then you definitely won’t see any birds,” Hunnigan muttered.  
“Helena, can I, please, see the bird?” Levi then requested, stretching the words into a childish whine.

“Well, you’re gonna have to ask...” Helena began and paused for a moment then. She’d almost called Hunnigan by her last name, but realized Levi wouldn’t call her that. Now that Helena thought about it, she didn’t think she’d ever called Hunnigan by her first name nor had she heard anyone else (other than Levi) do that either.

“Uhm, you’re gonna have to ask... Idgie,” she said then, the name rolling off of her tongue awkwardly as she struggled to force herself to call Hunnigan by another name, “and if she says it’s okay, then you can come over any time you want,” she promised.

* * *

 

Helena had never in her life managed to screw up mashed potatoes, but of course the one day she’d offered to make dinner for Hunnigan and her son, that had to happen. She couldn’t even say how exactly she’d done it, what was there to screw up? It was basically just potatoes, butter, salt and milk.

_It’s the damn créme fraîche, I should’ve stuck with the pepperered kind instead of trying lemon and dill, now it’s like... needs more lemon and a pinch of pepper, but I don’t have any lemon, and I don’t have the time to-_

Her thought was cut off by a rattle at the door as Levi reached to repeatedly ring the doorbell.

“Well, fuck,” Helena sighed. She answered the door and the moment he’d stepped inside, Levi downright demanded to see the birds. Hunnigan sighed a little before apologizing for the fact that her son had apparently lost all of his manners. Helena chuckled softly and assured them it was okay before proceeding to guide Levi into the living room and to the birdcage.

Garrus came to greet the tiny human while Nihlus merely glanced over, refusing to move from his comfortable spot. Helena introduced the birds and went on to answer all of the questions Levi had about them until Hunnigan came to her rescue and gently told the boy that question time was over.

Helena apologized for the mashed potatoes not being quite up to her personal standards of perfection and Hunnigan assured her she had nothing to worry about. Judging from how Levi dug into the food, she was right. Of course, the odds were the boy was devouring his dinner so quickly because he wanted it to be over and done with so that he could go back to the birds. The way he kept turning to look at them every time he paused shoveling food into his mouth said as much.

“It was great-thank you-can I go back to the birds?” he babbled after clearing his plate in record time. Helena chuckled softly and left the table too. She went to open the cage and invited the birds out. As was to be expected, Garrus accepted the invitation while Nihlus settled for watching from the sidelines.

“Don’t worry, he doesn’t bite or anything. You can hold him if you want,” Helena said and Levi held out if hand to offer a spot for the bird to sit on.

“Thank you. For dinner and for having us over,” Hunnigan said when Helena returned to the table as Levi busied himself with the bird.  
“You’re welcome.”

“So... there was something you wanted to talk about?” Hunnigan then asked and Helena frowned deeply.  
“Work-related?” Hunnigan elaborated.

“Oh! Yeah, I was just... It’s about Jane. She’s not you and that irks me.”

“Obviously,” Hunnigan chuckled and raised the glass of wine to her lips to take a sip.  
“Well, yeah, but it just... Okay, so...” Helena began and went on to explain everything that had happened.

“Did Jane say why she told you to stand down?” Hunnigan frowned.  
“No, on the contrary, I got the impression she felt she didn’t owe me an explanation.”

“Doesn’t sound like her.”  
“Maybe the promotion went to her head,” Helena shrugged.

“I suppose anything’s possible, but for what it’s worth, I agree with you that she should’ve let you continue, or at least explain. I’ll ask her about it the next time I’m at the office.”  
“Oh, no, that wasn’t... I didn’t mean to tell on her, or shi-” Helena paused to correct herself, “...stuff like that, I’m just annoyed and needed to vent to someone who understands.”

“I get it, but like you, I would also want to know why she gave such an order, so I’m glad you brought this up,” Hunnigan said.  
“Okay,” Helena nodded and cleared her throat awkwardly then as she ran out of things to say now that the rant was over and Levi was too busy with Garrus to be here to cause a welcome distraction.

“Helena, I need to talk to you about something.”  
“Yeah?”

“Not right now, but... I’m taking Levi back to his mother tomorrow, maybe we could... see each other after that?” Hunnigan suggested slowly.  
“Yeah, uh, I should be free. What’s it about? Something serious? Please, don’t tell me you’re quitting.”

“No,” Hunnigan chuckled and shook her head, “It’s nothing work-related.”  
“Oh... So... are you saying you’d... want to have that coffee with me?” Helena then inquired gingerly.

“Well, maybe something like that, but... I need to talk to you first.”  
“Now I’m getting worried,” Helena frowned a little.

“Don’t be. It’s just some things that I need to talk to you about before we... have that coffee, or anything else.”  
“Okay. Just let me know where to be and when, and I’ll be there,” Helena smiled, trying to keep her heart from leaping of joy as she considered that this could be the beginning of something she’d been wanting for a good while now and had previously thought was impossible to get.

 

***


	14. Chapter 14

Helena spent the entire day balancing between excited and anxious. She would’ve wanted to give herself the permission to be cautiously optimistic, but she’d learned from the past. The last time she’d done so, she’d ended up embarrassing herself and...

...and she wouldn’t be here, waiting for Hunnigan to arrive at what could possibly evolve into a date or something more later, so perhaps being cautiously optimistic could pay off after all.

After a brief discussion about it earlier, Helena and Hunnigan had arranged to meet at the bar of a nearby restaurant. If they’d feel like it later, they could continue to have dinner there after, provided the restaurant had tables available... which they probably did.

Helena tapped her fingers against the side of the glass as she waited. Hunnigan was about twenty minutes late. That did not really surprise Helena, she’d been expecting something like this after already knowing Hunnigan’s tendency to get lost in her work... and of course, now she was dropping Levi off to Alexis’s, who knew what the ex-wife had decided to dump on Hunnigan today, that also could’ve explained the tardiness.

“Hi, I’m sorry,” Hunnigan breathed as she arrived at last and took a seat next to Helena, “I lost track of time, I was looking into what Jane has been up to and tried to figure out why she ordered you to back off and if there was anything that would’ve hinted she had some bigger picture to consider, so far I couldn’t really...” she continued to explain, but quieted down when she noticed the amused and knowing smile on Helena’s face.

“...sorry, enough about work,” she apologized.  
“It’s all right, the important thing is you’re here now,” Helena chuckled gently. Hunnigan ordered herself a rum and coke and waited for the bartender to take a few steps back before turning her attention to Helena.

“I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m nervous as hell because I have no damn clue what you wanted to talk about exactly,” Helena confessed then.  
“Well, if it’s any consolation, I’m kind of nervous too.”

“...now that makes me even more nervous,” Helena quirked an eyebrow and Hunnigan chuckled a little.  
“I don’t know how to begin or where to begin, so I’ll just start from... here,” Hunnigan began slowly, and Helena nodded a little, sipped her drink and waited quietly.

“Before we have that ‘coffee’, I need to know some things, and I also need you to know some things.”  
“What kind of things?” Helena frowned.

“Like... I need you to know that I come with a lot of baggage, and I need to know how you’d deal with everything if we were to start going out.”

“I already know you work ridiculously much and I’ve met the overly attached ex-wife and your son, so you don’t gotta worry about any of that making me think twice, because it does not,” Helena stated and Hunnigan smiled gently.

“Be that as it may, there’s more things to consider. First of all, I, uhm... I did something stupid that I think you should know about... for the sake of being open and honest about everything before even considering starting anything...” Hunnigan trailed off.

“ _You_ did something stupid? I didn’t think it was possible for you to do that. It’s like... against some kind of a nature’s law,” Helena jested and Hunnigan chuckled ruefully.  
“It is, which makes the fact that it happened a lot worse.”

“Oh, come on, it can’t be that bad.”  
“I slept with Alexis,” Hunnigan said bluntly and Helena inhaled her drink.

“Well, you were together for a long time, I had assumed that you slept with her at some point,” Helena tried dismissing the statement with humor after recovering from her coughing fit.  
“It was a couple of days ago,” Hunnigan elaborated needlessly.

“You really are not obligated to explain anything to me,” Helena said and while they both knew that was true, Hunnigan still felt guilty and Helena still felt jealous. Especially when she considered that “a couple of days ago” had been when _she_ had offered to keep Hunnigan company, and Hunnigan had said no... and then she’d evidently gone and called Alexis.

 _For fuck’s sake..._ Helena growled internally, her teeth clenching when she began to feel more angry than hurt. Why Alexis and not her?

“I kind of feel like we’re going backwards about this whole thing,” Hunnigan shook her head and took a sip of her drink. Helena sighed deeply and hung her head a little before nodding.  
“I know... and it’s my fault for pouring everything on you out of the blue, I should’ve been more considerate and subtle about it. Now it’s all just... weird, huh?” Helena offered and Hunnigan agreed.

“Can we start over?” she asked then despite there not really being anything to start over exactly.  
“How would we do that?” Helena quirked an eyebrow and Hunnigan smiled, extending her arm a little to offer a handshake.

“Hi, my name’s Ingrid, and I would love to have a drink with you,” she said.

 

* * *

 

Helena tried to contain her enthusiasm and tried to keep cool about it, she didn’t want to risk Hunnigan feeling pressured and stepping back because of that. Certainly, the last thing Hunnigan needed was someone constantly inquiring “do you love me yet?” or something of that kind, and Helena sure as hell didn’t want to be the kind of a person who would pressure someone into a relationship either. Once they’d decided to call it a night and go their separate ways, Helena cleared her throat a little.

“So... any chance you’d wanna do this again sometime?” she asked.  
“I would like that. I’m free next weekend if you have the time?” Hunnigan suggested. Helena was disappointed that she’d have to wait almost an entire week, but once again, being obviously too eager was not an option either.

“Sounds great. Will you call me?”  
“I will.”

“Okay then. I’ll... see you when I’ll see you,” Helena chuckled awkwardly, having no idea if she’d see Hunnigan at the office prior to that or not. Preferably not, because she was still on sick-leave, but that had never stopped her before.

“Right. I should go.”  
“Yeah, me too,” Helena nodded. They stood in awkward silence for a while as they tried to figure out how exactly to say good-bye for the evening. Would a goodnight’s kiss be too premature? Probably. A hug? That would be weird too. While they were busy contemplating, the moment passed.

“Good night,” Hunnigan finally said, simply nodding a little before hailing a cab and disappearing into the backseat.  
“Night...” Helena responded and watched her go, wishing she’d had the guts to at least lean in a little to see if Hunnigan would even allow something like a kiss, even a tiny peck on the cheek. Well, weren’t first dates (if this had been a date, she wasn’t sure, she supposed it was) supposed to end somewhat awkwardly anyway?

 _But why is it so weird when we’re like this? We function so well together professionally, why do I act like an idiot when it’s casual?_ Helena frowned to herself as she zipped up her jacket, tucked her hands into her pockets and began to walk home.

She didn’t even know what exactly was so difficult about this all. She’d already laid all her cards out, Hunnigan knew what the deal was. She supposed she was anxious to find a time and place to show Hunnigan that she wasn’t just wasting her time with Helena, somehow prove herself worthy, because if she couldn’t, she’d lose Hunnigan and have her heart broken in the process, and she’d have no one to blame but herself.

Then there was Alexis the Hero, who’d undoubtedly gotten her scars while dragging kittens and babies out of a building on fire (it had actually been an elderly man, but Helena didn’t know that), and while Helena knew that she herself could pull off some pretty impressive stunts... she lacked the hero-factor. She could be a hero, but only to someone she cared about, only if the situation affected her personally in some way.

Back in Tall Oaks, she would’ve left the other survivors to fend for themselves had Leon not forced her to stop and help, and if she’d have to do it all again, she’d choose hurrying to Deborah over trying to save the other survivors any day. She wouldn’t walk away or turn a blind eye in any situation unless she had something more important on the line herself. She admitted it was selfish, but she didn’t care; that was where she had to draw the line with helping others.

She had priorities, people like Alexis and Leon did not; they wanted to save everyone. They didn’t hesitate to risk their lives for the sake of others, never stopped to weigh whether or not they should even bother. They were heroes. Helena was... a flawed hero, and Hunnigan was the kind of woman who deserved to be swept off of her feet by an actual hero.

Sighing, Helena realized she felt so insecure because she didn’t think she could live up to that title or to what Hunnigan had gotten used to when she’d been with Alexis.

 _But consider this; she and Alexis didn’t last. They had problems, so even heroes can leave a lot to be desired,_ an optimistic little voice inside her reminded.

 _Yeah, but it was Alexis who left, if she hadn’t, maybe Hunnigan would still be with her, because let’s face it, she took a lot of crap from her and why would anyone do that if they didn’t genuinely love the other person no matter how horrible they are? Not to mention she still called Alexis and fucking... fucked her just recently!_ the more realistic voice said agitatedly.

 _But if Hunnigan was still hung up on Alexis, why would she have gone out with me?_ Helena argued with herself internally.

_Because she’s fucked up and doesn’t know what she wants because everyone’s throwing something new at her all the time, it’s enough to confuse the best of us._

“I should’ve kept my fucking distance until she’d had the time to adjust to everything,” Helena mumbled to herself. And just like that, she’d gone from feeling kind of excited and somewhat pleasantly nervous to feeling like a damn fool.

***


	15. Chapter 15

Hunnigan admitted that this should’ve occurred to her before, but honestly, she’d never even realized to stop and think about it. A jealous ex’s best tool for spying on the other after a break up was what? A talkative child.

Obviously, Levi had excitedly told Alexis about Helena and her birds, thinking nothing of it, never pausing to wonder why his mother was questioning him about it, because he had no reason to think it was odd. Telling him to keep it a secret would’ve been odd too, and not even fair to the boy, and while Hunnigan didn’t appreciate having to listen to Alexis rant about “Hunnigan’s audacity” when she’d introduced her son to “her new girlfriend without even consulting with Alexis first”, it was not Levi’s fault.

Alexis was livid, she’d actually taken the time to come over to Hunnigan’s office to be able to give her a piece of her mind in person. Had Hunnigan been the kind of a person who enjoyed it when her actions caused other people to get riled up, she would’ve loved this. Currently, this was embarrassing, not at all enjoyable, for she was certain her office was anything but soundproof.

“All right, firstly... you seem to have forgotten that I don’t have to explain myself to you. Secondly, Helena’s not my girlfriend.”  
“Oh, please. She looks at you like a drunk looks at a bottle of vodka.”

“And that makes her my girlfriend?” Hunnigan scoffed.  
“Well, that, and the fact that you’ve obviously been spending time playing house with her and my son.”

“ _Our_ son!” Hunnigan corrected, “And what’s it to you? Does the possibility of me moving on with my life really annoy you _this_ much?” she then asked, her voice rising to an outraged yell.

“What annoys me, Ingrid, is that you tell me to fuck off and then you ask me to come over because you’re lonely, _then_ you fuck me, and kick me out again!” Alexis hissed.  
“I told you...” Hunnigan muttered through clenched teeth, “I made a mistake.”

She did genuinely consider it a mistake, but the humiliating little thing which added insult to injury was the fact that the sex had actually been great. It was quite painful to realize just how well-attuned she and Alexis still were in some ways.

“No, I made a mistake when I fell for your bullshit.”  
“Do you fucking hear yourself! You have some fucking nerve to stand there accusing me of doing the same shit you did to me for years!” Hunnigan lost her temper, “And the difference is that I didn’t do it just to hurt you!”

“Neither did I! For Christ’s sakes, what the hell kind of a person do you take me for!” Alexis scoffed, unable to keep herself from grabbing Hunnigan’s shoulders. For a while Hunnigan was expecting to be shaken, but Alexis didn’t do that. Yet anyway.

“Do you seriously not remember? Because I understand that you might not, but honestly!” Alexis frowned.  
“I remember being left alone and then jerked around for shits and giggles.”

“And I remember you shutting me out of your life completely, literally telling me to leave you alone and that if I was so desperate for company, I should go be with someone else, and when I finally got sick of being pushed away and did what you told me, it’s suddenly all my fault!” Alexis reminded and Hunnigan bit her tongue.

Of course she hadn’t meant it when she’d said it, that much should’ve been clear... but that didn’t mean she should’ve ever said it in the first place.

“Go away, Al,” Hunnigan mumbled and shrugged herself free from Alexis’s grip, turning to face away from the other woman.

“Yeah, because why discuss the issues and possibly have to admit you weren’t exactly flawless either when you can just tell me to fuck off. Sure, why accept responsibility when you can just blame me for everything. You’re a coward, Ingrid.”

“Please, leave.”

Alexis had already opened her mouth so speak again, but she was interrupted by an alarm that went off and the loud noise of thick, metallic shutters and security doors closing all over the building filled the room.

“What the fuck?” Alexis frowned.

Hunnigan was just moving past her to circle her desk to check her computer when the door to her office was pushed open and something was thrown in. The sphere-shaped item clattered softly on the carpeting before opening up. When Alexis saw the cracks on the surface, she instinctively wrapped her arms around Hunnigan and turned her to face away from the sphere, shielding her with her own body as the needle bomb exploded, spewing a hail of needles over the room and across Alexis’s back.

“What the hell was that?” Alexis muttered then as she slowly loosened her grip on Hunnigan. She’d been expecting nails or some other kind of shrapnel, but little needles? They didn’t even really hurt, it seemed pointless to manufacture such an ineffective bomb. Of course, Alexis didn’t know what Hunnigan did, and had no idea that the little needles were undoubtedly going to result in a fate far worse than getting injured by shrapnel.

“Were you hit?” Hunnigan gasped.  
“Yeah, a couple of times, barely even drew blood,” Alexis muttered as she reached to pull out needles stuck on her lower back, shoulder blade and arm.

“...what?” she frowned when she realized how horrified Hunnigan looked.  
“Have you taken your flu shot?” Hunnigan then asked, already having a good idea of what the answer would be based on all the years they’d been together.

“You know I haven’t, it’s bullshit, used to implant chips or whatever to people,” Alexis muttered. Hunnigan didn’t bother correcting her belief about tracking chips and telling her they were science fiction since there was no sufficient power source available for a chip to function within the human body. Not yet anyway.

What Alexis (and all the others inclined to believe in conspiracy theories) was right about was the fact that the flu shot really was an excuse to give the people a little something extra they weren’t told about. Namely, it was used to vaccinate them against things like viruses that would’ve turned people into zombies when there was an outbreak. It wasn’t fool-proof, obviously. Viruses were modified and not everyone took their shots, but for the most part, it did work and helped a little. Except now.

“All right... okay...” Hunnigan mumbled as she paced back and forth in front of her desk with her hand over her mouth. What could she do? Alexis was probably already infected, unless she miraculously shared traits with Jake Muller and was immune... but Hunnigan seriously doubted that. There were vaccines, but they were only useful if taken before infection. Cure that worked after infection was... non-existent, and even trying vaccination at this point was impossible, it wasn’t like Hunnigan had a needle handy in a desk drawer.

“Just what the hell is going on here?” Alexis demanded again, but Hunnigan couldn’t answer. Firstly, she had no idea how she would even be able to explain it all to Alexis and then reveal that she might be infected with something. Secondly, the moment she’d tried to say something, Helena ran into the room.

“We have to go,” she said, having to take a moment to frown at Alexis’s presence, but now was not the time to begin questioning it.  
“Not this again,” Hunnigan sighed.  
“Yes,” Helena nodded.

“What? What the hell is-!” Alexis began again when a burning sensation rippled through her insides and caused her to double over in pain. She dropped to her knees, pressing her palms against the sides of her head when the internal wildfire lashed up along her spine and neck, all the way to her head, making it feel like it was being crushed slowly by a red hot metal band.

“What is...”

“Get back... get back!” Helena ordered Hunnigan and reached to grab her arm to pull her away when she didn’t seem to be able to bring herself to move. Helena knew what was coming, she’d seen this before. God, how she wished she hadn’t, but she had. She stepped to stand in front of Hunnigan, pushing her back against the other woman, urging her to exit the damn room before...

“...happening to me?” Alexis grunted barely half a second before her body burst into flames, the short flare leaving behind a cloud of smoke and a sickeningly sweet stench of burning flesh. Then, her skin transformed, melting at first, slowly cooling down and hardening to form a cocoon.

“Go, now! Find Leon!” Helena ordered.  
“But, I..!”

“NOW!” Helena yelled and shoved Hunnigan out of the room, following her and shut the door behind her just as the cocoon began to crack. If Deborah’s mutation was anything to go by, the door sure as hell wouldn’t hold Alexis back, but maybe it would at least give a few seconds...

“He’s in the shelter, coordinating what’s left of us, if you hurry, you can make it there before any more of these hatch!”  
“There are more?” Hunnigan exclaimed. Of course there were, deploy a needle bomb like in a room full of people, you were guaranteed to hit more than one person.

“What about you?” Hunnigan asked then.  
“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine,” Helena said, offering a confident smirk as she parroted Hunnigan’s favorite saying.

“Take this. It might not be of much use, but it’s something,” she then said and reached to give her handgun to Hunnigan. Based on the shot Hunnigan had delivered way back even after being shot in the head, Helena figured she knew how to handle one.

“What about you?” Hunnigan asked again.  
“I’ve got this,” Helena said and pulled the Hydra from the holster on her back, “Now, get the hell out of here!” she then ordered once more as Alexis finally began to work her way out of the room.

“...come back alive,” Hunnigan then said before finally starting to move.  
“No promises,” Helena mumbled almost inaudibly and moved away from the door just before Alexis burst through it.

Helena drew the Hydra and aimed, but hesitated then, just like she had with Deborah. A flashback took over and she couldn’t function as she relived a few moments in her mind, the nightmare brought back to life by the view of Alexis. The mutation wasn’t identical to Deborah’s, but the similarity with the appendages and the colorless waxy skin were enough to bring back a myriad of bad memories. And that laugh... it sounded too much like the happy giggle she’d heard from her own sister.

_Is she still there? Was Deborah? Did she know...what I did? Did she blame me? What if she was there and couldn’t stop herself, couldn’t say anything, couldn’t help it... and I killed her, and she knew all the time what I was doing, and..._

She wanted to believe none of the zombies or any of the other creatures she’d enountered had been still present mentally (except maybe for Simmons, she’d gladly wanted him to suffer). If they had, that would’ve meant she’d killed hundreds of people who had still been human on the inside.

_No, they were already gone. Gone, just like Deb... just like Alexis is. Gone._

_And they don’t hesitate,_ Leon’s words of wisdom echoed in her mind.

With that, Helena snapped out of it. Alexis didn’t seem interested in her. Instead, she was moving along the hallway, looking for someone else. Obviously Hunnigan. Even in this state... she still had a vague memory of someone important, someone she was drawn to even if she no longer had any idea why that one person was a priority.

The few agents that ran into Alexis were greeted with hostility. Helena tried to catch up and warn them, but she was too late. She flattened herself against the wall to avoid getting hit by the decapitated body that Alexis shook off of the appendage stemming from her back, tossing the poor woman’s remains aside as they meant nothing to her.

“Where do you think you’re going, princess?” Helena shouted after Alexis to get her attention. She turned and sneered at Helena, making a lunge at her, managing to scratch the agent’s side a little with the sharp claw at the end of the appendage.

“Missed me,” Helena taunted despite barely having avoided being impaled. But that didn’t matter, what mattered was keeping Alexis busy until Hunnigan had made it to the shelter and until backup would arrive. The building was on lock-down, an automated process that took place whenever a biohazard was detected within. It worked to contain the situation, the unfortunate drawback was that anyone inside the building was on their own until someone gave the over ride-command from inside _and_ from outside. It would all take a while, but as soon as the lock-down had been initiated, the alert had been sent to other agencies, they were aware of an emergency, they would be here soon... Helena hoped.

* * *

 

Most of the cocoons Hunnigan passed on her way to the shelter were still intact, but judging from the gunfire and yelling, even one hatching was bad enough. She needed to hurry, she needed to authorize the over ride and she needed to be in contact with the designated agent outside to do the same and send in the troops to clear the building and quarantine it.

“Hunnigan! Over here!” Leon called out and she rushed to him.  
“What happened?” she huffed.

“I’ll tell you if I find out, all I know is the place is being torn apart by those fucking monsters I only saw on the BSAA’s reports from China!” Leon said and reloaded his handgun. He quirked an eyebrow when he noticed the weapon Hunnigan had. Clearly Helena’s, he could tell because he knew that despite it being against agency policy, Helena insisted on using her own gun rather than using the standard agency model. According to Helena, hers was more powerful; Leon could’ve debated that the difference wasn’t that great. Hunnigan didn’t notice his look. Instead, she clicked the safety on and tucked the weapon through her belt since she had no holster for it.

“Someone tossed a damn needle bomb into my office, so surely we have...” she muttered as the pulled the hem of her shirt over the gun.

“Look, I haven’t exactly had the chance to start going through security footage to figure out who was running around with needle bombs, but I promise I’ll get to it as soon as the situation is over,” Leon grunted, slightly annoyed. This wasn’t the damn time to be figuring out who did what, they could do that later... if they survived.

“Sorry. You lead, I’ll follow,” Hunnigan nodded then.  
“Finally, a woman who actually listens to me,” Leon quipped and Hunnigan frowned, but didn’t ask.

“The direct passage is crawling with those things because whoever was in charge of tossing those needle bombs around figured that the shelter would be where everyone would go... so, since they’re apparently not totally incompetent, they struck the passage when it was full,” Leon explained.

“What do we do?” Hunnigan asked and Leon glanced up, pointing at the ventilation slot above them. Surely they wouldn’t be locked down, the air still needed to flow.

“I’ll give you a boost... navigate through and get us out of here,” Leon then said. Hunnigan sighed and nodded reluctantly. There were hardly other options, she didn’t think she had what it would take to boost him up instead.

“Leon, in case I don’t make it... the authorization code is angel-six-three-seven-nine-puppy,” she said and Leon quirked an eyebrow.  
“My son’s idea,” Hunnigan then explained and he chuckled ruefully.

“Acknowledged,” he nodded and made a foothold of his hands before  pushing Hunnigan up and into the vent.

 

***


	16. Chapter 16

“You just had to ruin years of my work, didn’t you?” a familiar female voice asked Hunnigan when she finally crawled out of the duct and dropped herself into the shelter. Contrary to what she’d been expecting, the room was empty of people, filled with only the unanswered hails from the BSAA as they tried to make sense of the situation and determine what kind of a threat they were dealing with.

“Hands where I can see them. You survived one shot to the head, but I’ll make sure to get through your thick skull.”

“...Jane?” Hunnigan whispered as she slowly raised her hands into plain view, feeling the uncomfortable pressure of the gun against the back of her head.  
“Scatterbrain-Jane. Who else?” the woman chuckled.

“But... why?”

“This is your fault, Hunnigan. You should’ve just let us have the data or you should’ve just fucking died the first time,” Jane spat, circling around and pointing the gun at Hunnigan’s forehead now.  
“You’re working for Neo-Umbrella?”

“I have nothing to do with those incompetent idiots. I work for The Family, always have. Lil’ ol’ scatterbrain-Jane, just competent enough to rise up to the occasion and incompetent enough not to raise any red flags, invisible and easy to dismiss. You never had a clue, did you?”

“Obviously not. So, I take it you were behind the previous assault on the HQ too? Feeding the mercs with intel...” Hunnigan muttered.

“Well, I only had to spell it out for you to figure it out,” Jane scoffed.  
“Simmons assigned you to this post... to keep an eye on what we knew... what I knew.”

“Yes. And if you had just left well enough alone and let me continue my work, we wouldn’t be here now. But no, instead you listened to your whiny girlfriend and started snooping around. You were supposed to blame it all on Warren, after all, he’s the one with the obvious motive and the means to pull this off... but no, you and Helena fucking Harper had to fuck it all up for me!” Jane yelled and drew her arm back a little before driving it back forward, the side of the gun in her hand impacting on Hunnigan’s cheek.

Hunnigan shook her head a little to get rid of the stunned feeling that took over. She brought her hand up and rubbed the sore spot on her cheek as she slowly pieced everything together in her mind. When Jane’s initial attempt at stealing the data from the D.S.O. and now that her attempt at blaming it all on Warren had failed, she’d had no other choice but to take direct action. If she couldn’t steal the data to protect her precious Family, she would destroy the entire HQ. Clearly, the woman was indoctrinated and had long since stopped caring about her own life. All that mattered was making sure that The Family’s secrets would never be revealed to the public.

“You have no idea how much is at stake here. You think you’re doing the world a favor, like you’re some kind of a fucking hero... but you’re not. You don’t even understand how severe the consequences would be if this information was made public.”

“Oh, I believe Simmons made it clear with his attempts,” Hunnigan scoffed.  
“He was right!” Jane snapped and shoved the gun into Hunnigan’s forehead again, “If we fall, it’ll affect everyone!”

It was possible to contain small protests and hide the truth, distract the media and the people following it... but if enough people were provided with the facts, they would spread like wildfire.

9/11 had happened over a decade ago, and people were still going on about it, presenting new ideas, new evidence, and new theories. What had happened in Raccoon City back in 1998, and in China, Edonia and Tall Oaks just now... even Hunnigan couldn’t think of a way to permanently hide those stories from the public.

If the stories could not be hidden, anything providing fool-proof evidence of them should be destroyed. That had become Jane’s mission after Simmons had failed at his. Unfortunately for Jane and The Family, their latest attempt had failed too when Hunnigan had prevented them from getting their hands on all of the data.

“So, it’s all about the politics and the money. How depressing,” Hunnigan muttered.  
“Global political order and the global economy! It’s a lot more than just a few handshakes and a bit of bribes here and there,” Jane spat.

“It doesn’t have to be this way,” Hunnigan tried.  
“Oh, shut up,” the other woman sneered and rolled her eyes in annoyance.

“I expected more from you, I expected you would understand. Honestly, I actually kind of looked up to you. I was about to suggest attempting to recruit you even... but the thing about looking up to people is that they’re always looking down on you.”

“What are you talking about? I never looked down on you, no one did,” Hunnigan frowned, honestly not understanding, but also hoping to distract and delay Jane until Leon or Helena or anyone else would make their way over and get her out of this mess one way or another.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, they’re all dead...” Jane began slowly and pointed the gun at Hunnigan, “...or dying,” she smirked then as her finger tightened over the trigger.

* * *

 

 

“I’m sorry,” Helena said quietly after having pulled out all the stops and finally just decided to ram her body against the creature Alexis had turned into. Surprisingly, it had worked, and she’d managed to knock Alexis over and was now straddling her chest, the Hydra pointed at Alexis’s face. Helena pulled the trigger three times, unsure if it would be enough. She then pushed herself to her feet and scampered backward while reloading the shotgun as Alexis still rose up from the floor.

Half of her head was gone, blood and gore dripping from the grotesque mess that had been the left side of her head. Alexis attempted to lunge at Helena once more, but couldn’t. Instead, she fell onto her knees, the only thing keeping her up being the support provided by the appendages sticking out from her back and digging into the floor.

“I’m sorry...” Helena repeated as she slowly stepped to the growling and grunting being that had once upon a time been a beautiful hero. Helena then pressed the shotgun to what was left of Alexis’s head and pulled the trigger again until there was nothing but a bloody pulp, and the mutated body fell limply to the floor, the limbs jerking a little in the after shocks of death.

Helena collapsed next to her, exhausted and drained, but emotionally so rather than physically. She leaned her elbows to her thighs as she was on her knees on the floor, crossed her fingers and leaned her forehead against her knucles.

 _Is she praying?_ Leon frowned when he saw her. He didn’t know, but he didn’t want to interrupt her either. He recognized the mutated corpse Helena was looking over being rather similar to Deborah, and he decided to give Helena as much time as he could. He himself had lost most of his faith long ago... but he still wanted to believe, and sure as hell wasn’t about to question someone else’s beliefs... even if he did admit that Helena had never come across as the religious type to him.

“Helena...” he finally spoke softly.  
“Did you see Hunnigan?” she asked slowly and Leon nodded.

“Yeah, she’s on her way to the shelter.”  
“Come on...”

“Are you sure you’re...”

“I’ll be fine once I know Hunnigan is safe,” Helena interrupted him. She appreciated the concern, but she didn’t need him to ask. No, she wasn’t fine, and she wouldn’t be for a while, but him knowing that would not help right now. No time to cry, no time to grieve, no time for anything other than surviving this mess. She could be sad later on her own time. That was how it had always been.

Once they made it to the hallway leading into the shelter, a gunshot rippled through the otherwise quieted down space. Leon and Helena glanced at each other before rushing over to the door. It was locked, of course.

“Hunnigan!” Leon yelled and slammed his fist against the steel door. Helena knew it was pointless, but she slammed herself against the door anyway, functioning by instinct at this point. Leon frowned at her antics. The doors were the sliding kind, slamming into them wouldn’t help even if they had been made of something other than reinforced steel.

“Oh, shut up,” Helena scoffed at him even though he hadn’t said anything. Helena was about to go look for something to use to pry the door open when the steel slid apart, revealing the room behind it.

“Hunnigan!” Helena breathed and rushed to her, wrapping her arms around the other woman, holding onto her tightly. She’d never felt as relieved as she did now. Except... when she’d finally found Deborah at the cathedral, but that joy had been short-lived. She hoped that wouldn’t be the case now as well.

“I’m okay...” Hunnigan said softly, but despite her statement, she had to wrap her arms around Helena’s shoulders and cling to her to be able to stand up as she felt like her legs were about to give in underneath her.

“Leon...” she then said weakly and he nodded, understanding what he needed to do. He went to the console and punched in the code. Another alarm went off and the mechanical voice informed everyone in the building that the first code had been entered and that they were waiting for the confirmation from the agent outside, and that once the quaranteen had been set up and the second code entered, the lock-down would end.

“Is Alexis...?”  
“I’m sorry,” Helena whispered and Hunnigan nodded.

“How did you... Is that... Jane?” Helena then asked after glancing over Hunnigan’s shoulder to get a better look of the body on the floor with a ragged gunshot wound under the chin.  
“I’ll explain later...” she said and Helena accepted that, understanding that this was not the time for it, there would be a debriefing later and a shitload of reports to read and write.

 

***


	17. Chapter 17

Hunnigan lay in bed, the covers pulled almost all the way over her head. She’d been there for the past three days apart from the couple of times she’d needed to give into her body’s need to use the bathroom. There was a knock on the door and she ignored it. Frank didn’t wait for permission, he knew better.

“Levi’s at preschool,” Frank said as he entered the room with a bowl of mac&cheese. He sat by the bed and crossed a leg over the other.

“Hungry?” he asked. Hunnigan didn’t answer.

“You gotta eat something at some point,” he said then despite knowing already that no amount of trying to coax her would work. It didn’t matter how well Hunnigan knew that what she was dealing with was essentially just an imbalance of chemicals and electrical currents affecting the function of her brain. She’d reasoned it for years, she’d always known... but even then, she’d never been able to stop herself or force herself to get over it.

Those who had no idea of what it was like to know you were not yourself, but couldn’t do anything to prevent it or stop it, always had all the answers. Those annoying little bastards. It was so easy for them to say.

_“Just get up, act like a normal person, stop behaving like you’re high, stop being sad all the time, go out and do something different, reach out, take medication, pull yourself together, it’s just a matter of will power, you just gotta do it.”_

“Idgie...” Frank tried once more. The lack of a response didn’t surprise or even annoy him. He was the only person, in addition to Alexis and Shepard, who knew about Hunnigan’s condition and understood it.

While her bipolar disorder was “only” type two, which basically meant she was more likely to succumb to depression than full-blown mania, it didn’t mean it was something that could just be shrugged off. Most people (well, her parents for certain) would’ve just told her to take her meds and deal with it if they’d known, but it didn’t work that way.

She’d tried that. There’d been a time when she’d taken, quite literally, a handful of pills a day, and they hadn’t done any of the things she’d hoped for. She’d tried different cocktails of everything her doctor had thrown at her, but it didn’t make a difference. All that had accomplished was a feeling of uneasy numbness, all the pills had given her had been a steady feeling of being unable to think clearly. That was not an option for someone in her position. She’d had to try a different approach.

Electroconvulsive therapy had worked... even if that too had some unpleasant side-effects, and it too was unable to provide a permanent fix to the problem. Short-term memory loss was inconvenient and it all had left her disoriented for a while, but at least that had passed and she’d felt normal afterward.

Eventually, her brain had gone back to what it had been previously, summoning up dark thoughts, slowly shadowing over her entire life, making everything seem darker than it was, making her want to hide, to sleep for twenty hours a day, to give up, making her annoyed at people for having the audacity to simply exist and live their damn normal lives.

“Take your time, I’m not going anywhere,” Frank said softly and reached to run his fingers through Hunnigan’s hair gently before moving to place the bowl of food onto the nightstand, already knowing she wouldn’t touch it.

“Could you recharge this?” Hunnigan mumbled, surprising Frank by actually speaking. Plugging her phone to the charger would’ve required Hunnigan to move about two feet, she honestly did not have the energy to do that.

“Sure,” he promised with a smile and accepted the battery from Hunnigan. She then put the backup battery in, placed the earbuds into her ears, thumbed through the playlist on her phone and proceeded to ignore her brother, concentrating on ASMR-videos instead. Even they didn’t work like they’d used to before, but while she no longer got the relaxing tingly sensation listening to the artists’ whispers and various trigger-sounds, she preferred it to the silence.

Frank sighed as he left the room and went to recharge the battery Hunnigan had given him. He wished there was something he could actually do to fix this, but knew there wasn’t. This was an internal battle Ingrid would need to deal with herself. All he could do was to make sure that everything around her would run as smoothly as possible in her absence. Looking after Levi and making sure he knew as little as possible about what was wrong with Idgie was instrumental. They hadn’t yet told him that Alexis wouldn’t be coming home either.

Hunnigan was in no state to tell him and Frank didn’t know how he should even begin telling the boy, not that it was his responsibility to do it either. Ingrid would have to do it... eventually.

Frank frowned when there was a knock on the door but went to answer it despite not really wanting to risk running into a Jehova’s witness.

“Oh... uh... hello?” Helena stammered when she was greeted by the man. He had a bit of a belly, but it suited his wide chest and overall strongman-physique that made him look like he could wrestle a bear and win easily. He wasn’t the bodybuilder-type, instead he looked like he’d gotten his muscles from physical work rather than from the gym. Helena could imagine him carrying around logs and boulders. Why he would be doing that, she had no idea, but she could easily imagine it.

He had deep blue eyes and thick eyebrows, his square jaw and chin covered with a beard. His short-ish, light brown hair had been combed back, but despite the tidy hairdo, he still kind of looked like a human-version of a lion.

“Can I help you?” Frank asked.  
“I... just wanted to... Uhm, is Hunnigan home?”

“You’re speaking to one,” Frank taunted with a grin. Helena didn’t get the joke.  
“I assume you mean Ingrid. I’m her brother,” he then elaborated.

“Oh!” Helena exclaimed, “Sorry, uh, is Ingrid home?”  
“She’s not feeling very well. I can tell you came by if you’d like, if you tell me who you are?”

“I’m Helena.”  
“So, you’re Helena!” Frank said happily despite himself and her eyebrows rose. Hunnigan had spoken of her? Well, that was... something.

“...yes..?”

“Well, glad to have met you, I’ve heard a lot of good things about you,” Frank tried saving it. He hadn’t really heard much, but he didn’t want to risk ruining anything. Besides, looking at the young woman, he couldn’t understand how Ingrid had _not_ hit that yet.

“I don’t believe you, but thank you,” Helena smirked and shook his hand.  
“Look, Ingrid’s... she’s not okay right now,” Frank then admitted in a quiet mutter and Helena nodded. It would’ve been a miracle if she were.

“She needs time. Please, don’t take it personally, but I can’t let you in. She wouldn’t...” Frank trailed off awkwardly.  
“I understand, and I don’t want to pressure her,” Helena nodded, “I just wanted to see how she was, but as long as she’s... still here, I can sleep better at night,” she continued awkwardly.

“She’ll live, she just needs time. I’ll tell her to talk to you when she’s up to it, if that’s fine by you?”  
“Yeah, please do, I worry about her. Thanks,” Helena said and offered a small smile, feeling somewhat better knowing Hunnigan wasn’t alone, but still wishing she could be there herself. Maybe one day.

 

* * *

 

_It’s your fault. Alexis died because of you. Levi has no mother because of you. If you hadn’t failed, if you hadn’t let things distract you... if you hadn’t been such a sucker, you would’ve seen Jane for what she was. You fucked up, Ingrid. You let your personal life interfere, you dropped the ball and innocents had to suffer. How many deaths are you responsible for? If it weren’t for Alexis, Leon and Helena, you would’ve died too. Sure, you managed to surprise Jane and blew her head off, but you wouldn’t have been able to manage even that had it not been for Helena providing you the gun._

_You can’t look after yourself, you always need someone to rescue you. What’s gonna happen to you when you’ll have no one to save your ass? What’s gonna happen to Levi? You don’t have what it takes to protect him. You can’t save anyone. You’re pathetic. You’re the unnecessary side-kick, never the hero, and you couldn’t even fucking do that right, could you? You should’ve died when the merc shot you. You should’ve just given up and let go, and none of this would’ve happened. You did this.You are such a disappointment._

The worst part about being consumed by such dark thoughts was the fact that Hunnigan found herself sincerely agreeing with them.

 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When imagining Frank, feel free to think of Brandon White https://www.instagram.com/p/9dyY4IqYPT/  
> :D


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, I took the liberty of fixing Helena's official backstory (that being that she worked for the CIA and investigated a series of murders, wtf, the CIA does not investigate murders, send me a message if you want my full rant on the subject of "Awesome character whose backstory Capcom completely fucked up, I am adopting her and fixing it") to match what she possibly could've actually done, even if this is a bit of stretch considering she's only 24 and, as far as I know, transferred from the military, meaning she probably had no time for an education fancier than a highschool diploma, which is always preferable for qualifying for anything other than being a human shield... but then again, this is fiction. Cough.

* * *

 

Scatterbrain-Jane. Well, to be a good spy, you had to appear insignificant. Leon wondered had Jane been with The Family from the start or had she joined up just recently. She’d been at the D.S.O. for several years as far as he could remember. If she’d accepted the job just to spy on the agency, Leon had to take his hat off at her dedication.

“Shame,” he muttered.

“What?” Helena asked, raising her gaze from the report she’d been reading. Her eyes were itchy and watery from having stayed up so damn long and tired from all the reading. She was getting a headache.

“Jane. She was kinda nice and funny. She baked us cakes for our birthdays, for fuck’s sake. If I’d ever had to pick someone from our agency as a mole, I never would’ve picked her,” Leon sighed.

“Yeah, well, clearly she was an excellent spy,” Helena shrugged. She had no sympathy for the woman and couldn’t share nice memories like Leon could, the only interaction Helena’d had with Jane had been mostly unpleasant in the end.

“Just goes to show, can’t trust anyone,” he muttered.  
“Don’t look at me like that, you know I’m on your side,” Helena rolled her eyes at him when he stared at her intently, his eyes narrowed.

“Do I? Why did you really get kicked out of the CIA? I mean, considering the shit they do, the term ‘conduct unbecoming of a government agent’ from them can mean anything from tax evasion to barbequing kittens and waterboarding babies,” he said suspiciously and Helena giggled tiredly at his words.

“Well, you’re right about one thing, they sure aren’t shy about using morally questionable methods... unless they get caught, at which point the agent caught will be publicly disowned by the agency.”  
“That’s what happened?”

“Kind of. I didn’t waterboard any babies nor did I barbeque anyone's kitten, but during an interview, I stabbed the person of interest in the knee with a ballpoint pen.”  
“That’s it?” Leon frowned. He hated to admit it, but he was kind of disappointed.

“I’d spent days trying to crack this guy with every trick I had, from threatening his family to keeping him awake... you know, the whole nine yards, and he still refused to tell me anything.”  
“What was he on suspicion for?”

“He was a tailor, he made vests for suicide bombers, and I knew he’d recently sold one, but I didn’t know to whom or what the target was. So, I questioned the tailor and finally just lost it and blocked the door to the interview room so that no one could come to his rescue, and I stabbed him... and popped his kneecap out of place... while threatening to do worse things if he didn’t speak up.”

“Did he?”  
“What do you think?” Helena quirked an eyebrow.

“So, you helped prevent a suicide bomber from taking out his target and put a guy responsible for helping arm them away, I think it’s worth a popped kneecap,” Leon shrugged.

“I agree. So did everyone else... until one of the many ‘online heroes’ decided to hack into the CIA and happened to grab _my_ record for publishing, and overnight I went from being a good officer to being the scapegoat. Story of my fucking life,” she scoffed and shook her head.

She admitted, her actions had been crude and the excuse of the ends justifying the means shouldn’t always necessarily weigh that heavily, but she didn’t think she’d deserved being taken down publicly and then disowned by the same agency that had previously given her their blessing.

“Buuut... that’s whatcha get for workin’ with da spooks,” she shrugged then and Leon chuckled, “Now, was there anything else you’re suspicious of, or can we get back to work?” she then teased him.

“I need to know your cup size, considering all the sleeper agents and doppelgängers going around, I might run into an imposter or something, I need something solid to go by to confirm your identity... just in case,” he grinned and wiggled his eyebrows a little while making a suggestive squeezing-gesture with his hand.

Helena was the only woman at the agency he felt comfortable making dirty jokes with. It wasn’t about lacking respect toward her like someone might have thought if they’d overheard him. He considered her a friend and a kind of a “bro”, and the feeling was mutual. There were friends, and then there were best friends. Friends were polite, best friends told you to go fuck yourself with a smile, and you loved them for doing it.

“Fine, but you’ll have to let me measure your length and width, so I too will have something solid to go by... just in case,” she countered with a smirk and mimed pulling out a measuring tape.

“Nevermind, I don’t think anyone could ever mimic your personality so well they’d fool me,” he backed down.

“Have you spoken to Hunnigan?” Leon then asked, deciding to get serious after a while, and Helena shook her head.  
“I met her brother a few days back. He said he’d ask Hunnigan to call me when she feels up to it...”

“She’s had a rough Fall, probably just for the best if she takes a decent break from everything rather than risk a total burnout,” Leon mused. He didn’t know about Hunnigan’s condition, but he could understand the need to be alone. He’d wrestled with dark thoughts and depression himself more than once, and even though he’d managed to get over it and carry on eventually, he knew it took a lot of work.

“Yeah, I just hope she’s not beating herself up about not realizing she had a spy under her wing.”

“Jane was here for several years and she was hired by a group of directors, just like everyone else, it isn’t like Hunnigan brought her in personally and insisted on Jane specifically,” Leon said.

 _...which is more than can be said about you, agent Harper,_ he added mentally and smiled a little.

“Exactly! And I hope Hunnigan won’t forget that, that’s all. No one knew any better, so she shouldn’t blame herself, but I bet she still does.”  
“This was a major intelligence screw up, but we’ll fix it... and Hunnigan will be okay too. It’ll all be fine,” Leon said, nodding his head a little.

“How are you so optimistic?” Helena questioned and he offered a rueful smile.  
“Sometimes, a little hope is all I have left to keep me going and trying to make a difference in a world where all my efforts usually seem to be a waste of time.”

Both Leon and Helena turned to look when the door opened and Shepard walked in. He offered a half-hearted wave as a greeting before getting right down to business.

“Hunnigan won’t be coming back for a while, so I’ll be filling in for her.”  
“Did she say how long?” Helena had to ask.

“A month at least, don’t know more than that. These things are... delicate and take time,” Shepard said and Helena nodded. While she barely managed to keep from giving in to the overwhelming desire to run off and go check up on Hunnigan, first and foremost she wanted to see Hunnigan be okay.

“So, you two feel like bringing me up to speed?”

* * *

 

Hunnigan hung her head as she stood underneath the near scalding hot stream of water, the heated cascade pelting the back of her neck and shoulders. Frank had forbidden her from taking a bath. He’d figured Hunnigan would have a hard time resisting the temptation to pull off a cliché suicide and slice her wrists in the bath. Not that he’d left her anything to slice them with, he’d even confiscated her tweezers (what was he expecting, that she’d pluck her wrists open?). As ridiculous as she thought it was, she appreciated his concern and efforts.

She’d told him she wasn’t suicidal. The only time she had seriously considered it had been when she’d been under the influence of a bad combination of various medications. She was depressed and felt like giving up because nothing mattered to her right now... but she hadn’t reached the point of wanting to put an end to it herself. Not yet anyway, and if everything went as planned, she wouldn’t get there either.

 _I should wash my hair,_ she thought, but literally did not have the energy to raise her arms up to do that.

 _What fucking difference does it make?_ she then sighed internally. With all the things going to hell, little things like washing her hair mattered even less than they would’ve on a good day. It was just something she knew she should do because that was expected of her. One of many such things expected of “normal” people.

She should tell Levi the truth about Alexis’s absence, he was getting suspicious. She should go get her head sorted out. She should talk to Helena. She should get back to work and figure out just how extensive the damage Jane had caused was. She should get out of this rut, but she simply could not. Not on a day when even washing her hair was a mission impossible.

Hunnigan got out of the shower, put on her bathrobe and scuffed back into the bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and exhaled deeply. Any other day she would’ve been blow drying her hair, putting on lotion, maybe getting ready for tomorrow’s day at work by preparing her lunch the night before. But not today.

“Idgie!” Levi called out before bursting into the room and jumping onto the bed.

“Hey, sir. Did you have a good day with uncle Frank?” Hunnigan smiled tiredly and he nodded, proceeding to excitedly tell her about their visit to the aquarium and about how uncle Frank had taught him to play poker. Hunnigan chuckled at that, not sure she approved, but decided to let it slide, for now.

“Where’s mom and when’s she coming home?” Levi then asked and Hunnigan swallowed hard. Apparently, she’d need to do this now whether she liked it or not. Probably better this way rather than putting it off any longer.

“C’mere, sir,” Hunnigan said and picked Levi to sit on her lap, “Uhm... your mom, she... was in an accident, and she won’t be able to come home.”

“Ever?” Levi asked.  
“Ever,” Hunnigan confirmed uneasily.

“Not even after a hundred sleeps?” he asked to make sure and Hunnigan shook her head slowly.  
“Can I go visit her?”

“No, sir, not really. She’s...”

_She’s dead. She’d dead because she protected me. She’s dead because I made mistakes and didn’t pay attention. She’s dead. I killed her. Your mother is dead because I live._

“Is she gone like grandpa Charles?” Levi then asked, referring to Alexis’s father who had passed away a little over six months ago.  
“Yes, exactly like that,” Hunnigan agreed.

“So, I can’t see her ever again,” he repeated and Hunnigan nodded. His mouth twisted into a pout and his shoulders shook as the pre-cry sniffles took a hold of him before he burst into tears. Hunnigan wrapped her arms around him and held him, not shushing him or telling him how everything was okay; nothing was okay, telling him bullshit lies like that would only serve to give hollow comfort. Instead, she hugged him tightly and let him cry as much as he needed to. After a long while, he finally began to calm down a little, the cries turning into sniffles and hiccups.

“Is grandpa Charles with mom?” he then asked and Hunnigan pondered on it for a second. She was fairly certain Levi barely even remembered what grandpa Charles had looked like, let alone worried about his possible afterlife, but then she realized it wasn’t about that. He wanted to know his mother wasn’t alone, wherever she was.

“I bet he is. And you might not remember uncle Gary, but he’s there too. And aunt Fiona... and uncle Bob,” Hunnigan listed a little as she recalled few of Alexis’s closest friends and co-worker’s who had recently died in the line of duty. Levi probably didn’t remember any of them either despite having met them, but that wasn’t the point.

“So, she’s not alone?”  
“Not at all,” Hunnigan confirmed.

“Good,” Levi sniffled and nodded, “then I’m not so sad because even if I can’t see her, she’s not alone and she's looking out for me as my guardian angel, like she said grandpa Charles was too,” he added.

Hunnigan merely nodded. She’d personally lost most of her faith in an afterlife long ago, but she had no intention of bursting Levi’s bubble. She knew first hand just how comforting it was being able to believe in such things. Days like these, Hunnigan wished she still could.

 

***


	19. Chapter 19

Halloween, 2013. Hunnigan’s house was probably the only one in the entire country that was not decorated for the occasion. She had more important things to focus on. Frank had agreed to take Levi with him as he’d returned to Minnesota, and Levi hadn’t objected to spending time with his uncle and grandparents. Hunnigan did feel guilty about leaving him in their care for now, but delaying would be worse, she couldn’t afford the wait.

Helena stood on the porch and chewed on her lower lip anxiously, her finger hovering over the doorbell as she tried to muster up the courage to push the button. She had no idea why Hunnigan had asked her to come over, and as happy as she was to have received the invitation, she was also worried. A part of her didn’t want to hear what Hunnigan would have to say, because there was a chance her words would bring Helena’s hopes crashing down. Inhaling deeply, she finally rang the doorbell.

“Come in,” Hunnigan said after answering the door and greeting the younger woman. She nodded and followed, noticing Hunnigan looked even more tired than usual. It wasn’t surprising, but it was downright painful to see her in that state. Helena wanted to make it better, but didn’t know how. She followed Hunnigan’s lead and took a seat on the couch, drumming her knee nervously with her fingertips as she waited for Hunnigan to speak.

“I’m going to be selfish and ask you for a favor,” Hunnigan began and Helena’s eyebrows rose in surprise.  
“Anything,” she assured quickly, “...well, except writing reports to the higher ups,” she added jokingly then and Hunnigan let out a soft, amused scoff.

“Look, I’ll just spit it out; I’m bi polar,” she then shared, giving Helena a couple of seconds to process that before continuing, “and recently it’s been really bad. The days when I do manage to get myself out of bed, I’m just going through the motions, like some robot that does what it’s programmed to do, and that’s it. Other times it’s like I’m sitting in a passenger’s seat, watching myself drive and speed toward a concrete wall, but I can’t do anything to stop it because no amount of reasoning works.”

“I think I understand,” Helena nodded slowly. She had some idea of what it was like to lose control. Her personal issues being rather with anger than depression or mania, but nevertheless, the control and reason were gone. She knew what she was doing could have severe consequences, but she did it all anyway.

“I’m scheduled to undergo ECT two times a week for four weeks, starting next Monday.”  
“As in you’re gonna have your brain zapped?” Helena exclaimed and Hunnigan chuckled ruefully.

“It’s a valid form of treatment, and frankly the best thing that ever happened to me,” she said and Helena frowned.  
“Isn’t that a bit... you know?”

“It isn’t like in _One flew over the cuckoo’s nest,_ if that’s what you’re thinking,” Hunnigan smirked, “I go in, I go to sleep, and I wake up with a headache. It’s not worse than a little hangover,” she shrugged then.  
“Still makes my skin crawl.”

“Yeah, because you have a mental image of screaming mental patients being punished with it, but I’m telling you, that’s not how it happens in real life. Besides, it’s that or stay in this rut, and I’d rather not. I can’t. Medications don’t work, trust me, I’ve tried,” Hunnigan then shook her head and Helena nodded hers.

“Okay. So, what do you need me to do?” she asked then and Hunnigan sighed. This would be awkward and embarrassing.  
“Would you help me?”

“How?”  
“Would you just... stay with me?”

“Of co...” Helena began to say but swallowed the rest as her expression grew dark.

“You wouldn’t be asking me if you had a choice, would you?” Helena muttered then. Of course she wouldn’t. She’d ask Alexis. Or Frank.

“I’m beginning to feel pretty damn used here,” Helena scoffed, crossing her arms over her abdomen.  
“I know how it sounds,” Hunnigan said. It didn’t matter that her intention hadn’t been to hurt the younger woman’s feelings or take advantage of her willingness to help. It didn’t matter that right now, even if Alexis or Frank had been here, she would’ve called Helena. Saying as much would be pointless, Helena wouldn’t believe her, and Hunnigan could not blame her for that.

“And you don’t have to-”  
“Of course I have to!” Helena snapped and stood up angrily, “As if I’d ever fucking abandon you!” she scoffed. No, she wouldn’t, and that was something Hunnigan had to know already.

“No, you don’t _have to_ do anything,” she said and stood up as well, “I’m asking you because I trust you. I’m asking you because even though this isn’t something that would require me to remain under someone’s watch, I’ve never been through this alone before, but none of that means that you _have to_ do anything!” she continued and gripped Helena’s arms to stop her from pacing agitatedly.

“How the hell can you even claim that with a straight face when you know how I feel about you?” Helena questioned, “ _Are_ you using me, trying to guilt me into something?”  
“No, I am not!”

“Then, _what_ are you doing? What is this?” Helena demanded angrily.  
“I... don’t know,” Hunnigan exhaled deeply and let go of Helena’s arms before slumping back onto the couch.

“I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sorry I’ve dragged you into this, I didn’t mean to sound like I was trying to guilt you or use you, I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry.”  
“I’m not mad that you asked, I’m mad because you asked only after you had no other choice. How do you think I feel knowing that I’m the last resort? You’d never call me if...” Helena trailed off.

“Just... why? Why everyone else and not me?” she then demanded agitatedly.  
“Because, ironically, I was trying not to hurt you by dragging you into my shitty life.”

“Oh, so it’s okay to drag me into it now that I’m your only option?”  
“That’s not what I meant and that’s not how it is!”

“Bullshit it isn’t!” Helena yelled.

“Well, what the hell do you want me to say? You don’t believe me even if I told you I would’ve asked for you sooner if I didn’t feel like I was being a jerk by doing that. I know, it’s selfish, I had no right to ask, and you’re right to be mad at me for it, just don’t think I’m trying to use you, because I am not!”

“Then what is this!” Helena inquired again.

Hunnigan exhaled deeply, her entire being seeming to deflate as she did so. Helena waited for her to speak, but the room remained silent. Her pride demanded her to leave, but her heart told her otherwise. How could she leave now? After all the time she’d wished Hunnigan would let her close enough to ask her to stay, wished she could look after her... and now that she had, it was for all the wrong reasons.

“I’m sorry.”  
“I don’t want you to be sorry, I want you to fucking tell me what the hell are you thinking!”

“I’m thinking I should stop bothering you and I’m wishing you’d forget that I asked,” Hunnigan muttered.  
“Oh, that is such a fucking martyr-thing to say!” Helena scoffed. She was beginning to see how Hunnigan and Alexis must have made a great couple at some point, they certainly seemed to share some traits.

“You asked, I answered,” Hunnigan shrugged, what little fight she’d had left in her now gone, replaced by a flat tone of defeat. Helena ran a hand over her face and exhaled sharply.  
“If...” she began and sat down as well, “...if we’re gonna do this, I need you to honestly tell me right now if I’ll always be your second choice.”

“You’re not! I told you, I..!” Hunnigan humphed through clenched teeth, “I didn’t come running to you at the first sign of trouble, because I wanted to clean up the mess that is my God damn life before bringing you into it. I wanted to attempt building something with you on a clean slate, not ontop of this pile of crap, okay!”

“Well, why the fuck didn’t you just say so!”  
“Because you wouldn’t listen!”

“I am listening!”  
“You’re yelling and questioning me, not listening.”

“Agh, you’re such a..!”  
“Bitch, I know, and I’ve been called that often.”

Helena didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry right now. This was ridiculous. Misunderstandings and miscommunications, assumptions from left and right, why did everything have to be complicated? And why was it so difficult to just directly say what you were thinking, especially in a situation like this, in which doing just that was really the only way to clarify things.

“I know you’re hurting and I want to help you. It’s what I’ve always wanted.”  
“I really did just want to fix everything before... well, it’s too late now, huh?”

“No,” Helena sighed deeply and hung her head a little, beginning to feel somewhat embarrassed for having completely lost her temper.  
“It’s not too late for anything, but I think we’re gonna have to wait before... even considering anything more,” she then said. She didn’t want to wait, she wanted to be with Hunnigan, she wanted them to be more than friends, she wanted to be the one Hunnigan would and could lean on, but she knew that wouldn’t happen, not until Hunnigan had indeed cleaned up the mess. Right now, everything was backwards, still.

“You’re right,” Hunnigan agreed.  
“I’ll, um... if you want, I’d want to be here for you, you know, for the... treatment and all that, I don’t want you to have to be alone for it. But, just as a friend,” Helena then said awkwardly.

“Thank you for taking care of me when I least deserve it... again,” Hunnigan said quietly.

* * *

 

Helena bit her cheek to keep from chuckling when Hunnigan lost yet another word, replacing it with something that barely even sounded like the right one. Previously, the word “navigator” had somehow twisted into “inhaler”, and “magnesium” had become “magnetophone”. She’d also had moments during which she’d forgotten Helena’s name, and she’d been so embarrassed about that, Helena had felt really bad for laughing.

Some sore muscles, minor confusion and memory lapses excluded, Hunnigan felt better. She still had a ways to go, but she was getting there.

“What?” Hunnigan asked when she noticed Helena was smiling at her. She hadn’t been speaking now, so she couldn’t have said something odd again. Unless... she had been talking, but had just zoned out in the middle of a sentence. Wouldn’t have been the first time.

Helena sat opposite to Hunnigan, slumped comfortably into the corner of the couch, leaning her head into her hand. Hunnigan had been reading incident reports Shepard had forwarded to her. Everyone at the agency had gone through additional screening and polygraphs, Hunnigan should go have hers some time too, but under the circumstances, Shepard had agreed to put it off for now. Based on the interviews, everyone at the agency was genuinely who they said they were, not a sleeper agent... but of course, the machine could be fooled. But, so far, so good.

“You’re humming,” Helena explained her mirth.  
“I am?”

“Well, were,” Helena shrugged.  
“Huh,” Hunnigan chuckled, “Sorry if it distrupted your cartoon-marathon,” she smirked then.

“It didn’t, I’m glad you’re humming, I doubt you’d be doing it if you weren’t feeling better,” Helena said and poked at Hunnigan’s thigh with her toes.  
“Yeah, I’m slowly beginning to feel like a human being again,” Hunnigan nodded.

She had to admit she worried it wouldn’t last or that she’d relapse. Alexis’s funeral was scheduled for next week, she’d need to be there with Levi, and she wasn’t sure if she could manage that without sinking back to where she’d been a couple of weeks ago.

“What’s wrong?” Helena then asked having noticed Hunnigan’s mood shift.  
“The funeral. And bringing Levi home, I don’t know if I can be the parent he needs me to be. I’m not used to... doing some things alone.”

“You’re not alone.”  
“You know what I mean.”

“And you know what I mean. I’m not going anywhere,” Helena assured.  
“I don’t understand how you put up with me.”

“Meh, some could ask you the same thing regarding me. I could name a few agents who certainly questioned your sanity when you suggested hiring me,” Helena countered with a grin.  
“When things get back to as normal as they can be under the circumstances... could we try again?” Hunnigan then requested seriously.

“You’re only asking because you’ve gotten used to having me around to do your dishes for you,” Helena jested and Hunnigan smiled.  
“I enjoy having you cook for me more,” she played along.

“I have to cook, you’d burn down your house otherwise,” Helena reminded her of the times she’d forgotten to turn the stove off. Or had left it on after intending to make something, but having forgotten to actually do it.  
“I’m asking because I find myself really enjoying having you here with me,” Hunnigan then said sincerely.

“I enjoy being here with you too,” Helena admitted slowly and felt herself start to blush a little. Ridiculous, like she was some schoolgirl. She almost rolled her eyes at herself.

“So, in, uh...” Hunnigan began and looked at her wrist as if looking at a watch (she wasn’t even wearing one), “...say, two or three weeks when I’ve hopefully gotten my head and my life mostly back together, would you have coffee with me?” she finished and Helena laughed softly.

“Make it Irish and you have a date.”

***


	20. Chapter 20

Hunnigan was late and Helena decided to order a second pint as she waited. Frankly, she was kind of in the mood for something stronger, but didn’t want to risk ending up getting wasted before Hunnigan would even turn up.The familiar anxiety crept up her stomach and into her throat when she considered that this would be a date. She couldn’t understand why that happened. She’d spent the past month or so hanging out with Hunnigan almost on a daily basis and she’d never gotten nervous around the other woman.

But now, it was like a switch was flipped inside her and her mind went from normal and coherent to “must make a great impression, so how about you fuck everything up just for the hell of it”. It was ridiculous, Hunnigan already knew practically everything there was to know about Helena and how awkward she could be at times, there was no way she could even screw up really, Hunnigan had seen the worst of her already. And she believed she’d also probably seen the worst of Hunnigan, so why was she nervous?

 _What if it’ll always be awkward? Maybe we’re not meant to be more than friends if this is how I react,_ Helena pondered and sighed. She certainly hoped that wasn’t it. How stupid would that be?

“Sorry,” Hunnigan apologized when she finally arrived.  
“It’s okay,” Helena smiled, repeating the familiar phrases the two of them had exchanged more times than they could count.

“How’s Levi?” Helena then inquired to say something.  
“He’s doing okay, he’s at Miranda’s for the evening. He keeps talking about your birds,” Hunnigan chuckled.

“Bring him over to see them again if he’d like, I wouldn’t mind,” Helena offered then.  
“Thank you, I’ll tell him, he’ll be delighted,” Hunnigan nodded, “So, do you want to get a table or...”

“Actually... can we get out of here?”  
“Uhm, okay?”

“I’d just rather hang out with you like any other day and talk than... do this ‘date’-thing, you know?” Helena explained uncomfortably.  
“Sure, we can do that,” Hunnigan said.

“Great. Sorry, I know I’m being super weird, but it’s just... I get nervous.”  
“All right,” Hunnigan chuckled as she stood up after barely having had a chance to sit down in the first place, and headed outside with Helena.

“Don’t get me wrong, I want this to be a date, okay? But I don’t want to do it here. I just want... I just want to spend time with you, it doesn’t need to be all official... even though this is officially a date. I’m not making any sense, am I?” Helena babbled and sighed deeply then.

“You’re not,” Hunnigan agreed with a soft laugh, “but I like your idea of just being together and talking. Do you want to come over to my place or should we go over to yours?”  
“Yours is nicer, and the birds have been cared for for the day, so I’m free to come over,” Helena smirked.

* * *

 

Hunnigan stirred peas, corn and red bell pepper bits into the rice before adding some salt and butter to the mix. When she was done, she took some onto a spoon and held it up for Helena, who was busy slicing chicken into small pieces.

“Taste,” Hunnigan offered, and the younger woman complied.  
“More salt,” she said then and returned her attention to the chicken. She tossed the pieces into the skillet and left them to brown while she cleared the counter and then went to wash her hands.

“Oh, thanks,” she then said as she turned around and faced Hunnigan who offered her a glass of white wine.  
“You’re welcome,” Hunnigan said.

“Cheers,” Helena grinned and clinked her glass against Hunnigan’s.  
“What are we toasting?”

“Our date? I don’t know, anything,” Helena shrugged with a chuckle and took a sip, and Hunnigan followed her example. She leaned her hip against the counter, one arm crossed over her abdomen, the other resting over it, the glass still in her hand. Helena became aware of being scrutinized as she stirred the chicken on the skillet.

“What?” she frowned and Hunnigan smiled.

 _God, I love that smile,_ Helena mused.

“I like having you here.”  
“I... like being here,” Helena replied.

Hunnigan put the glass down and stepped to Helena, slowly letting her arms wrap around the younger woman’s waist. Helena gave into the movement and pressed into Hunnigan, the gesture feeling natural and easy, just like it had felt when Hunnigan had given Helena dance lessons back what felt like an eternity ago. She swallowed hard when she saw Hunnigan’s tongue glide in a single, quick lash over her lips before she slowly leaned a little closer, her head tilted ever so slightly to one side.

“The chicken’s burning,” Helena whispered and turned to look at the skillet and to face away from Hunnigan.

“...right,” Hunnigan exhaled after a very long stunned silence.

She cleared her throat, stepped back and grabbed her wine glass before heading over to sit at the kitchen table.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid,_ she sighed internally and took a long drink from the glass.

“You said you’re a farm girl. What kinda farm are we talking about?” Helena inquired clumsily over her shoulder as she stirred the chicken.  
“Dairy.”

“So, you know how to milk a cow?”  
“Hah, I do actually... even if I’m rather bad at it,” Hunnigan chuckled and nodded as Helena began to plate the food when it was done.

“What are your parents like?” she inquired then and served the meals before sitting down.  
“They’re... parents. I don’t know, they don’t know me and I don’t know them. I don’t really know how to talk to them. Especially my mom,” Hunnigan shrugged and refilled their wine glasses.

“Why is that?”  
“She’s Finnish,” Hunnigan chuckled, “and as much as I hate to resort to explaining things by using stereotypes, in this case, I feel that explains about everything.”

“So, your mom’s an introverted suicidal alcoholic?” Helena quirked an eyebrow.  
“She could be, as I said, I don’t know her,” Hunnigan smirked.

“What about your dad?”  
“He’s your typical Irish American, I get along with him a little better than with my mother, but that doesn’t mean much.”

“How’d they meet?”  
“Hell if I know,” Hunnigan laughed, “but I’m pretty sure Frank and I are anchor babies.”

“You’re twins?” Helena’s eyebrows rose.  
“Yes, although he likes to pretend he’s my big brother because he was technically born first,” Hunnigan smiled.

“I don’t understand how you don’t know your parents,” Helena then frowned, shaking her head a little and reached to take a drink of her wine.  
“What about yours then, if you knew them so well?” Hunnigan taunted.

“Mom had a girls’ night out with her friends at a bar and at some point my dad noticed her and just stared at her... not like this creepy, pervy stare, but this... This,” Helena began to explain and went on to re-enact what she imagined it had looked like based on the stories she’d heard from her mother. She leaned onto the table and gave Hunnigan an almost half-lidded, seductive stare, a barely noticeable smile curving the corner of her mouth.

“It works,” Hunnigan admitted.  
“I’ve been told I have his eyes,” Helena shrugged with a smirk and Hunnigan chuckled.

“So, he stared at her and one thing led to another, just like that?”  
“No, not ‘just like that’, what do you take my mom for?” Helena pretended to be insulted, “At some point one of my mom’s friends noticed him staring and told her, and she was like ‘so what?’ and my dad, being the kind of a guy who wasn’t used to a woman brushing him off, had to go over to talk to her. He’d met his match. _Then_ one thing led to another...” Helena trailed off and Hunnigan chuckled again.

“I take it you were a happy family.”  
“We were. I remember this one time, cops came looking for dad at the house, and he made it into a game of hide and seek of sorts, our mission was to reach the basement without being seen from the windows.”

“Wait, why were the cops looking for your dad?” Hunnigan frowned.  
“He was a businessman and sometimes he liked to embezzle a little here, or commit a little tax fraud there... white-collar crime, you know. Of course, no one could ever prove anything so he was never convicted.”

“Did your mother know?” Hunnigan then asked and sipped her wine. Helena’s personal history was beginning to sound much more interesting than her professional history... which was saying something considering everything Hunnigan had read about the younger woman’s actions in the line of duty.

“Yes, and she always covered for him. Think Bonnie and Clyde, except with no killing and more stealing,” Helena chuckled and took a moment to finish her meal and wash it down with the wine.  
“The one thing I remember the best is that my parents really were in love with each other the whole time they were together, you know?”

“I do,” Hunnigan nodded.  
“So... yeah. That’s about it. Things weren’t perfect, but we were happy,” Helena shrugged a little.

 _And now I’m all that’s left,_ she then thought grimly. From the looks of things, she sure as hell wouldn’t be leaving behind people talking about her the way she spoke of her parents. Sighing a little, she noticed Hunnigan’s mood had shifted as well, but obviously for different reasons.

“You’re thinking about Levi, aren’t you?” Helena asked quietly and Hunnigan nodded.  
“I wonder what he’ll remember... or if he’ll remember anything. He’s so young.”

“He’ll know the same way I know about who my parents were before I was even born; you will tell him. You’ll tell him how you met, that you loved each other, you’ll tell him stories about Alexis and the things she did. He might not remember from personal experience, but he’ll know who she was, and that’s what matters,” Helena said. Hunnigan nodded slowly as she absently stared at the rest of her meal going cold on her plate.

“Thank you,” she then said and swallowed hard against the lump forming in her throat before emptying her glass in a single gulp.  
“Anytime,” Helena said softly. They sat quietly for a long moment, and just as it was about to turn too uncomfortable, Helena got up and proceeded to clear the table. Hunnigan got up and followed her example and once they were done, they stood in the middle of the kitchen in awkward silence. Helena sighed and decided she had to break it and while she was at it, bring up the elephant in the room.

“Listen, Hunnigan... about the kiss...”  
“Attempted kiss,” the older woman corrected with a smirk and Helena scoffed amusedly.

“I chickened out-”  
“Quite literally,” Hunnigan interjected and they both laughed at that probably more than they should’ve, but it felt good to laugh.

“Stop it, I’m trying to be serious here,” Helena muttered through chuckles.  
“All right, okay, fire away.”

“I chickened out because if we kissed, for me, that would be a point of no return. I would absolutely need to have you to myself, or make an utter fool of myself and have my heart broken trying. From this, I could still... walk away with relatively minor injuries, but anything more and I can’t, I’d need... commitment.”

“And you don’t think I can offer that?” Hunnigan asked.  
“Can you?” Helena asked back.

“I’m not going to claim it would be simple or that dealing with me would be easy... but if you wanted to genuinely give it a try... I’m right here.”  
“Is that something you’d want?”

“I’d want you to stay.”  
“And then what?”

Hunnigan smiled and slipped her arms over Helena’s shoulders, pulling her closer gently and began to sway the both of them slowly to a song playing only in the back of her mind.

“I don’t know, I’m not a clairvoyant,” she said softly, sliding her right hand along Helena’s arm and reached to gently grip her hand as she pressed the palm of her other hand against the spot between Helena’s shoulder blades. She shifted a little and Helena eased into the movement, mirroring Hunnigan’s pose and following her lead. She was still far from being able to actually tango with the other woman, but this she could manage.

“Out of all the things I ever imagined doing in my life, slow dancing with you in your kitchen was never anywhere near that list,” Helena confessed with a smile as she leaned into the other woman and gently pressed the side of her face against Hunnigan’s, closing her eyes at the feel of the smooth skin against her own.

“Life is strange,” Hunnigan murmured quietly into Helena’s ear.  
“Sure is, especially ours,” Helena whispered and let out a shuddering breath at the feel of Hunnigan’s brushing against her ear. She slowly loosened her grip on Hunnigan’s hand and brought her arms around her waist, moving to rest her chin on Hunnigan’s shoulder, shifting from the dance-pose to a hug of sorts.

 _I love you_ , she thought, but swallowed the words before they could escape her throat and be spoken out loud. Hunnigan pulled back a little to be able to lean her forehead against Helena’s. She remained still like that for a long moment, slowly ceasing the swaying movement until they just stood there.

 _If you don’t kiss me now, I think I’ll just die,_ Helena thought. It was a bit dramatic, she admitted, but it was also exactly how she felt. She tilted her head back just a little, offering a silent invitation and unconsciously held her breath as she waited for Hunnigan to accept the invite.

A soft whimper escaped her when Hunnigan leaned in and allowed their lips to interlock in a single slow and soft kiss. They stayed still there for a long moment and Helena almost grunted in disappointment when Hunnigan finally broke the kiss.

“So, how do you feel now that we’re past the point of no return?” Hunnigan inquired teasingly and Helena grinned.  
“Cautiously optimistic.”

* * *

 

The past couple of times when Hunnigan and Helena had “gone on a date”, which actually had meant they’d spend time together either at Helena’s or at Hunnigan’s, Levi hadn’t seemed to mind. On the contrary, he’d been happy to have Helena over and even happier to go visit her and spend time with the birds. Helena and Hunnigan had made sure not to display much affection toward each other in front of him, but even then he was beginning to have questions. Or, to be more precise, he was beginning to get jealous. After all the time he’d had both of his parents all to himself, he didn’t like having to share the attention with someone else, namely with Helena.

Hunnigan sighed in exasperation when Levi threw himself onto the floor and began literally kicking and screaming when she’d informed him that Helena would be coming over. Hunnigan was on the verge of giving in and just starting to scream right back at him, but knew that wouldn’t work.

Instead, she sat down next to him and reached to place her hand between his head and carpet to soften the impact when he decided to start bumping his forehead to the floor. He shoved her hand away, but she refused to budge. When that didn’t work, he stood up and pressed his body against her, pushing at her with all the strength he had, grunting angrily through frustrated tears.

“Sir, I’m gonna need you to calm down,” Hunnigan said as he kept stubbornly pushing. At least he had never resorted to hitting or kicking, that was something. She let him tire himself out and when he finally gave up and slumped onto the floor angrily and still sniffling, Hunnigan moved next to him.

“You’re upset because Helena’s coming over?” she inquired softly then he kind of nodded a little, his mouth still in a firm pout.  
“Why is that? I thought you like Helena,” Hunnigan then said.

“Because you’re always with her!” he snapped.

“I’m with you too, sir,” she tried to reason, but knew that wouldn’t do the trick. It didn’t matter that all three of them had been in the same room together and he’d gotten a share of attention, that wasn’t enough, he was used to having all of the attention, and when he no longer could have it, it frustrated him beyond anything.

“No, you’re not!” he pouted and Hunnigan didn’t bother arguing with him.

 _Nobody ever said this would be easy,_ she sighed internally and went to pick him into her lap and nuzzled the top of his head.

“I’m sorry I’ve made you feel like I’ve left you alone,” she apologized.  
“Okay,” he grumbled.

Hunnigan was torn between offering to call Helena and tell her that they’d need to take a raincheck on tonight, and not doing that. She didn’t want to risk giving Levi the impression that he could get his way if he just kicked and screamed loudly enough, but at the same time, she didn’t think it would be okay to tell him she was sorry and then continue on doing something he’d explicitly told her upset him.

 _I don’t have a damn clue what I’m doing,_ she thought. How could she have, she’d previously spent most of her time at work while Alexis had done all the actual parenting; all Hunnigan had done was come home and be the cool mom who had no idea what was really going on in the kid’s life because she was never there for the downs.

 _Fuck it,_ she thought then and reached for her phone. Levi might take this as a weakness he could exploit, but she needed to put him first right now. He needed to know she wasn’t going to abandon him.

* * *

 

“Oh, balls,” Helena grumbled when she read the message from Hunnigan.  
“Fiery balls of death?” Leon inquired from his desk that was set across from hers. They were the only ones still left at this particular part of the office.

“Well, my evening plans just got shot to hell, so I could go out for a drink,” she smirked and he chuckled.  
“Everything okay?” he then asked and shut his computer down before leaning back in his chair and raising his arms above his head, stretching his sides. His shoulders let out muffled popping sounds as he moved and Helena almost cringed at the sound.

“Yeah, it’s nothing I wasn’t expecting. Hunnigan’s kid doesn’t like me anymore now that his mother is gone and I am bogarting the one parent he has left. In hindsight, I should’ve realized to get lost sooner and let them spend quality time together without me,” Helena shrugged.

“Ah, so you’ve become the evil stepmom,” Leon taunted. Frankly, Helena didn’t think she could really even call herself Hunnigan’s girlfriend yet, let alone elevate herself to the status of a stepmother to Hunnigan’s son. For now, the only thing she could say was that she and Hunnigan were dating, beyond that... they hadn’t discussed the details of what would come next, if anything.

“It’s not funny,” Helena rolled her eyes at Leon. It could very well develop into a huge problem which would have the potential to ruin her relationship with Hunnigan before it had even had a chance to develop into something more serious.

“Well, I don’t really know how kids work. The only kid I’ve had to deal with was Sherry, and she was older than Hunnigan’s son, and the circumstances were _way_ different,” Leon shared as he recalled barely escaping from Raccoon City with Claire and Sherry, not to mention all the crap that happened afterward. He hadn’t considered himself a father-figure despite being close to the girl. If anything, he’d become to think of himself as a big brother to Sherry.

 _I should call her,_ he mused then, realizing he’d once again managed to drop out of contact with the young woman despite having sworn to himself that he wouldn’t let that happen again.

“I just hope he won’t think that I’m trying to take his mother’s place, because that would be a disaster,” Helena muttered.  
“You’ll have to let him know that you’re not.”

“Have you ever tried reasoning with a four year old? I doubt logic would apply.”  
“Then try the emotional approach,” he shrugged, “Let Hunnigan talk about Alexis and try not to get jealous when she tells him how great his mom was or keeps pictures of her around.”

“I haven’t told her not to, on the contrary!” she frowned at him.  
“Yeah, but knowing Hunnigan, and I’d like to think that I do know her a little better than you do...”

“...that can be debated,” Helena interjected, but had to admit that she was certain Leon had never needed to resort to reading up on Hunnigan’s star sign in an attempt to get to know her a little better, which was more than could be said about Helena’s actions.

“...she’s gonna wanna try not to upset you by talking about the ex too much because you, agent Harper, are one obviously jealous and possessive woman,” Leon finished his argument with a grin.

“You’re not half as oblivious as you pretend to be, are you?” she narrowed her eyes at him and he shrugged innocently. Honestly, he was only oblivious about things involving him directly, but he wouldn’t admit that out loud.

“You’ll be fine. Give the kid some time, give Hunnibear some time, be there but make sure you get lost at times too,” he summarized.  
“Hunnibear?” Helena chuckled and quirked an eyebrow.

“Don’t tell her I called her that.”  
“You’ll have to buy my silence.”  
“Fine, the first round of fiery balls of death is on me then,” he smirked.

 

***


	21. Chapter 21

November 28th 2013, Thanksgiving day. Hunnigan had gone to Minnesota for the holiday, as Helena had expected. It was good, she’d have the chance to spend some quality time with her son and her family, and Helena could... well, she didn’t have any plans, but she considered the break a good thing. Especially since Levi had just a few days ago made it clear he was frustrated with her constant presence.

Helena decided that in the future, she’d need to figure out a way to let him see that just because she was there, that didn’t mean Hunnigan wasn’t spending time with him too. Maybe the three of them could think of something fun to do together, something that would involve them all taking part in it, not just Hunnigan juggling her time and attention going back and forth between Helena and Levi.

Maybe if it would snow enough, they could build something out of it together. Or maybe she could try finding some kind of a shared interest with the boy. Judging from the way his room was decorated, Spider-Man was all the rage. Helena didn’t care much for comics or superhero-stories... so that wouldn’t be the way to go, if she’d just read up on it and fake it, he’d see it a mile away. Plus, she’d get bored. Perhaps a shared interest would eventually come up if they spent more time together.

_Well, he loves potatoes, that much I already know,_ she then mused and chuckled a little. Her eyebrow quirked when her phone rang and she saw Leon was calling her.

“Is something happening? Have the terrorists no shame, it’s a holiday, for God’s sake,” Helena grumbled and he laughed softly.  
“Everything’s fine as far as I know, that’s not why I’m calling. I spoke to some people and managed to talk them into attempting to start a tradition of our own,” Leon began his explanation.

“Go on...”

“Well, most of the people I know don’t really have a home to go to for the holidays... and I figured, why wouldn’t we all get together, have a pot luck Thanksgiving dinner, and I called to ask if you’d be interested in joining us?” he continued and Helena smiled, having to admit her heart was swelling a little at the offer.

“You’re such a sweetheart, Leon,” she said.  
“I know, I’m adorable,” he chuckled, “So, you wanna come over?”

“I would love that. What do you need me to bring?”  
“Anything edible will do, so far all we’ve got is burnt green peas and sweet potato casserole to go with the dry chicken that has to do in lieu of a turkey,” Leon chuckled.

“Don’t mock the chicken, I did my best!” a somewhat familiar male voice called out from the background, but Helena couldn’t quite recall whose voice it was. She supposed she’d find out soon enough.  
“Got it, I’ll be over in a bit,” Helena promised.

“Awesome, see you soon,” Leon said happily before ending the call.

Not much more than an hour later, Helena arrived at the address Leon had given her and walked up to the house.

“Go outside if you’re gonna do that!” a female voice came from within. Helena stood at the porch with the Louisiana bread pudding and whiskey sauce she’d put together hastily from the day old bread and leftover bourbon she’d had lying around. She was waiting for someone to answer the door, but it was beginning to seem like they hadn’t heard her knock.

“Who are you, my mom?” the male voice snickered. It was the same voice that had defended the dry chicken earlier.

“Mom would be ashamed of you,” the female responded. Helena decided to knock a little louder and finally, the door was opened by a blue-eyed brunette, who was pinching the ear of one Chris Redfield between her thumb and index finger as she dragged the big man toward the door. Judging from the half-lit cigarette hanging between his lips, they’d been arguing about smoking.

“It’s my house!” he exclaimed.  
“And we are guests in the house, so you should take us into consideration before stinking up the place,” the brunette said and pushed him out the door.

“Hello,” Helena interjected awkwardly.  
“Hi! You must be Helena, I’m Claire Redfield, and this is my brother, Chris.”

“We’ve met, briefly,” Helena nodded.  
“Good to see you again,” Chris smiled and went on to re-light his cigarette.

“Come on in!” Claire then invited and Helena thanked her before following her inside the house. She was happily surprised to see another familiar face, namely Sherry Birkin. She hadn’t expected her to be here, but was glad to see her too, and that she looked well.

“...and he chuckles and says ‘You were almost a Jill sandwich!’ Now, that would’ve been bad enough, but apparently, he keeps telling that stupid joke to everyone and their mother. I’m beginning to wish I _had_ gotten crushed under that ceiling,” the woman sitting opposite to Leon finished her story, shaking her head a little, and he chuckled.

“That’s harmless, have you ever tried shaking off the jokes you get after you crash a car?” Leon challenged.  
“And a plane... and a helicopter...” Helena interjected.

“Oh, come on, seriously. Me crashing things almost never happens because of my incompetence, there are external factors that should be considered!”  
“Leon, you crashed every single vehicle we were on! Why do you think I didn’t let you fly the helicopter when we left China?” Helena smirked.

“I think she’s got a point, I recall you crashing that cop car we salvaged back in Raccoon City, too,” Claire commented with a chuckle.  
“Oh, yeah, and the cop car we used to escape the campus in Tall Oaks, I’d almost forgotten about that,” Helena added then.

“Well, I didn’t see either of _you_ try to drive with zombies literally crawling all over the vehicle!” Leon defended himself.  
“Okay, I admit that the plane crash wasn’t all your fault; I blame that partly on Hunnigan, she ordered you to take the controls instead of telling me to do it.”

“At least he didn’t crash the train when we escaped Raccoon City,” Sherry finally spoke up with a smile.  
“True, but that’s probably only because he wasn’t actually in the charge of the controls,” Claire quirked an eyebrow.

“Play nice, girls,” Chris snickered as he came back into the kitchen, reeking of cigarettes.

“Well, since we’re all here, can we eat? I’m starving,” Chris then complained a little as he slumped into the chair next to Jill.

Once the food was all served on the table and everyone sat down, Helena had to admit she did feel kind of out of place. All these people here had a lot of history together, and while she enjoyed listening to their stories (nowadays laced with humor even though the events had been anything but amusing when they’d actually been happening), she didn’t feel she had much to contribute to the conversation. She was the newbie and the outsider, kind of the odd one out since she was here basically on her own. The same couldn’t be said of the others.

Then again, she didn’t think there were friendships that just instantly happened, maybe she’d eventually become a part of this group, slowly integrating into it and one day have stories they all shared together. Maybe this Thanksgiving dinner would be the first of many.

* * *

 

Levi had fallen asleep in Hunnigan’s lap shortly after dinner, and she carried him to bed. She tucked him in and stayed with him for a while to ensure he was fast asleep before she turned the light off and exited the room, leaving the door ajar and light in the hall on. She then headed back downstairs and proceeded into the kitchen, feeling like having a drink and maybe something sweet.

She mixed herself a White Russian and then grabbed a slice of the cheesecake leftover from dinner. She closed the fridge door and almost had a heart attack when she discovered her mother had appeared to stand behind it.

“Jesus, don’t sneak up on people like that,” Hunnigan huffed.  
“Well, excuse me for entering my own kitchen unannounced,” Krista rolled her eyes and fixed herself a drink as well.

“You know what I meant, mom,” Hunnigan sighed and took a seat at the table and began to eat.  
“You’ve lost weight. Do you have an eating disorder?” Krista then questioned bluntly as she took a seat, and Hunnigan chuckled.

“No, mom, but thanks for asking,” she said sincerely, “It’s just stress, and now with Al gone...” she continued, trailing off awkwardly then, leaving the rest unsaid.

Growing up, Hunnigan had always envied the other girls who had been able to say they could talk to their mothers about anything. She’d never had that, and she didn’t think she ever would. No, she _knew_ she never would. Just the thought of opening up and starting to tell her mother about what was really going on in her life made her almost cringe.

She could tell her she missed having Alexis around and Krista would question her sanity. She could tell her she’d met someone that she was beginning to really fall in love with, and Krista would tell her she was moving too fast, that she still hadn’t mourned Alexis enough. It wouldn’t matter what she’d say, her mother would find something wrong with either statement, so it was better to say nothing.

“You’ll cope,” Krista said and Hunnigan chuckled. That was exactly what she’d expected from her mother. In her world, there was no room for excuses. There was no room for mommy and daddy-issues, there was no room for stress, there was no room for nonsense like depression. You coped. You had to, because breaking down under the pressure was not an option.

“I will,” Hunnigan assured.  
“Good,” Krista nodded and got up, heading back toward the living room.

“Mom?” Hunnigan asked then just before the other woman had crossed the doorstep.  
“Yes?”

“Have I ever... been a disappointment to you?”  
“No, ‘course not,” came the immediate response. But immediate as it was, it was also casual, passionless. No concern as to why her daughter might be needing the reassurance or why she’d be questioning this kind of a thing in the first place. She didn’t ask, she didn’t want to know, because she didn’t know how to talk about these things.

“Okay. Thanks.”  
“Good night,” Krista said and with that, the conversation was officially over. Well, if one could really call that odd exchange a conversation.

Ironically, she’d never felt quite as lonely as she did when she was around her family. Frank could be an exception, but even his presence wasn’t always enough to dispel the awkwardness she felt when she almost desperately tried to fit in with her own family.

_I don’t belong here._

The sad truth was, she never had.

Hunnigan exhaled deeply and dug her phone from her pocket when it vibrated. She opened the message she’d received. It was a picture, a selfie Helena had taken with a group of others of whom Hunnigan recognized a few. Chris was making bunny ears behind Claire and Jill’s heads, Leon and Sherry were making funny faces, and the “I don’t know what’s up with these people, so I’ll just keep on smiling”-look on Helena’s face said the young woman was beginning to regret not hiding the booze.

_Happy Thanksgiving, Hunnibear!_

She quirked an eyebrow at the nickname and chuckled when another message followed shortly after.

_Damn, I forgot I wasn’t supposed to tell you Leon calls you that._

Hunnigan smiled and leaned her chin in to the cup of her hand as she contemplated on what to respond.

_Thanks, you have a good one too,_ she began, but wasn’t sure what more to add. Now the message was quite cold, actually.

She was glad to see Helena was having a good time, but at the same time, she had to admit, she kind of envied her. And more than that, she...

_I miss you,_ she finished the message and sent it before she had a chance to change her mind.

“...and I want to come home and be with you rather than stay here, questioning my sanity and having everyone around me question my life decisions and make me feel like a freak for wanting and liking different things than they do,” she mumbled half aloud then.

“Talking to yourself now? Are you escalating to full-blown schizophrenia?” Frank taunted from the kitchen door.  
“Not funny.”  
“I wasn’t being funny,” he said in mock seriousness and Hunnigan was tempted to throw the remaining bit of cheesecake at him.

 

***


	22. Chapter 22

Hunnigan was bored. Sometimes, she had a hard time being able to tell the difference between depression and simple boredom; the two could be quite similar, or the one being a symptom of the other. But now, it was pure boredom. It wasn’t like she lacked things to do, on the contrary, but she didn’t feel like doing anything. Not reading, not watching movies, not going out for a walk or to the park with Levi, not getting online and playing video games with Frank and a bunch of strangers. She wasn’t bored in that way, she was bored with her life.

The odd disaster here and there excluded, everything was always the same. Her routine, her work, her home. She usually didn’t mind it; normally she found being able to fall back into a familiar routine comforting. It made her feel at ease knowing that things were the way they were supposed to be, and as long as there was the routine, everything was right in the world. Right and boring, and kind of a pain in the ass. Especially now that her routine had come to include a frustrated four year old who didn’t know how to express himself in ways other than throwing fits.

“I’ll cope,” she mumbled to herself, got out of bed and began the new day in the same way as she had the old ones.

Bathroom, shower, brush your teeth. Make coffee and breakfast while drying off, get dressed, wake Levi up. Get him to brush his teeth, get him dressed and to eat his breakfast. Reserve an extra half hour for temper tantrums either when he refuses to eat his breakfast or when leaving the house when he throws a fit because he doesn’t want to go to daycare.

Work. Reports, budgets, arguments with politicians. Coordinating missions with the BSAA. Still looking for someone to replace her since scatterbrain-Jane had turned out to be a spy. Face the odd suspicious look people liked to give when questioning her stance (after all, she should have noticed something was off about Jane, maybe she’d known all along and was a spy herself).

After work, a mandatory meeting with the agency shrink (a total waste of time as far as she was concerned), pick up Levi from daycare, go grocery shopping, remaining mentally prepared for another tantrum and the “shut that kid up”- and “you must leave a lot to be desired as a mother”-looks you get from strangers as they walk by when your child kicking and screaming at the candy aisle.

Go home, make dinner, try to spend time with your son doing something other than talking him out of a tantrum... then find yourself doing that again when he refuses to go to bed. Go to bed yourself, either too tired to even fall asleep or so tired you’ll pass out the moment you get in. Wake up feeling just as exhausted as you were when you fell asleep, get out of bed and repeat.

In addition to that, Hunnigan missed Helena. The younger woman had kept her distance outside the office, for Levi’s sake, but Hunnigan was beginning to get tired of playing by his rules. It was selfish, she supposed, and yes, she understood that he was just a little boy who had recently lost his mother, and she understood where his frustration stemmed from, but still, she didn’t know what else she was supposed to do about it. She’d spent time with him one-on-one, she’d spent time telling him stories about Alexis and going through pictures and videos of her with him. She’d practically confined herself into the house with him just to ensure he’d have no reason to think that she’d abandoned him, and still... still, he found something to be upset about on a daily basis.

_I don’t know what I’m doing. I shouldn’t indulge him, but at the same time, I can’t just tell him no to everything either,_ she sighed. Times like these, she could’ve used some motherly advice.

_Yeah, that’ll never happen,_ she scoffed to herself. Hell, she’d gotten better parenting advice from Helena than she had ever from her own mother.

“Idgie?” Levi said as he stood at her bedroom door.  
“What are you doing up, sir?” she asked softly.

“I can’t sleep. Can I get in with you?” he inquired and Hunnigan nodded. She made room on the bed and he climbed in, snuggling against her side and resting his head on her shoulder.  
“Everything all right, sir?” Hunnigan asked him and nuzzled the top of his head.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked.  
“Of course not.”

“Is Helena?”  
“No, sir. Nobody’s mad at you,” Hunnigan assured gently and hugged him tightly to herself for a moment, “Why would you think that?” she then asked.

“I don’t know,” Levi shrugged. He did kind of know, but wasn’t sure how to express it. Had he been old enough, he would’ve admitted to having being a jerk, but at the moment, he was stuck with a sense of having being bad and not really knowing why exactly he’d behaved the way he had.

“Can I still see her birds?” Levi then asked timidly.  
“I’m sure she wouldn’t mind,” Hunnigan whispered with a smile.

“When can I see them?”  
“We’ll have to ask Helena when she gets back.”

“Where is she?”  
“She’s in Boston.”

“Why is she there?” Levi continued questioning and Hunnigan sighed a little. Well, mostly because the agency was short on agents for obvious reasons, and she’d had to deploy there with Sherry Birkin with the intent of tracking down the bioterrorist cell that had provided scatterbrain-Jane with the virus she’d used in her attempt at taking down the D.S.O.

She’d been following the trail left behind by the man she’d followed earlier before Jane had ordered her to stand down. Leon had taken it upon himself to attempt tracking down the woman linked into the events, so far he hadn’t gotten very far, but if Helena and Sherry could get something out of the other suspect, maybe they’d be able to find some way of reaching the cell itself. It would take time, but at least they had something to go by.

“She’s working.”

“I feel bad because I yelled at her,” Levi mumbled. Hunnigan had almost forgotten that had happened. She’d been embarrassed and tried to apologize for him, but Helena had just smiled and said she understood his anger, and that she hoped he’d eventually accept her presence when he’d realize Helena wasn’t there to take his mother’s place or steal his remaining parent away from him.

“I’m certain she’s forgiven you for that,” Hunnigan told him gently. 

* * *

 

Normally, Helena liked the subtle stalking that came with the job, but right now, she didn’t want to be here. She wanted to go home, she wanted this to be over and done with. She was impatient, wanted this guy to fucking make a move already, but no. He was careful, which meant she needed to be too. And being careful meant moving slowly, essentially prolonging her deployment and pushing back the day she could go home.

_If Shepard forgets to feed my birds while I’m away, I’ll kill him,_ she mused as she sat at a coffee house, pretending to be reading the paper as she sipped the hot beverage, keeping an eye on her target. Sherry was standing outside, across the street, apparently window shopping for shoes that cost way too much considering how uncomfortable and ridiculous they looked.

The target grabbed his coffee to go and left.

“From Seven, target has exited, I no longer have,” Helena relayed the info to Control.  
“Seven no longer has, running loose. Nine, can you cover?” Control inquired after repeating Helena’s words.

“From Nine, following,” Sherry confirmed and began moving on the other side of the street, sticking with the target at a distance. Helena waited a while before leaving as well, following the directions provided for her by whoever was playing Control today (she’d forgotten his name, the intelligence liaisons kept changing on a daily basis depending on who happened to be available, Helena had given up trying to keep track of them).

“From Nine, the target is now running loose, unsighted, last headed toward South station,” Sherry said.  
“This is Control, is the surveillance blown?”

“From Three, can’t say, maybe he’s just late for his train. I have eyes on target but am unable to pursue.”

“From Seven, I have,” Helena muttered as she hurried over to the station from another direction, following the target, trying not to bump into people and cause a stirr as she kept her eyes firmly on the man, determined not to lose him into the crowd.

“All call signs, cover the exits.”

_Yeah, that’ll help if he gets on a fucking train and we miss him,_ Helena groaned internally. She’d never been this tempted to shove old ladies aside, and that temptation was with her often as they blocked her path walking too slowly, only now it was much more than just an annoying inconvenience.

“Excuse me... excuse me... excuse me!” she snapped repeatedly as she tried to slip from between the stream of people pushing against her. She was too late, the man disappeared into the train only a moment before the doors slid shut and it departed.

“From Seven, the target got into a train at South station. Red line. Lost visual,” she relayed the information as she paced back and forth with her hands on her hips, her breaths now furious hisses she drew between clenched teeth.

“Fuck!” she spat and kicked at a trash can. She decided to flee the scene before the security guard would decide to come over and give her a lecture.

_What would Hunnigan do?_ Helena mused as she left the station and listened to the Control fumble a little as he tried to quickly think of something. He’d ordered agents to cover the stations along the train’s route, but that was inefficient at best, there weren’t enough agents to cover every possible exit.

“From Seven to Control, patch into CCTV available along the route and run facial recognition... and pray that the bastard smiles at the cameras,” Helena muttered.  
“...acknowledged,” the Control said, his tone almost relieved that someone had come up with something that could help.

_Yeah, yeah, don’t cream your pants just yet,_ Helena thought but bit her tongue. It wasn’t his fault they’d lost the target.

“To Seven from Control, you are dismissed,” he then said and she happily accepted that. She’d been working a twelve-hour shift and was going on three hours of overtime, she could use the break.

Helena decided to grab something unhealthy from a burger joint on her way back to the safehouse. She certainly didn’t feel like cooking herself anything tonight. She then made a short detour and bought a six-pack on a whim. Once at the safehouse, she went to the bedroom she’d claimed for herself and dug into the food, grabbing her phone from the desk with her free hand and switched it back on. She checked the notifications and her eyebrows rose when she saw she had one new voicemail. No one ever left her voicemail, everyone usually sent a text if she didn’t answer the call or call back soon enough. She hadn’t even realized she had voicemail until now.

Helena bit into the cheeseburger, thumbed the screen and listened to the message. For a moment there was nothing but silence, then some scratching sounds when the caller handled their phone before finally speaking.

“I’m sorry I called you stupidhead,” Levi’s voice said, sounding sincerely apologetic, and that was it, end of message. Helena laughed softly at that, wondering if he’d called her on his own or if Hunnigan had known about it. Helena had seen him handle Hunnigan’s phone before, she was inclined to believe he’d done it by himself and Hunnigan probably had no idea.

“Thanks, kid,” she mumbled with a smile. She then navigated to Hunnigan’s number and called her.

“Hey! What’s up?” Hunnigan answered, probably expecting the call to be work-related.  
“Just needed to hear your voice,” Helena smiled.

“Oh. Well, here it is,” Hunnigan chuckled, “How’s the job?”  
“It’s frustrating. We lost the guy, for now anyway. And I’ve reached the point of not even caring anymore, I just want to go home.”

“You say that, but I know you don’t really mean it,” Hunnigan commented softly, and she was right. Helena _did_ care, that was the only reason she’d come here in the first place.  
“Did you know Levi had called me?” Helena then changed the subject.

“I did not! I’m gonna have to start locking my phone,” Hunnigan muttered. Helena chuckled a little and told her what he’d said.  
“Yeah, he was worried that you might be mad at him. I assured him you’re not.”

“I’m not. Actually, I miss the lil’ dude,” Helena admitted then as she realized that she truly did.  
“I’m thinking he misses you too,” Hunnigan said. They were quiet for a while, but to Helena’s surprise, it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence like it usually had been.

“Any chance you’d want to have dinner with me... well, us, when you get back?” Hunnigan then inquired. Helena chuckled a little and glanced at the burger in her hand. A decent meal with Hunnigan sounded like just what she needed.

“I’d love nothing more.”

 

***


	23. Chapter 23

Helena stayed downstairs and began to arrange the furniture back to their original place as Hunnigan went to tuck Levi in. He’d put up a little bit of a protest, he would’ve wanted to stay up and play at the obstacle course Helena had helped build and ran through with him almost the entire evening, but he hadn’t had the energy to throw a full-blown fit. Instead, he’d began to lose his battle against the Sandman and had reluctantly agreed to go to bed, asking several questions regarding the possibility of putting up the obstacle course in the morning and carrying on from where they’d left off.

“Wow, even with all my training I was not prepared for this, I’m exhausted,” Helena yawned as she slumped onto the couch.

“Yeah, and I’m just a desk jockey, imagine how I feel,” Hunnigan chuckled and sat next to Helena. The younger woman raised her arm a little, offering Hunnigan a silent invitation, and she accepted it, reaching to wrap her arm around Helena’s midsection and leaned her head against her shoulder. Helena then moved to entwine the fingers of her free hand with Hunnigan’s, stroking a gentle circle into the other woman’s palm with her thumb and Hunnigan tilted her head back a little, reaching to nuzzle the side of Helena’s neck.

“When’s the last time we just sat together, like this?” Helena pondered quietly.

“I’m not sure if we ever have,” Hunnigan murmured. They’d been seeing each other more or less for a little over a month and a half (officially, the couple of awkward exchanges prior to that didn’t really count, even if they did acknowledge them), and during that time, there’d been Levi’s tantrums, and their work that had eaten away at their chances to be together.

“Really? Well, we’re gonna have to change that, because this is nice.”  
“Yes, it is,” Hunnigan agreed.

“All that’s missing is a fireplace,” Helena chuckled softly then. It was snowing outside, the sounds of the city slowly being muffled and hushed by the soft fluff that cascaded over everything.

“Hm, might have one built as a Christmas present for myself,” Hunnigan grinned and sat up straight then, “I might have some candles somewhere, if you’re into the whole mushy-romantic-thing,” she contemplated but Helena shook her head a little.

“Don’t worry about that, I should get going before I get too sleepy to drive,” she said and covered her mouth with her hand in an attempt to hide the yawn that she’d failed to suppress. Hunnigan pursed her lips as she thought about it and then moved to straddle Helena’s thighs, sitting down on her lap.

“What if you’d spend the night?” she suggested quietly and slipped her arms over Helena’s shoulders.

“I’d need to...” Helena began slowly, her words accompanied by a shuddering breath when she felt arousal shoot through her insides at the suggestion, “I’d need to check on the birds, though,” she managed and closed her eyes when Hunnigan leaned to pepper the side of her neck with small kisses, trailing her way up to Helena’s ear.

“I understand that,” she whispered.  
“But, I... uh, I could come back... afterward...” Helena then said, inhaling sharply at the other woman’s lips and breath caressing her ear.

“You could do that,” Hunnigan murmured.

“I _will_ do that,” Helena said, turning her head a little to be able to capture Hunnigan’s lips into a slow, deep kiss. Finally, Hunnigan broke the kiss and stood up to allow Helena to get up as well. The young woman practically ran into the foyer and pulled her jacket and shoes on.

“Drive safe, but hurry back,” Hunnigan smiled.  
“I will,” Helena promised and exited the house.

As tempted as she was to just rush over ignoring the speed limits and the bad weather, she managed to reason that getting pulled over or ending up in a ditch would definitely delay her even more. But even so, the couple of miles she had to drive had never felt quite as long as they did now.

Once at her apartment, Helena went to check on Garrus and Nihlus. They didn’t seem to have missed her all that much, they were used to being by themselves.

“I’m a pretty boy!” Nihlus said.  
“Yes, you are,” Helena agreed with him and proceeded to refill their dishes with a little bit of seeds and some pellets. She then decided to treat them a little as a sort of an apology for being away so much, and went to cut some grapes and apricots into little pieces and left them into a dish for them as well.

When she was done, she went to the bedroom and hastily stripped, tossing her current undergarments aside, deciding to try and find something a little sexier than the simple tan bra and the red boyshorts. She wasn’t sure what to expect, Hunnigan had never asked her to spend the night before. Helena had stayed over twice, but only because she’d passed out drunk on Hunnigan’s couch or in her bed, but since they’d started dating, no. And even now, Helena couldn’t say the invitation meant anything more than that, just spend the night and see how it feels to stay over, but she preferred being prepared. While Hunnigan hardly came across as the type who’d bother paying much attention to things like someone’s lingerie, but surely it didn’t hurt to make an effort... just in case.

Helena took a quick shower and went to rummage through her closet afterward. She wasn’t exactly the kind of a woman who even owned a bunch of lacy underthings, she’d never felt the need to invest in such things.

“Ah, here we are,” she muttered when she finally found what she’d been looking for, the black lace contour bra and matching briefs. A birthday gift from Deborah from a few years back when she’d decided her older sister needed to spruce things up a bit. Helena had never worn them prior to today. As she glanced at her reflection in the mirror and adjusted her breasts a little, she was beginning to regret not trying them on sooner.

“Gotta give it to ya, sis, you had great taste,” Helena mumbled with a smile. Pushing the potentially mood-ruining thoughts and memories aside, she got dressed and headed out after wishing Garrus and Nihlus good night.

* * *

 

 

Hunnigan took her glasses off and left them onto the shelf in front of the bathroom mirror. For a moment, she contemplated on wearing contacts, but decided against it. The last thing she needed was losing one of them in the middle of everything. Besides, she hated those things. She’d never openly admit to such vanity, but truth be told, that one ancient remark from mister Kennedy had stayed with her.

_You’re kinda cute without those glasses._

She knew he hadn’t meant any harm by it, if anything the clumsy flirt should’ve been awkward for him, not her. But, having grown up with the typical “guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses”-taunts from those blessed with better eyesight and whatever else they’d considered gave them the right to torment others, stupid little things stuck with her despite reason. When she ran out of other things to criticize herself about, she resorted to looking for flaws in her apppearance.

“I’m being ridiculous,” she told herself and put the glasses back on, running her hand through her hair a couple of times before shaking her head a little to make the dark brown locks cascade beside her face smoothly.

“Screw you, Leon, I’m even better with the glasses. Wish I’d thought of that comeback a decade ago,” she smirked at her reflection.

Her phone chimed and she turned to look at it. It was a message from Helena, who’d decided to send one rather than knock or ring the doorbell, she didn’t want to risk waking Levi.

“Hi,” Hunnigan smiled as she answered the door.  
“Hi,” Helena replied and stepped inside, shrugging her jacket off and leaving her boots behind as well.

“Would you like a drink?” Hunnigan then inquired as she paused by the kitchen entrance, and Helena nodded. Not only would she like one, she felt like she _needed_ one to try and fight off the nervousness that was threatening to take over. She sat onto the couch and thanked Hunnigan when the other woman came to her and offered her a bottle of beer.

“I didn’t find any candles, but look what I _did_ find,” Hunnigan then said and turned the TV on, browsed through the online catalogue and paused at the list of fireplace videos.  
“Oh, God, I can’t believe there are so many to choose from,” Helena laughed softly when she noticed the long list of different videos in the same category.

“I know, right? I find them kind of tacky if I’m honest,” Hunnigan admitted.  
“Me too, so... how about we just skip that and...” Helena trailed off slowly and reached to take the remote from Hunnigan before placing it and her beer onto the coffee table.

“And?” Hunnigan smiled.  
“...pick up from where we left off,” Helena finished with a supposedly innocent shrug before leaning back on the couch and spreading her arms a little to display her empty lap.

“That sounds good to me,” Hunnigan agreed and moved to straddle Helena’s thighs like she had been before. She arched her back a little when Helena ran her hands down along it before leaving her hands to rest on Hunnigan’s hips. She leaned forward and held her forehead against Helena’s, reaching to kiss her lips once, softly.

“I realize I must have tried your patience beyond belief with my... problems and general inability to just act like a normal person,” she then said quietly and apologetically.

“It’s fine...” Helena dismissed gently, even though she had to agree that her patience and limits had indeed been tested. Not all of it was solely to blame on Hunnigan, Helena knew she herself should’ve been more subtle about everything before just blurting out odd confessions of love drunkenly and out of the blue.

“Besides, these things take time and I’ve actually been anything but patient, really. I don’t want you to feel like we have to do anything or even be together just because I’ve put pressure on you,” Helena then said.  
“Trust me, we wouldn’t be here now if I didn’t want to be with you too,” Hunnigan assured and kissed her again, deeply and slowly this time.

“I’m glad,” Helena murmured into the kiss.  
“Do you wanna go upstairs?” Hunnigan then asked with a smile, straightening up and leaning back a little to be able to look at Helena. The younger woman swallowed hard at the question.

“Yes, I do...” she whispered and gripped Hunnigan’s hips to keep her still when the other woman began to shift, “...but before we go...” Helena said then after stopping Hunnigan from getting up.  
“Yeah?” she encouraged and settled back down onto Helena’s lap.

“I’ve never... I mean, I’ve done something, but I haven’t...” Helena trailed off awkwardly and Hunnigan tilted her head back a little as she let out an almost inaudible “oh” when she realized what Helena was saying.

“You’re a virgin.”  
“I hate that word,” Helena muttered and lowered her gaze as the heat of embarrassment burned her cheeks.

“Why?”

  
“Because it makes it sound like I’m some innocent little thing. I’m inexperienced, not innocent. Please, don’t make a big deal out of it, it’s not like I’ve been saving myself or anything like that, I’ve just never... you know, as I said ages ago, never been in a relationship or had the time or the desire to bother dating anyone, let alone sleeping with anyone,” she babbled and Hunnigan silenced her gently with a soft kiss.

“I think you’re the only one making a big deal of it right now,” she whispered then, but had to admit, it was kind of intimidating.

 _No pressure then, huh?_ she thought when she realized she had the potential of at least temporarily ruining Helena’s whole idea and expectations of sex by failing to please her. Adding to that the fact that she herself had been with Alexis for so long, she’d really gotten used to pleasing only her over the years. Surely there were some basic things that almost anyone enjoyed, but still, the moves from the old playbook would probably be useless with Helena.

“Just needed to let you know so you won’t have to wonder why I have no idea what I’m doing,” Helena cleared her throat awkwardly and Hunnigan chuckled quietly.  
“I don’t have any idea what I’m doing either, I don’t know what you’d like or wouldn’t like...”

“Well, surprise, neither do I, really,” Helena interjected. Of course, she had some idea, and knew her way around the female anatomy from personal experience with herself, but even so, she was the first to admit she’d left a lot unexplored.

“Which is fine. We’re not in a hurry... tonight or in general, so nothing’s stopping us from just taking our time figuring each other out.”  
“I really like that idea,” Helena breathed, feeling her heartbeat all the way up in her throat as she thought about it.  
“Come on,” Hunnigan smiled and got up, reaching to take Helena’s hand into her own before leading her upstairs.

The moment the bedroom door closed and locked behind them, Helena mentally shrugged off her insecurities. Yes, she didn’t think she knew what she was doing, but God damn it, she sure as hell wasn’t going to allow that to stop this from happening. Instead of timidly wondering, she decided to take action and see if any of the things she's fantasized about more times than she cared to admit would actually work in real life.

She stood behind Hunnigan, her arms wrapped tightly around Hunnigan’s waist as she held the other woman firmly against herself and leaned down to hungrily kiss up along from the junction of her neck and shoulder to her jawline and earlobe. Hunnigan tilted her head to the side, brought her hand up and reached it behind herself to sink her fingers into Helena’s hair and grip the back of her neck. She exhaled sharply when Helena slid her hand underneath the hem of her shirt and rested her palm against the warm skin she discovered there.

Helena slowly ran her hand up in a long, light stroke, pausing just beneath the chest before returning back down along the other side. Judging from the quiet moan that elicited from Hunnigan, she approved of the touch.

She turned around in Helena’s arms to be able to face her and kissed across her throat and her jaw, and finally interlocked their lips in a slow, hungry kiss. She brought her hands up, unbuttoning Helena’s shirt along the way before slipping it off of her shoulders and allowing it to fall to the floor. She pulled back a little, having to pause at the sight, aware of awkwardly staring, but unable to pull her gaze away from the firm breasts cupped in black lace, the soft fullness contrasting Helena’s well-muscled arms and shoulders.

Helena bit her tongue to keep herself from sheepishly asking something cheesy along the lines “Like what you see?” and instead leaned closer to Hunnigan as the older woman brought her hands up at a torturously slow pace and gently pushed the straps of the bra off of Helena’s shoulders before reaching to the back and undoing the garment. 

Once they both were finally rid of all the clothing, Hunnigan put her arms around Helena and gently nudged them toward the bed, the younger woman following her lead and easing into her movement smoothly. Hunnigan settled on her back, pulling Helena ontop of her and wrapped her arms and legs around her, and held her still for a moment. As eager as she was and could sense Helena being too, she wanted to prolong this, wanted to take her time, to explore, to learn to read Helena’s reactions and discover what she liked. Helena glanced at her, looking somewhat confused at the subtle interruption, but Hunnigan just smiled and stroked Helena’s cheek reassuringly.

_Slow, love, slow._

* * *

 

Helena nuzzled into the back of Hunnigan’s neck and tightened her grip on the other woman. It was barely six in the morning, the room illuminated only by the street lights reflecting off the generous amount of fresh, white snow, the gentle glow seeping through the pale curtains. The window was open just a little, Hunnigan liked her bedroom cool, but Helena didn’t mind, underneath the blanket and in the bed, their nude bodies kept each other comfortably warm.

Hunnigan turned around, sleepily reaching out to kiss Helena’s lips softly before snuggling into her chest, moving to rest her leg over Helena’s hip, nudging herself closer as her arm tightened around Helena.

“I love you,” Helena whispered and kissed the top of Hunnigan’s head softly as she held her.  
“I love you too,” Hunnigan mumbled quietly and Helena smiled widely in the dim room, her heart swelling with happiness and affection.

She hadn’t realized she’d dozed off for a couple of more hours until she woke up to a rattling sound coming from the door, followed by Levi’s voice loudly demanding to know why the door was locked.

“Oh, Christ,” she gasped when she realized she was on the verge of being discovered naked in bed. Unlike Helena, Hunnigan got up calmly, pulled a robe on and went to stand by the door, an amused smile on her lips as she watched Helena frantically gather her clothes and pull something on while kicking the undergarments under the bed to hide them.

“All done?” Hunnigan grinned as Helena ran a hand through her hair, straightened up her shirt and cleared her throat a little before nodding.  
“Good morning, sir!” Hunnigan greeted the boy after opening the door.

“Why was the door locked?”  
“Because I have a lock and I used it.”

“I want a lock!”  
“Well, you can’t have one.”

“Why can you have one but I can’t?” Levi complained.  
“Because I’m an awesome government agent, I get to have a lot of cool things you don’t,” Hunnigan teased.

“The government’s a cunt.”  
“What!” Hunnigan let out a half-laugh, half-exclaim, fully aware she should probably scold the boy for using such language rather than encourage it by laughing, but was unable to keep herself from chuckling.

“I can’t believe you just said that!”  
“I can’t believe I did either,” Levi nodded.

“Well, he’s not wrong,” Helena commented. Frankly, the odds were he didn’t even know what the word meant or why he should not have used it.

“I want food!”  
“Well, sir, why don’t you head downstairs and I’ll be with you in a bit, okay?” Hunnigan suggested and he did just that.

“I swear, he has not heard it from me,” Helena then said, raising her hand as if taking an oath.  
“No, I’m pretty sure he’s overheard Alexis say that, she was very anti-government,” Hunnigan shrugged and went to get dressed.

“She must have hated your job,” Helena smirked and Hunnigan shrugged again. She had. On the inside, Alexis had been quite the hippie if Hunnigan was honest. Sometimes she still found herself wondering how on Earth they’d lasted as a couple for as long as they had. Opposites attracting was one thing, but that had to have been more about sheer stubborness.

“Come on, I could go for some of those famous pancakes of yours,” Hunnigan then smiled and began exiting the room.  
“What about... What will I say if he asks, you know, about me being here?” Helena muttered as she followed Hunnigan downstairs.  
“That you stayed over, what else is there to say? There’s no point in lying to him. Especially since I personally wouldn’t mind making this a little bit of a habit,” Hunnigan whispered.

* * *

 

Shortly after breakfast, Miranda came to pick Levi up, he’d be spending the day with her while Hunnigan tried to catch up on everything that had been going on at work recently. To everyone’s surprise, he didn’t have any objections. He even gave Helena an awkward half-hug before leaving with his nanny.

“Well, that was different,” Helena mused afterward.

“I think he’s getting over his jealousy little by little,” Hunnigan smiled and headed back upstairs. Helena followed her, aware of her underwear still stashed away under Hunnigan’s bed and that she should get dressed properly before heading home.

“I’m gonna go take a shower, will you wait until I’m done or are you in a hurry?” Hunnigan then inquired.  
“I can wait. Actually, I can’t get into my email from my phone, can I use your computer?” Helena inquired then, frowning at the device in her hand.

“Sure,” Hunnigan nodded and grabbed her laptop. She logged in and handed it over to Helena, who settled to sit on the edge of the bed, balancing the computer over her knees.  
“Thanks. You know, smartphones are over rated. Smartphones and pineapple on a pizza,” Helena said.

“Maybe,” Hunnigan chuckled, “And stay away from my browsing history,” she then smirked as she went and Helena laughed softly at that.

 _Oh, Ingrid. So meticulous, efficient and so very predictable,_ Helena thought as she began browsing through the files on Hunnigan’s computer after hearing the water start running in the bathroom. All the directories were neatly arranged by year, month, and date. Had she been the type of a person who just chaotically saved everything on the desktop, this would’ve been a lot harder. 

Helena grabbed her phone and dug out the memory card from it before inserting it into the reader on the side of the laptop. She took what she needed and left a little something in return before putting everything back and connecting to the VPN. She picked a random location from the list and logged into the free email account she’d set up just to send this one message.

 

***


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're the type of a person who likes soundtracks for their fics, I highly recommend "Corruption" by Two steps from hell for this chapter. :)

* * *

 

* * *

 

Friday, December 13th 2013\. Helena had been AWOL for four days now.

_Redacted record,_ the database informed Hunnigan when she tried to access Helena’s information. Hunnigan’s eyes narrowed. It wasn’t often that people managed to hide something from her.

“Hey...”  
“Now is not the time, Leon,” she muttered agitatedly.

“What are you doing?”  
“Hacking into the CIA’s records,” Hunnigan responded in a casual tone, as if she were merely discussing what to have for lunch.

“You’re gonna get yourself in trouble.”

“I’m already in trouble!” she snapped. She wasn’t, she hadn’t done anything wrong, but Leon knew there were a few people who liked to question her integrity because of this. After all, Hunnigan had been the one who had practically insisted on hiring Helena rather than anyone else. And then there was the incident with Jane still hanging over her head.

Furthermore, Hunnigan blamed herself personally. She was the one who’d let Helena close. She was the one who hadn’t noticed anything. She was the one who had been trusting enough to not think twice before just handing over her computer, logged in as herself with full admin rights. She was the one who hadn’t immediately noticed the little piece of extra software that Helena had left behind to turn the computer into a zombie (not literally, of course), giving an outsider full access to everything she had access to. She was the one who’d been gullible and stupid enough to think that...

“This is personal,” Hunnigan then said through clenched teeth.  
“You couldn’t have...”

“Yeah, yeah, I couldn’t have known, just like I couldn’t have known about Jane or about Simmons or about any fucking thing!” Hunnigan listed furiously and slammed her fist into the keyboard, cracking the spacebar. Finally, she shoved the entire keyboard aside, sending it flying off the desk and clattering to the floor. She _should have_ known, that was her fucking job, no one in the entire damn country was supposed to be able to take a shit without her knowing about it a week before it happened.

“I know you’re pissed off, but I just... somehow, I don’t buy it,” Leon muttered and took a seat.  
“Don’t buy what?” Hunnigan sighed, cradling her forehead in her hand as she leaned her elbow to the desk and rubbed her temple with her thumb.

“That Helena would do something like this. I mean, after everything The Family did to her, there’s no way she’d work with them... willingly anyway.”

“I know, I didn’t want to buy it either, believe me, I’d rather be able to say that she would never do something like that, that I know her, but I don’t. For all I know, she’s been a double agent all the time. I’d think that at this point she would’ve just come out and told us if someone was trying to coerce her like she claimed it was the last time,” Hunnigan said.

“You have a point, but still, why would she do this?”

“I’ll ask her when I find her!” Hunnigan yelled and Leon raised his hands in a surrendering gesture. She was about to tell him to leave her alone when the computer across the room made a noise. Hunnigan pushed herself toward it, sliding over effortlessly in her chair and brought up the alert.

“Got you,” she mumbled under her breath as she pulled up the feed from the security camera from the 30th Street Station in Philadelphia.  
“Watch her,” Hunnigan ordered Leon and he did as he was told as Hunnigan turned half of her attention to another computer to run a quick search.

“She’s getting on.”  
“The next stop is in Wilmington. If we hurry, we can catch her there.”

“All right, I’m going.”  
“Not without me you are not,” Hunnigan scoffed and stood up.

“You’re not a field agent,” Leon argued.

“I’m the the director of this agency and I’ll fire you rather than let you stand in my way!” Hunnigan growled and pushed past him, heading to the roof without bothering to wait for him, already ordering the helicopter prepared for immediate departure.

“You’re the boss,” Leon muttered and exhaled deeply before turning and following her.  
“Exactly!” Hunnigan snapped at him over her shoulder.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

* * *

 

“I’m compromised,” Helena muttered into the phone, “Yeah, well, unless you want me to spill the beans on our deal, get me some damn backup, now,” she then said and ended the call. She hadn’t expected to be able to tell the agents apart from the civilians until they were close enough to actually catch her, but considering how severely understaffed the D.S.O. was nowadays thanks to the recent events, it wasn’t a surprise that Hunnigan had needed to deploy every agent available. That included a lot of faces that were familiar to Helena, including Leon and Sherry. However, Helena hadn’t expected Hunnigan to turn up personally as well.

_She must be furious,_ Helena mused and got out of her seat, heading toward the lavatory as the agents began to board the train. Helena had to chuckle at the obedience of the people who stepped aside without any objections when a stranger shoved a badge to their face and uttered the words “government agent”. Of course, they didn’t know that in these agents’ case, that amounted to very little actual authority apart from some parking privileges.

She waited until the train was moving again and exited the tiny room then, heading toward the back of the train. She’d made it about halfway along the car when she came face to face with Hunnigan.

“Don’t even think about it,” Hunnigan said when Helena began to turn to head back. She raised the pistol and Helena in return raised her hands a little.  
“I’m telling you right now, I’m thinking about it. We both know you’re not gonna shoot me,” she smirked.

“I wouldn’t count on it if I were you,” Hunnigan responded.

“Impeccable timing,” Helena commented to the man who entered the car, unaware of everything that was happening. Before he even realized it, he was being used as a human shield with a gun pointed at him from the front and now also from the side by Helena.

“You’ve said it yourself, you’re a desk jockey. I don’t believe you have quite what it takes to pull off a shot without injuring this guy.”

“You might very well think that... but it’s only because you don’t know that I’ve been pracicing competitive shooting since I was seventeen,” Hunnigan said and pulled the trigger before she’d even finished her sentence. Contrary to what Helena thought, Hunnigan could’ve pulled off a headshot, easily at this range, even when Helena was kind of crouching behind her human shield. But she didn’t want Helena dead. She wanted her stopped and taken into custody. She wanted answers.  

The bullet scratched Helena’s deltoid, taking a chunk of flesh with it, tearing blood vessels and destroying some tissue, but the injury wasn’t severe. It was barely enough to make Helena drop her gun and make a run for it. Hunnigan went after her, shoving the stunned man aside as she went. He’d wet himself.

Hunnigan frowned at the sound of a helicopter approaching, she didn’t recall telling them to follow, but it was about time someone was pro-active around here.

“She’s getting away!” Hunnigan called out to Leon when she saw Helena pause at the passageway between the train cars, use the emergency over ride to open the door and begin climbing up and out.  
“The roof, Leon!”  
“Copy.”

“Hey! Not cool!” Helena yelped, sounding outraged and downright offended when Hunnigan fired at her again and the bullet barely missed Helena’s ankle. The train lurched when the emergency brakes kicked in, and Hunnigan lost her balance, tumbling onto the floor. The noise from the helicopter was overwhelming and in that moment, Hunnigan realized it wasn’t theirs.

“Shit!” she hissed and began to get up, but Helena was already gone, being dragged into the helicopter that was now veering away from the train.

When the train came to a full stop, Leon lowered himself in through the door Helena had escaped from.

“You okay?” he asked and stepped to Hunnigan, offering his hand to help her up, but she declined the offer.  
“Fine,” she said, stood up and snatched the glasses from her nose agitatedly. They were broken.

“Somebody get in touch with air traffic control and see if they have anything useful to say about that helicopter,” she then ordered, threw the broken glasses away and got out of the train.  
“What are you going to do?” Leon asked her as he followed.

“I’m going back to my post as soon as I’ve called Sorenson and told him to start paying attention to the satellite feed from here and follow that fucking helicopter,” Hunnigan spat and was already making the call.  
“What about... who’s gonna talk to the police?” Leon inquired and pointed his thumb over his shoulder at the several police cars that were arriving at the scene. Hunnigan sighed in exasperation. She didn’t have the time or the desire to deal with this crap.

“We botched an operation trying to apprehend a suspected terrorist, our apologies for the inconvenience, yaddah-yaddah-yaddah. Thank you,” she said dismissively, obviously expecting Leon to do it or delegate it to someone else.

“I liked you a lot more when you were a support agent,” Leon pouted.

“So did I,” Hunnigan exhaled and then turned her attention to Sorensen when he finally answered his phone.

* * *

“You’re a shitty medic, Miha,” Helena muttered and inhaled a hissing breath from between clenched teeth as the blonde stitched up the tear in Helena’s deltoid. They were still in the helicopter, the pilot making their way back to where they’d be able to head over to the base of operations undetected.

“Quit whining, I know what I’m doing,” the woman retorted and just for Helena’s comment, tightened the suture with a little bit of excess force.

“So, what’s the next step? I’d like to get this over and done with,” Helena then said, managing to keep from grunting out loud at the pain that followed the sudden jerk. She had no intention of giving Miha the satisfaction. The blonde snickered as she taped a sterile (at least Helena hoped it was sterile) patch of gauze over the stitches.

“Why? You in a hurry to get back to your girlfriend?” Miha taunted and patted the wound. This time Helena visibly grimaced at the stinging pain radiating from the wound as it was being manhandled.  
“Hey, at least I was willing to do whatever the fuck it took to get my job done, which is more than can be said about the rest of you fucking amateurs,” Helena scoffed.

“Nobody forced you to play house with her.”  
“I had to be convincing, didn’t I?” Helena quirked an eyebrow and buttoned up her shirt now that her wound was patched up.

“Uh-huh...” Miha narrowed her eyes as she put the first aid kit away, and Helena scoffed again.  
“What more do you expect from me? I’ve already risked everything, I’ve got as much to lose as you do, so cut back on the fuckin’ attitude, I may be a newbie, but I know not to bite the hand that feeds me.”

“Hah. Don’t get carried away, princess. There’s a lot of work to do yet.”  
“Speaking of, let’s get back to it already, I’d like to wrap this up. I do have better things to do.”

“Like what?” Miha scoffed.  
“Like get paid for my services and then take one hell of a long vacation somewhere sunny. I wanna get started on my seashell-collection,” Helena chuckled and shrugged her jacket on.

“We’ll see,” Miha commented.

A few moments later once the helicopter had landed onto a field at what seemed to be in the midddle of nowhere, Miha pulled a black hood over Helena’s head and helped her out of the helicopter.

“Seriously?” Helena retorted.  
“Wouldn’t want to risk you seeing anything you don’t need to see,” Miha commented and guided Helena across the field and into the woods.

“You know, this would be a lot easier and faster if you’d just...”  
“Shut up and watch out for that branch,” Miha hissed about half a step too late; Helena tripped almost as if to make a point. Miha yanked her up and walked her along the path until they reached the sand road in the middle of the forest and the car that was parked there. She shoved Helena into the backseat and drove off.

Helena sighed and settled to lean back. Might as well enjoy the ride, this would probably take a while. Helena couldn’t see it, but when she began whistling the theme song to _The bold and the beautiful_ , Miha’s eye literally twitched.

“Knock that shit off or I’ll fucking kill you.”  
“Are we there yet?” Helena inquired then instead.

“Keep your mouth shut.”  
“Well, excuse me, I tend to babble a bit when I’m nervous, and being stuck in the back of a car with a damn hood over my head tends to make me kinda fuckin’ nervous!”

“Keep annoying me and I’ll give you something to get nervous about!”  
“Sure, fine, whatever.”

Helena had no means of keeping track of the time exactly, but it was a long ride, it took probably closer to an hour until they reached their destination and Miha pulled the car to a stop. She helped Helena out of the car and walked her into the dining room at the country house they were at.

“Mind taking this damn thing off my head already? I like to see who I’m talking to,” Helena commented after she’d been sat down and Miha finally removed the hood.

Helena blinked a little at the sudden light and looked around the room. It was nicely decorated and elegant, not exactly what first came to mind when thinking about the words “terrorist base”. Most people still liked to associate the word “terrorist” with ragged groups of marauders living in caves at faraway countries when in reality, the most appalling acts of terrorism were conducted by men in suits over fancy dinners... like this one.

“Do you know who I am?” the man sitting at the end of the table inquired as he cut a piece from his steak, put it in his mouth and began to slowly chew.  
“You must be the bad guy.”

“A comedian, huh?” he smirked.  
“Well, I’m no Seinfeld, but I suppose I have my moments,” Helena shrugged. She frowned at Miha when the woman gripped Helena’s wrist and placed her hand on the table. She straightened Helena’s fingers for her and then leaned down on her wrist to keep Helena from moving. This couldn’t be good.

“One of the reasons I approached you was because I assumed that thanks to your training and insight, you would know how to avoid being detected. How is it that you came to be compromised?” the man inquired.

“You don’t know Hunnigan, she’s better at tracking people down than the CIA, FBI, and the NSA put together. Besides, in case you haven’t already figured it out, there are security cameras everywhere and it’s not like I can just magically morph my face into something else, odds are I got caught on facial recognition,” Helena answered.

He stared at her, still chewing on his steak at an annoyingly slow pace. Finally, he washed the piece down with red wine and went on to cut a second.

“There’s a war waging behind the curtains in this country, agent Harper. You need to pick a side... or be taken off the chess board.”

“I have picked a side, that’s why I’m here,” Helena said. He nodded, not to Helena, but to Miha. Before Helena had a chance to even react, the blonde had pulled out a knife and struck it through the back of Helena’s palm, nailing her hand to the table.

“Are you spying on me?” the man asked as Helena doubled over in pain and bit the knuckle of her free hand, grateful for the small miracle that was the fact that Miha at least had the courtesy not to twist the knife.

“If I were, you would be up to your eyeballs in agents and soldiers as we speak,” Helena managed through clenched teeth, “If someone here is selling you out, it’s one of your other assets, not me,” she added then. The man nodded to Miha again, and the woman yanked the knife out. Helena sneered at her as she cradled her injured hand against her chest, the blood dripping from the wound staining her shirt.

“You know what? I want to believe you,” the man then said nonchalantly, wiped the corners of his mouth and tossed the napkin over his plate when he was done eating.

“Patch her up and put her on hold until I find some use for her,” he said and stood up.  
“That wasn’t the deal!” Helena argued and stood up as well, the chair’s legs making a loud screeching sound as they scratched agaist the stone floor.

“It is only temporary until I have made certain you haven’t been leaving behind a trail of breadcrumbs that would lead some unwelcome little ants to my doorstep. Take the time to reflect, it won’t be too long. Good night,” he smiled and exited the room. Helena didn’t like his smile.

“Come on,” Miha said, encouraging Helena to move by giving her a shove.

“Touch me again and I’ll kill you!” Helena hissed at her.  
“Talk back to me again and I’ll do bad things to you,” Miha countered and shoved Helena again, and this time the young woman complied.

She’d been expecting to end up being taken to some dungeon in the basement or something similar, but instead, Miha guided her to the second floor and to a nicely decorated guestroom that was almost as big as Helena’s apartment.

“Enjoy your stay, agent Harper. The first aid kit is in the medicine cabinet,” Miha sneered before leaving the room and locking the door behind her.

* * *

 

  _...assembled to capture Helena Harper, who is under suspicion of spying on the D.S.O on behalf of The Family and conducting terrorist activities with the expressed goal of destroying evidence regarding our government’s involvement in the manufacturing, selling and deployment of biological weapons (view reports: Raccoon city incident; Tall Oaks incident). Our operation failed. Helena Harper remains at large._

Hunnigan stared at the blinking cursor at the end of the sentence, trying to think of something to add. There was nothing. The helicopter had turned up on a field and of course it had been a rental, rented by none other than one John Smith, so that was a dead end. Following further via satellite hadn’t worked out either because Helena and her companions had disappeared into the woods, and there was no telling where they’d gone from there.

What Hunnigan hated the most about writing this report wasn’t even the fact that had to be writing it in the first place; it was the reason _why_ she had to be writing it. It was her fault this had happened. If she hadn’t been so oblivious, Helena never would’ve had the access. She probably would’ve been jailed for treason since her first involvement in Tall Oaks if Hunnigan hadn’t kept defending her.

Sighing, she submitted the report before turning her attention to the security camera footage from the D.S.O. Once Jane had been declared the main suspect and all other agents had passed their polygraphs and interviews with flying colors, no one had had any reason to go through all the video from the attack. No one had any reason to pay attention to what Helena had been doing at that time either.

_If she was the one who threw that needlebomb into my office, I will kill her with my bare hands,_ Hunnigan boiled internally as she fast-forwarded through the few moments prior to the attack. Fortunately for Helena, she’d apparently been at her desk, leaning back with the laptop over her thighs and her feet on the table, chatting with Leon. Once the chaos began, she jumped into action with him, heading straight to Hunnigan’s office after spending a moment discussing a plan with Leon.

_Why didn’t she assist Jane?_ Hunnigan frowned.

_Maybe she really did care about... oh, for fuck’s sake, Ingrid, no. She didn’t care about you, stop flattering yourself,_ she then interrupted her ever so optimistic thought.

Who the hell knew why Helena hadn’t assisted Jane, maybe she hadn’t known about Jane, maybe she couldn’t risk her cover being blown, maybe she’d hurried to Hunnigan because she’d needed her alive.

_That makes a lot more sense than stupidly believing she genuinely loved... or even cared. No wonder her love confessions came so suddenly and out of the blue. How the hell did I ever fall for them, what is wrong with me!  
_

_You stupid, desperate and needy woman, you would have noticed something had you not been so fucking preoccupied by simply being flattered by having a young, pretty little thing like Helena wanting you. And all for fucking what?_ the dark and negative side of her mind stated. She hated admitting that it wasn't even all that wrong. She had been flattered. She'd fallen for it... for Helena... too easily. She of all people should've known better. She should've...

Exhaling deeply, Hunnigan then turned her attention to the footage from the train station. She began to track Helena as the young woman entered the station. Casual, just like any other person, except... as she stood on the platform, she turned to look straight into the camera, essentially giving the facial recognition software a lot of material to work with.

“What are you doing?” Hunnigan whispered as she watched Helena just stare, and Hunnigan felt like the other woman’s stare was drilling holes into her even if it was just a recording. Then Helena smiled happily before turning on her heel and heading to where she’d eventually boarded the train.

“Are you trying to tell me something or are you just gloating?” Hunnigan mumbled into her palm. Of course Helena had known she’d be watching, there was no way she wouldn’t have known that.

_Gloating. Definitely,_ Hunnigan then thought. Sure, Helena had never come across as the type who would do that, but it was turning out there were a lot of things Hunnigan had not known about her. That was undoubtedly just one of many.

“Can I fill the basement with water?” Levi inquired from his spot at the floor of Hunnigan’s study. He’d occupied most of it with a green mat that imitated a field, the plastic fences he’d attempted to put together for his plastic sheep and horses were a little crooked.

A huge box full of various farm animals and a farm house sat beside the boy. A gift from grandpa Sean who’d apparently decided to try to get the boy interested in farming and to take on the family tradition at some point. It seemed to be working.

“No, sir, you _may_ not,” Hunnigan chuckled and shut the computer down before joining Levi on the floor.  
“But then we could swim inside! It would be fun!” he defended his idea and handed Hunnigan a piece of the fence that he couldn’t get right, and Hunnigan set it up with him.

“I decide what’s fun around here, sir,” Hunnigan smirked.  
“I never get to do anything,” he pouted and she laughed softly.

“Yes, you do, as long as it doesn’t involve filling the basement with water,” she commented, kissed the top of his head and then continued working on the fence as Levi began to place various animals around the house.

_Farm house... wait..._ Hunnigan mused when something came to her mind. The only building within miles of the field where the helicopter had been discovered at was the Silva-mansion, owned by the same man who also owned all the woods and the fields surrounding it. A very private man, as Hunnigan recalled. Had made his fortune working with weapons and supplying them to anyone who was willing and able to pay. A self-proclaimed god of war.

_Who is to say that doesn’t involve biological weapons? Jesus, he could’ve been working with Umbrella, war has become such a common thing nowadays, you gotta come up with something bigger and worse to keep up, maybe he was..._

“Okay, if I can’t fill the basement with water, can we get a swimming pool?” Levi asked.  
“...yeah, sure,” Hunnigan muttered absently, not really listening as she hurried to grab her phone and called Shepard.

“Awesome! I wanna fill that with chocolate milk and drink my way out from the bottom, that way I don’t have to worry about drowning either!”  
“Wait, what?”

 

***


	25. Chapter 25

“Hunnigan, I say this with all my love, but don’t even fucking think about it,” Leon said when he noticed Hunnigan was pulling on a bulletproof vest like the rest of the field agents were doing as they began to head out into the van and get moving toward the Silva estate.

“I’m not stupid, I know I’d just get in the way if I insisted tagging along. It’s protocol everyone wears these, even if they are to just sit in the van,” Hunnigan rolled her eyes, “But thank you for your concern.”

Since they were trespassing on private property and had no means of monitoring it via satellite thanks to the generous amounts of woods surrounding most of the area, they’d sent out a recon team. Hunnigan admitted, there wasn’t much she could actually do here since there were no feeds to monitor, but she wanted to be here. _Needed_ to be here.

The team did a few checks to test the communications equipment and the helmet cameras before beginning to head toward the estate.

“Hey. Everything good?” Shepard inquired as he hopped into the back of the van and took a seat next to Hunnigan, reaching to put a headset on as well to be able to hear the team’s chatter.  
“So far, so good, but we’re just getting started,” Hunnigan responded.

She and Shepard sat still, watching, listening. They both got the feeling of things going too well, this had to be the calm before the storm. There were no guards near the estate, no fences, nothing. Either they were confident that no one would ever have any reason to come here, or this was a trap. Hunnigan felt a knot in her stomach tighten when she watched the team approach the building and things remained... still.

“I’m in,” Leon’s hushed voice came from the radio and Hunnigan turned her attention to the screen displaying the footage from his camera.  
“How did you..?” she began to ask.

“The door was open. I think we’re too late,” he responded, the beam from his flashlight sweeping the empty hallways as he moved within the building. He informed the rest of the team that he would check out the basement floor while the others scattered around the rest of the mansion.

Knowing what he knew, he was kind of expecting to find a secret entrance to an underground laboratory or something similar, those seemed to be very popular in these circles. He didn’t find anything of the sort, as far as he could tell. Instead, he discovered large blocks of explosives attached to the pillars supporting the structure.

“Oh, great!” he groaned.  
“What?” Shepard and Hunnigan demanded over the radio in unison.

“Everyone, fall back! This place is rigged to explode in less than fifteen minutes!” Leon informed them and began to hurry back upstairs. Of course it was, to eliminate any evidence and to possibly take out more D.S.O agents.

“Kennedy, where are you going?” Shepard then asked when instead of heading toward the exit, Leon continued climbing up the stairs.  
“I still have time, I need to make sure Helena’s not here.”

“This is not the time to play hero!” Shepard argued.  
“Despite what Helena’s done, she’s my friend, and if there’s a chance she’s here, I need to find her! Might get some answers too. If I’m not back in ten minutes... wait longer,” he muttered and cut the link to avoid being distracted by his superiors’ scolding him for disobeying orders. Leon glanced at his watch. He decided to give himself seven minutes before evacuating.

_Piece of cake._

“Helena, if you’re in here, now would be the time to answer me!” he yelled as he dashed through the hallways upstairs, shoving doors open as he went, being constantly greeted by empty rooms.  
“Here! I’m here!” Helena’s voice finally came out from the room at end of the hall.

“Get away from the door!” Leon said after trying it and finding it locked. He waited a few seconds, stepping back himself and aimed the shotgun at the door. It took a couple of shots, but finally the wooden surface gave in, splintering into little pieces until there was nothing left to connect that and the lock that was holding the door shut.

“Go, go!” he then rushed Helena, and the young woman did as she was told without questioning him.

When Hunnigan saw Helena from the feed coming from Leon’s camera, she grabbed a handgun and got out of the van.

“What are you doing?” Shepard frowned.  
“Just making sure she won’t make a run for it.”

“I doubt she’ll...” he began to say.  
“Wouldn’t you if you were her?” Hunnigan spoke over him and began to walk closer the mansion without waiting for his objections or reasoning.

Hunnigan paused to stand by a tree, a safe distance away from the mansion that was to explode soon. Leon and Helena ran out, Leon stumbling a little at the stairs that led to the building. To Hunnigan’s surprise, Helena paused to help him up before continuing her mad dash away.

When the timer reached zero, the explosion knocked Leon and Helena over, sending both of them tumbling into the snow, a hail of splinters and shrapnel raining over them. Helena was the first to recover and get back up. She shielded her head with her arm, glanced over her shoulder at Leon and ran, ignoring his order to stop.

Hunnigan readied the weapon and aimed, following the young woman’s shadowy figure illuminated by the orange glow originating from the flames devouring what was left of the building as Helena ran toward the woods. Hunnigan exhaled deeply and squeezed the trigger, the lonely gunshot echoing in the cold night air.

* * *

When Helena came to, she realized she was in the hospital and that her wrist was cuffed to the railing on the bed. She sighed deeply, relieved. Her part in this was over, getting caught was more of a blessing than she’d expected. She lifted the blanket and glanced at her legs when the discomfort and sting of a wound registered. Her thigh was bandaged. She tried to move her leg a little. The pain wasn’t too severe, it was probably just a flesh wound, no broken bones.

The door opened and a doctor walked in, followed by a group of agents  Helena didn’t recognize. Either they were new or borrowed from another agency. Regardless, she was glad it wasn’t anyone she knew.

The doctor performed a routine check-up, asking a few questions and writing down her answers before beginning to undo the bandage on her leg. He checked the wound, cleaned it up and put a fresh bandage over it.

“Well, Ms. Harper, I think we’re done here, you’re free to go ho...” he trailed off, glancing at the agents and the cuff on Helena’s wrist, remembering this young lady probably wouldn’t be heading home.  
“Uh, you’re discharged, the wound is tidy and there is no nerve damage, just some tissue damage and it will undoubtedly leave a scar, but there’s nothing more to do here,” he then said.

“Thanks,” she muttered and sat up slowly. An agent came to uncuff her from the bed while another moved to block the door, resting his hand on the butt of his gun to make a point. Helena rolled her eyes; as if she were in any condition to make run for it now.

“Can I get some privacy?” she then inquired, holding the back of the hospital gown closed with her hand.  
“No,” the agent said.

“Fine, enjoy your cheap thrills, boys,” she then said, shrugged the gown off and limped naked to the chair where some clothes were waiting for her. D.S.O. issue sweatshirt and sweatpants to replace the blood-stained and torn clothes that had been cut off from her by the hospital staff as they’d attended to her wound. Well, it was nice of them to have arranged that at least. As soon as she was dressed, the agents ushered Helena out of the hospital and into a car, heading toward the HQ where she would be questioned regarding her recent actions.

The only person she did not want to run into was Hunnigan... and of course, she knew, that Hunnigan was the one person who would absolutely and definitely be there. If not interviewing her, then at the very least watching. The thought made Helena uncomfortable.

Helena was escorted into the interview room, her ankles and wrists cuffed and chained to the floor and the loop on the steel desk that was bolted in place. She leaned back and waited.

“Give me a moment,” Hunnigan requested from Shepard then as they stood in the room on the other side of the two way mirror. He frowned, but didn’t ask.

Helena straightened up in the chair when Hunnigan entered the room and closed the door behind her. They stared at each other in silence for a long time before Hunnigan finally stepped to Helena and slapped her so hard the sound of it echoed in the room a little.

“I... suppose I deserved that,” Helena hissed a little, leaning her head toward the table to be able to reach to rub the sting out of her cheek with her hand.  
“You lied to me.”

“I used you, but I never lied.”  
“What the hell does that-?”

“Hunnigan...” Shepard intercepted as he burst into the room before the situation could escalate. She frowned at him when he went to uncuff Helena.

“What happened to your hand?” he asked her, noticing the bandage around it.  
“...let’s just call it a home-made lie detector,” Helena responded slowly and he nodded, understanding what had probably happened.

“All right, enough! What the hell is going on?” Hunnigan demanded impatiently.  
“I assure you, agent Harper’s recent activities have been honorable,” Shepard began and the muscles in Hunnigan’s jaw tightened as she furiously bit her teeth together.

“This was a classified deep cover assignment, no one knew about this except myself and agent Harper.”  
“You should’ve told me,” Hunnigan snapped at him and he nodded.

“I wanted to, but...” Helena began to explain, but trailed off. Hunnigan wasn’t listening to her, if anything, she looked like she was pretending Helena wasn’t even in the room. She couldn’t blame Hunnigan for that. Everything that they’d gone through and done recently, everything they’d said... Hunnigan had no reason to believe any of it had been genuine. Were the roles reversed, Helena wouldn’t have wanted to acknowledge the other woman either.

“You were under surveillance. If we’d told you, you would’ve taken precautions and the people watching you would’ve figured out that you knew. Speaking of, don’t worry, your family is safe, they’ve got more security assigned to them than the President,” Shepard explained then. Hunnigan paused to consider it for a moment and sucked in a hissing breath through clenched teeth.

“Out of all the agents we have, why choose Helena?” she asked slowly then. She’d wanted answers, but now that she was getting them, they were only adding insult to injury. A part of her would’ve rather believed her emotions and weakness had been played, she would’ve rather accepted the humiliation of having been wrong about Helena, about everything, over having to accept that the agency she’d dedicated her life to would betray her and use her like this. Another part of her hated the entire idea of being such a weakling she’d allow anyone or anything to play her at all, ever. She felt she should’ve known better than to trust anyone, not even someone who was one of “her own”, namely Helena or Shepard at this moment.

“We didn’t, The Family approached her.”  
“Why?” Hunnigan frowned and Shepard cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Probably because of your... personal involvement... which was convenient for us too, Helena could use you to buy their trust in her.”  
“Well, great, wonderful. I’m glad it all worked out for you just as planned, right down to the part where I play my role and never even realize I’ve been cast in your shitty play,” Hunnigan spat furiously and dug into the breast pocket of her jacket.

“Hunnigan, the last thing we wanted was to-” Shepard began, but stopped talking and moved to instinctively duck a little, and proceeded to catch the item Hunnigan had thrown at him. It was a leather case that had Hunnigan’s credentials in it.

“I quit.”

 

***


	26. Chapter 26

“Idgie, no!” Frank exclaimed and rushed over to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled on her hard, sending them both tumbling on the floor.

“This is not the right way to deal with anything!” Frank scolded her, his wide chest heaving as he took heavy breaths when his heart beat twice as fast as it should’ve thanks to the scare she’d given him.

“What the hell, Frank!” Hunnigan hissed at him as she rose to sit up, rubbing the sore spot on her elbow after having hit it on the floor during his valiant yet unnecessary rescue of her.

“Suicide by sticking your head in the oven, isn’t that a bit desperate housewife circa nineteen-fifty?” he scoffed.

“I was cleaning the oven, you waste of DNA!” Hunnigan yelled at him and held up her hands that were covered with thick yellow rubber gloves to prove her point. She didn’t even bother bringing up the fact that the stove was electric, not gas.

“...when’d it get dirty?” he frowned, completely beside the point, and Hunnigan sighed deeply, shaking her head a little in disbelief.  

“Look, Frank... I appreciate the concern and everything, but I don’t like being under this... suicide watch. I’m fine!” she snapped and got up, tearing the gloves from her hands agitatedly.

“So you keep saying, but quitting your job out of the blue just isn’t like you. Are you gonna tell me what really happened?” Frank asked and got up as well, placing his hands onto his hips as he stared at Hunnigan, expecting an acceptable explanation.

“All right,” Hunnigan began and tossed the gloves into the sink, crossing her arms over her abdomen then, “My kinda-sorta-almost-girlfriend Helena was recruited on a deep cover assignment which required her to do things such as intentionally infect my computer with junk that allowed an outsider access to it.”

“...and?” Frank shrugged, still not understanding it.

“And to do that, she had to get close to me, which means not only did she betray my trust professionally, she used me personally. So, in addition to feeling used, I also feel pretty fucking stupid when I even think of everything I...” Hunnigan trailed off in a huff when a myriad of memories passed her mind. Their first time. Helena’s first time ever (allegedly anyway). The confessions of love... and then, Hunnigan’s hatred toward herself when she had to admit that she’d meant it when she’d said it, but couldn’t be sure Helena had been genuine at all, about anything.

The humiliation when she even considered the simple thought of being the laughing stock because she’d been the foolish, stupid one who had believed everything. And God only knew how many people were now aware of her stupidity. No way she could’ve continued as the director of the agency, not if they all knew. Not if they snickered behind her back and made jokes about working _under her_ , were laughing at what a fool she was to have genuinely believe that someone like Helena would ever even want to...

Hunnigan sighed and shook her head.

“I assure you, I am not suicidal; I’m pissed off as hell because I wasn’t told about the operation and I made a fool of myself. I quit because I have no desire to work with people who do not hesitate to shamelessly use me,” she said then.

“But you got the bad guys in the end, right? Doesn’t that make it worth it?”  
“Will you just shut up! I don’t care if it’s worth it or not, I shouldn’t have been put through that either way!” Hunnigan argued and Frank raised his hands in a surrendering gesture.

“You’re right, they should’ve told you, not taking sides, just saying,” he said calmly.  
“Well, don’t.”

“Okay. What are you gonna do now?” he attempted to change the subject.  
“I am going to finish cleaning the oven. After that, I have no idea, and right now, I don’t even care,” Hunnigan humphed.

* * *

 

 “Wanna buy sumthin’?” a middleaged woman asked Helena when the younger woman emerged from the store and pulled the hood of her jacket over her head. A stormy wind was tearing through town, turning the previously harmless fluffy snow flakes into icy needles.

“No thanks,” Helena mumbled and zipped up her jacket, continuing to walk toward home, but the woman followed her.

“It’s bad luck not to buy from a Gypsy,” she said and Helena let out an amused scoff. She seriously doubted the woman was even actually a Gypsy, and even if she were, Helena didn’t believe her bad luck would magically change overnight after buying a charm.

“Well, lady, you’re over half a year late.”  
“I can tell you’ve been hurt in love.”

“Wow, you’re a regular Sylvia Browne, aren’tcha?” Helena rolled her eyes and sped up a little, hoping to shake the woman off. It didn’t take psychic powers to make a guess like that, the odds were in the guesser’s favor.  
“I’m tellin’ ya, you’ll be sorry.”

“What the hell makes you think I’m not already!” Helena finally lost her patience with the woman who only now stopped in her tracks and decided to go elsewhere to look for another possible customer.

Helena was, she was more sorry than she’d been in her life, and the most painful part of it was that she hadn’t actually done anything wrong, really. She’d done her job, she’d done it well. What fucked everything up was the terrible timing of it all.

As she’d said before, she had never lied to Hunnigan. But even if that was the truth and even though everything she’d said and done, she’d meant sincerely... she didn’t believe there was any way that she would ever be able to convince Hunnigan of it again.

_It’s not even my fucking fault! I wanted to tell her, I wanted her in on it from the start, but Shepard... well, he had a point, but still._

Helena entered her apartment and switched the lights on before kicking her shoes off and peeling her jacket away, letting it fall to the floor and leaving it there. She opened the entrance to the bird cage to allow the birds the opportunity to fly around if they felt like it. Then she placed the two six-packs onto the coffee table and threw herself onto the couch.

The apartment was so quiet it was difficult to believe there was a storm going on outside, the only evidence of it being the violent swaying of the trees in silence. Helena grabbed a beer and turned the television on, having no actual intent on watching anything, but needing the background noise to feel less alone.

“I love you!” Garrus called out from the top of the bookshelf.

“At least you do,” Helena chuckled at the bird. She’d forgotten to thank Shepard for looking after the birds while she’d been “AWOL”, but considering this had been his operation and that it had resulted in some personal pain in the ass, Helena didn’t think she actually owed him a thank you.

Helena could stand the restlessness for about an hour before she caved in and reached for her phone. Earlier she’d sworn she wouldn’t do this, but this unease was eating away her determination.

_I actually did a good thing, believe it or not,_ she wrote to Hunnigan. She wasn’t expecting the other woman to read it let alone respond to it. When she did, Helena dreaded opening the message.

_Very well, not._

Helena stared at the words for a long moment before she began to lose her composure and start laughing out loud. She wasn’t sure what was so funny, if anything, but it was just... laugh or cry. She’d probably be doing a lot of the latter in the future, but right now... all she could do was laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

“No,” she then said in the empty apartment, shook her head and sat up.

“I won’t have it,” she muttered, got up and got dressed again.

“I simply will not have it,” she repeated determinedly, grabbed her keys and left.

Not long after that, she was at Hunnigan’s doorstep, knocking politely at first, then practically slamming her fist to the door, demanding an audience with the occupant.

_Maybe I shouldn’t..._ she began to think half a second before the door was opened by Frank and Levi. They were both dressed up and Frank was carrying a large plastic snowslide under his arm, apparently they were heading out for some fun in the snow. He’d customized the slide a little, adding a sail of sorts, having decided taking advantage of the wind.

Frank glanced over her, his eyebrow quirking, but didn’t comment. Helena didn’t know what Hunnigan had told him, but could tell something had been said. Levi, on the other hand, was happy to see her. He went to hug her legs and didn’t waste a second inviting her to join him and uncle Frank.

“Ah, you know, sir, Helena doesn’t appear to be dressed for the occasion, she’d freeze her ears off!” Frank saved the situation with what wasn’t exactly a lie.  
“Yeah, sorry, sir, I’ll have to come better prepared next time,” Helena apologized then.

“You’d better before the snow melts!” Levi ordered.  
“Yes, sir!” Helena saluted.

“Ingrid, you have a guest!” Frank then called out into the house, winked at Helena and got going with Levi, leaving Helena to wait at the doorstep for Hunnigan.

“You shouldn’t be here,” was the first thing Hunnigan said when she saw Helena and the younger woman sighed, nodding agreement. Maybe she shouldn’t, but what other choice did she have?  
“Well, I figured just because I’m not invited somewhere, it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t go,” Helena tried lightening the mood with a bad joke. It didn’t work.

“I’ve got nothing to say to you and I sure as hell don’t want to listen to any more of your lies, you should go,” Hunnigan stated and was already closing the door when Helena placed her foot between the door and the frame.  
“Had it been up to me, I would’ve told you everything immediately, but I couldn’t, you must understand why that is! Yes, by keeping this from you, I probably made you feel like I was using you...”

“That’s an understatement.”  
“...but you have to believe me, I never lied, about anything. Thanks to this operation, we managed to get on the trail of a major player in this fucking game, I would’ve thought that you out of all people would appreciate that and my willingness to do whatever it took to get there!”

“Not when it involves using and manipulating me!”  
“I didn’t!” Helena yelled and pushed herself inside, deciding this was not a conversation to be had in front of the neighbors.

“It was shitty timing!”  
“Yeah, sure.”

“Hunnigan... would I fucking be here if I didn’t genuinely love you?”  
“I don’t know, you were pretty convincing before when it was all just for show.”

“It was never just for show!” Helena said in exasperation, raising her hands to cup Hunnigan’s face, and to her surprise, Hunnigan didn’t just shrug her off... immediately.

“I was in love with you long before I even knew what the hell ‘The Family’ was or what they had to do with everything! I never lied...” Helena continued arguing weakly, lowering her hands and letting them hang limply as her entire being seemed to deflate.

“I never wanted to hurt you. You have to believe me,” she said, her voice softening and weakening with every word as her fight and fire turned into desperate pleas.  
“Why should I believe you? Furthermore, _how_ do you expect me to ever be able to trust you again? Even if you never did lie to me, you betrayed me.”

“I did my job!”  
“Yeah, and I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but you didn’t exactly accomplish much!”

“Excuse me!” Helena exclaimed, her jaw dropping as she tried to somehow find the ability to believe what she was hearing.

“Shepard forwarded me the intel and evidence you managed to gather, undoubtedly trying to show me it was worth it, but I’m sorry, I’m not impressed. All you managed to do was gather barely enough to warrant surveillance on Silva. Hardly worth the effort and the risks, was it?” Hunnigan spat venomously.

“Don’t say that!” Helena said through clenched teeth, her voice reaching a level of desperation she hadn’t known she even possessed the ability to get to.

_But when has pleading desperately ever helped anyone accomplish anything... you’re wasting your time._

“If our roles were reversed, you would’ve done exactly the same thing for less!” Helena then added angrily.

Honestly, yes, Hunnigan would have. It was difficult to remain upset when she found herself having to agree with the logic of it all, but at the same time, no amount of logic erased the pain Helena had caused. The feeling of being used, humiliated and stupid didn’t vanish even if she knew Helena had not intended her to feel that way.

“I really can’t talk with you right now, I need some space,” Hunnigan then mumbled and stepped to the door, opening it for Helena. The younger woman moved, but before stepping outside, she went to Hunnigan and stubbornly wrapped her arms around the other woman from behind and hugged her tightly. This wasn’t something that could just be hugged out, but she didn’t care, nor did she care about how childish and borderline desperate the act was. Hunnigan tolerated the touch for a few seconds before clearing her throat somewhat impatiently, and Helena let go.

She would’ve wanted to say something, but there were no magic words, nothing that she could say. She stepped outside in silence, limping a little as she walked away in the snow storm, internally shuddering a little when she heard the door close behind her.

 

***


	27. Chapter 27

“Helena? Everything all right?” Leon asked after answering the phone. What a thing to ask, of course everything wasn’t all right.

Hunnigan wasn’t the only one who was having trouble accepting that Helena’d done everything she had out of her desire to do a good job, and no amount of Shepard’s explanations had managed to fully erase the shadow of doubt that kept trailing Helena. She’d quickly become quite the pariah among the other agents.

“Sure, can’t I call my friend and invite him out for a drink without something being wrong?” Helena laughed.  
“A drink?” Leon scoffed amusedly, “It’s barely nine in the morning!”

“Have some bacon and eggs with it and call it breakfast, what’s the problem?”  
“Have you been drinking all night?”

“...maybe?”

“Helena, it’s Christmas eve’s eve, what are you doing?” Leon chuckled a little ruefully.

“Well, excuse me, I didn’t realize what day it was. Frankly, this time of the year stopped being important to me a long time ago,” she muttered. Needless to say, she hardly had a huge family Christmas lined up... nor had she been invited to the agency Christmas party.

“How about you try sleeping it off? Maybe you’ll feel better.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks. Bye,” Helena said and ended the call before Leon had a chance to say anything more. She wouldn’t feel better, but snapping at Leon about it wouldn’t do anyone any good. For all she knew, he was the only friend she had left... and even that was beginning to feel like a bit of a stretch.

“Tell me, Nihlus, why is it that I’m suddenly the bad guy even though all I did was what I was told to do? And, I might add, I actually did a damn good job?” she asked the yellow-faced bird that strutted back and forth on the coffee table, hopping over empty beer bottles like it was some kind of an obstacle course set just for him. Helena had noticed that during the time she’d left Nihlus and Garrus in Shepard’s care, both of the birds had gotten a bit chubbier. Well, at least Shepard hadn’t forgotten to feed them, that would’ve been worse than overindulging them.

“Gotta go, naughty boy,” was Nihlus’s response and Helena chuckled.

Her phone rang and she answered, not even checking to see who was calling.

“Okay, let’s do it,” Leon said, apparently having changed his mind about drinking excessively first thing in the morning.  
“See, I knew I could count on you, Leon.”

* * *

 

“Honestly? To me... you seem like the kind of a guy who would love to come home to his wife and have dinner waiting... have your kids run up to you, all nicely groomed and shit like that,” Helena analyzed and drank from her bottle, and Leon snorted.

“Are you sure you’re still talking about me and not Hunnigan? Because if anyone struck _me_ as _that_ type, it’s her,” he snickered.

“Why not both of you?” Helena shrugged.

“So, are you saying you would want to be the prim and proper housewife from the fifties?” Leon belched and grabbed another (well, seventh) beer.  
“Weeeelll...” Helena trailed off in a sing-songy-voice, finished her beer and shrugged again, “...is that really so much to ask?”

“No, but you just never... ever came across as the type who would actually enjoy being barefoot and pregnant.”  
“I know, and I wouldn’t! But what I’m saying is, I wouldn’t mind having someone to look after...” she mumbled.

“Well, in that case... woman, make me a sandwich!”  
“Ha! Screw you, Leon,” Helena laughed.

“I had no idea fifties housewives were allowed to talk back to men!” Leon gasped in exaggerated horror.

Helena reached for the six-pack, but discovered it empty. She got up lazily and scuffed into the kitchen, looked into the cabinets and let out a victorious short laugh when she found the bottle of bourbon.

“We are gonna be so sick tomorrow if we drink all that,” Leon shook his head.  
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t have any plans so I might as well spend the day hungover and wishing I was dead. How’s that for a Christmas tradition?” Helena smirked as she made them drinks before returning to the couch.

“Sounds pretty traditional to me,” he agreed, accepted the drink and clinked his glass against Helena’s.  
“Prost,” he smirked and drank with her. He then leaned back on the couch and glanced at his watch. It was getting closer to two in the afternoon. Time certainly flew when you were busy getting wasted.

Helena mirrored his position and leaned back on the opposite side of the couch, raising her feet up as well. She quirked an eyebrow when Leon put his drink down and grabbed her foot.

“What are you doing?” she inquired.  
“Consider this your Christmas present,” he laughed softly as he ran his thumb along the arch of her foot before proceeding to massage the sides of her heel.

“Oh, Leon. Why can’t you be a woman? You’d be the perfect girlfriend,” she sighed.  
“Sorry, I was born this way,” he grinned.

“No, seriously, why are you single? From what I know, you’re a badass wrapped in a sweet guy, women should be all over you.”  
“I’m just too shy and sensitive,” Leon shrugged, pretending to be coy, and they both burst out laughing at that. There were women, but he supposed a long string of one night stands wasn’t what Helena had been talking about.

“I guess what I’m really asking is what is wrong with you? Commitment issues?” Helena poked and he chuckled.  
“Is my personal life really what you want to talk about?” he asked and Helena shrugged.

“Beats talking about mine, especially since, you know, I don’t really have one.”  
“Fine,” he rolled his eyes and switched, taking Helena’s other foot into his hands.

“Imagine the scenario you described earlier, with the prim and proper housewife, two and a half kids, and a pet dog. Imagine me trying to explain what I really do for a living. Imagine me having to either lie about it or devastate another person’s life by telling them the truth. Imagine me having to leave at a second’s notice and possibly get myself killed and not even be able to tell my family it could happen. Not saying you were wrong with what you said earlier, I wouldn’t actually mind it, but... I can’t do ‘normal’ for obvious reasons,” he explained.

“What if you had someone who already knows everything?”

“Are you offering?” he smirked wiggling his eyebrow, and Helena rolled her eyes.  
“Leon, you know I’m gay. And if you didn’t know, here’s another newsflash; Ellen Degeneres is also out.”

“Well, just blurt it out like that, why don’t you?” Leon gasped and flattened his palm against his chest, pretending to be devastated by the news.  
“I was thinking more like... you and Claire.”

“Hah, no. Just, no.”  
“Why not? You two look pretty good together.”

“Because I care about her.”  
“...yeah, caring about the other person is bad for a relationship,” Helena commented sarcastically and sipped her drink.

“I care about her too much to do that to her.”

“...and she’d be the second choice. Because of Ada,” Helena finished for him and Leon glanced at her, not confirming or denying anything. Helena didn’t probe further. She knew perfectly well what it felt like being the second choice... and she didn’t wish that upon anyone.

“Well, since you’re not gonna make a move on her, I think I will,” Helena then jested, rubbing her hands together like a cartoon villain.  
“I’d love to see you try,” Leon chuckled as he tried to imagine the look on Claire’s face if Helena actually asked her out.

“Come to think of it, Sherry’s kind of my type too,” the young woman then pursed her lips as she pondered on it.  
“Hey, keep your hands off my baby girl,” Leon narrowed his eyes like a protective big brother.

“Fine, I’ll focus on Claire. Or on Jill Valentine, rawr,” Helena purred and Leon chuckled softly at her bravado. It was the kind of bravado that took over when the one your heart really wanted wasn’t there and you didn’t shy away from desperately trying to pretend you were all right by going from a sweetheart to a womanizer in the hopes that The One would notice, and would stop you. It hardly ever worked... at least not based on Leon’s experience.

“Pft, you’d be wasting your time, Jill’s with Chris,” he then said, deciding not to bother mentioning how transparent Helena was really being.

“Bullshit, they’re ‘partners’, Chris is the only man on the planet who says that and actually literally means it. If they were more than that, he would’ve bragged about it ages ago.”  
“You’re not making any sense, not all guys brag about the women they’ve been with,” Leon shook his head.

“I’m saying I’m convinced Chris is gay.”  
“You think everybody’s gay.”

“Well, since you mentioned it, I’m beginning to wonder about you too,” Helena teased.  
“Oh, come on!” Leon scoffed and rolled his eyes. 

“I’m just fuckin’ with ya,” Helena laughed and sat up straight before getting up and limping into the kitchen to refill their glasses. She paused when the wound on her thigh reminded her of its existence with a throbbing sting.

“Penny for them,” Leon said after glancing over and noticing how lost in thought Helena seemed all of a sudden.  
“She shot me,” the young woman mumbled.

“Hunnigan?”  
“Yeah.”

“...well, she had her reasons,” Leon offered.  
“I know, it’s not that I’m blaming her for doing it, it’s just...” Helena shook her head a little, “She shot me, twice! Didn’t think she had it in her.”

“She’s turning out to be full or surprises,” Leon mumbled.  
“I know right? Like, did you know she’s been a competitive shooter since she was seventeen? I was surprised!”

“I knew, and you would've too if you hadn’t been too busy ogling at _her_ whenever you were in her office; the trophies are right there, you know?” Leon teased.

He admitted that he’d preferred Hunnigan before she’d gotten the promotion. She’d been less on edge. Kind of strict and maybe even a little prudish, sure, but also a lot more fun and less likely to bite your head off for the smallest reasons. But, it wasn’t her fault. Anyone in her position would’ve undoubtedly begun getting a bit snappy under the recent circumstances. First the whole business with Jane, then Alexis’s death... and now Helena’s deep cover assignment...

“Why did you do it anyway?” Leon asked then, not bothering to elaborate further. He didn’t need to.  
“Wouldn’t you have?” she asked back.

“Yes, but for me, the situation would be different, you had to know Hunnigan would want to wring your neck for what you did. Or shoot you.... twice,” Leon trailed off as Helena went back to the living room with the drinks and took a seat.

“I just wanted to make an actual difference, and I was given the chance to do that. I had to take it.”  
“How did you get involved exactly?” Leon then asked and Helena sighed. She took a sip of her drink and leaned back on the couch, shrugging a little.

“One of Silva’s minions approached me. Apparently, Jane had vouched for me at some point, considering me good recruit-material,” she began.  
“How’d she come to think that?” Leon scoffed, “After everything The Family did to you, and what you did to take Simmons down...”

“The records were redacted after the investigation, remember? I can only assume that they thought I’d played along willingly.”  
“Well, still, they should’ve known,” Leon frowned.

“Anyone who knew about what happened in Tall Oaks and at the Cathedral where Deb and I were being held probably died when Simmons ordered the sterilization missiles. So, all they really knew was what’s on my record... and what they knew of the orders Simmons had given me. Looking at it like that, it looks like the President was infected under my watch after Simmons had personally arranged for me to be the President’s personal bodyguard...” Helena trailed off in a mutter as she drank from her glass, glad of the fact that she’d gone beyond the point of being able to taste the alcohol.

“So, they thought you’d been a double-agent all along.”  
“Probably, I don’t know, I didn’t ask. When they approached me, I told Shepard because he was the acting director at the time. He told me to go for it and to keep my mouth shut... so I did.”

Helena had left the bird cage open and Garrus hopped outside, did a quick tour around the apartment before landing on Leon’s shoulder.

“Hello!” he greeted the man.  
“Hello to you too,” Leon chuckled at the bird. “Aren’t you worried they’ll shit over everything when you let them out?” he then asked Helena and the woman chuckled softly, shaking her head a little.

“They know better,” she answered as Garrus then proceeded to find his favorite spot on the top of the bookshelf.

“I really thought I was doing a good job, you know? It was just incredibly shitty timing. I didn’t want to use Hunnigan, but I had to buy Silva’s trust in me somehow. Considering everything, I think that kind of failed in the end...” Helena then trailed off.

“Well, getting caught blew it for ya, huh?” Leon smirked.  
“I did that on purpose.”  
“I kind of figured you had.”

“It was just getting to be a bit too much... and I felt that if anyone were to be able to track me down, it would be Hunnigan. Besides, it wasn’t like there was a lot more I could’ve done even if I’d stayed on the job, Silva was questioning me as it was. Apparently I wasn’t as convincing as I’d thought. Well, except... I did manage to convince Hunnigan I’d just used her, even if that wasn’t my intention,” Helena sighed and slumped into the couch, hanging her head a little as she literally seemed to shrink under the weight of the dark thoughts that came to her mind.

“And now, she’s quit her job and she hates me for what I did, and I’m... a persona non grata as far as the other agents are concerned. Well done me, huh?”

“It’ll pass and Hunnigan will be back,” Leon said and put a comforting hand on her uninjured shoulder.  
“You think so?” Helena quirked an eyebrow and he nodded.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned about women, it’s that sometimes they need to dramatically leave in a big huff... and after they’ve cooled off and had a chance to think about it, they’ll be back and act as if nothing happened.”

“That is such a sexist thing to say,” Helena narrowed her eyes at him.  
“It is,” he agreed with a grin, “but it’s also true... most of the time.”

“I hope so.”  
“Trust me. You did the right thing. Sure, your timing sucked and maybe you could’ve gone about it all with a bit more... finesse, but you did a good job. The agency will see it and Hunnigan will too. Just give her time.”

“...why did you come looking for me? At the estate, I mean,” Helena then asked.  
“Because believe it or not, I do actually consider you a friend, and I never would’ve been able to live with myself if I’d just walked away without even checking.”

“That’s at least twice you’ve saved me now.”  
“All in a day’s work,” Leon smiled sweetly.

 

***


	28. Chapter 28

Hunnigan was already regretting having accepted Shepard’s invitation to be his plus one at the party some big shots had invited him to for New Year’s. She had no idea why she’d agreed to go, she’d already known he’d undoubtedly spend the entire evening trying to talk her into coming back to work. She supposed that on some level, deep down, she wanted him to ask her to come back and she wanted to say yes. That was the only logical reason she could think of for the brainfart of having said yes to his invitation.

The dedication to her work and how little she’d spent time pursuing interests outside the office had become an obvious thing only after she’d quit, and had realized that now that she had all the time in the world, she had no idea what to do with it.

“Well, sir, how do I look?” Hunnigan asked from Levi after he’d ran into her room and stopped in his tracks at the sight of her. Like practically everyone else, he was used to seeing her in a suit or jeans and a T-shirt, not a formal, deep blue dress and a full arsenal of accessories to go with it, all of it topped off with some heavy warpaint (or “make up” as some liked to call it).

“Different,” was all Levi could manage to say and Hunnigan chuckled a little, deciding to take it as a compliment.  
“When will you be back?” Levi inquired then as he climbed to sit on the bed.

“After your bed time, so don’t even think about waiting up,” she smiled at him through the mirror as she put her earrings on and reconsidered her decision to wear her hair down. She’d kept it tied up for so long and so often, she wasn’t sure she knew how to be comfortable if it was down and at the risk of getting in her way.

 _Up you go,_ she decided then.

“Will you bring me back something?” Levi then asked and Hunnigan chuckled softly.  
“What do you expect I bring back from there? It’s a boring dinner with boring adults, I don’t think there will be anything fun to bring back,” she told him apologetically.

“Oh,” Levi sighed, obviously disappointed.  
“I’ll see if you and I could get something fun for you tomorrow?”

“Like a puppy?”  
“No, sir. No pets,” Hunnigan rolled her eyes, smiling.

Miranda’s footsteps came up the stairs and Levi buried himself underneath Hunnigan’s blanket, hiding from the nanny, not realizing that the lump his being formed was quite obvious.

“Oh, no! I seem to have lost the boy!” Miranda jested louder than was necessary, her exaggerated tone making Levi giggle-snort a little.

“Whatever will I do now?” Miranda continued in fake desperation and slumped onto the bed.

“I’m here!” Levi announced and jumped up from under the blanket and Miranda let out a huge sigh of relief, pressing her palm against her chest.  
“Thank goodness!” she exclaimed.

“All right, I’m gonna get going,” Hunnigan finally commented after finishing tying up her hair.  
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do... who am I kidding, then you wouldn’t be able to do anything,” Miranda joked.

“I’ll try to hurry back.”  
“Meh, you’re paying me so well I’m the envy of all the other nannies at the playground, so I’d dare say you’re entitled to take your time,” Miranda shrugged with a grin. Well, it was true, but it was also true that nannies as good as Miranda were a rarity. What made her even more rare was the fact that Hunnigan actually trusted her and was comfortable trusting her son with Miranda.

“Well, I’ll keep you informed if I end up overstaying, but I doubt that’ll happen,” Hunnigan said as she made her way downstairs and shrugged her jacket on.  
“As I said, take your time,” Miranda nodded as she followed, carrying Levi in her arms.

“And you, sir, behave yourself. Be a gentleman,” Hunnigan grinned at Levi as she reached to kiss his cheek and hugged him.  
“When am I not?” he grinned back.

“We’ll be fine, just try to enjoy yourself,” Miranda said.  
“Okay, I’m off,” Hunnigan smiled, waved a little from the door before exiting and getting into the cab that was waiting for her.

* * *

“You’re staring.”  
“I know. Be still, my beating heart,” Shepard commented, fanning himself a little with his hand when he saw Hunnigan.

“Don’t start, or I will leave,” she threatened, but linked her arm with his regardless as they walked toward the hotel’s ballroom that whoever was hosting the party had reserved for the occasion.  
“Well, I can’t have that, now can I? Nothing quite compares to the feeling of pride and smugness I enjoy when I get to enter a room with you, I’m always the envy of everyone,” Shepard complimented and Hunnigan rolled her eyes at him.

“Flattery won’t help your case.”  
“I was being sincere,” he assured.

“Yeah, well, I’m still angry at you, so don’t push it,” Hunnigan warned him.

 “Y’know, I read somewhere that women get cranky when they haven’t had enough sex, and that they don’t realize _that_ is the reason they’re angry,” Shepard said and placed his hand over hers, offering her a smile and a suggestive quirked eyebrow.

Hunnigan sighed. She knew herself to have moments when she could go from prudish to downright hypersexual, but at least she had a legitimate mental disorder she could blame it on. But in Shepard’s case... Hunnigan was convinced he was just the kind of a guy who couldn’t help himself from trying to bed everything that moved... and almost everything that didn’t move. Most people were flattered when he approached them (and why wouldn’t they be, he was a handsome, charming man), but Hunnigan had grown immune to his advances.

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” she smirked.  
“Only to the cranky, beautiful ones,” he grinned back at her.

“Knock it off, Shepard, you’re being obnoxious.”  
“Okay, okay, just needed to get it out of the way so that I can go on badgering you about coming back to work,” he then said.

“Honestly... I do want to come back, but I don’t know how I will be able to do that. Not after everything... I can’t stand the idea of everyone knowing I was used and fell for it so damn easily.”

“No one thinks that, no one even knows you weren’t in on it, because... and sorry if this brings your fantasy world crashing down, but no one cares. All everyone cares about is doing their own job and doing it well enough to keep their job. There’ll always be office gossip... as far as I know, some people still like to think that you and I slept together at some point...”

“Gee, I wonder why they’d think that,” Hunnigan interjected, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“...but at the end of the day, people have better things to do than to spend their days wondering about others’ personal lives. The agency welcomes you back with open arms,” Shepard said, not commenting on the hows and whys of the rumors about him and Hunnigan that were still the hot topic during days when all other gossip was slow.

“There’s someone who wanted to meet you,” Shepard then changed the subject after noticing a familiar face in the crowd. Hunnigan groaned internally as he guided her toward a man who looked like the definition of a politician. Slightly older, his mannerisms obviously learned elegance and not something he’d known until becoming a public figure, polite and correct to the point of being obnoxious even if he didn’t mean to be.

“Senator Lawson, I would like to introduce you to Ingrid Hunnigan, the director of the Division of Security Operations,” Shepard introduced them. Hunnigan noticed Shepard didn’t mention her recent resignation, but decided to let it slide for now. She shook the senator’s hand and offered a polite albeit a somewhat insincere smile. She was not in the mood to be nice and talk politics.

“Ah, at last! I’ve been wanting to meet with you, director Hunnigan.”  
“Forgive me, my schedule has been quite full recently.”

 _What with my agency being constantly attacked from outside and inside, and my ex-wife turning into a monster and then being killed by... well, my protégé slash kinda-sorta-girlfriend... now kinda-sorta-ex for pretending to be a double agent, and for humiliating and betraying my trust as she did that. Oh, yes, and then there’s the questioning and investigations I’ve had to go through because I’ve recently been quite trigger-happy for a mere pencil pusher. Add to that a shit ton of useless therapy, a bi polar disorder, an overly protective brother, and a four year old child, it gets kind of busy.But who’s keeping track, all in a day’s work,_ Hunnigan ranted mentally. The sad part of it was that living with all those things truly was what she had grown to consider normal. What terrible things to get used to.

“I’ve actually been wanting to personally thank you for the excellent work you have done to keep our nation safe.”  
“It’s not just me, it’s the entire agency, I’m just... a desk jockey,” Hunnigan smirked and the senator chuckled heartily.

“Maybe, but an agency without a capable leader to show the way would be useless. It’s important to me that someone I know I can trust is handling these kinds of investigations. I can’t tell you how happy I am that that person is you, director Hunnigan,” Lawson said before pausing for a second and turning his attention to Shepard, “No offense, John.”

“None taken, I happen to agree with you wholeheartedly,” Shepard laughed softly.

“Actually, I’ve been working with the budget committee to allocate more resources for the D.S.O., I realize you don’t have quite the same oversight as your sister agencies, and I wanted to assure you that I am doing everything in my power to correct that,” the senator then told Hunnigan.

“I appreciate that and your continued efforts,” she said and nodded.  
“Likewise, director. Now, you’ll have to excuse me, my wife seems to want my attention, I wouldn’t dare make her wait too long,” Lawson smirked and headed over to the woman who was impatiently waiting for him to come to her rescue from having to listen to the boring story the man chatting her up was sharing. At least, that was what Hunnigan imagined was happening based on the expression on the woman’s face.

“Did you pay him to butter me up?” Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow at Shepard and he laughed, shaking his head.  
“Lawson might be a bit of a... well, politician, but he is genuine. At least about this,” Shepard assured.

“So... whaddaya say? Do we have our director back?” he asked then, reaching to get two glasses from a tray, offering the other to Hunnigan, expecting to toast her return to work. She exhaled deeply, stared at him with her eyes narrowed a little, deciding to let him sweat a little before accepting the drink from him.

“Congratulations, mister Shepard, you’ve found a director for your agency,” she smirked then, clinked her glass against his and drank with him.

* * *

 

“Happy New Year,” Helena muttered to herself as she lay back on the couch and grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl. She was about to eat when the buzzer rang.

“What the hell?” she frowned and got up, sighing a little. She went to look to the street from the window, trying to see who was at the front door of the building, but couldn’t see anyone. Undoubtedly a drunken guest of one of the occupants who had decided to randomly ring all the apartments in the hopes of someone letting them in. Either that or maybe it was a Jehova’s witness with insomnia. The buzzer rang again, longer this time and Helena groaned.

“Fine, fine, fine,” she grumbled and buzzed the person in just to get them to stop ringing the damn thing. She’d just gotten back to her comfortable spot on the couch when there was a knock on her door.

“Oh, come on!” Helena spat agitatedly, “If I want guests, I’ll invite them!” she snapped as she went to answer the door, prepared to give a piece of her mind to the uninvited guest. Instead of doing that, she stood there in stunned silence when she saw Hunnigan.

She was wearing a long leather coat, and underneath it Helena noticed a rather fancy dress. Judging from her outfit, she’d been at a party, but the thing that really gave it away was the fact that Hunnigan was... well, drunk. _Really_ drunk. Helena opened her mouth to say something, but before she had a chance to speak, Hunnigan reached to slip her arms over Helena’s shoulders and leaned into the younger woman.

“If I’d noticed there was a buzzer, I wouldn’t have bothered screaming under your window that one time,” she slurred.  
“Um... okay? So, uh... what’s... happening?” Helena whispered, ignoring the slight pain in her deltoid as Hunnigan’s arm rested on the injured shoulder.

“I came to tell you what an ass you are!” Hunnigan hissed into Helena’s neck as she slumped a little more onto Helena and the younger woman put her arm around Hunnigan’s waist to help her stay on her feet.  
“All right?” she said awkwardly.

“Yes,” Hunnigan then said, mostly just to say something. She then pulled her arms back, still leaning onto Helena as she proceeded to shrug her coat off, letting the heavy leather jacket fall to the floor.

“So, uh...” Helena stammered a little, unsure what to do then. Hunnigan decided for her, put her arms around Helena’s shoulders again and pushed into the younger woman, nudging them toward the living room and Helena eased into the movement. They staggered to the couch and Helena gave in, settling to lie on her back, Hunnigan tumbling over her, ending up lying ontop of Helena.

“I hate what you did,” she mumbled then, her head resting on Helena’s chest.

_Oh, soft._

“You know why I did it.”  
“I know, but I still hate it.”

_So... soft._

“If I could fix it, I would, but I don’t know how. I don’t even think I actually did anything wrong... per se,” Helena defended herself weakly.  
“And I hate that I love you,” Hunnigan then said, obviously ignoring what Helena had just told her.

“You..?”  
“It hurts.”

“You have to believe me, it was never my intention to-” Helena began to say, but Hunnigan spoke over her.  
“I’m humiliated, you have no fucking idea! What you did and how I feel despite everything is just embarrassing!”

“Why?” Helena frowned and Hunnigan grumbled something Helena couldn’t really make out. She asked the other woman to repeat it, but Hunnigan had already passed out.

Helena reached to gently pull the glasses from Hunnigan’s face and put them on the table before turning her attention back to the sleeping, drunken woman.

“I know you only came to tell me what an ass I am, but I’m still happy you’re here,” Helena whispered and ran her thumb over Hunnigan’s cheek gently.

She then leaned back and closed her eyes as well, deciding to try and get some sleep. Come morning time, Hunnigan would undoubtedly regret having come over, and she would surely just leave and pretend she was never here, and Helena accepted that. She was willing to give that to Hunnigan. After all, Hunnigan had done her the same favor before. But for the time being, Helena decided to enjoy this little moment while it lasted, she couldn’t be sure if she’d ever get another chance again.

She nuzzled into the top of Hunnigan’s head, her arms around the other woman, holding onto her almost as if her life depended on it. Helena wished she could do this every night. Find comfort and gentleness. Just feel at ease knowing, that the one person who mattered to her the most was in her arms, safe and sound. Under her protection. Close. Loved. It was all so ordinary, yet so much to ask.

* * *

 

 _Oh, God, why?_ Hunnigan groaned internally when the familiar whistles and chirps of Garrus and Nihlus registered, and she realized where she was before even opening her eyes. She could feel her heartbeat all the way up in her temples and her mouth felt and tasted like she hadn’t brushed her teeth in a month. On top of that, she felt like throwing up a little, partly because of the hangover, partly because she felt an uncomfortable anxiety gnawing at the pit of her stomach when she thought about getting up and having to face Helena.

“Morning,” Helena whispered and to Hunnigan’s surprise, the younger woman didn’t sound smug or intent on teasing her for having turned up drunk. If anything, she sounded somewhat concerned. Hunnigan turned to lie on her back and looked at Helena who was sitting in an armchair, drinking coffee and watching _Family guy_.

“Morning...” Hunnigan mumbled and began to get up slowly, swallowing hard against the nausea that was climbing up her throat.  
“I wasn’t sure if you’d feel like eating so I didn’t make anything, but I can fix you something to eat if...”

“No... thank you,” Hunnigan said awkwardly, “I should...” she then said and blew out a breath, pointing at the front door over her shoulder with her thumb.

“Oh,” Helena mumbled, not even bothering to try hiding her disappointment. She’d figured Hunnigan would want to leave and acts as if nothing happened, but a part of Helena had held hope that maybe they could talk about it.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here,” Hunnigan shook her head.  
“Don’t be, I’m glad you came, I just wish we could... discuss all of this, properly...” Helena suggested tentatively.

“You know what? You’re right. It wasn’t your fault and I owe you an apology... for what I said about it not being worth it. If it weren’t for your actions, we still wouldn’t know who we should even be looking at. I’m sorry I made it seem less important that it really is, that was inappropriate and uncalled for,” Hunnigan apologized quietly. She hated having to admit that she’d gone there and said those things with the sole purpose of hurting Helena’s feelings. She hated having to admit she could be such a mean person if the situation got bad enough.

“I forgive you. I’d forgive you anything,” Helena said softly.

_Including shooting me, twice._

Hunnigan merely nodded and looked around the room, trying to locate her glasses. She picked them from the table and put them on, then pushing an errant lock of hair behind her ear when it escaped from the French twist she’d put it in earlier.

“For what it’s worth, it was real, all of what I told you. I know me repeating that won’t magically make you believe it, but it’s the truth,” Helena then said.

Hunnigan just shrugged and stood up, straightening her dress a little and sighing as she prepared for the walk of shame... despite the fact that she hadn’t done anything that was usually associated with walking home the morning after, still dressed up from last night. Besides, she was certain she wasn’t the only one doing it this morning.

“Don’t go,” Helena then requested when Hunnigan took a step toward the door.  
“So I stay, then what?” Hunnigan asked, pausing mid-step.

“Then we talk about this and find a solution and... be happy together?” Helena suggested and Hunnigan scoffed a little.  
“You really think it’ll be that simple?”

“No, but it would be a start... We could start building on a clean slate like you wanted to in the first place. I realize there’s a lot of junk to clean, now more than ever, I suppose, but... isn’t it worth a shot at least?” Helena reasoned quietly.

“I wish I could.”  
“You can, you just need to... give me a chance to convince you. That’s all I’m asking.”

“It’s a pretty tall order under the circumstances,” Hunnigan said and Helena nodded. She knew that it was, she was asking Hunnigan to go against what her instincts undoubtedly were telling her to do. She was asking Hunnigan to willingly put herself at risk of getting hurt again. She was asking Hunnigan to trust her even though she’d just more or less betrayed her.

“It’ll be worth it, I promise,” Helena assured, realizing her promises hardly had much value considering everything.

Hunnigan didn’t say anything, instead she went to gather her jacket from the floor, put it on and dug her phone from the pocket. No missed calls. That was something at least, apparently Miranda and Levi had managed by themselves... not that Hunnigan had doubted it.

“Ingrid... don’t go,” Helena repeated once more and Hunnigan sighed, her shoulders slumping a little as she did.  
“I have to so that Miranda can...”

“It’s barely seven in the morning, I bet Levi’s not even awake yet.”  
“There’s no point in staying, because what then? I’m tired of talking, I’m tired of this whole clusterfuck.”

“I am too, and all I really want is just to be with you! I don’t understand why this has to be so difficult. I mean... we had a good thing going.”  
“Yeah, until you decided to...” Hunnigan began in an agitated tone, but cut herself off, swallowing the rest of the sentence.

“Yes, I fucked up, but you know why I did it, and you said it yourself...”  
“I know what I said! I also said I’m tired of talking, because all we’re doing is going in circles and this conversation is not leading anywhere,” Hunnigan interrupted in an exasperated sigh.

“All right then, no more talk,” Helena stated and stepped to Hunnigan, put her arms around the other woman and kissed her hard. It wasn’t quite as pleasant a kiss as she’d wished for it to be (with their lips interlocking with almost painful force, and Hunnigan’s less than flattering morning after-breath invading Helena’s senses in a bad way), but it beat standing there and simply letting Hunnigan go.

“Stay with me,” Helena whispered after breaking the kiss slowly, still holding onto Hunnigan, leaning to rest her forehead against Hunnigan’s, “No more talking about it, just give me that chance to show you.”

Hunnigan pulled back a little, staring into Helena’s eyes, trying to find something, some sign of this being just another play in the stupid game she’d been tricked into playing. When she discovered nothing of the sort in the amber eyes, she wished she could’ve felt that her trust wouldn’t be misplaced... but instead, all she felt was the longing for wanting to believe.

“One chance, and if it still ends up in a disaster, no more, we’re done, for good,” she finally said, already half-regretting the words as they left her lips.  
“I’ll take it,” Helena whispered and tightened her grip on Hunnigan a little.

“Now... I really do have to go and get out of this dress and... shower and so on,” Hunnigan then muttered, slowly beginning to pull away from the hug she was being held in.  
“I can get you out of that dress.”

“Don’t push it,” Hunnigan rolled her eyes.  
“Sorry,” Helena muttered awkwardly and reluctantly let go of the other woman, “At least let me drive you home.”  
“...I’d appreciate that.”

 

***


	29. Chapter 29

_What the hell am I doing?_ Hunnigan sighed internally as she stared at her distorted reflection from the foggy mirror after taking a long, hot shower. For the first time in her life, she genuinely had absolutely no idea what she was doing. She’d felt lost and indecisive before, plenty of times actually, but it had never been like this.

 _How could you decide what to do next when you don’t know what you want?_ she then realized. She hadn’t stopped to ask herself that in a long time. Instead, she’d just done what had seemed like the most sensible thing to do at that time, regardless of how she’d personally felt about it.

 _Story of my life,_ she shook her head at herself. All the way from letting Alexis get away with practically anything to always doing what her mother told her to do.

 _Aren’t you a little too old to be blaming your issues on your mother?_ her mother’s voice echoed in the back of her mind and she scoffed at the thought.

 _Maybe, but in my defense, she has genuinely been a negative influence in a major way,_ Hunnigan mused.

 _So, when there’s no one else telling me what they think I_ should _want, what is it that I really want?_

What was there to want? According to the general idea of what average happiness looked like, she’d already accomplished everything. She had a good job, a nice house, a generally well-behaved and stable child, she’d already accumulated enough savings to send the kid to a decent school later on... she even had someone who loved her (or, at least claimed to love her; Hunnigan was still willing to debate it). What more should she even want?

 _I want to come home after a regular nine-to-five, I want to have the time to sleep properly, to spend time with my son, to just be able to do something like simply sit down and watch a terrible reality show about stupid shit I don’t even care about. I want to cuddle on the couch, I want to share the chores and maybe even argue about them with someone I love, I want to have proper dinners at the freaking proper dinner time, like a normal human being! I want... I want what I had with Al before it all went to hell,_ she reluctantly accepted the realization.

She hadn’t taken the time to properly deal with the fact that Alexis was gone, permanently. They hadn’t been constantly in each other’s lives for a long time, but regardless, she’d still been there, Hunnigan hadn’t had a reason to really miss her. She could’ve called her, gone to see her, or even drunk-texted her if she’d wanted to. Now all that had been taken away, and she hadn’t had the chance to mourn that loss. Not even after having to explain it and go over it all with Levi, not even after the funeral... there’d always been something more important to rush to.

 _I miss her so much,_ Hunnigan inhaled deeply and hung her head, leaning to the sink as tears began to sting in her eyes. She stayed there for a long moment, the tears accompanied by a few almost inaudible sobs as she practically forced herself to take the damn time to mourn, even if it only were for a moment. Forcing herself to do it was the only way it seemed. It was nowhere near enough, but within a minute, she stopped. She had nothing more to give, no more tears.

 _I’ll cope,_ she repeated her worn mantra, beginning to question how much longer she actually would cope.

 _What about Helena?_ she then sighed deeply.

Trust wasn’t an emotion, it was a decision, and right now, it was a decision Hunnigan didn’t really want to make. Yes, she’d told Helena she’d give her a chance, but that didn’t obligate her to trust the young woman. At most, it obligated her to let Helena just close enough for her to be able to prove herself trustworthy somehow.

What the how was exactly, she couldn’t say. There was no manual for coming back after this kind of indiscretions. Had it been a simple case of, say, cheating on her with another person, Hunnigan would’ve known how to deal with it. Hell, she had enough experience to know how. This was the first time someone had humiliated her by using her like this, this was new.

“I should’ve said no,” Hunnigan mumbled to herself.

She squared her shoulders and straightened up when there was a knock on the door.

“I’ll be right there!” she called out to her very impatient son, who had been waiting for her to come out from the shower and have lunch with him and Miranda.

About an hour ago, when he’d taken out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it, saying it was an official appointment with Idgie, anyone else would’ve probably thought it was cute and funny. The fact that her son felt like he needed to make an appointment to spend time with her was anything but amusing to Hunnigan... and spoke volumes of her absence.

“I don’t understand how normal people do this,” Hunnigan whispered to herself before finally exiting the bathroom.

* * *

 

Friday, January 3rd 2014.

Helena lay on her back on the floor, her feet sticking up toward the ceiling. Levi was resting his weight on her, essentially lying on his belly on the soles of her feet as she bent her knees, holding onto his hands to ensure he wouldn’t fall off as she “made him fly”. The doorbell rang and Hunnigan went to open it.

“Sorry, I’m late, I was held up in court,” Frank apologized as he stepped in.  
“What were you charged with?” Helena inquired from the floor, her question sincere, but judging from the way Frank and his sister brust out laughing, they thought she was joking.

“Uh, nothing, I’m a bailiff,” Frank chuckled and followed Hunnigan into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat as Helena continued playing with Levi.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is captain Harper speaking, we’re experiencing some turbulence, so hold onto your panties and try not to pee in them,” Helena mimicked a captain’s announcement before bouncing the boy a little bit, and he laughed heartily.

“They seem to be getting along well,” Frank commented before biting into the sandwich Hunnigan handed over to him.  
“Yeah,” she shrugged one shoulder and Frank frowned.

“You don’t seem happy about that,” he mumbled with his mouth full before proceeding to wash the food down with milk.  
“I don’t want him to get too attached to Helena, not so soon after losing Alexis, and not when I have no idea if Helena and I will make this work... or last even if we do,” Hunnigan reasoned.

“You’re being negative.”  
“Realistic.”

“Negative and unfair,” Frank bickered, “You said you’d give her a real chance, but it sounds to me like you’re backpedaling and fast.”

“Can you actually blame me for having doubts? For all I know, she’s just using me again. Or worse, using my son to get to me.”  
“Correction, you’de negative, unfair, and paranoid,” Frank shook his head.

Hunnigan sighed. Maybe he had a point.

“All right, I’mma grab the kid and we’ll be out of your hair for the evening so you can work on your relationshit,” Frank smirked, devoured the rest of his sandwich and headed toward the living room.

 _Relationshit,_ Hunnigan repeated mentally and chuckled a little as she followed him. Levi was reluctant to leave with his uncle until Frank promised to teach him how to play the greatest video game of all time, namely _Tetris._ With the mention of fun and games, Levi rushed to put his shoes and jacket on, almost running out the door without even waiting for Frank.

When the door closed behind the two after a very hasty good-night, Helena blew out a breath and leaned her palms to her thighs.

“He’s not heavy, but I’m out of shape,” she smirked as she rubbed her thighs that had been under some stress thanks to the flying game and would undoubtedly be sore in the morning. Hunnigan didn’t comment, simply smiled a little and went to sit on the couch, Helena joining her shortly after, but keeping a respectful distance between them.

Had it been up to her, she would’ve sat right next to Hunnigan, maybe even be as bold as to put her arm around the other woman... but she was aware of what the situation was and that if she tried anything more, Hunnigan would reject her.

“...how is your leg?” Hunnigan finally asked somewhat awkwardly.

“Oh, it’s... good. Almost healed. The shoulder’s fine too, it’s the hand that’s still messed up,” Helena shrugged and held up her left hand, displaying the bright red angry line on it, left behind by the blade Miha had smashed through it.

“...I’m sorry I shot you,” Hunnigan whispered.  
“I’m sorry I made you shoot me,” Helena responded softly.

Hunnigan had often found herself in awkward situations, especially with Helena, but this was getting to be a bit too much. She didn’t know how to even begin to apologize, and at the same time, she hated knowing she was the one who should do that... because, honestly, she hadn’t done anything she should be apologizing for. Picking up on her feelings, Helena sighed deeply.

“Look... if you want me to go...”  
“I... I don’t. It’s just...” Hunnigan began, but didn’t know how to continue.

“Hunnigan?”  
“Sorry, I’m just...”

“...you hate me, don’t you?” Helena asked almost inaudibly, leaning her elbows to her knees and letting her head hang a little in defeat.  
“I would want to hate you. It would make things easier. But now... I just love you, and I hate that I love you.”

“How do I fix this?”  
“I told you... you can’t.”

“Don’t say that!” Helena inhaled a shuddering breath as she fought back the tears that threatened to rise when she even considered that Hunnigan would just give up on her.  
“There has to be something, some way!” she insisted.

“Why do you love me?” Hunnigan then asked and Helena chuckled ruefully.

“Because you’re the only one who has ever stood up for me. Because you’re the only one who has ever made me feel this way... you’re the only one I’ve wanted this way, the one I’ve wanted to give my everything to... The only one who has ever had any faith in me and has been there for me when I needed you the most, even if I least deserved it,” Helena began, turning slowly to sit sideways on the couch, reaching to take Hunnigan’s hands into her own.

“You’re the only one I have never had any reason to doubt. You’ve kept me safe, guided me, and you’ve never asked for anything in return.”  
“What I expected in return was loyalty to me, and you betrayed me.”

“You know why I did it!” Helena argued and Hunnigan sighed. Once more, the conversation was reverting back to going in circles. Helena had a point, but Hunnigan was still hurt.

“I _am_ loyal to you. I owe everything to you. If you hadn’t spoken for me, I would be in jail for treason. Yeah, I know, at the moment you probably think I should be too, right? But you’re wrong. What happened wasn’t what I wanted, but I did it because I thought you would... I thought you’d be proud of me for doing it. Stupid, huh?” Helena mumbled, shaking her head and pulling back, sighing deeply once more.

“So... what about you, what do you want, Helena?” Hunnigan inquired softly and Helena raised her gaze, turning to look into the blue-gray eyes, praying that the look could convey everything she genuinely felt better than her words ever could.

“I want to spend my life with you,” Helena said. She was expecting Hunnigan to scoff, to shrug her off, to tell her she was being childish, but Hunnigan didn’t to that.  
“I love you, I have for a very long time,” Helena then added softly, “And as I’ve said, what I want is just to be with you... I want to cuddle with you, kiss you until our lips are chapped, take care of you. That’s all there is to that.”

“Take care of me?” Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow and Helena nodded. Obviously, it wasn’t like Hunnigan needed a caretaker, she could manage on her own, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t appreciate having someone who would do that.

“The old-fashioned way. Make your dinners, rub your shoulders, iron your shirts... okay, not iron your shirts, I hate ironing, but...” the younger woman shrugged one shoulder and Hunnigan laughed a little.

“...maybe even help raise your son with you,” Helena then added slowly and somewhat awkwardly. She knew she was being manipulative, attempting to use Levi in order to get to Hunnigan, but as manipulative as she was being, she was also sincere; she’d grown to quite like Levi and was almost certain that given enough time, she would grow to love him.

“...would any of that be what you’d like?” Helena then asked. It was everything Hunnigan would like, but admitting as much out loud...  
“I liked the part about you ironing my shirts,” Hunnigan jested and Helena scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“Seriously... just... share my life with me, Ingrid. Come home to me, share the boring every day things, all of it!” Helena said passionately, reaching to take Hunnigan’s hands into her own once more, “...fall asleep in my arms every night and wake up right there the morning after, let me protect you, let me love you and take care of you...” she continued her plea, not caring just how desperate and maybe even pathetic she sounded, she knew she was begging, why bother pretending it was anything else than that?

“...love me...” she finished quietly, slowly daring to look into Hunnigan’s eyes again, avoiding the gaze before out of fear of seeing nothing but hurt and distrust in them. Instead, she was greeted with somewhat reserved warmth.

“...I do love you...”  
“But you don’t trust me, I get it, but I’ll prove to you...” Helena spoke over Hunnigan, and the older woman shook her head a little.

“You’re right, I don’t trust you, not nearly enough for me to just go for this without any hesitation... but I said I’d give you a chance... so... this is it. Take it and make the most out of it.”

 

***


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stionia is a country I made up, in case as much wasn't clear. :D

Hunnigan stared at her email and tapped her fingers onto her desk. She was almost terrified to even begin to contemplate who had sent it and how they had gotten a hold of it. Obviously not the legal way... which essentially rendered the document useless as far as using it as evidence went.

At first, it looked like a simple receipt informing anyone looking at it that Silva’s company had made a fifty million U.S. dollar money transfer to a company in Stionia. Nothing out of the ordinary about it, he was a businessman after all, making large payments to companies providing his with materials to use for manufacturing his product were everyday deals. But upon further investigation, a local asset had informed Hunnigan that the address where said Stionian company was supposed to be, was nothing but a vacant lot. Everything pointed to the company existing only on paper, and that it was being used to transfer money to quite possibly fund terrorist activities.

“So... Silva gives money to the terrorists so that they can afford to wage war... and then the military, the BSAA and other agencies engage to put a stop to the war, essentially creating more war and more business for Silva. It’s an endless source of profit for him and men like him,” Hunnigan theorized out loud, turning her laptop on the desk to be able to show Leon the email. Right now, he was the only one she trusted. Not Helena, not Shepard, not anyone else.

She also knew that he if anyone would share her desire to put an end to this, he’d been more than vocal about his hatred toward corruption and the use of bio-organic weapons. Hunnigan recalled back the time Leon had been deployed to the Eastern Slav Republic and he’d ignored the evacuation order because he’d wanted to ensure no more bio-organic weapons would be used there. Looking back on it now, Hunnigan was realizing how naive she herself had been, happily giving her country and government the benefit of the doubt, not wanting to agree with Leon’s statements about the U.S. and the Russians knowing about it all along. Of course they’d known.

“Sadly, nothing out of the ordinary...” Leon mumbled as he glanced over the receipt.

“Yes, unless... the fake company in Stionia is somehow linked to Neo-Umbrella and The Family, which would more or less confirm that bio-organic weapons are being used in these regions,” Hunnigan said and Leon pursed his lips as he thought about it.

“Silva is an element of The Family, a confirmed enemy of Neo-Umbrella, why would he fund his nemesis?” he shook his head.

“I don’t think he’s doing it to help them, I think he is taking over. Neo-Umbrella did some extensive virus research, you’ve seen what they accomplished... Now, imagine Silva being able to say that he can provide troops like that to anyone who pays him well enough. Who wouldn’t want an army of soldiers with mutations that make them difficult to kill and immune to human feelings like remorse?” Hunnigan reasoned as she stood up, her hands on her hips as she paced back and forth by the window.

As huge as this was, it was only a theory. She would need to see how high up this really went. They were no longer talking about a few freedom fighters (or, terrorists, as they were called when the chips were down) intentionally infecting themselves with viruses because they thought it would help them and their cause. It was no longer a matter of The Family wanting to simply destroy some evidence to keep quiet about what had happened in Raccoon City, Tall Oaks and Tatchi. It was a matter of the U.S. government being deeply involved in ensuring that one of the biggest weapons’ manufacturer in the country would be kept in business. It was a matter of soldiers being used as guinea pigs.

“If that email is legit... and if it actually leads to anything... this is huge, Leon.”

“So, what are you going to do?” he asked and Hunnigan smirked.

“I am going to light the beehive on fire by making some inquiries...”

* * *

Helena did a double-take when she saw a familiar tall blonde make her way toward Hunnigan’s office.

“Hunnigan, be careful, she’s-!” Helena called out and pushed herself past the woman who was practically blocking the entire door with her amazonian build. Helena drew her weapon and aimed it at Miha, positioning herself firmly between Hunnigan and the blonde.

“Touching heroism,” Miha commented dryly.  
“Helena, what are you doing?” Hunnigan frowned at the younger woman and hurried to put her hand over Helena’s forearm, gently pushing down, silently encouraging Helena to put the gun away.

“Do you know who that is? She’s the one who did this,” Helena began and held up her hand to show the red scar on it, “She’s Silva’s number one goon!” she argued.  
“She’s also an FBI agent who’s been working on Silva undercover for over nine months now,” Hunnigan argued back, pushing harder on Helena’s forearms to get her to drop the weapon.

“You left me to die in that mansion,” Helena hissed at Miha then, and the agent nodded.

“Yes, and I’d do it again if I had to. You were in the CIA long enough to know how it works, escape or die, the mission comes first. Frankly, your involvement was an unfortunate accident, I would’ve preferred keeping you all out of this, I shouldn’t even be here right now, but you’ve left me no choice,” Miha sighed, “Should she really be here for this?” she then asked, directing her words to Hunnigan but staring at Helena.

“She’s as involved as I am at this point, I think we can trust her,” Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow and Miha shrugged one shoulder.  
“The email you got. Forget you ever saw it and walk away from this,” Miha then said.

“You can’t expect me to just turn a blind eye.”  
“You’ve done your due diligence, submit whatever you’ve found to the department of justice and let them handle this.”

“We both know that won’t lead anywhere, Silva’s got minions everywhere, the case would get buried...” Hunnigan began, trailing off when the truth dawned on her, “...which is exactly what you want.”  
“Surely you know by now that in this line of work, people who ask too many questions tend to get murdered.”

“Are you threatening me?” Hunnigan narrowed her eyes and leaned closer to Miha, managing to look intimidating despite being a head shorter than her even when in heels.

“I am not, but someone else will be at some point unless you stand down. You’re dealing with the people who managed to get the President killed without even breaking a sweat. No offense, but what chance do you think _you_ have against them?” Miha asked, pausing to glance at Helena, who seemed to shrink at the mention of the late President. After all, she was partly to blame for his death no matter what the circumstances had been.

“You put up a good fight, but these people are too powerful for you. If you don’t walk away, it’ll cost you everything, and I promise you that it’s not worth it,” Miha then reasoned.

The muscles in Hunnigan’s jaw tightened as she furiously bit her teeth together, staring at Miha in silence for a long moment before finally letting out an agitated exhale. She circled to her desk and grabbed the flash drive that was still attached to her computer.

She looked at the small object and spun it around in her fingertips for a while. This harmless-looking little thing contained information that had the potential to get many people killed, including herself. Suddenly it felt a lot heavier than it should’ve for a small device that was mainly plastic.

“This is the only copy of everything I have on Silva,” Hunnigan muttered and held up the black drive between her thumb and index finger, “I give this to you, you make sure Silva has no reason to even spit in the general direction of me, my family, or my agency.”

“You have my word,” Miha nodded.

“And if you go back on you word, I will find you and I will crush your windpipe with nothing more than my thumb. You will suffocate, dying a very painful and terrifying death,” Helena threatened then.

“I can see why the CIA liked having you around at their black sites,” Miha grinned sweetly and reached to pat Helena’s head like she was a child. Stunned by the impudent, condescending act, Helena stood there in silence when Miha stepped to Hunnigan and accepted the drive from the other woman.

“Thank you. You will never see me again,” Miha then said, put the drive into her pocket and exited without any further goodbyes.

Hunnigan leaned against the edge of her desk, crossing her arms over her abdomen and scoffed. What an anticlimactic end to the whole sorry mess. All this trouble, all the agents who had lost their lives in the recent attacks, all the hard work everyone had done with the sole purpose of putting an end to this bullshit... and now, she’d just given it away. She felt like she’d just betrayed the entire agency and that those who had died, had died in vain.

_Alexis included,_ Hunnigan thought grimly.

“You did the right the thing.”  
“Did I?” Hunnigan scoffed.

“This shit is _not_ worth dying for,” Helena argued sternly.  
“Tell that to those who will die and to everyone who has already died because of this!” Hunnigan snapped. She knew Helena was only trying to offer comfort and support, but she didn’t want assurances, she wanted to be big enough to actually make a difference, to be able to summon forces the way people like Silva could whenever someone threatened their life’s work. She wanted to be just as bad as them... only working on the opposing side. But she wasn’t, and she knew she never would be either. She had all the secrets of the world at her fingertips, but there was nothing she could do with any of it.

“How many more people are going to die because I backed down?”  
“We’ll stop them.”

“We won’t. We can’t prevent anything from happening, we can only react after the fact, as always. Nothing that I try to accomplish here makes a difference.”  
“You’re wrong,” Helena shook her head and went to stand next to Hunnigan, “Maybe we won’t be able to prevent everything, but we still have an important role in all this. We do make a difference, we save lives. Never doubt that,” she said softly then.

“It’s not good enough!” Hunnigan spat.

“It’s better than getting yourself murdered for digging too deep, _that_ would accomplish nothing, because you’d just be replaced by someone who doesn’t even care!” Helena argued. Hunnigan sighed deeply and hung her head a little, shrugging one shoulder as if to say she half-heartedly agreed.

“I think I’ll go home now,” she then muttered, stood up and went to pack her computer and phone into the bag.  
“Okay,” Helena whispered, “...would you want some company later?” she then asked and Hunnigan looked at her for a while, pondering on it.

“...I doubt I’ll be much fun to hang out with when I’m in this mood, but if you want a preview of what life with me is like when I’m almost at my worst, feel free to drop by,” she smirked.

* * *

 

“Hey, you owe me,” Frank argued after Hunnigan’s initial reaction, which was to deny his request to use her basement for making a video for his Youtube-channel. He needed peace and quiet for it, and recently he hadn’t had either of those at his apartment thanks to his noisy neighbors. Hunnigan scoffed, crossing her arms over her abdomen.

“For what?” she quirked an eyebrow.  
“For the time mom found your _Playboys_ and I told her they were mine so that she wouldn’t ship you off to therapy.”

“She wouldn’t have done that, she doesn’t believe in therapy,” Hunnigan poked her tongue out at him.  
“Come on, I need some support there, I haven’t posted anything in a while and my subscribers are getting upset with me,” he pouted.

“Agh, fine,” Hunnigan finally agreed to let him use her basement to make an ASMR video.  
“Great!”

“Yeah, yeah, just make sure the vid’s good enough to warrant wasting my time on you,” Hunnigan smirked.  
“When have I ever let you down?” Frank taunted and hugged her before leaving. Feeling certain she’d regret this, Hunnigan sighed and turned to head back to the living room.

“ _Playboys_? Really, Ingrid?” Helena taunted, obviously having overheard the conversation with Frank.  
“That is what I escalated to during the years after once realizing that the girls in _Sailor Moon_ made me feel funny inside,” Hunnigan wiggled an eyebrow and slumped onto the couch, reaching for her wine and leaned back then.

“For me, it was reruns of _Xena: Warrior princess_ ,” Helena shared and Hunnigan chuckled. Helena then nudged Hunnigan’s shoulder with her own a little and the other woman glanced at her, her eyebrows rising a little in a silent question. Helena leaned toward Hunnigan a little and she raised her arm a little when she realized what Helena wanted.

“Much better,” Helena murmured, raising her feet onto the couch and leaning into Hunnigan, resting her head on the other woman’s chest and wrapping her arm around Hunnigan’s midsection.

“Yeah,” Hunnigan said quietly and somewhat absently as she put her arm over Helena’s shoulders, carefully avoiding touching the injured deltoid even though it had healed almost completely and was no longer hurting even when touched.

“What’s on your mind?” Helena asked, slowly caressing Hunnigan’s side with her thumb in small, soft strokes.  
“It’s just... all of this. I know there’s nothing I can do, but I hate just having to let it go. Not to mention there’s no guarantees it’s ‘over’. I can’t just believe that and go on living my everyday life without expecting something to happen.”

“That’s the world we’ve always lived in, isn’t it? There is no such thing as ‘normal’ for anyone in our line of work,” Helena said and Hunnigan nodded.

“We can’t fix everything overnight, but we can do our part, and for the rest of the time, we have to try going on like everyone else. Knowing what we know is a lot of pressure, but being constantly on edge because of it won’t help anyone and won’t change anything,” Helena then added, tilting her head back a little to be able to look at Hunnigan. She nodded slowly again and turned to look back at Helena.

“It’s... something,” the younger woman whispered and shrugged one shoulder a little.

Hunnigan leaned closer to her, tilting her head to the side a little and pressed her lips onto Helena’s softly. The younger woman inhaled deeply at the warmth and the subtle aftertaste of red wine in Hunnigan’s breath, feeling grateful that she was sitting down because she was certain her knees would’ve given in underneath her otherwise.

“Eww!” Levi’s voice came from across the room when the boy came downstairs from his room and saw the women on the couch. Helena burst out laughing into the kiss and retreated from it slowly then.

“You say that now, sir, but soon enough you’ll wanna be kissing girls too,” Hunnigan grinned, “...or boys if you prefer,” she then added with a small shrug, tightening her grip on Helena when she felt the younger woman slowly start pulling away from the embrace.

_You don’t have to,_ was the silent message of that, and Helena smiled, returning to lean into Hunnigan.

“I will not!” Levi exclaimed in horror at the mere thought.  
“I’m telling you, mark my words, sir,” Hunnigan continued teasing him a little.

“Blergh, whatever,” he rolled his eyes, eliciting more laughter from the adults with his antics.  
“Is the tower ready yet?” he then asked, bouncing impatiently by the couch and Hunnigan reached to ruffle his hair.

“We can check,” she promised.

It had actually been Helena’s idea to take some of Levi’s dinosaur toys and freeze them one by one in layers to make an ice tower from where Levi could then proceed to excavate his toys out from. Hunnigan had to admit doing something like that had never even occurred to her.

“You’re pretty good with kids,” Hunnigan commented as the younger woman held the container under warm water to be able to slip the ice tower out from it.

“I am? I don’t know, these are just the kinds of things my mom, Deb and I did when I was a kid,” Helena smiled and put the tower into an empty lasagna dish, “Well, except we didn’t have dinosaurs, we had ponies,” she added with a smirk then.

As children, Hunnigan and Frank were pretty much left on their own when it came to playing. If they’d ever requested that their parents come play with them, their mother had promptly informed them that her mother hadn’t played with her either when she’d been a kid. Their father had occasionally played a game called “wolf” with them, but only because he’d been drunk... and because the game had been ridiculously easy. The kids would sneak toward him and he’d growl like a wolf when he noticed them, pretending to make a move as if to chase them, but never really moving from his spot.

_Well, it’s not like I’m much better at this than my parents were,_ Hunnigan mused as she leaned into the kitchen counter, her arms folded over her abdomen as she sipped her wine and watched Helena and Levi brush salt over the ice and Helena instructed Levi how to use the syringe filled with hot water to excavate his toys from the ice. Had Helena not been here right now, Levi would undoubtedly be watching some kids’ show while Hunnigan either just sat back, getting tipsy on wine as she browsed the web, or worked.

_Oh, my God, I_ am _turning into my mother,_ she swallowed hard when the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She glanced at her faint reflection on the window and noticed that even the way she was standing here right now was exactly the way she’d often witnessed her mother standing. Exactly the same pose, glass of wine included.

“Well, what are you standing there for? Come help us rescue the dinos,” Helena frowned with a smile and Hunnigan chuckled. Clearly, it was an order, not a request.

“I got one!” Levi announced when he got through the very first, thin layer of ice and managed to pull out a tiny raptor.  
“Awesome! Now, let’s get his friends free too,” Helena said and handed Hunnigan a syringe too when she finally sat down and decided to join in.

_Out of all the things I thought I’d ever do in my life... this was never on the list,_ Hunnigan mused with a smile on her lips as she found herself absently just staring at Helena and Levi who were engrossed in the game.

_...but it’s a pleasant surprise,_ she then thought, feeling gentle warmth toward Helena, finally beginning to become convinced that maybe giving her that chance wasn’t a bad thing after all.

 

***


	31. Chapter 31

“You’re gonna be late, now finish your oatmeal, sir,” Hunnigan sighed in exasperation as Levi decided it would be a lot more fun to just play with the food rather than actually eat it. Whenever it was up to Miranda to get him up and ready to go to pre-school, he was never late, it tended to happen only Hunnigan’s watch... and she hated getting those damn _looks_ from the teachers. If they had any idea of how fucking demanding her life could be, they would understand a little tardiness.

 _Or maybe you’re just a bad parent,_ her negative side whispered, and Hunnigan wasn’t surprised that it sounded just like her mother.

“Oh, noes! Spider-Man will drown in the oatmeal it you don’t eat up, quickly!” Helena wailed, her hands on her cheeks as she shook her head in mock horror and stared at Levi’s favorite bowl that had his favorite superhero printed on the bottom, now covered with a thick layer of oatmeal.

“Even superheroes need air,” Helena then added. That did the trick.  
“I’ll save you, Spider-Man!” Levi announced and began practically shoveling the food into his mouth.

“How do you do that?” Hunnigan inquired softly from Helena and handed her a mug of coffee.  
“I just do what my mom did when I was a kid... which means that basically, I lie,” she chuckled and shrugged a little.

“All done!” Levi interjected then after finishing his breakfast in record time.  
“Yeah, you rescued Spider-Man!” Helena encouraged and gave him a thumbsup as he displayed the now almost clearly visible bottom of the bowl.

“Good work, now get your things, sir, and let’s get going,” Hunnigan smiled and Levi climbed down from the chair before running to his room.

“I’m gonna head out too, need to go check on the birds before work,” Helena then said, finished her coffee hastily and put the mug into the sink, “I agreed to help Leon train a couple of agents who expressed interest in transferring to field duty, so I’ll probably be busy with that most of the day, but I’ll call you once I’m free?” she then suggested.

“That would be great,” Hunnigan nodded.  
“Excellent. See you tonight,” Helena said and leaned to kiss Hunnigan’s lips softly before saying bye for the day and heading out.

Hunnigan exhaled deeply in the silence after the younger woman had gone. She couldn’t deny it, she was truly enjoying having Helena around and would’ve wanted more mornings like this when things felt as normal as they possibly could, mornings when the clusterfuck of what her work could be at its worst didn’t even have a chance to cast shadows over her because she was too busy simply living her life, just like everyone else.

“Well? What are you waiting for, we’re gonna be late!” Levi called out from the foyer, mimicking Hunnigan’s tone of voice almost flawlessly, making the woman chuckle at that.

“Yes, sir!” Hunnigan nodded sharply and smiled.

 

* * *

 

Frank borrowing Hunnigan’s basement for his project wouldn’t really have required her and Levi to leave the house, but she’d decided to take the chance to subtly invite herself and Levi over to Helena’s. Not that the younger woman was objecting, she was happy to have them. Especially now that she felt like she’d managed to get maybe an inch or two closer to Hunnigan, and she wanted to continue on that path.

Helena noticed that whenever she looked away for a second, Hunnigan was breaking the rules, namely reaching for her phone to check her emails. Helena rolled her eyes and smirked at the older woman when she noticed this happening the moment Helena excused herself to go grab the popcorn from the kitchen. Instead of simply poking at Hunnigan’s arm and asking her out loud, Helena decided on another approach which she hoped would get her message across even better. She grabbed her phone and sent a text to Hunnigan despite that fact that the woman was sitting right next to her.

 

 

 

_Whatcha doin’?_

“I’m still trying to...” Hunnigan began, but cut herself off when she realized she’d been more or less played.  
“I’m sorry,” she apologized then and put the phone away, “I’m still just trying to figure out who sent me that email in the first place.”

“Maybe it was Shepard? He’s dealing with national security nowadays, that gives him a lot more discretion...”  
“I doubt it. Whoever sent this knew where to look and how to go about stealing it; Shepard needed my help to be able to set up a Google-account, I don’t think he has the necessary tech skills,” Hunnigan shook her head.

“Well, there’s one other person I can think of who would know how and who would know to contact you... Ada Wong,” Helena suggested.

“Oh, God. That never even crossed my mind,” Hunnigan muttered.  
“Regardless, you said you’d drop this,” Helena then scolded, her tone firm.

“I know... I know, and I’m not doing anything exactly, I was just curious to see if I could...”  
“Curiosity killed the cat.”

“Point taken,” Hunnigan surrendered.

“I know this consumes you,” Helena began, reaching to gently cup Hunnigan’s cheek with her hand and running her tumb over the other woman’s cheek, “...but Miha was right; this is not worth losing everything for. You’ve got more important things to live for than your work,” she finished and glanced over at Levi to make her point.

The boy didn’t notice the exchange going on behind him (he was too busy enjoying a rerun of an episode of _Biker mice from Mars)_ nor did he understand the significance of it, but only in this moment Hunnigan became fully aware of what she’d so light-heartedly been willing to practically dismiss just because she’d wanted to get her job done.

“You’re right,” Hunnigan whispered, gripped Helena’s wrist gently and turned to kiss the younger woman’s palm then.  
“Of course I am,” Helena shrugged then, and they both chuckled softly at the bold statement.

“Quiet, I can’t hear!” Levi scolded the women agitatedly.  
“Sorry, sir,” Helena whispered. She then leaned back on the couch and hooked her index finger with Hunnigan’s, tugging on the other woman gently until she gave in and settled to lie down on her side next to Helena, who was on her back.

“Hang on,” Hunnigan mumbled, took her glasses off and reached to put them on the table before resting her head on Helena’s bicep. The younger woman intercepted, took the glasses and tried them on.  
“Don’t I look hella smart?” she then wiggled her eyebrows and Hunnigan burst out laughing.

“Actually, they do suit you,” she had to agree. Helena then put the glasses onto the table before she’d end up breaking them.

They lay cuddled up like that in silence for a long moment, Helena merely enjoying being together like this, but Hunnigan’s mind was elsewhere, and it didn’t go unnoticed by Helena. The younger woman turned to softly kiss Hunnigan’s forehead.

“What was that for?”  
“Just wanted to snatch you back to reality, you were miles away,” Helena smirked. Hunnigan sighed a little and shook her head.

“I’m sorry, it’s just... knowing everything that I know now, it’s gonna be really difficult to find the motivation to do my job,” Hunnigan confessed in a quiet mutter, “I thought I was doing something important and making a difference. But now it’s like... why bother because nothing I do matters.”

“Hunnigan, stop. I get it, you’re upset and you have every right and reason to be, but this... You can’t just give up,” Helena said, her voice soft but stern at the same time. She wasn’t about to indulge Hunnigan’s pity-party.

“So, what am I supposed to do then?” Hunnigan sighed.  
“The same thing you always do, because you’re awesome at it, and even though you can’t wave a magic wand and just end this mess forever, you _do_ make a difference. To all the field agents, to the people they’ll save thanks to your guidance... to me. So, don’t even think about giving up.”

“I just feel like I’ve lost my purpose.”  
“You haven’t lost it, it’s just changed, like a lot of other things have recently. Trust me,” Helena said softly and nuzzled the top of Hunnigan’s head gently.

“...I do trust you,” Hunnigan whispered then, surprising herself and Helena with the statement and the fact that she genuinely meant it.

* * *

 

While Frank hadn’t requested to borrow the house for the entire night, Hunnigan had accepted Helena’s invitation to spend the night. Helena was the first one to wake up the next morning. She’d slept on the couch while Hunnigan and Levi occupied Helena’s bed.

She sat up and stretched before heading over to the bedroom to check on her guests. Hunnigan lay on her stomach, her arm around a pillow she held tucked underneath her head while Levi was sprawled on the bed in an X-shape, sideways, his tiny toes poking at Hunnigan’s side. Helena chuckled at the sight softly before heading into the kitchen to make something to eat.

She’d just finished loading the coffee maker when Levi scuffed into the kitchen, his bright blond hair sticking up in all directions. Helena wished him good morning and he walked up to her, gesturing with his hand for her to lean over.

“...I had an accident,” he confessed awkwardly. It took Helena a couple of seconds to get it.  
“Oh! Okay, well, that’s all right, accidents happen,” she shrugged, “Let’s get you rinsed off and... put your stuff in the washer and see if I’d have something you can borrow,” she then smiled.

“Make that two somethings for us both to borrow,” Hunnigan commented as she emerged from the bedroom, holding the sheets in her arms and pinching the side of her T-shirt between her thumb and index finger, pulling at it to keep the obvious wet patch from touching her skin.

“You had an accident too?” Helena taunted and Levi giggled.  
“Very funny,” Hunnigan rolled her eyes at them before ushering Levi toward the bathroom.

“Sorry about that,” she then sighed.

“Meh, nothing a little baking soda and detergent won’t fix,” Helena assured and kissed Hunnigan’s cheek softly before the other woman went to get cleaned up. Once finished with the stain on the mattress, Helena went to rummage through her closet to find something for the two to borrow for the day. She left the pile of clothes onto the small desk by the bathroom door and went to grab herself some coffee before proceeding to make breakfast.

Helena had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from chuckling at the sight of Levi, who was wearing a pair of Helena’s boyshorts that would’ve fallen off of him... had Hunnigan not tied them up in the back with a hairtie, making it look like Levi had a tiny tail. But other than being amused by his odd outfit, Helena found herself just loving the sight of Hunnigan in her shirt.

 _Like a flag on a conquered fortress... okay, that’s kind of a douchebag-ish thing to say... especially since I haven’t conquered anything,_ Helena then scoffed at herself internally.

“Okay, who wants pancakes?” she asked out loud instead and Levi raised his hand eagerly as Hunnigan paused by the sink and reached for the dishwashing liquid.  
“What?” she chuckled as she washed her glasses and left them to dry on the counter before grabbing a mug of coffee.

“I just stop and stare because I love watching you do your every day things... it’s like observing a magical creature in her natural habitat. Well, not that this is your natural habitat, but you know what I mean.”  
“Do you know how weird you are?” Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.

“I have some idea,” Helena nodded and flipped the pancake as Hunnigan went to retrieve her phone from the bedroom. When she returned, she was squinting and frowning a little at the screen.

“Sir, do you know why your teacher wants to have a talk with me?” she inquired as she sat down at the bar counter in the kitchen and re-read the message. Levi looked kind of guilty, but shook his head vigorously.

“Are you sure?” Hunnigan coaxed and he looked even guiltier.  
“Ayep, I’m sure I have no idea,” he lied.

“All right... well, I’m just gonna have to ask her myself tomorrow, won’t I?” Hunnigan shrugged, hoping that would be enough to get him to tell his side of the story first, but he said nothing to that, instead he turned his attention to Helena who was plating the first batch of pancakes.

“Can I eat mine in the living room?”  
“Uh... It’s okay by me?” Helena shrugged one shoulder and glanced at Hunnigan, who sighed a little.  
“Fine, go, but don’t make a mess,” she rolled her eyes at the boy who jumped off the chair and went to the couch, reaching for the remote and turned the TV on.

“Don’t worry, it’s probably just that he’s just not been his usual cheery self because of everything that’s happened and the teacher’s concerned,” Helena offered, leaning her forearms into the bar.

“Or, then I hear he’s a total monster to other people and I knew nothing of it because why would I? He’s a sweetheart at home... aside from a few tantrums and occasionally misbehaving like any other kid, but that doesn’t-” Hunnigan babbled and Helena silenced her with a soft kiss.

“He’s a good kid, I’m sure it’s nothing big.”  
“I really don’t know what I’m doing,” Hunnigan let out a defeated exhale.

“I don’t think any parent really does, no matter how prepared they pretend to be,” Helena laughed gently, “And you weren’t even prepared. You’re doing fine.”

“...would you-?” Hunnigan began to ask but cut herself off. No, that was too much to ask, not to mention awkward.

“...do you want me to come with you? Not that I have anything to say, but for... emotional support.”  
“I couldn’t ask you to.”

“You didn’t, I offered,” Helena smirked and Hunnigan had to smile too despite her effort at pretending to be miffed at being the victim of clever wordplay.

“...I’d like it.”  
“All right, I’ll be there,” Helena promised with a smile.

 

***


	32. Chapter 32

Helena didn’t know what exactly it was about being in a teacher’s office that made her feel awkward and guilty, like she were a kid herself again, a kid in trouble. It was silly, especially when considering she’d never really gotten into trouble with her teachers when she’d been a kid. Not until high school when she’d had to see the principal after skipping classes... but she’d had legit reasons for that, she’d needed to look after her mother, and to do that, she’d skipped school. In hindsight, she should’ve just talked about it to the people at the school rather than just not show up.

Frankly, right now she felt out of place because technically, she didn’t honestly believe she had any business being here. She wasn’t a parent to Levi, she barely knew the kid... then again, it was beginning to seem that neither did Hunnigan.

Mrs. Taylor, the teacher, entered the room and took a seat. She glanced over Helena, but didn’t ask any questions. She had been made aware of the fact that Alexis had passed away recently, but perhaps she hadn’t expected the surviving parent to move on so quickly. Helena kind of would’ve wanted to jump in and explain that Alexis and Hunnigan had been divorced long before Helena had even made a move on Hunnigan... but decided not to go there. If the teacher would ask about it, she might answer, but other than that, it was hardly her business unless it somehow affected Levi’s behavior (which, Helena supposed, remained to be seen).

In the room was also a brunette with her son, both of them practically pretending Helena and Hunnigan didn’t exist. Apparently there’d been a spat between the kids and Hunnigan would’ve preferred just getting this over with. Kids fought at times, there was nothing out of the ordinary about it, was there? Why did people feel the need to be so dramatic about everything these days? Hell, she and Frank had had literal fist-fights as kids and neither one of them had ever been shipped off to therapy because of it; kids fight, it happens, it’s life. Personally, she would’ve been concerned only if it became an every day issue or if her son happened to be the type who ties up other kids to trees and leaves them there.

 _Oh, God, don’t tell me he’s actually done that. What if I’m raising a future serial killer? No, he couldn’t have, he barely knows how to tie his shoe laces, he wouldn’t know how to tie someone up, he wouldn’t. Maybe when he’s older. Shit, what am I gonna do if he starts tying kids up when he’s a teenager? Shit, what the hell am I gonna do with him when he hits his teens, I don’t know anything about... well, maybe Frank can help deal with... locker room issues? I suck at this,_ Hunnigan mused silently and Helena nudged her arm a little to wake her from her thoughts.

 _Thanks,_ she mouthed to the younger woman.

“Ms. Hunnigan... Ingrid, may I call you Ingrid?” the teacher began.

 _No,_ Hunnigan thought but nodded regardless. No one called her Ingrid, not even her family. Well, Helena called her that occasionally, but... she didn’t mind Helena doing it.

“Levi, would you like to tell your mother why we’re here?” Mrs. Taylor then began slowly and Levi seemed to shrink in his seat. Clearly, he did not.  
“Just tell me what happened,” Hunnigan said, trying to keep her obvious impatience hidden... failing at it quite miserably.

“Levi hit Fred on the head with a toy car,” the teacher began and Helena glanced at the other boy, who was apparently named Fred. He seemed fine, there wasn’t even a bruise. Of course, that wasn’t the point.

“Why would you do that?” Hunnigan turned her attention to Levi, dismissing the teacher. Levi hung his head and chewed on his thumbnail nervously.  
“Sir, I asked you a question,” Hunnigan said, her tone tense and bordering on obviously furious. Helena reached to touch her forearm softly. Blowing up at him wouldn’t help, especially not if she did it in front of the teacher. Hunnigan inhaled deeply through her nose and sighed.

“Levi, why did you hit Fred? You know better than that,” she then said, managing to sound almost calm despite the fact that she was more or less boiling on the inside.

“He said that people can’t have two moms and that my mom died because God punished her and that she’s in hell because she was a dyke!” Levi shouted and Hunnigan groaned loudly. She was willing to bet her annual income that neither of the boys even knew what dyke meant. She pushed her glasses onto her forehead and pinched the bridge of her nose.

Well, realistically (and unfortunately), she figured she should’ve expected something like this to happen at some point... but this was not something she was willing to let slide. Yes, her son’s way of expressing his emotions hadn’t been exactly correct, but considering what Fred had told him, Hunnigan didn’t think Levi was in the wrong here.

“ _That_ is the kind of crap you teach your kid?” Hunnigan turned her attention to the brunette sitting on the chair a few feet away.  
“What you’re doing is unnatural,” came the default response with the “I’m better than you”-tone, accompanied by an innocent shrug.

“So are your tits, why hasn’t God struck you dead, huh?” Hunnigan hissed and Helena barely managed to suppress her laughter. She was beginning to find watching mamabear defend her cub rather fun.

 _Okay, inappropriate, this is serious,_ Helena scolded herself.

She could swear that had she not been there between Hunnigan and the other woman, Hunnigan would’ve reached over and literally strangled her right there. However, now that she was between the two and could once again put her hand over Hunnigan’s forearm and give it a reassuring but warning squeeze, Hunnigan had no choice but to sit back down... unless she was willing to climb over Helena to get to her target. For a while, Helena worried she might actually do that.

“And you think it’s okay for him to tell Levi such things, and then you blame Levi for reacting badly? What is wrong with you people!” Hunnigan then scoffed at the teacher.  
“Obviously, we didn’t know what had been said because neither of the boys would tell us, which is why we called you both in to...” Mrs. Taylor tried to explain, but Hunnigan wasn’t listening.

“It’s like _you people_ always say....” she began, directing her words to Fred’s mother, “What you do in your private home and in your private lives is your business, just don’t expose me or my family to your sick lifestyle!” Hunnigan spat and stood up. Helena kind of felt like she should’ve intervened, but this really was too much fun to watch. Besides, Hunnigan was right.

Using God and faith as an excuse to justify hate was pathetic, Helena had no sympathy for the brunette. Frankly, she wanted Hunnigan to tear her apart.

“I’ll have you know that my son has a loving family and parents who love him, parents who don’t teach him the kind of hate that you teach your son, you’re raising a bigot. I should have you arrested for child abuse for what you’re doing to him!” Hunnigan sneered at the other woman, picked Levi into her arms and turned toward the door then.

“I think we’re done here,” she scoffed, “I admit, Levi should’ve reacted better, but let’s face it, obviously he wasn’t the one who started this and quite frankly, for what Fred said, I’m not surprised he got hit,” Hunnigan then said.

“Don’t you walk away! I’ll sue you!” the brunette threatened with the all-American battlecry.  
“I’d love to see you try,” Hunnigan burst out laughing heartily as she exited the office with Levi in her arms.

“...excuse me,” Helena muttered awkwardly and followed the other woman.

When she finally caught up with Hunnigan, she was already heading toward the parking lot. Once they were at the car, Hunnigan finally let Levi down from her arms and knelt down as well.

“Sir, you know it’s not okay to ever hit anyone even if they are wrong and being annoying, don’t you?” she then asked. Levi merely nodded.  
“I agree that what Fred said was bad, but you shouldn’t have hit him. Do you understand?”

“I guess.”

“No, not ‘I guess’, do you understand why we were there just now?” Hunnigan pressed sternly.  
“Because I hit Fred and hitting others is wrong... no matter how stupid they are,” Levi muttered.

“Exactly. So, what are you going to do if someone is being stupid in the future?”  
“I’ll walk away, and I’ll talk to you about it.”

“Good,” Hunnigan smiled and hugged him tightly, “All right, get in,” she then said gently and opened the car door for him. He climbed in dutifully and began to pull his seatbelt on.

“Is it wrong that I was kind of turned on by angry-Hunnigan?” Helena smirked quietly and Hunnigan scoffed.  
“Thanks for being there,” she said then.

“Why? I didn’t do anything,” Helena chuckled.  
“You kept me from strangling that bitch,” Hunnigan shrugged.

“Yeah, but honestly, I didn’t want to. You should have her assassinated,” Helena taunted and Hunnigan rolled her eyes.  
“I think it’s cute you think I haven’t already planned it and put it in motion,” Hunnigan offered a lopsided smile and Helena frowned, this time not certain what to believe.

“...I was joking, I wouldn’t have her assassinated, I’d want the pleasure of killing her myself.”  
“I completely understand that feeling,” Helena nodded and chuckled with Hunnigan. Grim as they were being, Helena felt good and somewhat comforted by the realization that even Hunnigan could be this dark. It seemed to make her more human somehow.

* * *

Helena leaned her cheek in the cup of her palm as she watched Hunnigan pace back and forth in the living room. She’d just tucked Levi in and despite the day having begun in a less than great note, it had been a pretty good day... but now that the boy wasn’t there to witness it, Hunnigan was unraveling.

“I mean, I just, what if... that is something he’s gotten from Al?”  
“What is?” Helena frowned.

“Y’know, Al was never the responsible type, she’d accept drinks from strangers and go fuck ‘em without even blinking an eye and without thinking she ever had to deal with any consequences, that nothing bad could ever happen to her, I mean, come on, look at how Levi was conceived,” Hunnigan babbled.

“...so you think he’s gonna grow up and be irresponsible like his mother?”

“Well, clearly he didn’t think that him hitting Fred had any consequences, I don’t want him to grow up disrespecful or thinking that he can do whatever he wants, that megalomaniacal behavior is something Al was very...”

“Hunnigan... firstly, I’m certain Levi hit Fred only because honestly, Fred was being a major fucking douchebag, and secondly...” Helena interrupted, went to the other woman and put her arms around Hunnigan’s waist to stop her from pacing. She leaned to rest her chin on Hunnigan’s shoulder and hugged her tightly.

“...did you remember to take your meds?” she whispered then. Helena had never seen Hunnigan act so... unlike herself. Maybe it was because of her condition, maybe it wasn’t, but when she’d told Helena about it, of course the younger woman had done the one thing you should never do; she had Googled it.

She had read a few dozen pages, but none of the things people had said really applied to Hunnigan, not as far as Helena could see, and she supposed it was because most of the stories were told by people who suffered from the more severe type of the disorder. But perhaps this version of Hunnigan was the “manic” version of her... or, as manic as she got, seeing as she was more likely to get depressed than actually manic.

“...shit, I didn’t,” Hunnigan realized. She’d forgotten them at the house when she’d gone over to Helena’s. She went to take the dose she’d missed, and when she’d been in the bathroom for almost twenty minutes, Helena finally went to check on her.

“Hunnigan..?” she knocked on the door. She waited for a moment before pushing it open slowly. Hunnigan was standing in front of the mirror, leaning to the sink, her head hanging low.  
“I’m just... my whole damn life is one fucked up chemical imbalance.”

“It’s not...” Helena whispered and slowly wrapped her arms around Hunnigan from behind, squeezing the other woman to herself tightly and pressed the side of her face against the spot between Hunnigan’s shoulder blades.

“But it is. I mean... how the hell am I supposed to know how I really feel? I miss a pill or two and I go from manic to crying within seconds and I don’t even know why, maybe it’s not even... And then there’s...” Hunnigan began and shook her head a little before continuing, “I mean, he’s my son, but I don’t know what to do with him, he wasn’t... he wasn’t supposed to be my responsibility, not like this, I don’t know what I’m doing,” she finished, her voice quivering as she sucked in a shuddering breath, her body tensing up as the uncontrollable, silent sobs took over. Helena tightened her hold on her.

“I’ll help you.”  
“It’s not your responsibility either,” Hunnigan shook her head again and wiped her eyes.

“No, it’ll still be your responsibility... but I wouldn’t mind sharing it with you, if you’ll have me,” Helena offered in a quiet whisper. She loosened her grip on Hunnigan a little when the other woman straightened up and turned around in Helena’s arms. She stared at the younger woman for a while, wanting to tell her that she was happy to accept the help, that she really did want to share her life with her... but she couldn’t get the words out.

The seed of doubt that Helena had planted with her previous indiscretions and the field of hurt and mistrust Alexis had once grown prevented her. She wanted to believe Helena, to ease into it and trust herself and her son to Helena... but couldn’t do that, not completely, not yet.

“Come on, let’s go to bed... you’ll feel better in the morning,” Helena then said, offering a small smile and tugged on Hunnigan to get her to move, and the other woman gave in, following Helena.

Once in bed, Hunnigan moved to spoon Helena and Helena reached to entwine her fingers with Hunnigan’s, pulling the other woman’s arm around herself. Maybe tomorrow really would be a better day. For the first time in a long while, Hunnigan honestly held hope that it actually could be.

 

***


	33. Chapter 33

Hunnigan ran her hand up along Helena’s side, softly stroking the warm, pale skin in an attempt to gently wake the younger woman up. Hunnigan had been awake since five, and she was getting kind of bored... but at the same time, she was reluctant to leave the bed. She’d waited an hour, just enjoying the feel of the other woman’s warmth next to her until finally growing impatient enough to start waking her.

Helena turned around with a sleepy smile on her lips and leaned to snuggle into Hunnigan’s chest, resting her leg over the other woman’s hip and pushing herself closer.

“Can we spend the day snuggling on the couch and eating chocolate?” Helena requested and Hunnigan chuckled, running her fingers through Helena’s hair gently.  
“Sure, but we’re gonna get fat if we make a habit of that.”

“You could stand to gain a pound or two... or twenty, to be honest,” Helena commented and poked at Hunnigan’s abdomen, still too aware of just how skinny the other woman was. It was unhealthy-skinny at this point.  
“I didn’t know you liked chubby girls,” Hunnigan teased.

“I like healthy girls,” Helena argued, “Skinny doesn’t equal healthy. You seriously need to put on some weight.”  
“And here I thought you loved me for my mind.”

“I love your mind in a healthy body,” Helena commented.  
“Wait, are you actually one of those ‘feeders’ I’ve seen documentaries of? You know, the kind of people who feed their spouses excessively because they like them fat?” Hunnigan gasped in exaggerated horror.

“No, but for the record, if you did get fat, I’d love you just the same, and I’d suggest dieting only if your weight became a serious health problem for you,” Helena said.  
“It’s comforting to know you’d stay with me even when I’m old and fat,” Hunnigan smirked.

“I _do_ want to grow old and fat with you,” Helena chuckled.  
“Really?” Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow and pulled back a little to be able to look at Helena.

“Well, fat being optional, but growing old with you... yes, I definitely like that idea,” Helena admitted, nodding her head a little.  
“Huh...”

“...sorry, was that too frank?” the younger woman frowned.  
“No, it’s just that I hadn’t... really thought about it.”

“...well... growing old with you is what I was hoping this would eventually lead to,” Helena confessed, beginning to kind of regret her honesty with every word that escaped her lips.

“Why, what had you thought?” she asked, her frown deepening. Sure, they hadn’t spoken of what exactly their individual expectations were regarding their relationship, but honestly, Helena had assumed that it went without saying that they’d make a go for forever.

“As I said, nothing really, I haven’t had a chance to imagine my life further than one day at a time,” Hunnigan shrugged one shoulder.  
“I see,” Helena muttered as she pulled back from the embrace slowly and sat up.

“...everything all right?” Hunnigan asked, sitting up as well and reaching to softly run her fingers along the side of Helena’s shoulder blade.  
“Yeah, I just gotta get going. You know, feed the birds,” Helena said. It was true, but it was also an excuse to go home. Suddenly, she was beginning to feel like she shouldn’t be here.

_No matter what you say, what you do, or how involved you’ll be in Hunnigan’s life, you will_ never _be Alexis, you will never belong here the way she did even after she didn’t, you will never live up to her, and you’re an idiot if you think you could ever be more than what you are now; you are the consolation price at best,_ Helena mused grimly.

“Don’t lie to me,” Hunnigan mumbled and shifted on the bed, sliding herself over to sit on the edge next to Helena.  
“I can tell you’re upset, but I can’t do anything about it unless you tell me what’s wrong,” she said, leaning to nudge Helena’s shoulder with her own. The younger woman sighed deeply.

“I just don’t think that I am as important to you as you are to me,” Helena explained shortly.  
“What, why do you think that?”

“Well, for starters, because obviously you never considered your relationship with me serious enough to even think past the day after tomorrow, whereas I’ve just assumed, that...” Helena trailed off, exhaling deeply. She was beginning to sound a bit too selfish and childish for her own liking, even if what she was saying was exactly how she felt.

“In my defense, my life hasn’t been exactly rosy recently, so...”  
“And mine has?” Helena interrupted with a bitter chuckle.

“No,” Hunnigan sighed, “you’re right, it’s no excuse.”  
“I just want to matter to you. Every now and then, I want to be the most important thing in your life instead of getting shoved aside the moment something more important comes along. Not every day, I know that’s impossible for both of us, but just once I’d like to see you put me and our relationship ahead of a fucking phone call or an email, all right?” Helena grumbled in exasperation.

“You _do_ matter to me,” Hunnigan whispered and reached to put her arms around Helena, resting her chin on the younger woman’s shoulder and nuzzled into the side of her neck, “I know I suck a showing it and I’m sorry I’ve made you feel less important than you are, but I never would’ve even agreed to a relationship with you if I weren’t serious about it,” she mumbled softly and kissed the pulse point lightly.

“...I wouldn’t mind hearing you tell me as much now and then,” Helena admitted in a quiet mutter.

“How much of a hassle would it be for you to bring your birds over here?” Hunnigan then asked suddenly.  
“...not a big one, I don’t think. Why?” Helena frowned.

“Well, I was thinking that maybe we could spend some quality time with each other, practice that whole getting old and fat together, without you having to run off the check on the birds... and I’d have a chance to more than just _tell_ you how much you mean to me,” Hunnigan then suggested and gently tugged on Helena’s earlobe with her teeth.

“I’d... like that,” the younger woman breathed deeply.  
“Good,” Hunnigan whispered, “So, after work, bring the birds and stay the weekend, I’ll make dinner, you’re in charge of the chocolate,” she then smirked and Helena chuckled a little.

* * *

 

It was getting quite late when Hunnigan finally managed to talk Levi into going to bed. She’d read to him for half an hour and had hoped he’d fallen asleep, but the moment Hunnigan made it back downstairs, she came to realize she’d been wrong.

“...are you fucking kidding me?” Hunnigan exhaled in exasperation when the stairs creaked a little under Levi’s feet as the boy made his way down, snuck into the living room and crouched behind the couch before jumping up and loudly yelling “Boo!”

“I give up,” Hunnigan muttered in a defeated tone and slumped onto the couch before then slumping onto Helena. Giggling, Levi climbed onto the couch and crawled over Hunnigan, gripping her shoulder and pulling himself up.

“Ow,” Hunnigan mumbled into Helena’s chest as Levi’s tiny fingers dug into her flesh and mushed the skin against her collarbone.  
“I smell chocolate,” he said and Hunnigan and Helena burst out laughing.

“Your breath smells of chocolate, I want some too!” Levi insisted.  
“You wouldn’t like it, it’s dark chocolate,” Hunnigan reasoned.

“Yes, I would!”

“Fine, here,” Hunnigan then said, reached for the stash that they’d hidden underneath the newspaper in an attempt to keep this very thing from happening. She handed him the piece and tried not to laugh and say “what did I tell you?” as his face distorted in disgust when the bitterness of what he’d assumed would be a sweet treat spread in his mouth. Hunnigan and Helena had to give the boy some credit, he made a valiant effort to actually eat the piece before finally giving up and spitting it out.

“Sorry, I forgot that ‘quality time’ isn’t an actual possibility if you have a toddler,” Hunnigan then said to Helena, offering a lopsided smile.

“What’s a toddler?” Levi asked, eliciting a soft laugh from Helena.  
“You’re a toddler,” she responded matter-of-factly.

“I want Helena to read to me!”  
“Sir, she doesn’t...”

“She can do voices, you don’t know how!” Levi interjected and Helena chuckled at the apologetic look on Hunnigan’s face.

“It’s fine,” she assured the older woman, reached to kiss her lips softly and sat up, “Lead the way, sir,” she then encouraged the boy and he gripped Helena’s hand before heading back to his room.

_She really is good with him... why does that make me uneasy?_ Hunnigan frowned. She didn’t like admitting it, but it was because of Alexis. She didn’t want Levi to forget about his real mother, she didn’t want to risk moving too fast... not that anything about her relationship with Helena had really been fast; if their relationship were an animal, it would be a snail being made fun of by turtles who moved faster. Hunnigan paused to softly chuckle at the ridiculous mental image that thought conjured up.

And it wasn’t like Helena had tried replacing Alexis, she’d been respectful and patient, going with the pace and the flow Levi set, not intruding and trying to take on the role of a parent without an invitation. So, no, it wasn’t that either that made Hunnigan feel uneasy.

_It’s not really about Levi or Helena; it’s about you and you’re just using him as an excuse to cling to Alexis. Letting go of her would mean you’d be left wide open for Helena... and that would mean you’d need to learn to take others into consideration or risk everything falling apart the way it did with Alexis because you were too busy being an agent to focus on your spouse. You’re using the memory of Alexis and your son as an excuse to keep yourself from even trying because you’re so terrified of failing that you’d rather just roll over than actually give it a shot. It’s pathetic._

Hunnigan ran a hand over her face and shook her head at herself. She was beginning to genuinely believe that she was the most impossible person on the planet. The rare moments things actually were okay, she went picking at them until she found some flaw. And if nothing was wrong, she’d wreck it herself because everything being fine was unnatural to her.

The calm made her uneasy because she was already expecting a storm and conjuring up horrific details of all the things that she was convinced _would_ eventually go wrong even when it had never been written in stone that anything had to go wrong... and sadly, often everything would’ve been okay had she herself not been the one who eventually rode the show into the wall.

“He’s asleep,” Helena whispered as she snuck down, waking Hunnigan from her thoughts.  
“That was fast,” she smiled and shifted a little on the couch to make room for Helena.

“He was exhausted, he just didn’t realize it,” Helena smirked and went to lie on her side on the couch, leaning her upper body against Hunnigan’s, resting her head on the other woman’s chest.

_I have to fix myself. I have to stop expecting the worst. I don’t know how, but I know I have to,_ Hunnigan sighed internally as she glanced at the younger woman who was completely unaware of all the things cluttering up Hunnigan’s mind. She seemed content, happy just being there, and Hunnigan kind of envied her for it.

_You’re not trying hard enough._

“So, now that we’re left with a few hours of hours of that quality time, what would you wanna do?” Hunnigan then asked, running her fingers through Helena’s hair.  
“I don’t know, I’m fine just here with you like this,” the younger woman smiled and closed her eyes, taking a moment to enjoy the calming sound of Hunnigan’s heartbeat.

“Hm... I have an idea,” Hunnigan murmured against the top of Helena’s head and began to slowly get up then.

 

* * *

“I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone do this for me since I learned to do it myself. Well, other than the few times at the hairdresser’s, but it’s not the same,” Helena said.  
“God, I should hope not,” Hunnigan grinned as she sunk her fingers into Helena’s hair and began to massage the other woman’s scalp as they were comfortably soaking in the large bathtub together.

“You do realize we’re gonna have to start doing this more often now that I am aware of what I’ve been missing out on?” Helena smiled, tilting her head back a little with her eyes closed.  
“Well, your naked body is an absolute joy to behold, so I wouldn’t mind,” Hunnigan offered with a smirk as she glanced over Helena’s shoulder and took a moment to shamelessly stare at her figure through the water.

“Flatterer,” Helena scoffed amusedly before moving to dunk her head in the water in an impressive splash as she rinsed the shampoo from her hair. She grinned when she emerged and found Hunnigan shielding her face from the water with her arm.

“Y’know, I would’ve rinsed it for you,” she quirked an eyebrow.  
“I also know you’re devious enough to have used ice cold water just because you could.”

“The thought never crossed my mind,” Hunnigan lied and Helena scoffed in disbelief before returning to her comfortable spot, leaning against Hunnigan.  
“I think I’m beginning to finally see the appeal of taking baths,” she muttered then and Hunnigan chuckled.

“Good,” she commented and wrapped her arms around Helena from behind, resting her palms on the younger woman’s thighs. She paused when she felt the raised scar tissue on the left thigh and swallowed hard at the feeling of guilt practically imploding her chest when she remembered she was the one who had caused the injury.

“It’s all right,” Helena assured softly when she noticed the hesitation. She put her hand over Hunnigan’s and interlaced her fingers with the other woman’s, offering a reassuring gentle squeeze.  
“I’m sorry.”

“I know, but it’s fine, honestly,” Helena said and then raised the leg a little to display her calf.  
“This one is from being dragged in the mouth of a mutated shark-thingy that tried to eat Leon and I,” she proceeded to present the scar that ran along the side of her calf.

“This one is from... Deborah,” she then then said, pointing at her right shoulder, continuing down to her arm, stopping at the cut just above the elbow.  
“This is from Simmons’s final form... he tried to crush me with his... weird, sharp, insect-leg, but I managed to get out of the way,” Helena continued cataloguing her scars.

“But, in hindsight, it was kind of funny; his leg got stuck in the concrete and I climbed up along it, and shoved a grenade into his head,” she finished with some smugness in her voice.  
“Jesus,” Hunnigan scoffed. It all sounded like scenes from a B-grade action-movie, but she knew very well that it was all true.

“So, yeah, a couple of scars from plain old bullets? That’s nothing,” Helena smirked, tilting her head further back to be able to kiss the side of Hunnigan’s neck. The other woman moved as well, capturing Helena’s lips into a deep, slow kiss as she let her hand roam under the water, sliding it higher to rub a soft circle across Helena’s abdomen before moving to let her fingers brush against the underside of Helena’s breast. She encouraged the touch, pushing a little toward Hunnigan’s hand, and she accepted the invitation, running her thumb over the hardened nipple, eliciting an approving hum from Helena.

“What do you say we rinse off and move somewhere even more comfortable before we turn into wrinkly prunes?” Helena then inquired in a soft chuckle after reluctantly breaking the kiss.

 

***

 

 

Art commissioned from the fantabulous[ Liillin](http://liillin.tumblr.com/) go check her out!!


	34. Chapter 34

_**The artwork featured toward the end of the chapter was commissioned from the ever astonishing[liillin](http://liillin.tumblr.com/), go check her out, she's an absolute pleasure to work with. ^_^** _

* * *

 

Helena admitted that she’d considered watching someone sleep quite creepy... until she realized she was doing it a lot herself nowadays.

 _Well, can you blame me, she’s beyond adorable when she sleeps... not to say she isn’t that while awake too, though, but it’s a rare moment of calm I wouldn’t get to enjoy otherwise,_ Helena mused.

She rose to rest her weight on her elbow and reached to gently tuck Hunnigan’s hair behind her ear, running the backs of her fingers over Hunnigan’s cheek and across her chin then. Helena cupped Hunnigan’s face softly in her palm, tracing the edges of her lips with her thumb... and pulled back, yelping a little in surprise when Hunnigan suddenly nipped at the side of her thumb.

“Ow, geez!” the younger woman scoffed and Hunnigan smirked deviously before slowly opening her eyes.  
“Oh, come on, I didn’t even really bite you,” she said.

“I’m not hurt, but I’m startled,” Helena pouted and pretended to sniffle a little.  
“You’re weird.”

“I know,” Helena laughed softly and leaned to kiss Hunnigan, nipping at her lower lip lightly as a kind of a revenge. The older woman chuckled into kiss before breaking it.  
“I guess I deserved that,” she smiled.

“Totally,” Helena nodded, “I never noticed you have a scar there,” she then said and ran the tip of her index finger over Hunnigan’s philtum and the tiny white line that ran diagonally across it.  
“Not even after all the time you’ve spent creepily staring at me while I sleep?” Hunnigan jested.

“Well, in my defense, most of said creepy staring has happened in dim lighting,” Helena smirked, “I told you the stories behind my scars, what’s your story?” she then asked.

“Ah, well, it’s nothing quite as exciting, just a little memento from when I got into a fight with my mom,” Hunnigan shrugged one shoulder.  
“What happened?” Helena frowned.

“I wanted to go to MIT and I would’ve gotten in too, but I didn’t qualify for the financial aids and even if I’d gotten a job and a student loan, I wouldn’t have quite made it, so I asked... well, demanded really... that my parents help me out.”

“And?”

“And dad was practically willing to mortgage the house again if necessary, but mom didn’t agree. So, I pressured her about it in the very typical ‘you’re ruining my life, I hate you’-way until she finally just lost it and... punched me in the mouth, the scar came from her wedding ring. And that’s when we more or less stopped talking to each other almost completely,” Hunnigan finished her story.

“...wow,” Helena breathed.

“Yeah, so... no degree and no career at the FBI’s cyber division for this gal. But, in hindsight, it turned out probably better this way,” Hunnigan smiled.  
“Again, wow. I don’t quite know what to think about that.”

“Neither did I, so I just kind of left and we’ve never spoken of that again. Some girls have daddy issues, I’ve got mommy issues. I doubt it’s anything out of the ordinary. And in my mother’s defense, I was being really annoying.”

“Still, getting punched by your own mother. Can we skip meeting the parents-part of our relationship if we get to that level? ‘Cuz I think I might throw a punch at her and I’d rather not go down in history as the woman who punched Ingrid Hunnigan’s mother...” Helena trailed off and Hunnigan laughed a little.

“I don’t know, no one’s ever literally fought for me before, I might want to see it happen just to feel special,” she grinned then.

“You already are special, and I love you,” Helena said and leaned to kiss Hunnigan, slowly wrapping her arm around the other woman as she deepened the kiss. Hunnigan gripped the back of Helena’s knee gently and pulled on her to nudge herself closer as Helena rested her leg over Hunnigan’s hip. She was about to roll them over so that she was ontop of Helena when she heard a noise from the hallway.

Hunnigan reluctantly broke the kiss and slumped against Helena, sighing deeply.

“Damn it, Levi, you’re supposed to be asleep,” she murmured when she listened to the boy make his way downstairs.  
“Do you think we’ll have time for a quickie before he burns down the house?” Helena jested.

“I don’t know, he can be very efficient when it comes to being a destructive little beast,” Hunnigan chuckled.  
“I guess we’ll have to get up then,” Helena said, her words in contradiction with the soft and surprisingly arousing way her hand was still caressing Hunnigan’s back before crossing over her side to rub against her abdomen.

“Ah, screw it, I have insurance,” Hunnigan then said and moved to lie ontop of Helena before pushing her T-shirt up to reveal more of the pale, warm skin she found herself craving for.

Helena pulled her shirt off all the way, tossing it aside impatiently as Hunnigan let her tongue glide down along Helena’s neck, across her collarbone and then finally over to circle Helena’s nipple before enclosing her lips around it and softly sucking on it. Helena exhaled a shuddering breath, her arms wrapped around Hunnigan’s shoulders, her fingernails forcefully digging into her skin as she arched her back to press herself against Hunnigan tighter.

Hunnigan moved lower on the bed, settling between Helena’s legs and pulled her underwear off before wrapping her arms around her thighs and holding onto her hips. Helena raised them a little, easing into Hunnigan’s guiding grip, then threw her head back, merely daring to mouth the names of deities she didn’t even really believe in when Hunnigan flattened her tongue against the sensitive flesh between Helena’s legs and swiped over it at a torturously slow pace.

Helena settled into the same rhythm with Hunnigan’s mouth, grinding herself against the other woman’s mouth, unable to keep herself from bucking a little underneath the lashes of her tongue. When Hunnigan slid two fingers inside her and pressed up and forward, Helena reached for the pillow beside her and buried her face into it in an attempt to muffle the loud moans that escaped her throat without her permission. Hunnigan quickened her pace just a little, gradually adding more pressure in response to Helena’s more and more demanding movements until the younger woman tensed up before dissolving into shudders and frantic, sharp breaths.

Hunnigan eased her back to shore after the waves of pleasure had swept her away, and when the shudders began to fade, Hunnigan moved to lie next to Helena and took the pillow away from over her face, chuckling a little at the expression Helena had; she looked like she might just pass out. After taking a moment to recover, Helena slipped her fingers under the waistband of Hunnigan’s underwear and pushed them down her thighs and past her knees until Hunnigan was able to kick them off. She then pulled Hunnigan ontop of herself and sat up as the other woman straddled her.

She kissed Hunnigan slowly at first, then allowed their lips to interlock with more passion, the tip of her tongue flicking over Hunnigan’s lower lip and clashing against her tongue as she deepened the kiss. Helena brought her hands underneath Hunnigan’s shirt, leaving the other to caress her abdomen as the other slid higher, pausing to cup her breast and then massage it gently, running her thumb over the hardened nipple. Hunnigan tolerated the teasing touch for a few moments before gripping Helena’s wrist and guiding her hand lower. The younger woman gave into it, knowing they didn’t have the time for the usual teasing and slowly enjoying each other.

Helena let out a quiet appreciative hum at the wetness that greeted her when she reached to stroke the smooth skin between Hunnigan’s legs. Despite being kind of in a hurry, she took a moment to enjoy just feeling the other woman, cupping her hand against Hunnigan before slowly letting her middle finger push a little deeper, letting the length of it stroke against Hunnigan’s clit as the tip of the finger teased her entrance.

Finally, she eased two fingers inside Hunnigan, eliciting a deep exhale of pleasure from the other woman as she wrapped her arms around Helena and buried her face into the spot between the younger woman’s shoulder and neck. Helena curled her fingers a little, pressing a little harder when Hunnigan tensed up a little and Helena knew she’d found the particularly sensitive spot. She brought her thumb to rub against Hunnigan’s clit, smoothing into the same pace with the movements of Hunnigan’s hips.

After a while, Hunnigan pressed her palms against Helena’s shoulders and Helena gave in, settling to lie down as Hunnigan pressed herself to Helena, grinding against her harder, arching to lean back, her chest heaving as the inhaled and exhaled in shallow, sharp breaths, quickening the pace of her hips as she rode the younger woman, who eagerly matched her need for more pressure. Hunnigan’s mouth opened in a silent scream of ecstacy when she came hard and slumped forward, leaning into Helena, breathing heavily against her shoulder. Helena wrapped her free arm around Hunnigan as the other woman shivered in the aftershocks, Helena’s other hand still working between Hunnigan’s legs, slowly stroking her, bringing her back from the edge.

Hunnigan moved to lie on the bed, letting her leg still rest on Helena’s hip as the younger woman turned to lie on her side and reached to kiss Hunnigan, sliding her hand back and forth over the side of Hunnigan’s thigh, softly caressing the smooth skin.

“I’d kind of want to say something overly romantic and cheesy, but I got nothing,” Helena murmured with a smile.  
“That’ll do,” Hunnigan laughed quietly, “Now... as much as I would really just love to lie here until the cows come home, I think we need to get up, rinse off and head downstairs before Levi gets up to some mischief.”

“Agreed, but fair warning, I might try to seduce you into doing a second round in the shower.”  
“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”

* * *

When Helena and Hunnigan made their way into the kitchen, they discovered that Levi had made them breakfast. Two bowls of soggy cereal sat on the kitchen table (surrounded by generous splashes of milk that had missed the bowls when he’d poured it) along with two mugs of coffee... or, to be more precise, mugs of lukewarm tap water with coffee grounds floating in them. Levi abadoned his spot on the couch and ran into the kitchen, looking rather pleased with himself and his accomplishment of serving breakfast since he’d been the first one up.

“Damn fine cup of coffee, sir,” Hunnigan praised after pretending to drink from the mug, letting the liquid merely touch her lips.  
“Agreed, what great service,” Helena played along, digging into the cereal despite the mushy texture making her grimace on the inside. Levi beamed at them proudly.

“I would’ve given food to Garrus and Nihlus too, but I don’t know what they eat,” he then said.  
“Well, they eat seeds and fruit... and some pellets, because if we gave them nothing but fruit, they’d get fat because they’re lazy boys,” Helena winked.

“I’m a pretty boy!” Nihlus called out from the cage upon hearing his name mentioned, causing Levi to have a gigglefit.

“You wanna help me feed them?” Helena then asked Levi and he nodded eagerly. He stood on a chair and gathered up the pieces that Helena cut the grapes into and then went to carefully open the cage to put the tiny bowls of food inside.

“Can I get a pet? Not a bird, but maybe a kitten?” Levi then asked and Hunnigan sighed a little. They’d had this conversation before and undoubtedly would have it again many more times in the future.

 _Well, except..._ Hunnigan mused when an idea came to her.

“Kittens grow up to be cats, and cats eat birds. What would happen to Garrus and Nihlus if you got a cat?” she asked.

 _Not to mention that cats are evil creatures,_ Helena mused, but decided not to bring up her childhood trauma of being mauled by the neighbor’s cat (misleadingly named Sweetie-Belle) as a child just because she’d had the audacity to try and pet the vicious little beast.

“But Garrus and Nihlus don’t live here, I could keep my kitten in my room when they visit,” Levi challenged.

“Well, what if Garrus and Nihlus _did_ live here one day? You couldn’t just lock your cat into your room all the time,” Hunnigan reasoned and gave Helena a meaningful glance which caused the younger woman to perk up a little at the implication.

“Would they be my pets too then?” Levi asked from Helena.  
“Uh, yeah, totally, and I’d show you exactly how to feed them,” she promised with a smile.

“So, you’d live here too?” he then asked from Helena and the woman swallowed hard, muttering a little awkwardly, not sure what to say.

 _Feel free to jump in any day now, Hunnigan,_ she thought and quirked an eyebrow at the other woman.

“Indeed she would. How would you feel about that?” the older woman inquired softly.  
“I would like that,” Levi nodded.

“Yeah?” Helena’s eyebrows rose in surprise.  
“Uh-huh! You could read to me every day, you do an awesome Spider-Man voice, even better than Miranda’s! ...but don’t tell her I said that,” Levi said and Helena chuckled.

“I promise, it’ll be our little secret,” she whispered.  
“Speaking of Miranda, she’ll be here to pick you up any minute, you should start getting ready, sir,” Hunnigan told the boy and to her surprise, he didn’t object or throw a tantrum; instead he headed to his room to do as he was told.

* * *

Hunnigan lay half-upright, leaning to the armrest of the couch, Helena next to her with her head resting on Hunnigan’s shoulder. Hunnigan was holding a book so that they could both read; namely, the terrible romance novel Helena had brought to Hunnigan when she’d been in the hospital after the gunshot wound to her head.

“Oh, Helena, you dirty girl,” Hunnigan laughed softly.  
“What-what? I haven’t gotten that far yet, read slower!” Helena complained.

The main character of the book (a tall, dark, and drop dead gorgeous femme fatale) was also named Helena, and this hadn’t ceased to amuse Hunnigan at any point.

In the paragraph Hunnigan had read, Helena was busy seducing a man to distract him long enough to steal evidence from him; Helena happened to be a prosecutor who obviously didn’t shy away from using her womanly charms on the opposing counselor to keep her winning streak intact (and of course, it went without saying that she’d never lost a case). Hunnigan had long since given up on bothering pointing out the author’s downright offensive errors regarding how the legal system actually worked; it had become clear after the very first few pages that the author hadn’t even made an effort doing any research.

“ _‘His lovetool throbbed under Helena’s touch and when she bent down and let her hot, moist mouth enclose around the tip of his meat wrench, he whimpered and shuddered like a puppydog in a thunderstorm,’_ ” Hunnigan read aloud before having to stop because she was laughing too hard.

 

“Oh, good Lord! Who wrote this shit?” Helena scoffed and turned the book in Hunnigan’s hands to be able to read the author’s name.  
“Jane Deaux. Well, I bet my tits and a pack of cigarettes that’s an alias.”

“Well, in her defense...” Hunnigan began inbetween laughs and sniffles, and wiped her eyes, “I wouldn’t publish shit like this with my own name either.”  
“How dare she make Helena suck a dick?” the younger woman humphed, almost as if personally offended.

“The better question is how dare she use the word ‘moist’ and call the dick a meat wrench?” Hunnigan snorted as another fit of laughter took over her.  
“You’re imagining me sucking on an actual, literal wrench made of meat, aren’t you?” Helena narrowed her eyes at Hunnigan.

“I wasn’t, but I am now!” the older woman howled, “Stop, you’re killing me,” she pleaded as she gasped for air and exhaled deeply then, trying to calm down and recover.

“Well, since we’re on the subject, have _you_ ever sucked on a meat wrench?” Helena taunted.  
“I have, actually,” Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow and Helena made a face.

“I can’t believe you kiss me with that mouth.”

“Oh, don’t be a femi-Nazi, there’s nothing wrong with giving a blowjob to a man you love,” Hunnigan dismissed, “Besides, it was like fifteen years ago, I was confused and didn’t yet know that I enjoy going down on girls much more. Like... much, much more.”

“Sooo... you don’t mind doing that to me?”  
“Are you asking me to go down on you or if I love you?”

“Well, by your logic, you could say you love me _by_ going down on me,” Helena suggested in fake-innocense and slowly pulled the book from Hunnigan’s hands.

“I’ll make you whimper and shudder like a puppydog in a thunderstorm,” Hunnigan quoted the terrible writing huskily and Helena smacked her arm with the book.  
“Next time I’ll hit you with a hardcover,” she threatened.

“All right, all right, stupid jokes aside...” Hunnigan raised her hands in a surrender, “I really do love you,” she said and leaned to pepper the side of Helena’s face and neck with gentle kisses.  
“I love being like this with you, I love how you make me feel when I’m with you... I feel good, safe... like everything’s okay, and if everything isn’t, I feel like it will be.”

“That’s how I feel about you too,” Helena whispered.  
“Good,” Hunnigan smiled.

“So, uhm... about what you said to Levi this morning...” Helena began somewhat awkwardly and put the book away before turning a little to be able to look at Hunnigan directly.

“...about me and my birds possibly living here. Did you mean what I think you did?”  
“I’ve been thinking about what you said regarding the future of our relationship... the whole growing old...”

“..and fat!” Helena interjected with a smirk and Hunnigan chuckled.  
“...old and fat together, and the more I get to spend time with you, the more reluctant I’m becoming to letting you go at the end of the day,” Hunnigan nodded a little.

“I’m not saying let’s do it right now, but I am saying that when I think about my future nowadays, I see you as a permanent part of mine, I see you with me, doing the boring everyday things from dusting to arguing about it.”  
“I hate dusting, it’s not really cleaning, it’s more like rearranging dust,” Helena scoffed and Hunnigan laughed gently.

“Agreed... but, my point is... that eventually, I will almost definitely want you to move in with me. In the meantime, I want you to spend your time with me, but I also want us both to have the option to go home if we come to the conclusion that things aren’t working as they should be. I don’t want us to move in together and discover only afterward that we hate half of each other’s quirks. Does that sound unreasonable?”

“No, on the contrary, it sounds smart and cautious, it sounds just like you,” Helena grinned.  
“You’re not upset, are you?” Hunnigan inquired quietly, genuinely worried the younger woman would take her reluctance to just order the moving van as an insult.

“I’d be upset if you wanted it the other way around; we’ve been dating since, what, October or so? And there was that, um... spat between us around Christmas, so I’d say we’ve technically been together for about four months, and even that is kind of a generous estimate,” Helena said.

“I can’t tell you how good it is to hear that you agree.”  
“I do, so let’s be together, but let’s not make a big deal out of it, we can do that later,” Helena summarized.

“Excellent,” Hunnigan nodded.  
“Great,” Helena smiled gently, “Now, I believe there was some talk about you going down on me?” she then reminded, her smile growing into a mischievous grin.

“Oh, you know me, I always finish what I started and stay until the job gets done,” Hunnigan said in a husky mutter and leaned over Helena, slowly beginning to kiss her way down along the younger woman’s body.  
“I’m so going to use and abuse knowing that,” Helena sighed happily and arched a little under the gentle kisses.

 

***


	35. Chapter 35

“You know, to some people it might look odd that you’re giving the boss a neck massage, so you should consider closing the door,” Leon smirked as he paused by the entrance to Hunnigan’s office and leaned his shoulder to the door frame, crossing his feet at the ankles and folding his arms over his abdomen.

“She’s not giving me a massage, she’s assaulting me,” Hunnigan groaned as Helena dug her thumbs deeper into the muscles of Hunnigan’s neck.  
“I have to push hard, you’re so tense your body is practically crying out in pain,” Helena reasoned.

“It certainly is now!” Hunnigan complained with a pained expression on her face as Helena showed no mercy for the tense muscles.  
“Was there something you needed, Leon?” Hunnigan then inquired through clenched teeth.

“Naw, just came to check in on ya before heading out, you know me, I’m a sweetheart like that,” he grinned.  
“How much you wanna bet he was hoping to catch us making out?” Helena smirked.

“Well, then this is a disappointment for us both,” Hunningan grunted and leaned forward to escape Helena’s grip, “Okay, no, I can’t take anymore, thank you.”  
“You two got anything nice planned for Valentine’s day? Like, a moving van or a turkey baster?” Leon taunted.

“We’ve skipped that and are fast-forwarding to old and fat,” Helena smiled sweetly and gave up trying to give Hunnigan a neckrub.  
“How about you, agent Kennedy? A hot date lined up?” she then asked and circled Hunnigan’s desk to sit on the edge of it, crossing one leg over the other.

“I wish,” Leon sighed ruefully and Helena and Hunnigan glanced at each other.  
“Would you want to come over to my place for dinner if you have nothing else planned?” Hunnigan invited and Leon scoffed amusedly.

“A pity-date with my boss and her girlfriend?” he laughed softly, “Eh, why not?” he then shrugged.  
“Just as long as you realize that a threesome is not going to happen,” Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow at him.

“D’aw, come on, re-think about it because whatever you two have going on in the bedroom, it would be a lot hotter with me in it,” he jested, grinning.

Everyone in the room knew that if either of the women would actually turn his joke into a sincere invite to a threesome, he’d chicken out. He could come across as a womanizer, but deep down, something about him just screamed that he was the “mates for life”-type of a guy. Or, at the very least, that he would not sleep with the women he worked with daily.

“Well, now that you mentioned it...” Helena purred and stood up straight before walking over to Leon. She walked a small circle around him, eyeing him from head to toe before pausing to stand next to him and leaned her side into his.

“He is cute. Can we keep him?” she asked from Hunnigan, giving her the puppy dog eyes and a pouty lower lip.  
“Fine, but if he piddles on the rug, I’m rubbing you nose in it as well as his,” Hunnigan played along.

“Excuse me, I’m right here,” Leon complained at having his feelings hurt by such dismissal.  
“Terrible jokes aside, if you want, you’re welcome to come over,” Hunnigan then said sincerely.

“The most romantic day of the year and you invite me to butt in... either you really have fast-forwarded to getting old, or then you’re planning something terrible for me, like you’re gonna eat me or something.”  
“In your dreams, Kennedy,” Helena smirked.

* * *

Contrary to what Leon had believed, he did not arrive to a dinner party where he would be served as the main course. Instead, he discovered that the four year old boy of the household was more than excited to have another boy in the house after all the time he’d had to spend with girls. Of course, there was uncle Frank, but it was fun to meet someone new.

“So, your evil plan was to lure me here and have me do the babysitting?” Leon winked at the women after Levi insisted on Leon coming upstairs to check out his room.  
“You know what they say, there are no free meals,” Helena jested.

“It’s okay, you can tell him no if you don’t want to do something,” Hunnigan assured, but Leon shook his head.  
“It’s cool,” he smiled and followed Levi upstairs and into his room while Hunnigan promised to come to his rescue as soon as dinner was ready. Had it been up to Levi, he probably would’ve never let Leon leave.

About twenty minutes later, she made her way upstairs to inform the two that it was time to eat. She paused at the bedroom door and couldn’t resist eavesdropping a little when she realized her son was asking Leon the kind of things he didn’t think Idgie would get. Hunnigan chuckled lightly at the way Levi had worded it, but admitted that he was probably right.

“It gets hard. Why does it do that? Is it mad?!” Levi questioned and Hunnigan had to press her palm against her mouth and pinch her nose shut with her thumb to keep herself from laughing out loud.  
“Don’t worry about that, it’s completely normal,” Leon assured, “It’s, uh... it’s your body’s way of making sure that everything works the way it should.”

“But it’s not hard all the time.”

“No, it’s not supposed to be all the time. Sometimes it just does that, and that’s okay,” Leon muttered, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he tried to explain random boners to a child. Hunnigan was tempted to drag this out just to see Leon squirm, but when Levi decided that the next thing he wanted to know was what a bra is, Hunnigan went to rescue Leon.

“A bra is a harness that keeps girls’ boobs in place.”  
“Would they fall off otherwise?” Levi asked, his eyes widening in obvious horror at the thought.

“No, sir, they would not,” Hunnigan laughed softly.  
“Well, then, where would the boobs go without the bra?” he insisted, frowning deeply. This made no sense.

“Nowhere, they’d just...” Hunnigan trailed off, beginning to regret stepping in as she noticed the smug smirk on Leon’s face when it became obvious that she didn’t have all the answers either.

“They’d kind of... bounce and that can be painful, especially if the girl has big boobs,” Hunnigan elaborated.  
“Helena has big boobs,” Levi stated matter-of-factly and without even thinking about it twice.

“Yeah,” Leon agreed, realizing he shouldn’t have spoken the moment Hunnigan gave him a sharp glare. His response was to shrug innocently. How the hell was it fair to expect that he wouldn’t look at them, they were kind of hard to miss.

“Why don’t you have big boobs?” Levi then asked Hunnigan and Leon snorted, covering his reddening face with his hand.  
“Because boobs are mostly fat and I’m the skinny type whether I like it or not,” Hunnigan answered.

“Why don’t boys have boobs?” the child continued his questioning as Hunnigan sighed deeply and gestured impatiently at him. He got the message, moving to follow her and Leon as the adults exited his room and began heading down the stairs before the one thousand and one questions would leave their dinner cold.

“Because girls need boobs to feed their babies, boys don’t do that because they are dads, not moms.”  
“No way I ate boobs when I was a baby!” Levi exclaimed and Leon lost it, doubling over in laughter.

“You didn’t literally eat boobs, but you ate _from_ boobs, and I have pictures to prove it,” Hunnigan challenged her son as Leon tried to calm down and collect himself.  
“Fine, we’ll see,” Levi accepted the challenge.

* * *

“Y’know, I had some doubts about coming over, but this was really fun,” Leon confessed as he was getting ready to leave.  
“Why the doubts? Don’t you trust us?” Helena taunted.

“I was worried you were trying to set me up with a weird distant relative or something...”  
“How dare you assume I’d have weird relatives,” Hunnigan smirked.

“You really do make a great couple,” Leon smiled sincerely, “Not that I’m an expert on relationships, but still, I really mean it. Was about freaking time you two realized it too,” he then added.  
“I could say the same about you and Claire,” Helena couldn’t resist pointing out and Leon chuckled awkwardly, shaking his head a little.

“Thanks for having me,” he dodged the implication and went to give a goodbye hug and kiss to both of the women.

“And you, sir. You’re the man in the house, you know what it means?” he then grinned at Levi.  
“That the girls feed me!”

“Exactly!” Leon laughed softly and just before Hunnigan could practically punch him for agreeing with such a sexist comment, he added, “But don’t take the girls for granted, and that is a tip from me to you.”

“I’ll remember!”  
“Good man!” Leon encouraged and Levi beamed at him.

“Stop ruining my child and get outta here,” Hunnigan smirked at him and Leon laughed, raising his hands in a surrendering gesture.  
“Good night ladies, good night sir,” he bowed a little before turning on his heel and walking away.

“Oyh, it’s getting late, you should be in bed!” Hunnigan then told Levi after glancing at her wrist watch.

As had become the norm recently, Helena was the one in charge of supervising the bed time routine. The couple of times Helena hadn’t been there had led to the boy having a tantrum. Now that she was here, Levi merely nodded and agreed to brush his teeth and get changed for bed without a fuss.

_I could get used to this,_ Hunnigan mused as she decided to indulge a little and grabbed a beer before sitting back on the couch. Thinking back to her own childhood, it was her father who had usually been the one to look after her and Frank whenever they’d needed something that required an emotional attachment.

Krista was there just enough to make sure the kids didn’t die under her watch (and at times Hunnigan was certain even that was probably because Krista wouldn’t have wanted to have to deal with the hassle of having to explain a dead toddler or two to the authorities), but as far as kissing booboos and the rest went, she didn’t have the time for such softness. You coped. That was how her parents had done it.

Sean was different, he was the one who thought of giving sugar water and baby formula to the kids when they’d cried rather than expect his wife to keep on breastfeeding them after she’d explicitly said she would not after it had not become a necessity. Admittedly, Sean did leave quite a few things to be desired when it came to being a respected authority figure around the house, but at least he was approachable.

When Hunnigan had come out of the closet to her parents, her mother’s first reaction had been to blame it on Sean, telling him that he’d been too soft, that he hadn’t given a decent idea of what a man should be like. Hunnigan had tried to argue with the stupid logic for longer than she cared to admit, but it had been a waste of time. However, her mother’s reaction had stayed with her.

With that in mind, she’d tried ensuring Levi would have the possibility of growing up with a man in his life too. It wasn’t that she wouldn’t be able to figure out how to discuss “boy things” with him whenever the questions would arise, it wasn’t about her agreeing with any part of her mother’s statement (by Krista’s logic, surely Frank should’ve been gay too), it was about her personal idea of balance. She wanted her son to grow up knowing there were men he could rely upon even if he lived in a household with two women. Problem was, Hunnigan didn’t really know many men, apart from her brother... which was where Leon came into the picture. She wouldn’t tell him as much directly (mainly because she worried it would go into his head and he’d become unbearable), but he was the kind of a man she’d love to see her son grow up to be.  

_Oh yeah, speaking of my mother and tough love, I was supposed to prove my son wrong,_ Hunnigan remembered and went to grab the photo album from the bottom drawer of the bookshelf.

She finished her beer and sat back on the couch, opening the album she’d not looked at since the time she’d put it together. After the recent events, she’d been even more reluctant to look at it; she didn’t want the flood of memories... but she supposed that she _needed_ it to happen, no matter how much it hurt.

“He’s asleep,” Helena confirmed in the usual way as she made her way downstairs and took a seat next to Hunnigan.  
“Thank you,” the other woman smiled and kissed Helena’s cheek gently.

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” Helena then inquired and leaned over to look at the photos. Hunnigan explained what had inspired the trip down the memory lane as she turned the pages, trying to find the one she could easily see in her mind’s eye, but couldn’t seem to find from here. In the photo, Alexis was breastfeeding Levi, but what made it spectacular was the moment the photo had been taken; the lighting, the way Alexis had smiled to the child, the gentleness of her look as she’d held him...

None of those things were things anyone else looking at the photo would’ve necessarily even noticed or cared about, but Hunnigan had and could recall even if she couldn’t see the picture right there.

_It’s at work¸_ she then realized. Framed, more or less stashed away among the marksmanship-trophies and what have you, face down as it had been ever since the divorce (and ever since the person in charge of cleaning Hunnigan’s office had finally understood that it was face down on purpose and had realized to leave it alone rather than repeatedly keep putting back up)... but she could remember every detail of it because she’d looked at it more times than she cared to admit, even recently... and she certainly didn’t want to tell as much to Helena.

“Can I see them too?” Helena inquired and raised her feet onto the couch, bending her knees and leaning into Hunnigan.  
“...sure, if you want to,” Hunnigan shrugged a little, having to admit it felt a bit awkward showing Helena over a decade worth of memories with the ex, especially since she had no idea how either one of them would react.

Contrary to what Hunnigan assumed, Helena didn’t feel jealous, she felt envious. She envied Alexis for having been there for all the moments they’d captured together. She envied how happy they seemed to have been. Evidently, it hadn’t lasted, but... Helena had to wonder if she’d ever live up to what had been. She wanted to defiantly believe that she didn’t need to live up to anything, that this wasn’t a competition, that Hunnigan knew perfectly well that Alexis and Helena were two completely different people and that she shouldn’t even try to compare the two of them to each other. The most ridiculous part was that Hunnigan had never said or done anything that would’ve given Helena any reason to think she was being compared to the ex; it was all in Helena’s head. She had an unreasonable and an inexplicable need to be better than Alexis.

_She loved Alexis a lot, I want her to love me more some day,_ Helena thought, but knew better than to say as much out loud. It sounded kind of creepy and just weird even to her, and Hunnigan had already repeatedly called her weird... playfully so, but still.

“Oh, wow, weren’t you a happy one,” Helena chuckled when they reached the older photos toward the end of the album and she saw the picture obviously taken at Christmas. In it, Hunnigan stood in front of a blonde woman who had her hands over Hunnigan’s shoulders, and the child was sneering at the camera, her teeth bared. Frank stood next to her, staring up to his father, a towering man with auburn hair and beard, and a genuinely amused smile.

“Guess who didn’t get the Barbie from Santa,” Hunnigan shook her head, laughing a little.  
“You actually wanted one? Girlier than what I’d expect from you,” Helena jested, poking Hunnigan’s side softly with her elbow, “So, I take it these are your parents?” she then turned her attention back to the photo.

“Uh-huh, thirty years and a hundred pounds ago,” Hunnigan jested, exaggerating but only a little.

“You don’t look like either of your parents. Frank kinda looks like...” Helena trailed off and frowned deeply as she studied his features in the photo before turning to look at Hunnigan slowly, unsure if she should finish her thought out loud or not. Maybe Hunnigan hadn’t noticed, but then again, it was kind of obvious.

“Correction, Levi looks like his father,” Hunnigan shrugged.

“...so...” Helena muttered awkwardly, not sure how to continue. She wanted to know, but at the same time she wasn’t sure if it was something Hunnigan would feel like talking about. When the older woman got up, put the photos away and headed into the kitchen, Helena figured it was probably the latter. She returned shortly after with two more bottles of beer, sat back down and took a long drink from her bottle.

“I got suspicious a few months after Levi was born and I noticed how absurdly much he looked like Frank. So, I had a friendly neighborhood lab do a little paternity test for me to confirm it. After that, I did the one thing I had told myself I wouldn’t do, because I’d just decided to trust Alexis despite everything.”

“And what was that?” Helena inquired quietly.  
“I went through Frank and Alexis’s phone calls and messages, I needed to know it wasn’t something they were going at regularly behind my back, you know?”

“...were they?” Helena frowned. Considering how well Frank and Hunnigan were getting along, it didn’t seem likely... but then again, Hunnigan was the forgiving type.  
“No,” she shook her head, “based on what I gathered, Alexis practically raped him. Or, well, got him wasted and took advantage of him at the very least.”

“Why would she do that?”

“Well, that’s the bittersweet part about it,” Hunnigan scoffed a little, “She wanted a child, and ideally, she would’ve wanted one with me, but that wasn’t an option for obvious reasons, so Frank was the next best thing to me actually being the other parent. Only problem was that Al knew perfectly well Frank and I never would’ve agreed to it had she actually bothered to ask us first,” she humphed and drank from her beer bottle once more, and this time Helena drank from hers too.

“Does... Frank know?” she then asked and Hunnigan nodded.  
“He knows he’s the dad, but he doesn’t know that I know. Neither did Alexis.”

“I don’t understand how you managed to keep yourself from confronting her about it, I would’ve lost my shit,” Helena muttered and Hunnigan chuckled a little ruefully. Honestly, she wasnt sure what she’d been “saving” the knowledge for, but she’d figured there’d be an occasion when she could do something more with it. In hindsight, there’d been plenty of occasions, but something about throwing it all in Alexis’s face had been beneath Hunnigan, even when things had gone from the best of times to the worst of times.

“Nowadays, it just amuses me.”  
“How?”

“Like, when Frank would get all worked up about the injustice of it all, about how Alexis had the nerve to get knocked up and about how I had to pay her alimony afterward. I think that in the end, he was so angry about it because he felt guilty and like he was responsible for it, when he wasn’t.”

“Well, unless she went at him with a cattle prod, I think he should feel responsible,” Helena quirked an eyebrow and Hunnigan burst out laughing, beer shooting out of her nose.  
“Oh, God,” she coughed and wiped her face.  
“Sorry,” Helena apologized sheepishly and patted Hunnigan’s back in an attempt to help her get over the coughing fit.

“I’m okay,” Hunnigan nodded, inhaled deeply and cleared her throat then, “As for Frank, I can’t blame him. I know how Al could be, when...” she then trailed off awkwardly. Telling your girlfriend how ridiculously charismatic and seductive your late ex could be was definitely on the no-no-list.

“Let’s just say she could fuck up the best of us,” she settled for, but the implication (and Hunnigan’s pause while she decided to word it differently) was more than Helena needed.

_Just another way I’ll never compare to Alexis; she rocked Hunnigan’s world, I probably barely jostle it._

Granted, there were a lot of other and more important elements to relationships than sex, but feeling so unsure of herself was an odd feeling for Helena, she wasn’t used to lacking confidence in herself like this. What made it more awkward for her was feeling like she should’ve been capable of offering more in return for what Hunnigan did for her.

Hunnigan had never said anything that would’ve implied she wasn’t satisfied, and the times she’d needed to guide Helena, she’d done so gently and patiently, enjoying the process of learning and mapping out her lover’s likes and dislikes as much as Helena had enjoyed it... and she would’ve gladly told as much to Helena had the younger woman said what she was really thinking about.

“Is it just my imagination, or has your life been totally unfair toward you? Like, how are you not just a huge ball of emotional scar tissue?” Helena asked instead and Hunnigan chuckled softly.

“Who says I’m not?” she joked and shook her head a little, “You might very well think that at first, but... if I’d always gotten what I wanted, I wouldn’t have any of the things I have now. Say my mother would’ve happily paid for my schooling rather than punched me in the face. I wouldn’t have ended up spending my summers selling ice cream, which means I wouldn’t have met the dispatcher who got to telling me how to become one...” Hunnigan began to summarize, pausing to finish her beer.

“...and had I never worked as a dispatcher, I wouldn’t have met Alexis and as horribly as that ended, there was a lot of good there too. I also probably never would’ve been hand-picked to be in the team that eventually formed F.O.S.. Had that never happened, I wouldn’t be here right now, I probably never would’ve met you either.”

“I don’t know, one of Deborah’s hippie friends once got into a very deep conversation with me and told me that we write our own lives before we're born and meet the people we’re meant to meet.”  
“Well, there, you said it. I wrote my own life and it went the way it was supposed to, I ended up where I am meant to be.”

“Meh, I still think you would’ve deserved better,” Helena offered a lopsided smile and Hunnigan smiled back, turning to face Helena.  
“I got something better,” she said, raising her hand to cup Helena’s cheek.

“And what’s that?”

“I got you,” Hunnigan whispered and closed the small space between them, leaning to press her lips onto Helena’s softly. When she pulled back slowly after a moment, Helena remained still, her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted as she sat there, somewhat stunned.

“That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”  
“What can I say, I’m a romantic,” Hunnigan jested, both of them knowing perfectly well Hunnigan wasn’t one to get really into the mushy stuff. But, it was Valentine’s day, after all.

***


	36. Chapter 36

_He roared, low masculine grunts of pleasure as he plunged into her, filling her. She saw stars._

“What’s with the frickin’ stars? I’ve never seen stars, are you doing something wrong? I mean, I have no frame of reference other than you, so...” Helena taunted, fluttering the terrible romance novel in her hands. She lay on her back on the bed, Hunnigan lying next to her, only she was on her stomach, resting her weight on a pillow and her elbows, typing away at the laptop.

“You want stars? Talk to Jill Valentine, she’ll give you stars,” Hunnigan mumbled absently, focusing mostly on her work. Helena’s eyebrow quirked. Had Leon told her about the terrible joke Helena had made about wanting to bed Jill Valentine? Naw, he wouldn’t... then again, why else would Hunnigan say that?

“Maybe the stars appear only when you’re with a guy. Not that _that_ makes any sense either,” Helena mused, sliding past Hunnigan’s comment about Jill.  
“Helena, please,” Hunnigan sighed deeply.

“Well, excuse me, but I do believe you said you’d turn that thing off an hour ago, hence why I am killing time reading this dreadful thing. What are you doing anyway?”  
“Penetration testing,” Hunnigan responded and Helena turned to look at her slowly. It took a few seconds for Hunnigan to realize what she’d said.

“Oh, stop snickering, it just means I am testing our defenses by trying to essentially hack the agency.”

“I liked my mental image better,” Helena sighed and went back to reading the book. She gave Hunnigan until the end of yet another awful chapter before she put the book away and informed Hunnigan that they’d be late unless she got a move on.

“Late for what?” Hunnigan frowned and Helena rolled her eyes at the older woman. Of course she’d forgotten.

“A little thing called a parent-teacher-meeting. One that I don’t think I have any reason to be at, but you insisted I join.”  
“Augh, didn’t we just go to one?”

Helena chuckled and got out of bed as Hunnigan reluctantly began to get up as well and shut the computer down.

“I wonder what they want to talk about now,” she muttered, a part of her worrying Levi had gotten into another fight with Fred... or whoever. Then again, she supposed that if he had, the teachers would’ve called her right away.

“They probably just want to praise him for being such an awesome young man,” Helena shrugged as she headed out of the bedroom.  
“Is it bad that you seem to have more faith in him than I do?” Hunnigan pondered as she followed the younger woman, shrugging on her jacket to finish her trademark “suited government agent”-look.

“Could be, but in your defense, he probably behaves better around me because he still thinks of me as one of the cool kids. And, you know, I love that kid, so I foolishly give him the benefit of the doubt most of the time,” Helena smirked and went to unlock the car as Hunnigan locked up the house.

“You love him?” Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow as she sat in the passenger’s seat and Helena paused for a moment when she realized what she’d said.

“Yeah,” she chuckled, “I really do, actually,” she then nodded. She hadn’t thought much about it, she’d had no reason to, but the truth was, she really enjoyed spending time with Levi, even when Hunnigan wasn’t around, and she’d noticed she missed the kid when she didn’t have a chance to hang out with him.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that, and I’m sure the feeling’s mutual,” Hunnigan smiled.

* * *

 

“Has there been a change in Levi’s living environment recently?” Mrs. Taylor inquired and Hunnigan barely witheld a scoff.

“You mean other than his mother passing away not very long ago?” she asked back instead, trying not to sound sarcastic about it, but failing. Helena nudged her leg under the table. Granted, the last meeting with the teacher hadn’t gone exactly well, but there was no need to be hostile... yet anyway.

“Uh, well, I have been staying at the house more recently,” Helena answered, “But if that somehow affects Levi negatively, I could... do that less?” she finished awkwardly, sincerely hoping it wouldn’t come to that.

“Oh, no, on the contrary,” Mrs. Taylor shook her head, “Levi is doing splendidly. He’s already beginning to read quite confidently and his writing is above average too.”

That was probably because whenever Helena got sick of having to read the same damn Spider-Man books over and over, she’d suggested that Levi reads to her instead. When he’d insisted he didn’t know how, she’d suggested he’d try and she’d help him figure it out.

“So, whatever the change, it’s been really good for him.”

“That’s... great,” Hunnigan said slowly, still expecting a “but” in there somewhere. It didn’t come. Not even when discussing Levi’s behavior and the spat he’d gotten into with Fred. Ever since the incident, he’d known to avoid the other boy for most of the time.

“He’s a smart and a well-behaved boy, you have nothing to worry about,” Mrs. Taylor assured and Hunnigan believed her. With that, the meeting ended.

“She could’ve told me all that over the phone,” Hunnigan muttered as she walked along the hallway toward the classroom where she knew Levi would be at.  
“Ingrid, that’s not the point,” Helena rolled her eyes and the other woman sighed a little. She didn’t have a chance to argue about it; Levi exited the classroom just then and ran to her and Helena upon seeing the two.

“Hello, sir!” Hunnigan greeted and caught him into her arms when he jumped at her.  
“Why are you here?” he asked.

“I was chatting with your teacher,” she answered and for a moment Levi looked worried.  
“Am I in trouble again? I didn’t do it! I was on the moon at the time!” he pre-emptively denied any guilt with what to him seemed like a completely reasonable explanation, and Hunnigan chuckled softly.

“No, sir, you’re not in trouble. In fact, your teacher said you’re doing really well in school. I’m proud of you,” she told him and kissed his cheek.  
“Thanks,” he grinned.

“I think this calls for ice cream. What do you think, sir?” Hunnigan then inquired and he inhaled a deep, excited breath.  
“I want a shake and fries! Double fries!” he decided.

“All right, then that’s what we’re doing,” Hunnigan agreed with a smile.

A few minutes later, they arrived at the fast food restaurant, and contrary to the usual routine, they headed inside instead of the drive-thru. Levi picked them a booth next to the window and slid into the seat, Helena taking a seat across from him as Hunnigan went to place the order.

Helena noticed a little corner reserved for things like coloring books and some toys to keep the kids busy while waiting for their food, and was about to suggest to Levi that they could head over to do something if he wanted to, but the boy was preoccupied by something else. He was watching intently as a man unwrapped a burger for his son (at least Helena presumed that was teh case) and handed it over. Nothing out of the ordinary about that really, and for a while Helena thought Levi was curious about the man’s visible tattoos and stretched earlobes, but apparently, that wasn’t it.

“Is he the dad?” Levi asked.  
“I guess so?” Helena answered and Levi turned his attention to her then.

“Why don’t I have a dad? Other kids have dads.”  
“Some kids do, others have only a mom or a dad... and some, like you, have two moms or two dads.”

“Yeah, but why?”

“Well...” Helena cleared her throat awkwardly. This wasn’t really conversation she felt she should be having with the boy. Backup was apparently unavailable; Hunnigan was still waiting in line to order.

“Sometimes a boy and a girl fall in love...”  
“Blergh,” Levi interjected, making face and Helena chuckled.

 _I agree,_ she mused but didn’t say as much out loud.

“And sometimes a boy and another boy fall in love, or then a girl and another girl.”  
“Like you and Idgie.”

“Exactly,” Helena nodded, “and sometimes couples like that also want children, so that’s why different kids have different kinds of families,” she shrugged then, mentally congratulating herself for having managed to answer that. Her joy was premature, she had managed to dodge one bullet, but there was another following up.

“I know who my mom is, but you still need a dad too to make a baby,” he narrowed his eyes at Helena.

 _God damn it, that kid is too fucking smart,_ she sighed mentally.

“Not always, some couples adopt a baby.”

“Am I adopted?” he gasped, his concerned look that bordered on terrified by the mere thought genuine.  
“No, sir, you’re not, it’s just... uhm...” Helena stuttered.

“Well, technically, you are because I adopted you after you were born, so, I guess you could say...” Hunnigan began and set the tray down before holding out her hand a little and proclaiming in a lowered, dramatic voice, “I am your father.”

Helena snorted at the gesture a little, both of them knowing that Levi wouldn’t get the Star Wars-reference (and, frankly, Hunnigan wasn’t sure if Helena would either, but judging from her reaction, she got the joke). He laughed merely at the odd tone of voice he’d never heard from Hunnigan before.

“Where are the fries?” Levi then asked, reaching for his shake that was on the tray.  
“They’re making a fresh batch, they’ll bring them over when they’re done,” Hunnigan answered and sat next to him. Levi seemed to forget the father-issue as he concentrated on his shake, and Hunnigan sighed in relief internally. She’d known this day would come, she’d just expected that Alexis would be around to do the explaining. Recently, she’d come to realize she’d expected that for a lot of things that had now become her responsibility.

It was a strange feeling being afraid of taking responsibility for raising one little boy when at times she could carry the weight of the world on her shoulders without even flinching.

* * *

“Who the hell are you?”

 _The woman who is about to punch you in the face for something you did over a decade ago,_ Helena thought, but decided not to go there, it would be better for everyone involved if she even made an effort to be friendly, she supposed.

“Helena Harper,” she responded and stepped aside from the door to allow Krista in.  
“You’re not one of the regulars,” the older woman commented as she moved past Helena and entered the house.

“Regulars?” Helena parroted and Krista quirked an eyebrow, looking at her like she was slow.

“The re-gu-lars,” she elaborated, louder than necessary and as if talking to an idiot.

“No, I’m not a-” Helena began to explain that she wasn't a nanny when Hunnigan came to the foyer and questioned her mother’s presence.

“It’s nice to see you too, Ingrid,” Krista responded and Hunnigan sighed loudly, her entire being seeming to slump a little.

“I wish you would’ve called, if we’d known you were coming, we could’ve made plans to stay in for the evening,” she commented. Helena’s eyebrows rose, she hadn’t known there’d been plans to go out, on the contrary. She caught on quickly and offered Hunnigan a subtle nod to let her know as much.

“Well, I’m here now, and it’s been a long trip, so indulge an old woman and reschedule whatever you got planned,” the elder Hunnigan shrugged, as if were perfectly acceptable for her to expect her daughter to agree to such terms. Much to Helena’s surprise, Hunnigan actually did cave in, and amazingly easily at that.

 _What’s wrong with her?_ she thought, frowning a little as Krista set her bag aside and headed to the kitchen, mumbling something about scrounging up a cup of coffee and then proceeding to criticize the coffee that was served on her flight over to D.C. from Minnesota.

“Where’s my little pride and joy, where’s Levi?” she then inquired, taking a seat at the kitchen table, obviously expecting the coffee to be made for her.  
“He’s with Frank,” Hunnigan responded as she began to cater to the needs of mother dearest... or, as she preferred to call her most of the time, mother damn-est.

“Oh, well, that’s good, a boy needs to spend time with men too,” Krista commented and Helena saw the muscles in Hunnigan’s jaw tighten as she bit her teeth together so hard she could’ve chipped one, and inhaled deeply through her nose.

“Yes, which is exactly why I’ve made sure he has male role models,” Hunnigan said through clenched teeth, not letting her mother take credit for something that hadn’t been her thought in the first place, and not letting her keep thinking she’d actually managed to get away with jabbing that subtle criticism about Hunnigan’s parenting and sexual preferences into the conversation.

“So, to what do I owe the unexpected pleasure?” Hunnigan then inquired, hoping she didn’t sound quite as venomous as she felt.  
“Just wanted to check in on you. Figured, maybe you could use a hand after everything,” Krista shrugged and Hunnigan barely managed to contain a scoff.

“I’m fine,” she said instead and poured the coffee before handing the mug over and then returning to grab the sugar from the cabinet.  
“Sorry, there’s no cream,” Hunnigan muttered then as she put the sugar and milk onto the table.

“This’ll do,” Krista commented as she dropped several teaspoons of sugar into the dark liquid before pouring the milk. Hunnigan didn’t join her for a cup of coffee, instead she leaned her back to the counter and crossed her arms over her abdomen.

“Why are you really here?” she questioned and Krista rolled her eyes as she sipped the coffee.  
“Does a mother need a reason to visit her daughter?”  
“When the mother is you, yes. What, did you expect to walk in and find everything on fire, because clearly, as far as you’re concerned, I can’t possibly handle my life myself?”

“Well, it wouldn’t have been the first time I've had to put out fires that you've started,” Krista shrugged and Hunnigan’s hands balled into tight fists as she tried to keep herself from just exploding. Helena cleared her throat a little and nodded toward the living room.

“Excuse me,” Hunnigan muttered and followed the younger woman to the other room, letting out a long, agitated exhale.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized then.  
“You don’t have to be,” Helena assured, “Do you want me to go?” she asked quietly then.

“I don’t want you to go, but I’d also rather not expose you to my mother if I can avoid it,” Hunnigan smirked.  
“Want me to punch her for you?” Helena teased and Hunnigan chuckled softly, shaking her head a little.

“How about you go home and I’ll call you once I’ve figured out what she wants and get her out of the house?” she suggested then.  
“Are you sure? I’d really rather not leave you alone,” Helena muttered and Hunnigan nodded.

“It’s okay, trust me. Go home,” she said and leaned to silence Helena’s further objections with a soft kiss. The younger woman wrapped her arms around Hunnigan and held her tightly for a moment before reluctantly loosening her grip.

“Call me if you need to vent,” she then grinned.  
“I’ll call you every five minutes,” Hunnigan said and Helena chuckled softly. She pulled her jacket on and exited the house as Hunnigan returned to the kitchen.

“So, that young thing, huh,” Krista commented.

“What about her?” Hunnigan sighed and took a seat at the kitchen table, expecting the usual commentary about how Helena was either too good or not good enough, all opinions which Krista had made based on _not_ knowing Helena at all.

“Well...” Krista shrugged.

“All right, just what the hell do you want?” Hunnigan finally snapped, “Did you come here to tell me my life decisions are all wrong, or did you come here just so you could tell me what a terrible job I am doing as a parent?”  
“I didn’t say that.”

“Good! Just because you failed as a mother doesn’t mean that I will!” Hunnigan spat, knowing she was spewing poison, but as hurtful as her words were, they were also justified, “So, just say whatever you came to say and get the hell out of my house,” Hunnigan added in a mutter then and Krista exhaled deeply.

“I’m dying.”

 

***


	37. Chapter 37

All these years, no matter how badly she had wanted to tell her mother to fuck off, Hunnigan hadn’t done that. She’d told herself she only had one mother who should be respected (even if she’d done very little to earn that respect). She’d convinced herself that she’d regret it if she’d cut Krista completely from her life, because at the end of the day, no matter how infected their relationship was, she’d need her mother in her life. She didn’t want to risk having to live with the guilt that came with knowing that one day, she’d have to realize that her last words to her mother had been something along the lines of “go to hell”.

Funnily enough, expecting eventual guilt had kept Hunnigan from doing and saying a lot of things. It had been like this with Alexis too; Hunnigan could never know when was the last time she saw someone and would rather never leave on bad terms. Not even when the other person didn’t truly deserve her forgiveness... and didn’t bother giving her the same courtesy.

The doorbell rang and Hunnigan went to let Frank in. He’d been surprised by her invitation and he’d been even more surprised when Hunnigan had told him that their mother was in town. Apparently she hadn’t bothered contacting him. Why she would have, it wasn’t Frank she’d wanted to talk to about her condition, and for all the wrong reasons.

“What’s up? Did you fight with mom again?” he asked as he slumped onto the couch and crossed one leg over the other.  
“Yes and no, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about,” Hunnigan shook her head.

“Oh?”

“First of all, I think it’s about time I told you that I know you’re Levi’s father, I always have known,” Hunnigan began bluntly and Frank almost swallowed his tongue. Not the conversation opener he’d been expecting. She could’ve at least offered him a beer or ten before blurting that out.

“Idgie, I...”  
“I wear glasses, I’m not blind, and even blind person could see he looks exactly like you, so don’t bother insulting my intelligence by trying to explain,” she interrupted and Frank nodded slowly.

“For what it’s worth...” he began to say but Hunnigan held up a hand and he quieted down. She didn’t need explanations or excuses, she was more than past the point of bothering on blaming anyone for what had happened.

“...and since you’re his father, I felt it was only natural to appoint you as his guardian in case something happens to me.”  
“You sound like you’re about to go and parachute into occupied France,” Frank chuckled awkwardly and Hunnigan did too, nodding a little.

“Well, I’m not, but I wanted to let you know I’ve made some changes to my will recently, just in case. You will share guardianship with Helena, and she and Levi get the house... provided she's still in the picture when I die,” Hunnigan summarized nonchalantly.

"I assume you've told Helena too," Frank commented, unable to find any other words at the moment.  
"No."

"Why not?" he scoffed and Hunnigan sighed.  
"Because it's irrelevant. What really matters to me is knowing that _you_ will definitely be here to look after Levi, even if something comes up and Helena won't be here to do it."

“What’s going on?” Frank then frowned. He knew his sister well enough to know that she was always better prepared than a girl scout, and that involved being prepared for her own eventual death, but this sounded more serious, like she was expecting something to happen.

“Because... I’m getting worried that you’re planning something stupid,” he muttered then and shuddered a little at the mental image of discovering his sister lying in a pool of vomit next to empty bottles of pills and booze, or soaking in a blood-stained tub. Hunnigan rolled her eyes at him, understanding that he had his reasons for being concerned, but annoyed at having him question her.

“I’m fine, I just wanted to let you know and ask if you’re okay with it.”  
“Of course I am...”

“Good, then that’s all there is to that,” Hunnigan interrupted with a shrug.

“...all right. So, are we gonna talk about... me being his dad?”  
“What’s there to talk about? If I wanted to bust your balls over it, I would’ve done that ages ago. But I don’t, I’m not mad at you, I was mad at Alexis, but holding a grudge seems rather pointless, don’t you think?”

“True... but I am sorry about what happened.”  
“And I accept your apology, but there’s no need for it. It was a long time ago, and we’re here now, and everything’s fine.”

“So... what about Levi?”  
“What about him?” Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.

“Well, I just... should we tell him?”  
“No. At least, not yet. I think he’s gone through enough recently, I’d rather not confuse him further right now. Besides, him knowing wouldn’t change anything.”

“Okay,” Frank nodded, but had to admit he was a bit disappointed. The only reason he hadn’t come out as Levi’s father had been because he’d believed Hunnigan didn’t know, and that if she were to find out, she’d cut him out of Levi’s life completely. But if everything was okay like she claimed it was, he didn’t really see why he couldn’t actually be a father to the boy.

“Now, that isn’t to say we should never tell him,” Hunnigan began upon noticing his disappointment, “He has been asking about his father recently, and maybe eventually it’ll do him good to know the truth.”

“Or not, he might as well feel betrayed that we kept it from him."  
“That’s a risk I’m willing to take rather than upset him right now.”

“Naw, you’re right, I understand,” Frank nodded.

“Good. That’s all I wanted to let you know, I figured it would be more appropriate to speak of this face to face,” Hunnigan then shrugged.  
“Yeah,” Frank agreed absently, “So, hey, what did mom want?”

“Nothing,” Hunnigan lied, “You should call her, or go see her since she’s here,” she continued and gave him the name of Krista’s hotel.

“Why didn’t she call me about coming over?” Frank frowned, feeling a bit insulted Krista had visited his sister but not him.  
“If it’s any consolation, she didn’t call ahead to let me know either, just turned up at my door. Maybe she and dad are going through their annual divorce,” Hunnigan smirked and Frank chuckled a little. They really _did_ do that almost every year.

“This early in the year? A new record.”  
"I know, right? Usually they wait at least a month after Valentine's day."

* * *

Levi had gone over to Miranda’s for the night, and as much as Helena did appreciate the chance to spend some alone-time with Hunnigan, she did notice the other woman seemed rather preoccupied by something. It wasn’t difficult to guess what it was considering her mother’s recent surprise visit.

“So... not that it’s any of my business, but... what did your mom want?” Helena inquired as she rolled out the pizza dough and proceeded to toss it and spin it, only now with less showmanship since Levi wasn’t around to watch her like she were doing magic tricks.

“My liver,” Hunnigan shrugged nonchalantly and continued stirring the sauce for the pizza, pausing then when Helena dropped the dough after hearing Hunnigan’s response.

“Well, half of it,” Hunnigan elaborated as Helena leaned to pick up the dough she’d dropped and went to throw it away before preparing another.

“She has cirrhosis, surprise, surprise, and she needs a transplant, so she came to ask me.”

“Why not Frank, wouldn’t he be compatible too if you are?” Helena quirked an eyebrow and Hunnigan nodded.  
“Yes, but Frank’s the little prince, as if she’d ever ask him to go through major surgery and endure the after effects, let alone risk him dying on the table. I, on the other hand, am expendable.”

"You're not! Not to me!" Helena yelled and slammed her hand against the counter angrily, "For fuck's sake, even if I weren't here, you still have a child to raise and an agency to run, you're anything but expendable, and if your mother honestly is such a bitch she'd openly admit to valuing Frank's life and comfort over yours..! I mean, what the hell is this, _Sophie's choice_?" she ranted, inhaled deeply and let it out in a loud exhale then.

“Hey,” Hunnigan whispered and went to pull Helena into a tight hug, and rubbed her back with long, slow strokes.

“Sorry, I just get so pissed off for you, I don’t understand how you can put up with all the shit people put you through...” Helena grumbled angrily as she nuzzled into Hunnigan’s shoulder and wrapped her arms around her waist, pausing to silently admit that she was on the list of people who’d given Hunnigan trouble... but at least her reasons for it all had been honorable, what Krista was doing, what Alexis had done, they’d done it because they were selfish and saw Hunnigan merely as means to an end.

“I’m not gullible, I know how it is. You should get mad only if I were oblivious enough not to realize I was being played, but I know. I choose what I give and what I don’t, nowadays anyway...” Hunnigan said softly.

“It’s still bullshit,” Helena said and pulled back from the hug slowly, “So, what did you tell her?” she then asked despite already having a good idea of what Hunnigan’s answer was. Judging from the way she’d seemed to revert back to childhood and to buying mom’s affection by being a good girl and doing as she was told, it didn’t take much to guess. When overachieving didn’t have the desired effect, why not go the extra mile and give away pieces of yourself, this time literally.

“I told her she can have it, and that I never want to see her again after that.”  
“Oh.”

“We have a doctor’s appointment in a couple of days, and I was wondering if... you would look after Levi while I’m away? I can ask Miranda, I mean, that’s what I pay her for, but...”  
“Of course I’ll do it, you don’t even need to ask,” Helena said gently.

“...and after the surgery, I will have to spend about a week at the hospital... in Baltimore...” Hunnigan then added awkwardly, a little too embarrassed to ask for more, but Helena just smiled.  
“I will look after Levi, and I’ll bring him over to see you if you want,” she said but Hunnigan shook her head a little.

“Let’s not do that, I doubt he needs to see me in a hospital. I’ll explain to him what’s going on, but let’s leave it at that. Besides, he’s used to me not being around,” she smirked ruefully.  
“Ingrid...”

“It’s okay. I’ll be fine, it’ll take a while to recover, but I can do most of my work from home, no one will even notice I’m out of action... and as long as Levi won't have a chance to give me one of his jump-attack-hugs, I'll be okay.”  
“Times like these I think you’re too good for everyone around you and deserve so much better,” Helena mumbled and sighed then.

“Well, the powers that be _did_ send me a goddess from Olympus to love, I’m good,” Hunnigan grinned.  
“Oh, that’s so corny I shouldn’t even be blushing right now,” Helena said, a slight heat crossing her cheeks, “Which goddess?” she then quirked an eyebrow. Frankly, she didn’t remember many details of Greek mythology, aside from the fact that Zeus banged everything that moved and almost everything that didn’t move.

“I’m thinking... Artemis,” Hunnigan offered after taking a moment to think about it.  
“Hm. I’ll take it,” Helena chuckled, “Now, how about we focus on making this damn pizza before the ingredients spoil?” she then laughed softly.

* * *

 “You know, after the surgery, it’ll be weeks if not months until I’ve recovered enough to do things that are more strenuous than walking to the mailbox,” Hunnigan pursed her lips a little as she and Helena were getting ready to go to bed. She’d actually been rather surprised that Helena hadn’t suggested taking advantage of having the house to themselves.

“Don’t worry, I’ll handle carrying Levi around when he insists on getting clingy,” Helena chuckled and Hunnigan scoffed a little, frowning. Either the younger woman was really bad at reading her signals, or then she was intentionally avoiding the subject. Hunnigan couldn’t see why it would be the latter, even though she admitted that seemed like the more plausible explanation.

“Is everything okay?” Hunnigan asked then, moving to stand behind Helena and wrapped her arms around her waist, leaning to kiss her shoulder and the side of her neck softly before resting her chin on the younger woman’s shoulder.

“I’m just worried,” Helena responded, pressing herself against Hunnigan tighter, enjoying the embrace she was in.  
“You don’t have to be,” Hunnigan whispered.

“Yes, I do. The only thing that scares me anymore in this terrifying world is the thought of losing you. If that happened, don’t think I could get over it, ever.”  
“Helena...”

“I’d lock myself away and get really fat because I’d refuse to leave my bed and I’d eat nothing but ice cream... and possibly anti-depressants mixed in the ice cream, but those wouldn’t work anyway, so all they'd do would just contribute to my gaining weight, and eventually I’d just die from God knows what and grief, and since I haven’t moved from my bed in forever, the stench would be great even prior to my body beginning to decompose...”

“Oh, my God,” Hunnigan groaned at the younger woman’s imagination and the unnecessarily detailed description of the grim future she predicted.  
“Yeah, so unless you want to put me through that, you’d better stick around.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yes, you are,” Helena argued weakly and slowly turned around in Hunnigan’s arms, done with black humor for now, “You’re going to go get yourself cut open like a fish and have a huge portion of a pretty damn important internal organ removed.”

“What else am I supposed to do? What would you do?” Hunnigan argued back, but her voice was soft and gentle rather than impatient or argumentative. Helena sighed deeply and ran a hand over her face, shrugged and shook her head a little then.

“I don’t know... I can’t say that I wouldn’t do the same if I were you, but... I’m still scared.”  
“You don’t have to be, I will be fine. I’m always fine,” Hunnigan smiled confidently and Helena chuckled a little through the tears that were stubbornly beginning to brim her eyes despite her best efforts to push them back.

“You’d better be, because if you die, I’ll fucking kill you,” she scoffed and gave Hunnigan’s shoulder a light, playful shove.

“Noted,” Hunnigan laughed quietly and leaned her forehead against Helena’s, her arms once again finding their way around the younger woman’s waist, and this time, she mirrored the pose, pulling Hunnigan to herself. She then tilted her head back a little, letting her eyes close and sought out Hunnigan’s lips, moving to press a gentle kiss onto them.

“I love you,” Helena said after slowly and reluctantly breaking the kiss. She didn’t think she would ever get used to kissing Hunnigan, because even after all this time, it was still just as wonderful and exciting as it had been for the first time.

“Show me,” Hunnigan tempted with a provocative tiny smile curving the corner of her mouth and Helena pressed herself against Hunnigan tightly, moving them to the bed before placing her palms onto the other woman’s shoulders and urging her to lie down.

“Oh, you’re gonna get it,” Helena smirked and paused to sigh then when she realized just how stupid it sounded, and when Hunnigan failed to contain a little laugh.  
“I’m bad at this,” the younger woman muttered, shaking her head.

“Come here, Artemis, talking’s over rated anyway,” Hunnigan comforted with a smile and pulled Helena ontop of herself, kissing her deeply.

 

***


	38. Chapter 38

Levi was staring at his fingers, frowning a little as he did the math. He curled the fingers of his left hand at first, shortly followed by the digits of his other hand as he mentally crossed off the amount of sleeps that had passed by. Idgie had said she would be away for eight sleeps. Today, according to his math, it had been eight sleeps. He went to Helena and showed her his hands, asking her opinion to be sure.

“Yes, sir, you are absolutely correct,” she chuckled.  
“Whatcha doing?” Levi asked then and proceeded to climb to sit on her lap, effectively preventing her from continuing her work.

“I was writing super boring reports,” Helena responded and closed her laptop before Levi had a chance to see the images she’d attached to the report, namely the disturbing crime scene photos from a murder case.

The D.S.O. wasn’t the kind of an agency that actively investigated murders (even though that did happen from time to time, their purpose being to eliminate _any_ threat to the country and its people, not just acts of bioterrorism, and sometimes it involved lending a hand in apprehending suspected serial murderers), but the case Helena had been looking at involved victims being eaten... which was something that was enough to warrant the D.S.O. to assign an agent to work with the local authorities. So far nothing indicated that the acts of cannibalism had taken place because of zombies, everything pointed to the friendly neighborhood serial murderer who just happened to like the way people tasted.

_Days like these it’s the “normal” people that scare me,_ Helena mused.

“We have a couple more hours before Ingrid gets back home, what do you say we surprise her and fix her something really good to eat?” she then suggested and Levi nodded his head eagerly.  
“Okay, what do you think she’d like?”

“Mmm...” the boy hummed for a long while, patting his cheek with his index finger as he exaggerated the gesture of thinking really hard.

“Chocolate cake!” he finally answered and Helena laughed softly, not sure if it was his preference of Hunnigan’s, but then again, who didn’t like chocolate cake?  
“All right, let’s go see if we need to go to the store or if we’ve already got everything,” Helena then said.

After a quick check, she and Levi got to work. Usually when a recipe began with the words “cream sugar and butter together”, she stopped reading, but she supposed that if there ever was the time to go the extra mile, it was now. Levi was in charge of mixing the flour and the cocoa powder together, and to Helena’s surprise, the boy managed it without spilling half of it all onto the counter.

Shortly after adding milk and eggs to the creamed butter and sugar, Helena instructed Levi to add the flour and he did so meticulously, one spoonful at a time, until everything was done and ready to be put into the oven. Helena then offered the bowl to Levi and the boy proceeded to scrape the edges and what was left in the bottom, managing to get several smudges onto his cheeks as he did so.

“This is good!”  
“Yup. But like any cake, it’ll be less good when it comes out of the oven,” Helena smirked and he sighed. He knew this to be true.

“Why do we even put it in the oven?” he frowned then at the lack of logic in that.  
“I have no idea. Tell you what, next time, let’s not do that, let’s just eat the dough,” Helena whispered conspiratorially. Levi was about to comment when he heard the door open and immediately dashed toward the foyer.

“Idgie’s here!” he yelled exictedly as he went. Helena ran after him and managed to position herself between Levi and Hunnigan barely half a second before the boy jumped at the other woman.  
“Whoa, careful, sir!” Helena commented as she caught the child who impacted into her abdomen like a blunt arrow. Helena didn’t even want to imagine what would’ve happened if he’d collided with Hunnigan.

“Thank you,” Hunnigan blew out a breath in relief. She wasn’t feeling as bad as she had after the first couple of days that had followed the surgery (on a scale of one to ten... she was willing to give it about two hundred and seven), but the last thing she needed was to have the wind knocked out of her by Levi.

“I forgot,” he said apologetically then.  
“It’s okay, sir. And I’m okay too, but I have to be careful or I’ll get hurt,” Hunnigan explained softly and reached to put her arm around his shoulders and hugged him a little before turning to kiss his cheek.

“What smells so good?” she then inquired as she pulled back slowly. Helena let Levi down from her arms and he reached to grab Hunnigan’s hand into his own.  
“We made a cake!” he announced, proceeding to proudly escort Hunnigan into the kitchen to be able to present their handiwork to her.

“Well, honestly, Levi did most of the work, I was just watching over,” Helena smiled.

“It’s not ready yet, you’re early,” Levi then commented and Hunnigan nodded as she gingerly sat down at the kitchen table. The driver had decided to step on it after she’d had to ask him to stop for a while so that she could throw up, and it had taken all of her diplomatic skills (and promise to offer a generous tip) to convince him she wasn’t detoxing or drunk, and that she would not puke into his car.

“It’s all right,” Hunnigan assured with a smile.

“Look away, sir,” Helena then said.  
“What, why?” the boy frowned and did exactly the opposite only to witness Helena lean over to kiss Hunnigan deeply.

“Not in front of me or I’ll throw up!” the boy wailed, holding his tummy and pretending to double over in pain.  
“Ow,” Hunnigan chuckled into the kiss at his display, “Don’t make me laugh, it hurts my wound.”

“Can I see it?” Levi then asked. He’d been told that Idgie would be seeing a special doctor who would take a piece from her liver and give it to grandma, because grandma was hurting and the new piece would make it better. Even if neither of the women had explicitly explained to Levi what a surgeon was, he’d been able to put it together relatively easily since Helena had let it slip that Idgie would be feeling sore for a long while because she’d have a big wound and that he’d need to be careful with her because of that, and because Levi knew that in order for anyone to take a piece from inside someone else, they would need to get in there first... which in return meant someone had to cut the other person open... which was gross, but kind of cool at the same time.

“I don’t know, it’s kind of nasty,” Hunnigan made a face.  
“Pft, I’m a man, you don’t need to baby me,” the boy scoffed and Helena barely stifled a laugh at his bravado.

“Are you sure? Because I’ll remember that if you end up having bad dreams because of the _nasty_ wound, and I won’t run to comfort you,” Hunnigan drawled. Not that she’d be exactly “running” to anywhere for weeks.  
“I know what I’m doing,” Levi shrugged confidently.

“All right, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Hunnigan said in a sing-song-voice, straightened her back and slowly began to undo the lower buttons of her shirt, offering him plenty of time to let her know if he’d changed his mind. Of course, he did no such thing, but Hunnigan was willing to bet the house that he’d wish he had.

“Aaargh!” Levi and Helena yelled in unison when Hunnigan pulled her shirt aside and revealed the almost J-shaped big wound that streched from her upper abdomen all the way to her side, the black stitches contrasted by the red, irritated flesh it was sewn on making it look even worse than it was.

“Put it away!” Levi whined, pressed himself against Helena’s legs as if to hide, and buried his face into Helena’s stomach to escape the view.  
“I told you!” Hunnigan said.

* * *

 

“Do you think I traumatized him for life when I showed him the scar?” Hunnigan inquired as she tried to get comfortable lying in bed, all too aware of her heartbeat because of the throbbing it caused in her abdomen.  
“Nah, if anything, you’ll be able to do the opposite when you show him how well it has healed,” Helena assured, “Speaking of which,” she then added as she dug into her bag and pulled out a few pill bottles.

“What are those?” Hunnigan frowned. She’d been prescribed more than enough pain killers at the hospital, she didn’t need any more.

“Vitamin C, some B-twelve... Iron and zinc...” the younger woman listed and Hunnigan rolled her eyes a little. She knew Helena meant well, but for God’s sake, she should stop Googling everything. If she didn’t, at this rate, Hunnigan was certain that by the end of the week, Helena would be convinced Hunnigan somehow had smallpox (which, as far as Hunnigan knew, had been eradicated before she’d even been born).

“They’re supposed to help you heal faster, and God knows you ain’t getting enough of them just from your diet,” Helena quirked an eyebrow and Hunnigan had to surrender when faced with that argument.  
“True enough... the cake was delicious though,” she then commented.

“Thanks,” Helena chuckled, “although, in hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have let you eat it, I read that excess sugar isn’t good for-”  
“Excess anything isn’t good, but a couple of slices won’t hurt,” Hunnigan smirked.

“Oh, and I may have kind of promised Levi I’d make another batch of the dough and I’d let him eat it raw because it’s tastier that way.”  
“Helena!” Hunnigan scoffed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll leave the eggs and the baking soda out of it, it’ll be fine,” the younger woman shrugged.  
“So, he’ll be eating a bowl of nothing but sugar, butter and flour,” Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow at what Helena offered as the healthier option.

“And cocoa powder that’s like... at least seventy percent cocoa, which essentially makes it healthy for you,” the younger woman commented innocently and Hunnigan chuckled a little. She patted the empty spot on the bed and Helena settled next to her, resisting the urge to instinctively snuggle up to the other woman and put her arm around her like she usually would have.

“So... how are you feeling? Mentally, I mean,” Helena then inquired softly and nuzzled Hunnigan’s temple gently, raking her fingernails lightly over her forearm.  
“I’m okay,” Hunnigan answered.

“Will you have to do this again if your mom keeps drinking?” Helena asked and Hunnigan scoffed. She didn’t know if she’d even be able to donate again or if her mother would be allowed to receive another donation if she intentionally went on ruining another liver.

“I think if that happens, she’ll have to resort to asking her favorite child,” Hunnigan responded matter-of-factly.  
“I think it’s fucked up how differently she values you and Frank,” Helena muttered.

“I suppose. I rarely bothered questioning it... I just did what I was told and tried to be what she wanted me to be. All the way from learning how to milk a cow to never tasting coconut until...” Hunnigan trailed off and chuckled ruefully.

_Gotta let go._

“Coconut?” Helena frowned.

“Mom hates it, so we never had any reason to have it since she never used it in anything, and if Frank or I ever had the audacity to express interest toward it, mom would make a face and roll her eyes at us for being foolish enough to want to try something she’d already established was terrible.”

“Wow...”  
“Yeah.”

“So... you didn’t taste it until..?” Helena then asked and judging from Hunnigan’s reluctance to discuss it in further detail, she gathered she might not want to hear it... yet, that made her want to know even more.

“Until Alexis and I went to our wedding cake tasting and one of the options presented to us contained coconut. I felt like an idiot when I was wondering what it was that tasted so good but felt like sawdust in my mouth,” Hunnigan laughed awkwardly and Helena smiled.

“What was your wedding like?” she asked then and Hunnigan cleared her throat, offering a somewhat uncomfortable shrug. Helena exhaled deeply and sat up properly on the bed, moving to sit cross-legged and leaned her elbows to her knees.

“Ingrid, I don’t want you to feel like you have to avoid talking about Alexis with me or when I’m around. I want you to remember her, for your sake and especially for Levi’s. He deserves to know who his mother was, and you shouldn’t have to worry about me. I know you loved her a lot,” she said softly.

“I did,” Hunnigan nodded and Helena grunted internally. She’d said she didn’t mind, but at the same time, no, she really didn’t want to hear it.  
“...that said, I don’t ever want you thinking that you’re somehow in competition with her. You’re not her, you’ll never be her, and I’m not expecting you to be,” Hunnigan said and when Helena’s eyebrow quirked slowly, Hunnigan realized she’d misspoken somewhat.

“I meant that in a good way!” she hurried to elaborate, “You’d never do the selfish and manipulative things she did just because she knew she could get away with it... because I was such a spineless loser that I let her,” Hunnigan sighed and hung her head a little before shaking it in exasperation.

“You would never abuse my love for you the way she did, that’s what I meant,” she then said quietly, her voice somewhat grim and embarrassed for having to admit she could be the kind of a person who would let others use her despite knowing she was being used.

“I wouldn’t... even if I did betray your trust in a major way with the whole Silva-incident,” Helena mumbled.  
“At least you had a good cause,” Hunnigan offered and Helena chuckled ruefully.

“Yeah, I suppose,” she agreed, “So... the wedding. Were you the blushing bride in a poofy pink dress?”  
“Hah, as if I’d ever allow myself to be seen in anything other than a custom tailored suit,” Hunnigan smirked.

* * *

Helena couldn’t sleep, she was still too much on edge. She figured it was kind of backward for her to feel that way, she hadn’t been the one who’d had to endure major surgery to help save the life of an ungrateful parent, and yet... she’s been terrified, and that feeling was still lingering. She was stuck in the anxiety of not knowing if everything would be fine, even though Hunnigan was right there, obviously safe and sound, all okay aside from some aches and pains that would eventually pass.

_How the fuck do you think she felt going in? Never occurred to you to even ask, did it? Of course not, you were too busy whining and moaning about how_ you _were scared,_ she _needed to assure_ you _._

“Oh, my God, I am such a selfish bitch,” Helena exhaled quietly when the realization hit her. It was true, she hadn’t asked. She’d just assumed that Hunnigan was fine, that she’d cope. Nobody ever asked her how she really was.

_Not even me,_ Helena thought grimly and swallowed hard against the lump beginning to form in her throat.

All those grand promises about how she wasn’t like Alexis, that she’d treat Hunnigan better, and still... it had taken her about two seconds to go from a giver to a taker. She of all people should’ve been the exception, she knew that from Hunnigan the statement of everything being all right was just an automatic response. Everything around her could literally be on fire and she’d still insist she was just dandy.

“Helena?”  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, go back to sleep,” the younger woman whispered and tried to hide a sniffle, but couldn’t quite manage it as convincingly as she’d hoped.

“Are you crying?” Hunnigan mumbled sleepily.  
“I’m just... relieved you’re okay and that you’re here,” Helena responded. It wasn’t an outright lie, it was partly due to that too.

“I’m fine.”

“Of course you are,” Helena chuckled through tears and leaned to kiss Hunnigan’s forehead softly, “Of course you are,” she repeated in a whisper and moved to pepper the other woman’s cheek with light kisses.

* * *

Helena tried arguing with Hunnigan about it, but the other woman wouldn’t take no for an answer. She would need to take Levi to preschool and go to the office to grab some things to be able to work from home, she might as well give Helena a ride. The younger woman had said she’d do it and that she could bring Hunnigan the stuff from the office, but Hunnigan just rolled her eyes.

“I’m not an invalid,” she said stubbornly as she grabbed her keys and began heading outside where Levi was already waiting by the car.

“You could’ve fooled me,” Helena taunted as she watched Hunnigan walk slowly across the driveway.

“Knock it off,” Hunnigan sighed and unlocked the car. Levi climbed into the backseat and Helena leaned down to help him with the seatbelt as Hunnigan got into the driver’s seat. She stifled a grunt as she reached for her seatbelt and buckled it in. It pressed against the wound uncomfortably and should there be an accident, it would surely do her more harm than good, but it beat having to listen to the continuous noise the car would make if she left it unbuckled.

They arrived at the school a few moments later and Helena escorted Levi in while Hunnigan waited in the car, unwilling to put herself through the pains and aches of having to get up and get back in. Maybe she’d bitten of a bit more than she could chew... but she’d never admit as much to Helena.

“You know, you are allowed to take a break, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone,” Helena then commented when she returned and Hunnigan started the car.

“For Christ’s sakes, Helena, I’m driving the car, not pushing it,” Hunnigan rolled her eyes. The younger woman was about to speak when Hunnigan’s phone rang. It was paired with the car via Bluetooth and the ring tone came from the speakers, unnecessarily loudly.

“God, fuck, shit, I hate that fucking thing!” Helena cursed, startled by the noise. She didn’t understand how the hell that was supposed to enhance driving safety seeing as it was likely to give the people in the car a heart attack.

When Hunnigan pulled over, Helena frowned and was about to comment that wasn’t the purpose of this horrible handsfree that the driver wouldn’t need to stop to talk. When Helena glanced at the screen on the dash, she realized what the real reason for the sudden stop was.

_Incoming call: Alexis Kingston_

 

***


	39. Chapter 39

* * *

 

Maybe the phone company had recycled Alexis’s phone number and the new owner of it was now accidentally dialing Hunnigan, a mere coincidence. Maybe Alexis had lost her phone prior to storming into Hunnigan’s office that fateful day she’d gotten infected, and someone had only now found it and was calling through the “in case of emergency”-numbers. Maybe this was a cruel prank orchestrated by someone with a horrible sense of humor. Anything would’ve been better than what turned out to be the truth.

Even if someone had gone through the trouble of cloning Alexis’s phone and learning how to imitate her voice flawlessly, there was no way they would’ve known to say what the voice at the other end of the call said. It was a ridiculous sentence that made no sense to anyone other than Hunnigan and Alexis.

_“Love is a ring, the telephone.”_

Hunnigan felt her heart skip a few beats. She inhaled a shuddering breath and was about to question the caller’s identity when the call was cut off.

“Was that..?” Helena whispered the unnecessary question. Judging from Hunnigan’s reaction, it had to be.

“What did she mean?” Helena then asked. She admitted there were better questions to ask (like how the hell was someone who’d been dead and cremated for months making a phone call in the first place), but this seemed more important.

“It’s from a song called _‘_ Because the night’. It was... our song,” Hunnigan muttered.

It had played in the bar her and Alexis had gone to the first time they’d managed to arrange an entire weekend together and had decided to go out. Alexis had kept playing it from the jukebox to the point of annoying everyone else at the bar, which had resulted in her getting into a fight with one of the guys who’d less than politely told her to stop playing that damn song. Alexis’s response had been to punch the man in the stomach and then escape the scene of her crime before getting thrown out by the bouncer, or arrested.

Being the unapologetic renegade that she’d been, Alexis had been amused by the whole situation and by Hunnigan’s obvious disapproval of her actions.

 _“Oh, come on, you know you love me because I’m a bad girl. At least I certainly hope so, because I love you,”_ she’d said. It had been the first time she’d told her that.

Hunnigan shook her head to get rid of the memories; now was not the time for that sentimental nonsense. Helena had to admit she admired her ability to shift just like that from shocked to jumping into action.

“Sorenson, I need you to trace a phone call I just received,” Hunnigan said when the agent answered her call.  
“Okay,” he responded. That was what Hunnigan liked about him, he didn’t waste time questioning her.

“I’m on my way to the office now, I’ll come by when I get there.”  
“Sure,” Sorenson replied in his usual clipped tone and Hunnigan ended the call.

“Hunnigan...”

“I’m fine,” she muttered absently and Helena exhaled deeply. Of course she was. Just because anyone else receiving a phone call from their presumably dead ex-wife wouldn’t be fine, didn’t mean that Ingrid Hunnigan wasn’t fine, oh, no, of course not, she was always fine, nothing fazed her anymore, she would cope, she would never break under the pressure put on her. Funnily enough, it never seemed to occur to her that maybe being so damn okay with everything all the time was not a good thing. Why would she stop to think of it from that point of view, she’d been raised to suck it up and move on.

“For fuck’s sake!” Helena yelled and slammed her fist against the dash.

“What the hell’s the matter with you?” Hunnigan questioned equally agitatedly.  
“What the hell’s the matter with _you!”_ Helena questioned back, “How can you be fine!”

“Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Burst into tears?” Hunnigan frowned. That wouldn’t help anyone accomplish anything.

They were silent during the rest of the drive to the headquarters, and once there, Hunnigan made a beeline to Sorenson’s post. Helena could tell Hunnigan hadn’t expected her to follow (after all, Helena did have another assignment waiting for her) her, but at least she didn’t tell her to leave either.

“I already know _who_ called me, I need to know _where_ that call came from,” Hunnigan then interrupted Sorenson when he began to explain from the very beginning.

“There. Give or take a few hundred meters,” he shrugged, pointing at the map he’d pulled up, a feed originating from a little country called Stionia, currently ravaged by a civil war, a gold mine to weapons’ dealers, legal and otherwise... and one of the places Silva was known doing business at.

“Send that to me,” she ordered and Sorenson nodded.  
“Thanks,” Hunnigan then said and exited his lair, heading to her office and calling the only agent she fully trusted, aside from Helena.

“Hey, Hunnibear. Have you seen your girlfriend? We were supposed to torture... I mean, train some rookies today,” Leon answered the call.  
“Cancel it, I have a job for you and her,” Hunnigan said, her tone serious enough to make Leon swallow the rest of his jokes.

“I’m on my way,” he assured and ended the call.

While waiting for him, Hunnigan pulled up the map Sorenson had sent her. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the area, but of course, if you were to build a secret lab to conduct illegal experiments at, you wouldn’t want it to stick out like a sore thumb. Skimming through some official documents, Hunnigan couldn’t find anything that would indicate that there’d been any new buildings constructed recently in the area, but that didn’t guarantee anything. These weren’t the types of people who needed to go through official channels for building permits... if they bothered with such at all. 

When Leon entered Hunnigan’s office, he almost grunted at the awkwardness he could sense filling the room. Something was very, very wrong.

“...and you’re certain it was her?” Leon then asked after Hunnigan had brought him up to speed.  
“Yes. I can’t explain how or why she’d call me, but it was definitely her.”

“Well, as we all know, just because someone’s dead, doesn’t mean they stay that way... but in her case...” Leon trailed off.  
“After the assault, the clean up-crew cremated her body, and the other infected, didn’t they?” Helena muttered and Leon’s face seemed to light up a little when he came up with a theory.

“Unless...”  
“Unless what?” Hunnigan asked.

“At the time, the D.S.O. was crawling with double agents. Who’s to say one or two of the clean up-crew didn’t fall under that category?”

“So, you’re saying that instead of disposing of Alexis’s body, they stole it?” Hunnigan frowned and Leon shrugged. It wasn’t like it was such an impossible idea.  
“Why the hell would they do that?”

“Her mutation, it was different. Everyone else that was infected with the same shit turned into those... hard-shelled... whatchama-call’em, Alexis was... superior, far more advanced, far more intelligent and able to adapt. It was similar to... Deborah,” Helena trailed off in a mumble. She inhaled deeply after a moment of silence, visibly steeling herself.

“Except that Alexis’s transformation was much faster. At the very least it took Deborah about... what, ten, fifteen minutes before she reacted?” she thought out loud and Leon nodded a little. He hadn’t been exactly keeping track of time when they’d made their way down all the way to the center of the Earth... or what had at least felt like it.

“And who is to say how long it was exactly since Deborah was exposed to the virus originally? They abandoned her, so I’m willing to think they thought she wouldn’t react at all,” Leon offered, trying to be as respectful about it as he could under the circumstances, not wanting to talk about Helena’s sister like she was just another discarted test subject... even if that would’ve been the truth.

“Yeah... so they never had a chance to study Deborah and her unique mutation. Maybe Alexis and Deborah shared some trait that made them react the way they did, maybe Neo-Umbrella or... The Family, or whoever saw this as an opportunity to finally continue their research... and thus, they stole Alexis’s body,” Helena theorized.

“That still doesn’t explain the phone call.”  
“Well... who’s to say killing machines can’t pine over their exes,” Helena muttered.

“You’re terrible,” Leon frowned at her.  
“I know,” she shrugged and Leon shook his head a little, turning his attention to Hunnigan, who wasn’t interested in commenting.

“So, what are we gonna do?” he asked.  
“You’re going to Stionia.”

* * *

 

Helena thumbed the “rewind”-button for the hundreth time and the by now very familiar piano intro of Patti Smith’s “Because the night” played in her ears again. Leon had busied himself with reading whatever news and reports he could dig up about Stionia and the civil war. Nothing he could find implied that B.O.W.s were being used, but that didn’t guarantee anything. Media blackouts were the specialty of countries like Stionia.

Leon glanced at his watch, sighed and leaned back in his seat then, crossing his arms over his abdomen. He straightened his leg under the table and reached to nudge Helena’s shin with his foot. She opened her eyes and pulled the earbuds out, her eyebrows rising in a silent question.

“You okay?”  
“No, I’m really not. And I don’t understand how everyone else seems to be so okay with everything,” she muttered, wrapped the headphones’ cord around the player and put in her pocket.

“I hate to say it, but you get used to it,” Leon chuckled ruefully, “Frankly, the longer you still are fazed by what goes on, the better for you. All the shit I’ve seen... what Hunnigan’s seen... it’s enough to make anyone jaded, you shouldn’t be upset with her because of it,” he added softly then.

“My, my, agent Kennedy, that sounds almost like you giving me relationship advice,” she smirked.  
“Well, I’m not blind, I saw you were more disturbed by this than Hunnigan was.”

“Wrong, I was disturbed by her lack of a reaction. I’m worried that she’s just bottling everything up, and it bothers me that she won’t talk to me, especially about Alexis.”  
“As long as I’ve known her, she’s not been the talkative type when it comes to her personal stuff,” he shrugged.

“Yeah, but even so, I’d think... that I’d be an exception,” Helena muttered, realizing once again how utterly selfish she sounded; _she_ was the one who was disturbed, _she_ needed an explanation and a reaction.  
“Don’t take it so personally, if she were to open up to anyone about what’s on her mind, she’d tell you,” Leon assured. Helena doubted it, but nodded regardless. It was pointless to debate it.

After landing and clearing several security check points, Leon and Helena proceeded to make their way to the city of Sakana where the phone call had been pinpointed to. Their presence was frowned upon by the local soldiers and law enforcement, after all, this was essentially a war zone, no place for tourists. Openly admitting they were agents working for a foreign government was hardly an option either. Once in the city, they met with a local asset who was waiting for them at a small store that sold sports equipment.

After making sure everyone was who they said they were by exchanging a few passwords, the man went to the backroom and returned with two backpacks. Leon and Helena grabbed the gear and headed over to the designated safe house, taking the scenic route, carefully making sure they weren’t followed.

“We’re here,” Helena then informed the D.S.O. after setting up the communications and securing the link.

“Good,” Hunnigan responded. Leon could tell Helena was disappointed to hear Hunnigan was the one overseeing the operation. It was funny considering that not so long ago she would’ve given her right arm to have Hunnigan back as her designated mission coordinator. But of course, this was different.

Helena bit her tongue to keep herself from arguing with Hunnigan. She was certain the older woman was more than well aware that she should be at home, resting and recovering. When had telling her as much ever made a difference anyway?

“Can you give us the exact coordinates?” Leon then asked.

“Not exact, sorry. You’ll have to do some snooping around, but I have narrowed it down to a relatively small radius, you should be able to find what you’re looking for from one of these three buildings,” Hunnigan responded and sent the data over. Leon looked it over and ran a hand over his chin.

“This could get tricky.”  
“I know, but don’t worry, I’ve got a UAV on the way, I’ll be able to direct you past most of the security checkpoints,” Hunnigan responded.

“Just like old times, huh?” Leon chuckled a little.  
“Yeah, just try not to ‘get lost and miss your flight’ this time,” Hunnigan smirked, recalling back the time Leon had decided to defy the evacuation order.

“No promises,” he commented.

* * *

 

The last building on the list was the oldest one in the city, namely an abbey that had been abandoned long ago, but left alone for its historical value.

“What is it with these people and religious places?” Helena muttered.

“And mansions... always mansions,” Leon added quietly as they circled the stone walls. The gateway was closed and judging from the note attached to it, people were told to keep away or face severe consequences. That was Leon’s guess anyway, he couldn’t read Stionian, but the excessively large letters and the amount of exclamation points kind of spoke volumes on their own. The gate reached all the way up to the arch so there was no climbing over it either. They would need to get over the wall that surrounded the courtyard.

“Give me a boost.”  
“Great, who’s gonna boost me?” Leon grumbled but assumed the position anyway, linking his fingers together to offer Helena a foothold.

“We should put in a requisition order for those Batman-type gadget belts that have everything from a toothpick to a winch,” Helena grunted as she stepped into the cup of his palms and climbed up and over the stone wall.  
“You hear that, director?” Leon commented over the radio.

“Yes, I’ll add it to the top of the list, I’m sure the budget committee will understand why we’ll need the extra funds,” Hunnigan replied with a smile that was audible in her voice. Leon made his way back to the gateway as Helena went to unlock it. Thankfully, it wasn’t locked with anything more than rusty bolt; anything more complicated would’ve required using excessive force since Helena had not taken the lockpicking lessons very seriously (something she’d occasionally come to regret, but not today).

The agents took a moment to look into the abadoned monks’ cells, kind of relieved to discover them empty. They followed the cloister surrounding the court and paused in front of the church in the middle of it. Leon and Helena glanced at each other. Either this was the jackpot or then there’d be nothing to find here either and the mission would have to be considered a failure.

They walked up the stone steps and Leon tried the heavy, wooden door. He pressed his shoulder against it and gave it a shove, and it opened. Helena turned on her flashlight and looked around. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The abandoned space smelled of rotting wood and damp fabric, all the valuables had been moved before the place had been left to stand there alone. Everything was covered in dust and spiderwebs... apart from one very clear path.

“There’s been some traffic here,” Leon noted. Unlike everything else, the aisle on the left-hand side seemed to have been recently used, several people walking along it having formed a clear path in the dust that covered everything else. They made their way past the side altar and followed the tracks into the sacristy.

“Don’t try to tell me you didn’t see this coming,” Leon muttered when they reached the end of the tracks, namely a large bookshelf that apparently hid some kind of an entrance behind it. The scratch marks on the floor gave a clear indication which way the shelf should be moved.

“Why tamper with old tricks that have been proven to work?” Helena shrugged as she pressed her back against the side of the bookshelf and pushed.  
“I’m no expert, but this doesn’t look like it came with the original abbey,” Leon commented as he looked at the metallic hatch that was hidden underneath the bookshelf.

“It didn’t...” Hunnigan confirmed over the radio, “...which means I can’t give you any directions since I have no idea what’s there, I’ve only got the original floor plans.”  
“Well, shit. Not that I’m surprised, but still,” Helena muttered as she tried the hatch. It was shut tightly, but not locked.

“So, this certainly has the makings of our lucky day,” Helena then commented sarcastically.  
“And since it leads underground...” Hunnigan trailed off over the radio.

“...you’ll have little to no means of tracking us or keeping in touch if we lose the link, meaning you won’t be able to warn us about any hostiles following behind us,” Leon finished her sentence for her in a mumble.  
“Exactly.”

“Don’t worry... we’re professionals,” he grinned and went to assist Helena with the hatch and began to climb down the ladder that was behind it.  
“Even so... be careful.”

The ladder led to a narrow walkway that extended several hundred meters away from the abbey and eventually led to an abandoned mine. Leon looked both ways and sighed.

“Should we split up?”  
“I think that’s a terrible idea,” Helena smirked, “Haven’t you learned anything from horror movies?” she added then.

“I don’t watch horror movies, seems needless since I get to see enough terrifying things in real life, but point taken,” he shrugged before proceeding to dig a matchbook from his pocket. He lit a match and judging from the way the fire flickered and where the smoke went, the way out was to the right.

“So... go the opposite way and check it out first?” Helena suggested and Leon nodded.  
“Mark our way... just in case,” he then said.

“Way ahead of you... although I’d rather not, never know who’ll follow our trail,” Helena mumbled as she dug out a pack of glow sticks, bent one and shook it until it was glowing bright.

“Better than the alternative of getting lost... especially if we have something like what Alexis turned into crawling around here somewhere,” Leon said in hushed tones.  
“Don’t you think it’s too quiet for that?”

“Or then the containment has failed and the B.O.W.s are running loose and have already killed the staff, so there’s no one to fight back and make noise.”  
“Yeah, that makes me feel better,” Helena sighed sarcastically.

After a fifteen minute walk, they reached what seemed to be a dead end, but looking at the stone more closely, Leon realized it was fake. He turned his flashlight off and noticed that there was light seeping through the seams of the fake-boulder.

“The plot thickens,” he smirked somewhat victoriously after discovering the button that released the locking mechanism and the boulder began to slide aside, revealing an elevator behind it.

“Ladies first,” he gestured.  
“Days like these I wish chivalry really was dead,” Helena commented dryly as she stepped in and eyed the control panel. There were only two buttons, so at least that made things somewhat easier.

When the elevator reached the bottom floor after several minutes of descending and the doors opened, Leon and Helena both took a moment to squint at the sudden light that invaded their senses. An artificial Sun shone inside the facility like some grotesque “fuck you” to the gods from Prometheus himself.

“What... the actual... fuck?” Helena whispered. They were inside a large dome that was divided into smaller habitats, each one containing their own individual environment. Behind the thick walls of reinforced glass on each side of the hallway were different kinds of enclosures, showcasing different kinds of creatures.

“It’s like... a zoo,” Leon frowned.  
“Yeah, except for B.O.W.s,” Helena nodded.

“...question is, where are the ‘animals’?”  
“...I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough,” she whispered as she walked along the hallway toward the double doors at the end of it. She was fully expecting the doors to be locked, but they opened when she got close enough.

“Augh,” Helena grunted at the sight and the metallic smell that greeted her beyond the doors.

“Well, that answers one question,” Leon said. He couldn’t tell how many people exactly there had been, but now all that was left of them were a few scattered limbs and gallons of blood staining the floor and walls. As they took further steps, Leon almost slipped, which meant the blood had to be relatively fresh.

“That’s not good.”

“Let’s just... keep going,” Helena said quietly and headed through the second pair of doors opposite to the ones they’d entered from. The blood-stained area seemed to have been some kind of a waiting room. What the hell had these people been up to?

Beyond the second set of doors was another dimply lit corridor that extended through the laboratories. Apparently, whatever the scientists here had been doing, they’d been doing it in front of an audience. The rooms were deserted, majority of them even seemed to be rather tidy and intact. Helena tensed up and aimed her handgun when she heard a noise and saw the shadowy figure stumble into the hallway from one of the rooms to the side.

“You?” a familiar voice inquired, it took Helena a while to realize who it was.  
“Miha,” she frowned.

“Who were you expecting, Santa Claus?” the blonde grunted and slumped onto the floor, leaning her back against the wall and breathing heavily. Within seconds, blood began to pool on the spot where she was sitting. Upon closer inspection, Helena realized the woman’s entire midsection looked like it had been torn open, it was a miracle she was still alive. Helena cringed at the guts that were hanging out from the wound.

“What is this place?” Leon asked, realizing very well that he was perhaps being incosiderate, but they didn’t have much time and the dying woman was their only source of answers right now.  
“Where Silva showcased his pets to potential buyers. You need to get out of here, I initiated the purge, this place will be nothing but a crater in less than twenty minutes. Here,” Miha said and gave Helena a memory card that was neatly tucked into a plastic case that was now stained with the FBI agent’s blood.

“It’s all the evidence I gathered. It should be enough to shut down Silva’s business... or at least cause considerable damage to it. Take him out,” Miha grunted hoarsely, taking a few more shuddering breaths before ceasing to breathe altogether.

“I promise,” Helena whispered and ran her hand over the blonde’s eyes to close them.

Leon put his hand over Helena’s shoulder after giving her a moment, and she nodded. It was time to go and pray that the purge Miha had mentioned would be enough to take out everything that was still lurking in the facility.

“Shit,” Helena hissed through clenched teeth when the loud noise from breaking glass could be heard somewhere behind them. Of course it had to be in that direction, the way they’d need to go to if they intended to get out of here the same way they’d entered. Deciding their only option was to make a run for it, they got moving.

As they were passing through the blood-stained waiting room, Helena slipped and fell back. She was about to curse her bad luck when she realized her slip turned out to be quite the opposite of unfortunate. Had she not slipped, she would’ve ended up getting decapitated by the sharp appendage that broke through the wall, shortly followed by another, the wall crumbling into pieces around them, allowing Alexis access through it.

“Shit, shit, shit!” Helena cursed and pushed herself backward, the soles of her boots squeaking in the drying blood as she tried to get some distance between herself and Alexis. Leon reached to grab her ankle and yanked hard, pulling Helena to himself. Alexis wasn’t too happy about that, but she wasn’t interested in Leon. She didn’t recognize him, but she knew Helena.

“Come on!” Leon yelled as he hurried to the doors when Alexis leapt toward him and Helena, thrusting one of the appendages stemming from her shoulder blades forward. Leon didn’t have enough time to dodge it completely and he ended up getting swatted aside like a fly, barely managing to avoid getting impaled.

 _Son of a bitch, she’s strong,_ he thought, stunned and shaking his head a little to clear it after the impact.

“You,” Alexis said, her voice hoarse and somewhat distorted, but still very much her own. The same voice that Helena had heard in Hunnigan’s car not so long ago. She’d definitely been the one who’d made the call.

“You killed me,” she said and lunged forward, pinning Helena down between the excess limbs and reached to grip the front of Helena’s shirt with her hands, pulling the young woman up and lifting her off the floor with terrifying ease.

“You didn’t give me much choice!” Helena said through clenched teeth and kicked Alexis’s chin with her knee. It wasn’t very effective, but it was enough to distract her for half a second which allowed Leon to make a move. He aimed his handgun at what he recalled being a vulnerable spot based on his previous encounter with Deborah. Difference was, Alexis had mutated a long time ago, even the vulnerabilities weren’t quite as sensitive to damage as he’d hoped. If anything, fighting back seemed to just annoy Alexis.

 _We don’t have time for this,_ he thought agitatedly.

“Leon,” Helena grunted and reached toward him, the plastic case with the memory card between the tips of her fingers.

“Take it and go! I’ll keep her busy!” Helena yelled over the sound of Alexis screaming at the both of them like an infuriated banshee.

“Take it, Leon!” Helena yelled and tossed the item to him just before Alexis threw her against a wall, cracking several ribs and knocking the wind out of Helena. She struggled to breathe and when she finally managed an inhale, that hurt too, her entire torso protesting when the fractured ribs were forced to yield to her lungs’ demand of expanding. Another hit like that and they’d break, undoubtedly puncturing her lungs, resulting in her drowning in her own blood.

Leon launched himself at Alexis, wrapping his arm around her neck from behind. If guns weren’t going to work, maybe the simpler approach would. Even monsters needed to breathe... right?

 _I have made a huge mistake,_ Leon thought the moment Alexis spun around with surprising force, flicking him off of her back like he weighed nothing. She turned her attention to him then, obviously having decided he was a distraction she should deal with first. He was the appetizer, Helena was the main course, and this was going to be the meal of a lifetime... or, in Alexis’s case, perhaps two or three lifetimes.

 _Ten minutes until the purge,_ the facility computer announced.

 _Great,_ Leon grunted internally as he struggled to get up.

“Move, move, move!” a commanding voice echoed from the corridor, accompanied by several footsteps approaching rapidly. The doors were opened and a team of local BSAA agents led by Chris and Jill burst into the room. After a quick assessment of the situation, Chris threw a flash grenade as Jill and the others hurried to drag Leon and Helena outside. Alexis was barely fazed by the sudden arrival of the backup, but fortunately for them, a few seconds was all it took.

“Seal it!” Jill ordered once everyone was outside.  
“It won’t be enough, she’s...” Helena began to say.        

“It doesn’t have to keep her forever, ten minutes will do the trick,” Chris smirked as several members of his team proceeded to hastily set up to weld the door shut.  
“What took you so long?” Helena jested through clenched teeth, trying not to take too deep inhales.

“Don’t take it personally, he’s been known to keep a girl waiting,” Jill joked back and Chris chuckled a little, shaking his head.  
“Women,” he and Leon commented in unison.

“Wait! The memory card!” Helena then realized. Without it, all this would’ve been for nothing.  
“Don’t worry, I’ve got it,” Leon assured, “Now, let’s get the hell out of here!”

“Couldn’t agree with you more,” Jill nodded and began leading the way back to the elevator.

Once they were able to re-establish radio contact with the agents waiting outside, Chris ordered them to evacuate the area immediately. He couldn’t give an exact distance since all anyone had to go by was what Miha had told Leon and Helena earlier about the place being nothing but a crater soon, but judging from the size of the complex, wiping it all out would take a lot of force. On the other hand, perhaps the dome would contain some of the damage. Still, this wasn’t the time to take unnecessary risks.

The team escaping the facility were left with three vehicles to help them get some distance while they still had time.

“Sorry,” Jill apologized as she practically shoved Helena into the backseat and the younger woman groaned loudly at the sharp pain in her abdomen.

“It’s okay,” she assured. It was nothing personal, it just that they were in one hell of a hurry, and Helena hated being injured and slowing everyone down, she didn’t mind a shove or two if it meant they’d make it out of this mess.

“Don’t let Leon drive if you want to live,” she managed to grin then.  
“Hah!”

* * *

 

“I’m beginning to get a bit miffed because you’re always stealing the spotlight by saving the day,” Leon commented to Hunnigan at the temporary base camp they’d set up after the explosion. They’d cordoned the area off with the assitance of the local authorities, who of course pretended they’d had no idea of such a complex or anything about anything regarding it, but Hunnigan found that hard to believe.

 _Not my circus, not my monkeys,_ she mused then, deciding that this political shitstorm should remain someone else’s headache. Her circus and her monkeys were here, they’d done their job and they’d done it well.

“You were taking too long, I had to take the stage,” Hunnigan offered a lopsided smile. Truthfully, she’d begun making arrangements with the BSAA the moment Helena and Leon had been dispatched to Stionia. She preferred being safe over being sorry.

“Well, honestly, I’m glad I have you watching my back,” Leon then smiled sincerely. He doubted anyone else would’ve put together such a failsafe as quickly and efficiently as Hunnigan had.  
“All in a day’s work,” she shrugged.

“Listen, Hunnigan... about Alexis...” he then began quietly.

“I read the files you gave me. Helena’s theory was right, her body was stolen from us and they continued experimenting on her. I don’t know how they brought her back, I haven’t gotten that far in the reports yet... but considering what they accomplished with Carla Radames’s transformation, it doesn’t even amaze me that they would’ve found a way to...” Hunnigan trailed off.

“Trust me, I’m more than familiar with what they’re capable of, I just... are you okay? I mean... Helena said... not that it’s any of my business, but...” Leon stammered a little as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand awkwardly.

“I still don’t understand how Alexis did that...”  
“It probably happend after she got loose and everything went to hell at the facility,” Leon offered and Hunnigan nodded a little.

What was she supposed to feel? Flattered that her mutated ex-wife had called her, out of all the people, and despite the state she’d been in? Shocked that she’d done it in the first place? Of course she’d been shocked, but dwelling on it wouldn’t change anything, at least not for the better. She’d gone down that road once already when Alexis had died the first time.

“I’m okay. Really. I think... in a way, this was the closure I needed.”

It left a lot to be desired. She still felt guilty over Alexis getting infected in the first place. If she hadn’t been there that day, if she hadn’t chosen to shield Hunnigan... but ultimately, no, it wasn’t Hunnigan’s fault. It was The Family’s fault. And thanks to everything they’d accomplished here today thanks to the fact that Alexis had called Hunnigan and drawn attention to the Stionian facility... Hunnigan felt like she was one step closer to putting Silva and the rest of the God damn Family to the ground.

“I’m gonna go check on Helena,” she then said and Leon nodded with a smile. The younger woman had been transported to the nearest hospital for a thorough checkup despite her continued and very loud objections. She’d insisted it was unnecessary to take her to a hospital since all they could do about broken ribs and a possible concussion was to tell her to rest and take it easy, and she already knew that.

Hunnigan sat down in the waiting room after asking about Helena and being informed that she would be on her way out shortly since she’d discharged herself immediately (against medical advice, of course). Hunnigan chuckled a little at that, understanding Helena’s frustration perfectly, but also finally beginning to understand the other kind of frustration Hunnigan herself had put Helena through recently, the kind that came with a loved one who refused to accept that they needed to recover from the damage done to them.

“Ingrid, what are you doing here?” Helena inquired in surprise at the sight of the other woman waiting for her.  
“Watching over you?” Hunnigan offered with a shrug.

“I would hug you, but at this point, I think it would hurt both of us,” Helena then said and glanced at herself. Her right arm was in a cast and in addition to that, the X-rays had confirmed she had three fractured ribs, and a concussion. Nothing completely broken, thankfully, but it would take a good while before she’d be able to take deep breaths or do anything other than rest.

“It’s okay, you can make it up to me once we’re both in any condition to hug,” Hunnigan chuckled a little as she exited the hospital with the younger woman, linking her arm with Helena’s uninjured one.  
“What are we gonna tell Levi if he asks how I hurt myself?”

“That I was trying to teach you how to tango and you tried to lead. Totally believable,” Hunnigan answered.

 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for how did Alexis call from her own personal phone number, wouldn’t her phone have gotten destroyed or at the very least lost after everything she went through in the first place like 24 chapters ago... well, yes, probably, realistically sure, but let’s just say her phone was an overly attached Nokia that refused to abandon its mistress. ;P


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And, here we are, the final chapter. I hope you've enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. I kind of hate endings, but...

* * *

 

For everything a reason and for every ending a new beginning. Hunnigan had heard both phrases more times in her life than she cared to count, but for the first time, she was starting to believe it... at least the second half of it.

She closed the file for the last time. Silva’s business was finished, the company dismantled and the top dogs sent to jail. They wouldn’t serve their sentences completely, if at all, Hunnigan wasn’t foolish enough to believe that, but even if they managed to weasel their way out of jail time, at the very least their reputations were ruined for good. In a way, that was worse punishment for these people. In their field of business, reputation was everything, so who in their right mind would want to be associated with convicted criminals?

After the destruction of the facility, several teams had gone through the area to ensure all the B.O.W.s had been disposed of. Alexis’s body had been discovered mostly intact. Dead, of course, but still almost in one piece. She _had_ always been the stubborn type who simply refused to die, that was something Hunnigan had learned every single time she’d received a phone call from the hospital informing her that her wife was alive, but injured in the line of duty.

Hunnigan had to admit she was glad the clean up-crew had found what was left of Alexis’s corpse. It gave her a chance to say goodbye properly. She hadn’t been able to do it the last time, not during the funeral when they’d buried an empty casket just for show. It had been nowhere near enough to provide adequate closure to over a decade of a life shared together, to all the love, hate and passion they’d gone through over those years.

But now, a sense of peace and closure had finally settled inside Hunnigan when she’d witnessed Alexis’s body be cremated like it should’ve been in the first place, like Alexis had once upon a time told Hunnigan she wanted it to be. Alexis had thought it would be funny, because she was a firefighter. Ideally, she would’ve wanted to have her corpse hollowed out and filled with popcorn kernels and fireworks, and during the cremation, the guests could have a snack and a show. She’d wanted to put the “fun” back in funeral.

_You were one sick puppy, Al,_ Hunnigan smiled gently at the redhead’s photo attached to the file. _But I loved you anyway, and I don’t wanna know what that says about me,_ she then chuckled softly, traced her finger along Alexis’s jawline in the photo before closing the folder and sealing it too. Hunnigan then put the folders away among the others that were labeled closed, turned the light off and exited the archive. It was over. At least, this particular part of it; Lord knew her work with the big picture was far from finished. But that was a battle for another day.

* * *

The gentle April sun shone from a cloudless sky. The backyard was bustling with guests, namely children who’d been invited over to celebrate Levi’s fifth birthday. Hunnigan groaned a little when she saw Frank turn up with a dog. She’d specifically told him not to get one for Levi despite his repeated requests. The boy was too young to care for a pet alone, and Hunnigan knew she herself wouldn’t have the time to take on such a responsibility on top of everything else.

“Hey, you told me not to get _him_ a dog, you didn’t say _I_ couldn’t get a dog,” Frank explained the loophole he’d found and promptly abused.  
“You sneaky bastard,” Hunnigan chuckled at her brother.

“Takes one to know one,” he winked and headed over to introduce his pet to Levi, who squealed in delight at the sight of the black and white mixed breed dog. The dog seemed just as happy to see him, immediately nuzzling the tiny human to greet him before proceeding to give his cheek a lick.

“Oh, boy,” Krista sighed as she paused by Hunnigan who stood on the porch watching over children.  
“Finally, something we agree upon,” Hunnigan smirked.

After the transplant, they hadn’t spoken for months. Eventually, when Krista had been the one who had called Hunnigan and requested that they’d try getting along, Hunnigan hadn’t had the heart to say no. She wasn’t anywhere near willing to consider everything patched up and okay between them, but the fact that Krista had been the one who’d initiated the attempt to make amends had been enough to make Hunnigan change her mind somewhat and at least give her a chance. Only time would tell how it would work out in the end, but for now... it was looking promising.

Hunnigan grabbed what was left of the cake and took it back inside before it would spoil in the sun. The kids were more interested in Frank’s dog than food at this point anyway.

“Hey,” Helena whispered as she seemed to appear out of thin air and wrapped her arms around Hunnigan’s waist from behind.  
“Don’t scare me like that,” Hunnigan chuckled and eased into the embrace.

She was not the kind of a woman who fell under the category of “damsel in distress”, quite the contrary, she considered herself to be the strong, independent-type. That said, it didn’t mean that she didn’t enjoy knowing that if she ever wanted to, she could let herself be the helpless type for a while, and she could always rely upon Helena to catch her when she fell. She’d never felt as safe and protected as she did with Helena, especially when the younger woman held her like this.

“Sorry,” Helena apologized and covered the side of Hunnigan’s neck with small, gentle kisses.  
“You’re forgiven,” Hunnigan responded and put the cake into the fridge before turning around in Helena’s arms. She leaned to kiss Helena’s lips slowly and deeply before pulling back a little.

“Just to put you on edge for the rest of the day, we need to talk.”  
“Sounds serious,” Helena quirked an eyebrow and Hunnigan nodded.

“It is.”  
“Now I’m scared.”

“Well, as much as I’d like to pay you back for startling me just now, it’s nothing to be afraid of. At least I hope so.”  
“...and now, I am curious.”

Hunnigan inhaled deeply and was about to speak again, but she was interrupted by Levi who ran inside, excitedly pleading for a permission to go over to uncle Frank’s for the night so that he could spend more time with the dog. Hunnigan sighed a little, but nodded with a smile then.

“Sure thing, sir.”

* * *

Helena wrapped her arms around Hunnigan and pulled her closer, closing her eyes and smiling a happy and a satisfied smile when the other woman nuzzled into her neck.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Hunnigan replied in a soft murmur. A part of her just wanted to drift off to sleep in the safe warmth she was being held in while the other insisted that this was the right moment to bring up the thing she’d wanted to speak of earlier.

“Helena... you mean the world to me, I hope you know that.”  
“I do... but even so, I don’t mind getting a little reminder here and there every now and then,” Helena smiled.

“I’ll do my best to remind you,” Hunnigan promised with a smile.  
“Is that what you wanted to tell me earlier?” Helena asked and Hunnigan shook her head a little.

“No, I wanted to ask you to move in with me and Levi.”

Helena sat up slowly and ran a hand over her chin as she thought about it. Hunnigan chewed on her lower lip somewhat nervously and finally sat up herself too.

“I realize it’s... a big deal, especially when considering that I come with a lof of baggage... starting from my mental issues, and add to that a five year old...”

“It’s not that,” Helena assured softly and cupped Hunnigan’s cheek with her hand, leaning to kiss her gently.  
“What then..?” Hunnigan whispered after breaking the kiss slowly.

“Alexis,” Helena answered honestly, “If you want me here, as your spouse... I need you to be sure you’re asking because you genuinely want me, not some... stand-in because Alexis is gone.”  
“Helena...”

“No, I mean it. I refuse to compete with a ghost.”  
“You. No one else,” Hunnigan said, but she could tell she’d need to do better in order to convince Helena.

“Listen...” she began quietly and turned a little, cupping Helena’s face with her hands and looking into her eyes, hoping that she could convey all the emotion with a look rather than simple words.

“I have never in my life... loved anyone the way I love you. Not Al, not anyone who came before her. I want to share my life with you. The good, the bad, and everything else there might be. I want to be brought back together with you, in this life and in every single one that may follow if such things truly are possible.”

“Ingrid...”

“No phantom pains or ghosts. Just you and I. And Levi of course; I noticed he’d given you a nickname, so you’re as good as adopted by him anyway,” Hunnigan smiled and Helena chuckled a little, nodding her head.

“Yes.”  
“Yes?” Hunnigan repeated, and Helena nodded again.

“Yes. I’m not going anywhere, unless you explicitly tell me to, and even then, I’d put up a fight,” the younger woman grinned.  
“And that’s why I love you,” Hunnigan chuckled quietly.

Helena kissed her, gently pressing her body against Hunnigan’s to encourage her to lie down. Hunnigan gladly yielded, settling on her back and wrapped her arm around Helena’s shoulders tightly as the younger woman ran her hand down along Hunnigan’s free arm, slowly interlacing her fingers with Hunnigan’s and holding her hand in her own with a gentle yet firm grip.

“Never let go,” Helena breathed into the kiss.  
“For as long as I can help it, I won’t,” Hunnigan promised sincerely and passionately, “and if I ever slip... please, come back to me.”  
“Always... and forever.”

 

**End**


End file.
